Last night Jake and I came home to cat pee on the carpet by the litter box and Trixi sitting in the middle of the room howling. We grabbed her and headed straight for the vet. A really nice doctor did an examination and spoke of chronic renal failure, hyperthyroidism and cancer. My head was swimming in all the possibilities and we went home and waited for the test results to come back. This morning I got the call. The tests pointed towards cancer and two more tests were needed. I opted for the bone marrow aspiration which would definitely rule out or confirm the cancer. Now I'm sitting at work and thinking about her procedure tomorrow and words like 'Multiple Myeloma' and 'six to seven months lifespan' are fading in and out of any conversation I have. I want to be home, but there's nothing I can do. All we can do is sit and wait and look at our options. The money is steep and the decisions are steeper. Quality of life is what's important to me. If it means six or seven months of pain and suffering I won't put her through that. I held onto my first two cats until they were almost limp. It was too long. I held on to them for me. *I* wasn't ready to let them go. Now I understand that it's not about me. It's about them and their physical state. I love Trixi to death but I'm not going to put her through months of needles and medications and nausea just so I can see her wither away.

I took my cat into be put to sleep yesterday. She hadn't eaten in 4 days and stayed in the same spot for a day at a time. When I tried to pet her she didn't even respond. You could tell she was in pain. I went into the room they have designated for this and sat on the couch. Ginger calmed down and leaned against me as I pet her. The doctor was awesome and cried the whole time with me. You could tell how much she cared about animals. I left two hours later, and still found it hard to drive.

Losing an animal that you treat like it's a part of your family is so painful. My boss, who has the compassion of a gnat when it comes to animals, told me I should have kept the money and done something for myself instead of having her in the hospital. I'm just thankful I had almost a month more to say goodbye and spoil her even more. I know she felt loved. Her pain is over... know it's time to take care of ours.

Ginger's home and looking better. I decided to do whatever I could to make her happy, even if it means not forcing meds down her throat and doing daily subcutaneous IV daily. So far she's handled the antibiotics well, but I'll be glad when the two weeks are over. This twice a day shit is for the birds. With Jake going in early it makes it worse. This morning I woke up and barely had time to pee before he was fussing at me to get the meds and grabbing the cat. I know she'll be glad, that's for damn sure. Meanwhile Trixi is STILL being a bitch to her, hissing everytime she comes near. Before all this Ginger used to try and annoy her, so I'm thinking she'll start to make a game of this soon. Just don't do it by my feet!

This emotional rollercoaster is just killing me. I get a call from the veterinarian at work and she basically tells me that unless Ginger's labs drop dramatically she'll get a poor prognosis. I called Jake and tried readying myself for the worst. Then we went to visit Ginger and she looked better. Not great, but better. We brought her food from home (the doctor said that at this point getting her to eat ANYTHING was good) and she ate some of it. We also talked about what we would be doing if she came home. Daily IVs and liquid medicine. If she got better than we could go for once a week. The hardest part was hearing that we couldn't take her home. I hate leaving her there. I know it's for her own good, but still... Trixi has been extra clingy too. She keeps waiting for Ginger to come back, looking for her. If we do have to put Ginger to sleep then I don't want to have just one cat. The problem is that we're going away in November and I don't feel comfortable getting a kitten and leaving it for 5 days. Especially with Trixi being so aggressive. *sigh* Too many things to think about and none of them positive.

I took my cat into the vet when she started to act lethargic and not eat. Every time I have done this they've given me some horrible results that resulted in my cats dying. Trouble had Pancreatic Cancer, Luigi had squamous cell carcinoma of the jaw. When the doctor diagnosed an abscess tooth I was so relieved. I had to leave her overnight for surgery, which killed me, but then I could take her home. This morning I got a call from the doctor. Blood tests show kidney disease. I was devistated. The treatment was a daily liquid medicine shot and subcutanous IV. This for a cat that freaks if you try wiping hairball meds on her paw. What's worse is that the cost is going to be in the thousands. I am at a loss for what to do. If she responds to treatment she could live for two to three years. She's my baby. My kid. I can't imagine making this choice. *sigh*