Sometimes people fuck up. Good people. Sweet people. Lonely people. A friend, who is married, looked to those she cared for to get the comfort and love that she wasn't getting at home. One guy popped up who showed her extra and an online relationship began. At first it was sweet. Teasing on the boards (not mine) and conversations. Then it became more and they were openly viewed as a 'couple'. I've always said she needs to break away first, then look for love. But that is someone looking in from the outside. I supported her and hoped for the best. The expected happened... her husband found the emails and looked on the board. They spoke and she asked for a divorce. He wanted a chance and she said yes, but it wasn't in her heart. This should have been a clue. A lesson learned. But instead of deleting the emails and laying low the guy manages to have his wife find them and she leaves. Instead of dropping the balls and accepting his choices he whined and said he'd made a huge mistake. Publicly. It was sooo not cool. Now my friend is trying to work through what to do next and deal with the pain of not having him to help her along emotionally.

It's been pointed out that I'm milder on the Sims site. I guess I am... considering I didn't rip him a new one when reading the post. I don't dislike the guy... I'm just not happy with his actions. A lesson (hopefully) learned and more drama to put behind for my friend, and one more reason for me to make sure the channels are open with Jake . I think we're doing pretty good as far as not hiding things from each other. We share IM messages, PMs, posts and phone call conversations. I trust him and I hope that he trusts me. Relationships can be a bitch, y'all!

I swear I want to kill Jake sometimes. Once again he didn't pay his bill. *grumbles* I just don't know what to do. I want to scream. I want to yell. I just am at my wits end. Emotionally I'm drained, physically... we won't even go there. We need a new game plan and fast. How can two people move forward when you can't get past the first hurdles?

I am tossing and turning about my taxes this year. Do I go to the guy that screwed them up last time or try to do them on my own. If I do them on my own I know I won't get the same amount back... but at least I won't get screwed if he doesn't do everything right. *sigh* Time to learn TurboTax. At least I save money that way.

I'm always amazed when someone who's a wonderful person gets cheated on. They've got all the traits of what every man or woman has been looking for... and yet the person who found them can't keep their legs closed long enough to appreciate the gem they've found. They love you. They want to spend the rest of their lives with you. They... just can't seem to live up to the words.

A friend of mine just told me that they are single again. A long time relationship just ended after said signifiCUNT other decided to cheat on them while they were away for five days. Five days. A lifetime of trust down the drain because they couldn't respect the person they were with. I don't believe the 'it just happened' bullshit either. You don't even go down that route without consciously thinking about it. You have to want it. I look at guys all the time and it never goes beyond that. The idea of 'I wonder what he'd be like' never even enters my mind. Why? Because I have someone. Those thoughts are left for when I get home. The minute you start thinking about someone in a sexual manner you need to stop and ask yourself why. I don't mean long enough to buy a condom either. I'm talking stop, think and if you REALLY want that person then you need to talk with your significant other first. Give them the decency of making a choice too. If you want to act like a single person then you need to be one. One: simple respect. Two: What person wants to start a relationship with a cheating bastard? I'm just saying...

...named Jake. I woke up and lumbered into the bathroom, briefly glancing about. I noticed a glob of something by the shower and figured it was some sort of hairball. Lovely... I grabbed some toilet paper and reached down only to see that it wasn't kitty throw up, but a glob of some sort of crystalized peanut butter. Almost like a honeycomb. I cleaned it up and started picking little bits up off the throw rug, then noticed it was also on the towel. WTF!?! Afterwards I went into the kitchen. It was like a Mr. Peanut crime scene. Peanut butter on the counter, the sink, the OTHER counter. What did he do... use his hand to scoop it out? Nope. In the sink were TWO knives, each with big goops of peanut butter on them. A HUGE pet peeve of mine. Since the surgery I haven't tried peanut butter yet... and have always had a thing about not cleaning it off of your knife when done. Jake, on the other hand, leaves half a fucking jar on the knife and then drops it into the sink to sit... and harden... and get EVERYWHERE. He woke up just in time to hear me bitch (as if I wouldn't save it) about his peanut butter orgy. At least he cleaned the knives this time. :p

Yeah, so I'm annoyed. Partly with myself for using the debit card instead of the credit card and shorting myself on the rent paycheck... and partly at Jake for somehow not mentioning that the reason he hasn't paid me for the last THREE paychecks is for school stuff that he didn't save up for and a dental bill I didn't know about. It's not like this is something new. And it's not like we haven't had the SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION about saving money over a gazillion times. Still... no money in the joint account and that leaves me using savings... AGAIN. This isn't even counting his teeth issue which will have to go on my credit card. He has yet to get more credit on his (don't even get me started there).

Am I wanting to get married too fast? I mean.. I'm ready. But I just don't see ANYTHING on his end that shows he is. Why should I be the one to ask about savings, bills and such? Why should I be the one to pay the bills and still manage to save for little extras? Why should I be the one to foot the bill for nights out, etc... I love him but I want a partner. An equal. I want someone to catch me if I fall. Right now I'd better have a pillow in hand because if I fall... it's going to hurt.

I saw this video and was torn. I felt bad that these guys were being laughed at for being who they were, even though they chose to do the video. Then again, I'm sure they didn't expect it to be published on the internet years later for some random person's amusement. I could never do this sort of thing. I'd rather be single than try the dating ads. It's not the desperation as much as the expectations. Sometimes you're so busy looking for better that you miss what's right in front of your face.

Everyone who knows me understands my deep dislike for Valentines Day. First of all, no one even knows WHY this day came to be. How lame is that? Let's celebrate the death of a man for... for... something. Well, he died. Yeah, that's romantic.

I've never had good luck around Valentine's Day. In High School I chose the day before to break up with a very clingy guy who was very sweet and very not for me. My friends were shocked at this. Don't cue the romantic thoughts just yet... they thought I should wait to get the cards and presents. Ahhh teens, the depth is astounding. After that I never seemed to be dating someone on that day for a while. Then I had the final nail in the Valentine coffin (get it?). I was dating a guy named Tom who loved to ride motorcycles, was an IT tech and didn't have an ounce of romance in him. I told him my stories of Valentines Day and asked for this one to be special. I reminded him about it a few days before and on Valentine's Day he arrived at my door wearing sweats. After picking my jaw off of the ground I made him drive an hour home to change. When he came back I asked how late the reservations were for. I got "Reservations?" in return. After bitching him out he tells me how it will be no problem. Riiight. We walk out the door and he asks how I'm going to ride his bike wearing a dress. "Simple. I'm not. We're taking my car." Then he pulls a bent flower from his jacket with the 7/11 tag still on it. I wanted to cry. After stopping at 5 different restaurants and being told the wait time exceeded one hour I wanted to give up. Then he directed me to a restaurant he knew would have seats. I parked infront of the familiar rosy cheeked statue and felt defeated. My special Valentine's Day was spent at Bob's Big Boy Restaurant. Suffice to say there was no V-Day sex. The next day after cooling off I ended the relationship.

Jake and I had a nice dinner last night and (hopefully) worked out some kinks in the relationship. Nothing romantic, nothing forced. He buys me flowers and cards all year long, so last night was just another night to us. Special in that we were together, not because some guy died under mysterious circumstances. I wonder if they'll have a Happy Hoffa Day made?

I hate when relationships end. Friends or more, it's so draining. The acceptance of it is by far the worst. Just when you thought you had come to terms with it the reality hits you. You will never talk to that person again. They're gone. It's like a death. Things that seemed so funny now are just reminders of an inside joke that no one else gets. You look around and the room, or computer, takes on a whole new somberness. An object turns into something from 'them'. Things that you were saving to give to them now become this deep emotional burden. What the hell am I going to do with these!?!?!?!??! Send it to them? No, that would open lines of communication that you closed. Save them? But it will never be mine, I got it for them. Throw it away? Probably. And the time that you spent getting them goes with it. Put it in an unmarked box? So much energy over little things. No wonder people sleep all the time when they're sad. Too much energy is put into such minor things. But it keeps you from focusing on the end result. Or does it? Life is so harsh. People talk about the harshest conditions to live in, and weather comes to mind. Not me. The harshest condition is just living. Fighting every day to exist. Hoping that something will matter. Realizing that in the end it does not. Would you rather be a hero to a group of people... Or the one person who made a difference in someone's life?