Today was a roller coaster of emotions. It started off with me send the daily hospital census and crossing my fingers. Yesterday I didn't get any feedback, which I took as a good sign. Today I heard the email chime and grimaced. BBB's name was in bold. It was a reply to my email. After taking a few deep breathes I opened it up. Not only was there praise galore (this is a terrific report!), but he CC'd the other BBs outside of my area and asked me to add them to the list to receive the report. After making some sort of bizarre "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" sound I took a breathe and yelled "Woo Hoo!" Thank goodness I was alone. Then the other emails came in and the calls started. Apparently I'm a hit. This is a good thing and bad, but mostly good. *grins* Say my name, baby... say my name!

Later on in the day I managed to fuck up that positive aura. My boss was standing behind me (she came by to congratulate me on the report) and asked about some rules. I said I'd shoot off an email to my doc and instead of making a NEW email I just hit reply to the last one I sent. It just *happened* to be one saying "Anyway, I am still nervous about the position… even though My Boss says not to be. I have been pulling my hair out about nothing being ready. The bottom line is that it’s a waiting game for the doctors to get their ass in gear". Yeah, so anyway... I shit bricks. We talked briefly as I typed it out, not wanting to be so obvious but knowing she saw the whole thing, and then she left and I panicked. A few hours (and gazillion phone calls to friends) later I called her to explain the context of the email and it was all good. Did I mention I have the most awesome boss in the whole wide world?

Monday was a treat. And by treat I mean pain in the ass. It started off with me waiting for the elevator. And waiting. And waiting. Of the four elevators, only two go to the top floor. Guess where I'm located. You betcha! I went to the security desk to see if anyone else had complained and I was the first. Lovely. Meanwhile everyone else kept telling me that the elevators worked. One was sitting on 6 and the other wasn't even showing up. Working my ass... Finally the engineer department opened their eyes and noticed an issue. Twenty minutes later I asked where the stairwell was located. My boss said I could walk a flight if the elevators were too slow. After no one could tell me I said fuck it and ventured out on my own. I figured someone would be able to point me in the right direction. I walked the flight of stares and reached for the knob. Locked. Oh yes, it was turning out to be a lovely day. I went BACK down to the first floor and weighed my options. Unfortunately 'going home' wasn't one of them. I waited for the security guard who was on a call to get back and open the door in the stairwell. By this time three other doctors had gathered around, all waiting to hoof it to the top floor. We walked up, he opened the first door and we ventured onto the roof. And by roof I mean there was only a tiny ledge on the side between us and oblivion. I tried my best not to scream like a little girl. Once safely back inside I opened my office door only to hear the elevator door ring. Sonofabitch...

Later on I made my way to one of the bathrooms and noticed someone didn't flush. I grumbled while trying to flush for them. Nothing. I tried again... Nothing. I made my way to the sink to wash my cup and turned on the water. Nothing. Oh yes, this was just awesome. Once back in my office I called the engineer department.

"Didn't you get the email?"

What email?

"The one that said all water was shut off on your side of the building for an emergency."

No... no I didn't.

Apparently I wasn't added to the list for the new hospital. Oh joy, oh rapture. So now I had to pee and try and figure out where to call so I could be added to the email list. Luckily the outage only lasted an hour or so. Now the people not calling me back for the statistics I need... and then giving me wrong ones so that I look bad for the BBs... THAT is a whole other story. *sigh* I know it will get better... I just want that to be now.

Creepy IT Chick has been replaced with Creepy Librarian. Dude... She's a little bity woman, but her looks alone make my skin crawl. She stood in my office doorway, surveying the area in a slightly unnerving way. Her shoulders were hunched over and her arms hung at her sides as if they didn't work. They hardly swayed even when she moved from side to side. Her facial features were just... odd. Thick arched brows that seemed to be dyed brown with a mouth a little too large to fit her tiny frame. Her teeth were yellow and even larger than her mouth, which made her frozen smile even more unsettling. After my initial shock of looking up to see her I said hello. She turned her body, arms still at her side and asked what was going to be in this room. I forced a smile and said, "Me!" while waiting for her to go away. Instead she nearly slapped her hand to her chest and said, "I'm the Librarian down the hall" as she tried to look in the boxes. I waited. I wanted her to go away. After a moment she asked my name again and then asked one of my family members was Russian. I smiled widely (probably looking freaked out) and told her that I was named after the song by the BeeGees. She said, "Your parents must be interesting. Do you have any siblings? What are their names?" I lied and said I didn't. Chit chat was the last thing I wanted to have with this woman. Usually I can talk to anyone... but she reminded me a little too much of some sort of creepy person who is ignored in the beginning of the horror film only to be the psychopathic killer in the end with a closing scene where she laughs manically while holding up the severed head of a cheerleader that's dripping blood onto her naked body. and she ends up having a penis. Yeah, I watch waaaay too many horror flicks.

Apparently I'm a tad over zealous. My boss says that a second desk will be needed in case someone else moves into my office at some point and I get another desk. THEN she tells me she was just talking about 'at some point and time'. Meanwhile, the desk they gave me that was sitting in the storage unit is ridiculously big and unnecessary. So now the plan is to wait a week or so and ask for them to remove it. Go me... I'm still in "GO GO GO" mode and everyone else is in standby. Unfortunately my job is supposed to kick into high gear on the 30th and we have dick in place. Everyone says not to worry. Everyone says there's a plan B. Plan B doesn't involve me which means I'll be waiting for mid July until we can switch to Plan A. I want to push but know that it's not good when your boss is the one opting for Plan B. Unfortunately the BBs are not going to be happy. It all boils down to paperwork and that is not acceptable on their level. Personally it isn't on mine either... but I digress.

What I HAVE accomplished impressed the hell out of my boss. This is a good thing. She likes that I am quick and resourceful. She likes that I am friendly and have already managed to get to know the people we depend on. My friend met with her yesterday and she said I was doing a fantastic job. Yay! She aint seen nothing yet.

Oh that's awesome. I just learned that my new phone number is an old back line for the emergency room. And how did I learn this? Besides the more than 20 messages on my voice mail, that is. I've been getting sporadic calls from various departments all day. HAH! Usually they'd say a quick 'Oops! Sorry, wrong number' and hang up. Finally I stopped someone long enough to tell me. Oh well... it's one way to get to know the people that work here. The other way is by me asking for stupid things. Like an engineer to come all the way up to the 9th floor just to tell me there's a knob underneath the keyboard tray to move up upward... and that's the most it will go. I swear I didn't see that damn thing. Oh well, it sucks that they can't move the tray any higher. I'll make sure I get one that works properly when they install my new desk. *looks at boxes in corner* The operative word here is 'when'.

I walked seven blocks to the other hospital I will be working with and seven blocks back... and my feet are fucking killing me. Two inch heels should NOT be that hard to walk around in. Now that I'm in 'business attire' low heeled shoes just don't look right with my outfits. Changing into sneakers isn't an option when you are walking from one place of business to another. What am I going to do... change shoes in the waiting area before a big meeting? Riiiight.

The plus side is... I'm finally starting to walk more. I put on a couple of comfort pounds over the last two months and need to get those off pronto. Since Jake is also on a diet for his weight lifting forum contest it's the best time to jump in and support each other. We've both been lagging in that area and need to really bounce back. Now that Jake is on summer vacation from school it's the best time. Ironically enough I don't get home much earlier. We'll see now that I don't have to walk the extra four blocks to get to my car it might make a difference. If not... Meh. I'm still not stuck on the 405 or Sepulveda Blvd. From Hell to heck, that's how I see it.

The good news is my new parking structure is literally across the street from the hospital instead of four blocks, like my old parking in Westwood. The bad news is that it's so fucking small I have roof parking at 7:45am. My other choice is to stack park (fat chance) so yeah... it's a trade off. So far the office is coming together nicely. I was told we could get a handy man out to install the desk instead of waiting for Office Max to get it right, so I'm happy about that too. Also, my computer arrived (YAY!) and I should have it by Thursday. It looks like I'll be up and running by the end of this week. *hops around* With all the goofs and delays you'd think I would be more upset... but everyone here has been so nice and so supportive that I can't help but feel like it's going to be alright. In short: this is going to be an awesome job.

I loathe when people know that I'm waiting for something and neglect to tell me the status until its an afterthought. I am waiting for the furniture guys to call so I can set up a time to be at my office. I have a feeling it's going to be one of those 7-12/1-5 deals. Whatever. I'll be at my new office and out from the microscope of my two BBs. I've been tying not to drive the assistant crazy (and failing miserably) about all my orders. Up until now all I've gotten was 'don't worry' whenever I asked. Then the shit started falling apart and he had to scramble. the computer? Yeah, that baby's not being shipped until June 30th. That means it won't get here until after July 5th and then won't be ready by the IT people before July 15th. So of course I've been asking whenever I could about all my things. The latest was stopping him in the hall about my furniture. "Oh yeah... the chair is on back order". WTF!?! I was sooo unhappy. I wanted to scream, but all I could do is breathe deeply and smile when he said his usual 'don't worry'. Fuck that shit. I was born to worry. I'm an Italian Irish Jew. Worrying and guilt is in my blood. it's what I do best. Plus, if I don't get out from this office and kick this job into gear it's going to be a tougher sale once we go into high gear and they need me... like yesterday.

So I got my first email from my old boss. Apparently she wanted to know if I remembered when I last ran a report that had April as the most recent dates generated. Seriously. After having a chuckle I sent her back a thinly veiled sarcastic remark telling her that she should probably go by the dates on the program and explaining to her how the program works. I also added that I was 'sorry for the late response, but I was on vacation'. You know, because I'm an asshole. Her email made some vague remark about us supposedly running the report weekly, which is utter bullshit. We haven't ran that report weekly since the move to LAX... seven years ago. I didn't have the energy nor the interest in getting into some bitch fest over something I could give a shit about so I ignored that part. Considering she's going to be on vacation for the most of June I probably won't be hearing much from her. I'm hoping she deals with the fact that she ignored me for a month and now has no information regarding what I did and how I did it. I feel sorry for all my friends who are going to suffer the wraith once she gets back, but not enough to lift a finger and do two jobs. I just hope they can deal with it long enough to get the hell out.

Meanwhile back at the ranch... word is that I may be going to my new office on Thursday. More later...

On Friday I walked into a volley of questions that ultimately got the ball rolling in my favor. At first it seemed as if the shit had hit the pan and I was smack dab in the middle of said pan. I am sitting in an office with two doctors. One who I call the Big Boss (BB) and the other who, up until Friday, was simply a nice guy who shared the area. On Friday the other doctor (BB2) walked in and started firing off questions about what I was doing to get my job started and why it hasn't started yet. Telling him I was waiting for the computer, furniture, etc... just didn't sound good enough. Then he hit me with a huge round of information that basically said my job had totally changed and the third hospital I was dealing with was fucking with their end of the deal. I wanted to cry. Even his assistant commented on his tone. He ended it saying we were all going to have a meeting at noon. It was over in a minute, but not before I left the office reeling and wondering about how this job was going to be. I called my boss and told her the whole scenario, talking a mile a minute. I was frustrated and not happy with being put on the line without any information to give. I've been so patient about the situation up until now. But it's coming down to the wire and I don't want to fail because someone didn't do their job. She was still very confident, saying this was just what we needed to show them that one: it wasn't going to be as easy as they had thought and two: we needed some big guns to push people into gear. We talked about how the job structure was not in place and that I couldn't even discuss my job at this point. "What am I supposed to do... vaguely promise doctors that I'll take care of everything without telling them how?" She agreed and again stressed that this was what we needed to get the rules into place. She also explained how my position came to be and who is over me. FINALLY. BOTH doctors had created my position, so I was basically sitting between the two BBs. Then there's the Medium Boss (MB) who they asked to get someone to do the job. She approached my boss to create the details and do the hiring. Afterwards she decided my boss would continue to be my immediate boss (thank goodness). Have I confused you yet?

I went back to my temporary home and my boss called the MB. The MB called BB2's assistant and asked if my boss should be included in the meeting. He said no and I wanted to scream. Instead I shot off a ton of emails to get any and all information about the status of everything... and started making reports to show where we were. A few minutes later my MB's assistant called and asked if I could meet with her for a moment. I went over there expecting the worst. Instead she basically excused me from the noon meeting, saying there was no need for me to be there, and said if there was information that I needed to know than she'd call a meeting with me and my boss. No fucking problem!

A half hour before the meeting my boss called me to her office. I was over there within a heart beat. Anything to get me away from the front line. We met and talked for a while, then she told me to go to lunch and we'd meet afterwards. She was having a meeting with the MB about what was discussed and would talk to me. After lunch we met again and my job had changed. Instead of admitting for three hospital sites I'm going to admit to one. She said not to worry, that I was going to be busy from the get go. Oh great. Hopefully the 'get go' will happen AFTER I get my fucking computer and furniture. Then she sent me on an errand and told me to take the rest of the day off.

The job is still awesome. The people are still awesome. I know that once everything is in place I'll be fine. Even the BB2 is nice. He was hit with some major news and didn't have the information in place to back up where we were. No problem. Now everyone's pushing for the computer, furniture, etc... so I can start my position. Something they *should* have done in the first place. The wheels are turning... Weeeee!!!!

Oh yes, feel the burn. Feel the... excuse. I want shit done. I want to be in my office, with everything installed and doing my job. But right now everything is on the low priority list because the Hospital is moving to the new building. Everyone is pulling their hair out, trying to get ready. The 'To Do' list is a mile long for each person and everyone has a sort of 'this is insane' look on their face. I just want my fucking computer so I can move. I don't care if I sit on the floor at this point. Everyone says the same thing. 'The move is pushing everything back'. So then I get pissy. 'You mean Dell is moving?' I don't see how an outside vendor has anything to do with our move. All they have to do is deliver the damn thing. Then I have to wait for the IT people to configure it and load the software. THAT'S when I'm screwed. The longer it takes for them to deliver the computer, the closer it is to the move. The closer it is to the move, the lower on the priority list configuring my computer is going to be. Considering we can't do shit until the computer is here, they're not even going to order my furniture until then. So that means that once again I'll be on a priority list of shit things to do. The worst part? The BB moves to the new hospital in a week. So this means I have a week to push everyone to get my shit done... or have to deal with finding another space to sit and look busy. You know... like write my rants for the next day while having an intense look on my face. Grrrrr.... <--intense face noise

I'm back at work and raring to go. I had five (count em... FIVE) days of fun filled rest and relaxation. Jake was wonderful and took over the main site as far as rants are concerned and I just fucked off as far as chatting and anything else was concerned. Go me! Things are starting to come together as far as my office is concerned which is fabulous. My new computer, fax, printer and everything else is on it's way. The only thing left is for me to have it installed so I can get my ass out of here and not be in everyone's way. The BB has been very kind, but I know seeing me here all day isn't great. He wants things to get going... the only trouble is they need to be ironed out. My cell phone was delivered last week, which is a big step. I still need to get my phone line in so my cards can be made. Plus, they still need to set down the main rules. I can't even say exactly how I go about admitting a patient, which is a HUGE deal. They want me to jump into my job, but the job isn't even ironed out. Oy. My boss told me not to even worry about it, but it's hard not to. I am so used to the security of knowing exactly what I need to do that this is pretty unnerving. Don't get me wrong, everything is running smoothly... just not where I'd want it to be before I can take a deep breath and start my job comfortably. I *should* be in my new office in about a week. Woo hoo! Once that happens I think it will be much better.

I got to have lunch with an old friend yesterday. It was so good to see "E". Most of it was spent reminiscing about who's still around and the usual office gossip. From the looks of things I got out of my job in the Operating Room just in time. We also updated each other on our current personal lives and basically shot the shit for an hour. "E" and I used to hang out a lot and went to dinner all the time. I miss talking to him, so it was a nice surprise. Ironically he hasn't changed a bit. It's good to be back... *grins*

This morning I went to see my new office. Awesomeness! First things first. The drive was about ten minutes. That was with me driving around the block once to find the damn parking attendant. yay for obscure areas. my NB called me a half hour later (when she was supposed to be there) and said she was on her way. No problem. I was just happy to be able to see the place. When she arrived we hustled up to the ninth floor and waited for the security guy to show up. He arrived and simply opened the door. So yeah, we looked kind of stupid. What ever. The office is big! Also, at least two windows worth of an ocean view. The desks were scratched up and the one desk didn't match, but I could give a shit. I have my own office. W00t! We talked about cell phone VS beeper and I said whatever she wanted was fine. If it ends up being a hassle (or I end up using my phone more) then I'll revisit the issue. Right now I'm just happy to have my own fucking office. It'll be about a week before everything is set up. So yeah, a week more of sitting around and twiddling my thumbs. Today I go computer access (go me!) so I am happy.

Speaking of computer access... the tech set up my computer with Outlook this morning. Imagine my embarrassment to see emails from Fredrick's of Hollywood popping up. Yeah, all class. Thankfully the IT person didn't say anything. Of course my 'Oh great... spam' comment was so fake it could have been a pair of tits.

After sitting around and twiddling my thumbs for two and a half hours my NB introduced me to more of the staff. We went over what I needed in the office, etc... and things like "How many ports do you need" were thrown at me. How the hell should I know is what I wanted to say. Instead I smiled and said, "Huh?" Yeppers, I'm quick on my feet. I'll bet they were real impressed with me. The regular cell phone VS Blackberry is still up in the air. Personally I could care less. I have a Treo and the smaller the phone the better. It's not like I'm living outside of my office. With an ocean view I might spend the night (just kidding Jake)!

Afterwards I contacted a woman in admissions to set up a meeting. I wanted to do a sort of meet and greet introduction. That way I could learn more about her functions and hopefully share what I do. Mind you, this is still with a hazy understanding of what the hell my job is. My BB described this woman as "Sweet, soft spoken and shy". Riiiight. I don't know what kind of drugs she was on when they spoke, but they obviously wore off by the time I entered the room. Instead, I was greeted by a high strung, defensive woman who basically all but said my job was a waste of time. After twenty minutes of brow beating and belittling I had had enough. I simply agreed that she needed to really talk to BB about my job since he had a clear vision of what it should be and explained more of what my function was. She went from "Your job is useless" to "Hey! That means we can dump a bunch of crap on you. Cool!" After nipping THAT little misconception in the bud she rushed me out so she could meet with another big boss (who she named dropped several times) at a meeting across the street. I didn't even mention that I had worked with that boss for years. I stayed behind and learned about the system they use (very cool). Five minutes later the other big boss walks in hopping mad. Apparently she fucked up and didn't read the room number they were meeting in. It was across the hall. He even said "Again?" when told she went across the street. Smooth.

I went back to my temporary spot (no phone or computer access) and chatted with BB's assistant. She's a complete doll and told me the scoop of some of the people. Yay for office gossip! I also called my NB and told her what happened with the meeting. She said she figured as much and it was more of a fact finding mission than anything. Too bad the woman was so nervous that I'd derail her job to give me many facts. Later on BB came out and said that he was going to meet with the Admin woman and explain my function. I said, "I met with her and she had some concerns" and left it at that. I'll let them duke it out and do whatever is decided.

Being back at UCLA is like coming home to the Mother Ship. I really missed the hustle and bustle of the place. So far I've seen eight people from the past (including the other big boss) and I feel like I'm finally home. So far everyone has had a laid back "It'll get worked out eventually" attitude. I think I'm so used to my OB's gloom and doom approach that I haven't been about to appreciate this new pace. I went from "Now Now NOW!" to "Eh. It'll work out. Just hang in there and have some more coffee." I could totally get used to this.

Second day finished. Accomplishments: This blog. Go me!

Today was an eventful day emotionally. It started at 7:30am and ended after 5pm. The first snag (that I have yet to learn the verdict of) came when I was filling out my paperwork. After learning that I change from biweekly to monthly paychecks I was given my job description. Under supervisor it said TBD. To be determined? WTF!?! Okay, so I made a mental note and tried to carry on without acting out. Afterwards I hiked over to get my parking sticker and bumped into some old coworkers. We chatted for a bit and then I called my supposedly NB. It was around 9am and she was in a meeting. I guess she figured I'd fuck around or something and said to get some coffee and water... and she'd meet me at 10:15am. Ooookay. So I started calling friends and no one was around. They were either at home studying or moved to another building that I didn't want to walk to. 10:15am came and went... and my NB was no where to be found. She showed up around 10:30 and we went into her office. After making comments such as 'things have changed since Friday' and 'we're not sure who you'll be under' and then 'we'll find out what your job really will be at 4pm when we meet with the Big Boss (BB)' I started to panick. Then she said we'd drive over to some woman's office in my car and see what I could do to help her. Oh sure, lose MY spot. Anyway, we arrived and met up with her (another really nice lady) and my NB says, "By the way, do you have a desk with a computer we can sit her at for a few weeks?" Yeah, I was sweating. These are the sorts of things I'd expect any job to have in place BEFORE hiring someone. I bit my tongue and figured I'd wait until 4pm before losing it. As we walked out my NB said, "I'm going to walk back. Why don't you go to Hosp. B and introduce yourself." I said okay and felt completely lost. I have no office. No phone. No business cards. What the hell am I supposed to say? "I, eventually you'll be officially meeting me and we'll go over the details. I just stopped in to say hi. What? A number? Uhhh... I'll get back to you on that." All class...

On the way to Hosp B I called up my friend (and Jake's boss) and had a mini melt down. She calmed me as much as she could, gave me some tips and told me she should be charging me. She also agreed that it wasn't a great way to do this. I had an interesting time at Hosp B. They looked at me as if they had no idea as to why I'd even come and I couldn't convince them that showing up without any business cards or call back numbers is the new way to do business. You know... the mysterious way. After that I bought MickyDs and contemplated my current job move. I also had three hours to kill before meeting my NB and BB. So I vented to a friend (who had suggested the job originally) and she agreed that it was a screwy way to start off. She said that six months from now I'll look back on this and laugh. I hope she's right. From my end it looks like a job that isn't even needed (the thing that changed on Friday was someone else taking over half my duties) and nothings in place for me to make sure it will be. I can't even dazzle em with brilliance or baffle em with bullshit sitting on a computer that isn't mine without any programs listed.

The meeting helped clear a lot up. The change on Friday will still be under my control (thank goodness) and the BB is awesome. He's really easy to talk to and a dynamite guy. I asked a few questions that they liked and we fleshed out my position some more. It's still a bit hazy but the duties seem a lot easier. Plus... I get my own cell phone, business cards and a 9th floor office that faces the ocean. Yeah, this could be nice. REAL nice.

As you can see this week has been hell. Yesterday my boss took me and two of my coworkers to lunch. And by 'took' I mean walked with. The lunch was next door at the Hilton. We had the overpriced buffet. Who pays $17 for a VERY low end salad bar and lunch meat? We ate, talked and I made damn sure we weren't rushed through lunch. It was supposed to be for me, but it ended up being a 'lets hear about how wonderful OB is and all her thoughts on everything'. Whatever. It was her dime. I did get her back when it came to the gift time. She gave me an engraved lipstick holder (yeah, I know...). I opened up the box and she excitedly said, "Look at what it says!" I looked, smiled and said, "Oh! How nice! They spelled it wrong though." You should have seen her face. I waited a few seconds and turned to towards her, saying, "Just kidding...". Yes, I'm an ass. But she sooo deserved it. When the bill came she passed it to my coworkers telling them their portion. I didn't realize she wasn't paying. I felt so embarrassed. At least I got to take a breather from work. Today should be insane, but that's okay. It'll be over in about nine hours and I am going to decompose. The funny part? It really hasn't sunk in that I'm not coming back on Monday. Wish me luck!

This morning my OB had the usual meeting with the AAs. She talked about me leaving for a bit and mentioned that 'she taught me everything I know' and she'd be 'taking back reports' from me... as if she knew how to do them. So I spent the latter part of the day working on the big report instructions. You know, the one that goes to all the big wigs over the hospital. So far I've managed to simply list where she can get all the information. Fuck her if she thinks she knows all the data. She can figure out how to enter them into the Excel graphs embedded into Word without fucking up the whole thing. I'm not going to worry about it. She can kiss my VERY white ass if she thinks I'm that useless. 'Take them back'. HAH. Four more work days, man. Four more work days.

I am still reeling from this morning. OB says, "Odessa, I got this weird email from NB telling me that your end date was going to have to be May 30th. Why did she send me that?" I told her that it was in response to her statement and she said, "I didn't say you were staying longer. You asked ME if you could." I blinked. I dropped my jaw. I let out a high screechy "WHAT!?!" that made dogs cringe. She insisted I was the one that asked to stay longer. Oh sure. Because I WANT to stay in a job with a boss that's psychotic. We went back and forth for over twenty minutes. Each refusing to back down. She said I started it by asking if I could stay. I countered with a "Did not!" and she said that why did I mention the end date? "Because Ann wanted to confirm and I asked you as a courtesy. Because YOU said you may need me longer." Yeah, I hate this job so hard right now.

Later on our IT guy got a dose of Creepy IT Chick to boot. He sat to use my computer while I went to cool off and I came back to her talking some sort of shit about me. He was NOT happy. He finally snapped at her that he makes the IT decisions for our department and that some sort of freeware would NOT be installed. I found out later she was telling him to install some sort of freeware so OB could screen capture easier. She walked out of my cubicle huffing and making smart remarks. I tried to calm him down (and he's usually unflappable). I waved the three hole puncher in front of him and said, "Look what I've got. Need anything punched?" He said in a REALLY loud voice, "Yeah, HER!" Awwwwkward. But funny. Really funny.

I called my new boss this morning and explained the situation regarding my email and my OB's misinformation. She asked if I was ready to get out of there. Heh. I said yes, but I wanted to make sure it was okay on her end. She's the one that has to continue to work with my OB and I didn't want to cause any friction. She said she'd talk to her boss and let me know what they decided. I understand them needing to be diplomatic to an extent. They still have to work together in certain areas, etc... I love her response to my OB saying that she hasn't even posted my position. "That's her fault." Awesomeness. Pure awesomeness. The bottom line is she's going to discuss it with my other boss and their boss to make a decision. At the most my last day will be June 7th. My NB also said she was hoping I'd be able to take some time off before starting my new job. I said, "I wish!" and she said she'll see what they can do. OMG. I am going to love this job so hard.

My finger is on the delete button and I am so tempted to wipe out everything. Information sent to me that I'd normally save is looked at with a quiet chuckle and a 'won't be needing this' whisper before being round filed. Issues and complaints are met with a 'do you reeeeaaally think I care' look until said person gets the hint and walks away. Extra job duties? HAH! Seriously... HAH! Statements like 'We're totally screwed' are met with a knowing glance and ever so slight smirk. Sometimes I even throw in an occasional 'yeppers' before nodding and turning to continue with my report instructions. Yesterday's last minute head game set me into 'fuck you all' overdrive. Don't get me wrong. I love my friends here and will miss them dearly. But the work? Yeah, just like I'd miss dental appointments, mammograms and pap smears.

This morning my OB (old boss) decided to fuck up my mellow. My new boss emailed me to confirm the start date for my new position. I asked my OB and she said, "Tell her I haven't even posted the job yet and want to know when she need me by. The longer she stays with me the better". Then she stood over me to make sure I typed it in verbatim. I wanted to scream. The worst part is that I can't even say shit about it. Since I'm transferring within the same hospital it's up to the managers to duke it out. What's worse is I can't even say anything because it wouldn't be appropriate to bad mouth my OB to my NB. Since my NB is off for a few days I won't even know the outcome until then. So yeah. I am not a happy camper.

Later on in the day she sent an email saying that I should no longer be handling any business related calls and if someone calls me I need to forward them to her and let them know I am leaving so she can delegate who will take over the task. A minute later she emailed me to do a report for her. Do you know how hard it was not to forward the email to her and say it needs to be delegated?

The Creepy IT Chick tried to pull yet another fast one. Instead of saying she forgot something in her Macros she claimed my old boss claimed that was the way she was told to do it. Of course I was in the same meeting... so I knew that was total bullshit. When I tried to explain how it SHOULD be done, she started shaking her head like a two year old having a fit, as if I was in the wrong. Yeah, because we WANT our numbers to be incorrect. Oy. I pulled her confused ass into my OB's office faster than you can say 'you're full of shit' and left it to her to decide. CITC is really good at fast talk and OB was half a nod away from agreeing with her when I jumped in. I had to draw diagrams, print data and a fucking legend before OB realized that I was correct and CITC was out of her fucking mind. Again. My favorite part was after I went to great pains to not do the 'you said' line and stated 'I believe it's CITC's understanding that...' and when I asked if that sounded about right she replied (looking at OB), 'Yes. It was my und... I mean YOU told me to do this...' All class. All class. In the end I was right, she was wrong and I have yet to get my Monthly reports finished. I can tell that she wasn't thrilled about me yanking her ass into OB's office. Just wait until OB expects something from her and I'm not here to buffer. She won't be able to fast talk her way out of that one with all the caffeine, cocaine and meth in the world.

This morning was fun. Again... My OB (old boss) was in rare form, jumping down everyone's throat and freaking out about stupid shit. Then we met (again) about my duties. This time she pulled another staff member in to give the news of what duties they would be taking over. After the usual list she started talking about how everyone needs to learn more Excel, that it will help them in their career, blah blah blah... Whatever. Then she added, "When Odessa started she didn't know anything." Uhh.... Excuse me? WTF!?! While I wasn't the Master Chart Maker or Quick Draw McFormulas... I DID know Excel. I corrected her and she back stepped... adding how much more I've learned. Cow... Anyway, the person taking over mentioned to me about how she should get a raise for 'taking over all my duties'. Because I'm leaving and don't give a fuck I snapped back, "All of them? Please. You're not even getting a portion. But if you feel that way then by all means... ask for one." That shut her up. Considering most of the duties she got are really something she should have been doing from the start... yeah, no tears from this cubicle.

Oh yes, this will be fun. And by 'fun' I mean ripping out my spleen and having it shoved down my throat. My old boss has decided that she's going to take her time to get a replacement. Instead, she's having me train the nurses (Read: NO Word/Excel background) and her on my duties. Weeee! Are you sick of me bitching about it yet? Tough shit. Anyway, I now have to write instructions like it's an Admin Assistants for Dummies book and pray that it passes enough to not have to rewrite a gazillion times. On the positive side... this may mean I won't have to stay at this position any longer than my thirty days since she's not going to have me train a replacement. *crosses fingers, eyes and toes*

Our new temp has this... laugh. At first I couldn't place it. I know it was slightly annoying and slightly creepy. But it was also familiar. Friday morning it hit me. Duran Duran's Nowhere Girl. There's creepy forced laughter in the beginning of the song. It's EXACTLY how she sounds. I keep waiting for the echo and the bad hairdo to cue in after each breath. I don't think the laugh would bother me as much if it didn't sound so... forced. I understand that trying to fit in when you're a temp is tough, but fake laughter seems to push people away. Every time she laughs I can see 'Oh G-d, make her stop' expressions on the faces of my coworkers. I could be evil and tell her a really, really obnoxious joke and then leave the office... but I don't want to spend the last days at my job picking Temp flesh off of my desk. Not to mention I would totally lose any chance of a going away party. Fuck that shit. I'll have my party yet. *flips off lazy coworker*

Yesterday was trying to say the least. The lazy coworker decides to once again play the 'my phone went on Make Busy (meaning no calls can go through) on it's own'. After running some reports on the phone software I spoke with the phone IT guy who felt it wasn't a phone issue, but her placing herself on MB. To test this he asked if we could switch phones with someone who wasn't having that issue (namely anyone else). I offered to switch and went to tell my 'old' boss. She was in a pissy mood and snapped that she "Just wanted the reports. That's all. JUST the reports." I stomped out, grabbed the reports and put them on her desk. She countered my stomping by snatching the reports up and slapping them down in front of her. I attempted to explain the report, with her interrupting and saying "I underSTAND that' every other sentence. She then said it three times in a row and said she simply wanted "C" to explain why the phone went on MB. She even added, "I was there when it happened". When I responded with, "You were THERE? You were standing IN HER OFFICE and saw it go to MB?" Then she clarified in the most pissy voice she could that she called her and couldn't reach her because it was on MB. I wanted to scream. The answer she wanted would be impossible to give without having a video camera pointing in the cubicle at that very moment. Reports can only go so far. But of course she already knew that. Twit. I stormed out of the office, slowing down just long enough to yell out, "C, will you explain the reports to 'old boss'?". I didn't even wait for an answer. I went over to her boss's assistant. You know, the 'real' assistant. I blew off steam for a bit. She told me she couldn't believe I lasted so long. She's right. I have no idea why I stayed here this long. Yesterday's little fit was just a sampling of what I've been dealing with. Years of rude and inappropriate behavior. Every time she simply shrugs it off with a 'you know how I am' attitude. As if that makes it okay. It's my fault for allowing it to continue. I fully accept that. But I'll be damned if that behavior is going to fly with the next assistant, no matter HOW much they need the job. Minor annoyance: My old boss gives me an exit review. I wasn't thrilled to hear about THAT. So much for me storming back into her office and telling her off. *sigh* So now I wait for another three weeks before finding out if my last day is on the 30th or not. This weekend I'm going into hibernating.

So one of my coworkers wants to apply for my position. She's a good worker... when she wants to be. But *most* of the time she talks to her family members either on the phone or when they stop by her desk and chat for twenty minutes. She's also the one that is easily swayed with gossip and bullies other employees. All those are doable... considering my boss would ride her like a Stallion and break her into a pony. The part that *really* bugs the shit out of me is that she has NO experience with Word, Excel, Access or PowerPoint. I've tried to show her things from time to time and she would have none of it. To be fair... none of them would. Why learn something when I could do it? The worst part is she's had to use Excel in the past. The other day she asked me about the position and I said it was report heavy. Her response, "Well you didn't know it when you started, right?" WTF!?! Why does everyone think I was a total moron when I started at my position. The *only* thing I wasn't used to doing was graphs. Even then I had done some. And when I was hired we had one or two major reports a month. Now I have a total of 32 reports to do every day. That's before I update all my weekly, monthly and quarterly reports. Then there are the reports I'm asked to do on the fly. considering she didn't know how to add a column or make a title, her learning curve is straight up. I don't mind teaching someone my duties... but I'll be damned if I'm going to teach them how to use the programs. Fuck that.

The twit, by the way, is me. After consulting with the letter G-ds (Cat and Jake) I finalized my official farewell letter and sent it off to let everyone know I was out of here. First glitch was the group email. Basically... It was wrong. After resending it the next morning Jake IMs me about the email forward I left. the first draft of the farewell email was a sample I found on the web. I deleted, changed and sent to Cat for review. What I didn't realize is the email linked part of the address from the sample, which wasn't even close to my work address. After pondering the idea of getting the email address I decided to recall the email and replace with a new one. I was halfway there and accidentally clicked off of the new email. Instead of canceling the recall it simply deleted without any replacement. That meant I had to see which of the twenty to thirty people opened the email before resending. FINALLY I resent the email to everyone and the responses started flowing in. Some had already heard through the gossip vine. Others were shocked but tickled pink that I was finally getting away from my boss. All wished me well and said they'd probably still be working with me in some form or fashion. Lovely... it's like a bad penny. One coworker saw the failed recall email (I hate that it shows that) and asked if that meant I wasn't leaving. I refrained from saying, "Not very fucking likely" and simply explained it was to try and correct an email error. Whatever.

Later on in the day I was told I needed to train one of the nurses to do my daily reports. I went through and counted how many different reports I did and it ended up being twenty seven. I thought the nurse was going to faint. I have yet to write out how to do the major report... and am not looking forward to it. Try explaining how to change Excel graphs imbedded into a Word document to someone who doesn't know how to change Margins. It's one thing to show someone how to do this when they understand Word and Excel... but I'll be damned if I'm going to teach someone the basics of a program so they'll fuck up the document and blame me for not teaching them right.

Since I worked so hard (Read: forwarded to Cat and Jake) on my farewell email that I thought I'd post it here for posterity.

Hello Everyone,

As some of you may know, I will be leaving my position at the [old department] sometime in the next month. I have accepted a newly-created position with the [new job department], and I want to take this opportunity to say goodbye to each of you.

I am deeply grateful to have worked with such a warm, wonderful group of individuals. I have immensely enjoyed working here, and I appreciate having had this opportunity to work alongside you.

During the past several years, each of you has provided me with support, encouragement and guidance. As a result, I feel I have grown immensely; both personally and professionally. I have shared a unique camaraderie with each of you, which I hope will continue in the future - even if I may no longer work with you directly.

I look forward to the challenges and personal growth that will come with my future position, though I will remember my time with the [old job] fondly.

I wish you the best of luck and an abundance of success in the future.

Please feel free to reach me via email at [CORRECT email here].

Warm regards,

Odessa

In other words: Laterz! LOL!

I don't know why, but I keep feeling like I have to whisper about my new job. I should be standing on my chair and shouting it to the heavens... but instead I've been pulling people aside and quietly letting them know. Part of me doesn't want to rub it in too much. There's going to be some problems right after I go... especially with those who never managed to get their work done and I picked up the slack (without telling the boss). Why start another fight that will end up being my fault? I'd rather just get the job done and have my reports ready on time. A quick fix that ultimately created a lazy attitude. I'm sure I'll be more vocal about my job as it nears. Right now I have to get my ass in gear and update report instructions, create other report instructions, and basically deal with my boss trying to follow the instructions. Yeah, that's going to be fun. NOT.

Or... as I sent to everyone on AIM: "I GOT THE FUCKING JOB!!!!!!! OMG!" I spent the day fretting about what to do. I haven't heard from the people who interviewed me and I was torn between contacting them or waiting. Half of my friends said to do it, the other half said to wait. After some goading from the 'DO IT' camp I shot off an email and held my breath. Within a minute the phone rang. They offered me the job and said they'd work with my boss on the end date. Formally it's one month. But they would understand if she needed me a bit longer. I agreed and we joked around a bit. I couldn't tell you anything she said after that. All I kept thinking was that they wanted me and I'm finally out of here. FINALLY. Now to write a formal resignation letter that doesn't have the words "Fuck you" anywhere in them. It's tougher than I thought...

Every time my phone rings my heart beats a little faster. Every time it's NOT the call I'm waiting for my heart aches a little more. My boss said when she asked if they knew when a decision would be made the answer was 'probably sometime this afternoon'. That was Monday. I realize that decision doesn't equal phone call... but then again maybe it does. I've slipped and told others about my possible new job, including the lazy coworker who I can't stand. If it falls through then I'll feel even more of a failure. My boss will probably be supportive for about an hour... then ride my ass like it's the World Series for Rodeos. I can also see her start the 'let's see what you're doing wrong so we (meaning she) can fix it. And by wrong I mean everything I do. And by fix it I mean critique everything from my style to my breathing. I called my friend this morning and she said I sounded like a nervous wreck. She's right. It's one thing to apply for a job and not get it. It's quite another for everyone to know you didn't get it. Especially since I would go from 'top candidate' to loser in the time it takes to make a courtesy phone call... or open a dear Jane letter. So now I'm left waiting and wanting to know, and that's the worst part. I want them to be sure I'm right for the position. I want them to have confidence that they chose the best person. As long as it's me....

I went through my cubicle yesterday and realized there's a whole lotta crap saved that I don't need. Everything from joke clippings to reminders of appointments... from 2001. I've started clearing out all the extra things that I haven't used in forever. Every once in a while I'll come across something I just can't part with... like my letter giving notice to my last position.

Working in the Operating Room was a blast. The hours sucked balls. I worked almost every weekend (13 days in a row then one day off... then six days in a row) and holidays. I worked 8 hours on the weekday, and 12 on the weekends/holidays. Seniority meant dick in that area. Then there was my boss. I trained her for the position and when she felt she knew enough (which she didn't) she started raining hell on all those who weren't on her good side. Eventually that included me. At my 10 year mark at UCLA I decided I needed a change. I wanted Monday through Friday hours. My dating was erratic and it was time to find someone special. It took me two years to find something I liked... and that was only with a friend suggesting it. By then I went from the OR's golden girl to a fuck up (in my boss's eyes). She wrote a less than stellar evaluation and I thought I was fucked. Luckily my current boss saw through the personal issue and gave me a chance. For that I will be forever grateful. When I told the higher up, a doctor who knew of all the crap and supported me privately (which didn't do shit when it came down to it) he said, "You know the OR will fall to it's knees, don't you?" I told him, "Yes, but maybe that's just what it needs". With that I wrote out my two week notice. A simple "My last day in this department will be" kinda thing. Nothing pleasant. No thank yous. More of a "fuck you" than anything. My new boss called and said "You're hired, but I need to talk to your current boss." No problem. I put her on hold and turned to the bitch and simply handed her the note, saying "My last day will be in two weeks. My new boss wants to speak with you. She's on line two." It was a burn that I felt good about. Regardless of how she treated me for the next two weeks... that day was awesome. I was given a goodbye cake that showed up on my desk and sat there... because hardly anyone knew. I left in tears... because I really did love my job. Two weeks after that my old boss was given two choices: Be demoted or fired. It took four people to do my job. Something I'm really proud of. I think I'll keep this letter... just because. *smiles*

Two weeks before my birthday I was joking around with a coworker. We were complaining about my boss and her behavior (apparently she has a reputation throughout the hospital). I shot off a 'so find me a job' comment and she fired back with 'I will'. I said I wasn't kidding and she said either was she. Two days later she said she knew about a position that would be 'perfect' for me, but needed to talk to the director about it. A few days after that she said she emailed the person in charge of the job. She said, "Here's the thing. Originally they said they had someone in mind already. The next morning they called me and said that if you were really interested to call or page them." I was so nervous I could scream. After freaking out to Cat and Jake I sent off a friendly email saying I'd love to talk to them about the position. Then I waited. And waited.My friend said the person got my email and 'nearly jumped out of her chair with excitement'. That's a good sign...

Friday, the day before my birthday, I got the call. Let's meet on Monday. Figures... the day I took off to take my car in. I happily agreed and the timeline started. Again I panicked and asked Cat, Jake and Pattie for help on my resume. I hadn't written one in almost ten years. I was beyond nervous. This was such a huge step for me and I had dick prepared for it. After several drafts I finally had one I was happy with... just in time for them to ask me if I had one. Thank goodness for the kindness of friends.

Monday came and I managed to get my car back just in time. It felt so good to be back at UCLA. I ran into a few people who recognized me and made my way up to the office. I was dressed to the nines. They ended up being in casual wear. Heh. The interview lasted over an hour and a half. They loved my resume (thank you Pattie, Cat and Jake!) and even said things like "You used the word 'problem solver' which I really like, so I'm going to use it here". I walked out feeling good. Nervous, but good. The job sounds like a dream come true. It's being created as we speak, so I'll set the rules instead of trying to follow rules that may or may not have been changed by previous people. The only not so cool part is that my hours will be until 7pm at first. Once they see if the workload is slow (or they are able to hire new people) I will be able to have an earlier shift. No more Assistant to anyone. Dude... That alone is a dream come true. The difference between being an assistant to someone and having a supervisor is like day and night. As in sucking balls VS having them slapped across your face.

After a week went by the process started rolling. I got a call saying "You're one of the top candidates" and they were going to call references. Last Friday I got the call saying I was "the TOP candidate", and we needed to speak to your boss. My heart started racing. My hands were shaking. They said to let them know when they could call her after I let her know. My boss came back from a meeting and I made my way into her office. People couldn't understand why I was so nervous. To me, it was like I was breaking up with her. We had spent almost ten years together. We had many bad times, but there were many good ones too. And this job really molded me. I changed so much from when I first started. Some good, some bad. I was pushed into a position that I didn't want for a person I didn't enjoy working with. I learned to create graphs (ha ha), different reports and help manage a department. There was a lot of responsibility placed on me and I was up to the task. But there were bad parts too. My friend Michi said my boss was breaking me. Making me feel as if I wasn't worthy of doing a good job. She's right. I felt like they wouldn't want me when in fact I should feel like I needed to decide if I wanted them. Twenty years experience is nothing to sneeze at. And it's twenty years of growing, not just showing up at the job. But my boss was good at making people feel like they were failing. Any choice was the wrong one. I needed to grow a pair and move up.

My meeting went well. She was happy for me and even shook my hand. She said that if she could find a job closer to home without losing a big chunk of her salary she'd do so in a minute. She also looked sad. It was like we were coming to the end of something and both having to deal with it in different ways. I explained that I wouldn't go until the new hospital was running (whenever the hell that is) and I would do reports for her from home when needed. She said she'd give me a glowing review and with that I walked out of her office, hands shaking and waiting to hear when they'd call. So now everyone is talking about my 'new job' and all I can say is that I won't call it that until they actually tell me I have it. For now I'm the 'top candidate'. For now....

I want details! I want descriptions! I want to fucking know every time they breathed. My friend, on the other hand, wants to summarize a VERY important conversation. She ended it with a "Don't worry. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be." Fuck that shit. I want to worry. I want to know. I want to panic. I want to fret and dissect the conversation for any innuendoes that may mean something but most likely mean absolute dick. Right now I feel like I'm going to burst and the only thing I can say is 'I'll let you all know soon... either way'. As it is I feel like the 'either way' is not going to be a happy one. *sigh*

Some days I wonder why I even come into work. Then I remember the bills.... A coworker comes up to me while I'm on the phone and says she'll come back. No problem. She pops by a while later, still on the phone. She says she'll come back. Do you see a pattern arising? She comes by AGAIN and I stop her from leaving. You know... because being on the phone isn't going to change. She announces that she's locked out of her computer and can't get in. Oy... I call the IT guy and he tells her to restart. I go back to my call. A while later she comes by to let me know she still can't get onto her computer. And by 'a while' I mean 'over an hour'. I contact the IT guy who tells her to restart and it's lather, rinse, repeat. So she comes up tell tell me that she has yet to get onto her computer and I ask her why she didn't tell me. 'You were busy'. WTF!?! I'm ALWAYS busy. I tell her to stick a note under my face if I'm on a call and she says, 'It's not that serious'. Oooookay. Cue the boss coming in late and finding out said coworker hasn't been able to sign onto her computer for two hours. Guess who's fault it is. I'll give you ONE guess. So yeah, I get the fucking riot act for not going over to her desk and standing there while she tried to sign onto her computer. The last I heard it's a password issue... otherwise known as a UE. Now I'm told the hard drive is going bad and it's still my fault that she didn't tell me she couldn't get in. Any rational person who's job solely relies on them being able to sign into the computer would raise hell if they couldn't get on. Yeah... welcome to UCLA. Home of the lazy. Meanwhile I'm working through lunch (as usual) and my boss said, "I could have kicked you out of your cubicle so she could have a spot, but I found other people." Gee, thanks. You're so kind.

I'm sitting at my desk when I hear a noise. An... odd noise. Then my shoe feels funny. I look down and there's a HUGE rip about two inches wide all the way up the back of my leg. Luckily I'm wearing a long skirt... otherwise people would be blinded. After rummaging through my desk drawers I find a lone package of nylons. An OLD package. I cross my fingers that the elastic is still good and slink my way to the bathroom, walking like a true diva. Slightly leaning back so the skirt covers my leg. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I probably looked like a total retard. Huurrrr! You'll be happy to know that all is well and I won't be rolled into the ocean anytime soon. The nylons fit snugly, which means I'll be sitting proper for the rest of the day. Straight up with tits out... like the sexy bitch that I am.

This morning they had the weekly meeting with the AAs in my office. One of the coworkers who I like got verbally jumped about being slow with her duties. To be fair... she is slower than the rest. But she's also more thorough and the most pleasant to talk to. So of course I jumped in when I shouldn't have... which makes it look like I'm just sticking up for her. But whatever. Everyone offers something to their job. What the speedy demons add in speed they take away in customer service. *sigh*

So the server. Yeah... It's been choking on a big one lately. I have no idea why either. All I ask is that it not gork over the weekend so I can have an nice enjoyable weekend that doesn't involve volleying emails between my host and the people who maintain my server.

I may have big news but need to hold off sharing it. *smiles* Anyway, my birthday is tomorrow. Another year older, yet none the wiser. Yeppers, that just about sums it up!

I hate when something random makes me think of some even more random song and it gets stuck in my head. This morning a patient called that couldn't quite decide what she wanted.

Uhhh: I'd like uhh...
Me: Yes?
Uhhh: I'd uhh like... Uhhh
Uhhh: I'd like to... uhhh...
Me: Teach the world to sing? Furnish it with love?
Uhhh: What?
Me: Nothing, Maam. What would you like?

Suffer, bitches...

We have a line dedicate to Physicians. It clearly states to push this option if you are a physician or calling from a physician's office. So every day I get inundated with stupid people who can't seem to grasp the fact that they are NOT physicians and then can't seem to comprehend the very simple question I ask when I realize these 'less than stellar' individuals are NOT from the professional field. Usually within a word or two. Take the phone call I just received:

Me: Are you a physician or calling from a physician's office?
Idiot: Uhhhhh....
Me: Are you a physician or calling from a physician's office?
Idiot: Uhhhh... I wa..
Me: Are you a physician or calling from a physician's office?
Idiot: I just..
Me: Maam... ARE YOU A PHYSICIAN?
Idiot: No
Me: Do you WORK for a physician?
Idiot: I uhh....
Me: Do you work in a physician's office?
Idiot: No. I...
Me: Let me get you to the patient line. This line is for PHYSICIANS ONLY

I swear to G-d... I don't know how these people managed to live this far in life. Anyway... Yeah, stupidity. It annoys me.

My limit is seven apparently. My boss hit me with twelve emails. Three asking for the same thing. Two updating. This is in the span of five minutes. I was already doing the daily reports (12 different reports lumped into one end result report). On top of that I'm dealing with patient complaints, VIP patients and doctors wanting to refer their patients. All at the same time. One report I missed her comment about simply letting her know when it was done so that she could send it. Then she added that I didn't add a heading to it so they could figure out what information they were looking at. Both totally my fault. Even so... I couldn't help but feel that she was baiting me into fucking up. She's adding different reports, changing how she wants them... then calling me about new reports at the same time. I'm so tired and just feel like crying. The worst part is that she said she wanted to start putting everything in writing (paper trail) because we aren't on the same page anymore. No shit. I'm back on page twenty and she's on page 55/92/3/67/89/6/and all of the above. I know she has a suspicion about the job offer. Either someone reads my rants and tells her (FUCK YOU) or she's so nosy she listens to more than I think she can. Either way... I feel like my time here is growing short and I'd better get my ass in gear.

Yeah, so my boss just HAD to be a cow. So much for her being in a good mood after her birthday. She intercoms me to create a report for another department. I asked her what criteria she wanted and she respond "The one you do all the time for them." *blink* Since when? I literally sat there... staring at her. I finally said, "I don't remember doing one 'all the time'. Could you give me a hint on what they want at least?" She snaps back that I did one about a year ago or so when they were going to blah blah blah.... So apparently ONCE over a year ago is 'ALL THE TIME' in her book. Even she realized the absurdity in that statement and lowered her voice towards the end. IDIOT. I create so many different reports for so many people that it's impossible to remember every detail. Especially when they ask for different criteria each time. And doubly especially if the said report is OVER A YEAR OLD. Jake, in all his wisdom added "I get laid ALL THE TIME! Works for internet nerds".

Oh yes... this is just priceless. I emailed the person for the prior report so that I could see what criteria they wanted. They forwarded me the last email I sent with the report attached... dated MAY 2006. She can just eat my ass today. Seriously.

I was talking to a manager about a case the other day and they complimented me about how helpful I was. I quipped "Hire me" and they said they'd love to. I said I was serious and they said, "So am I". With that I floated through the day. The next day we spoke again and they mentioned having a few positions in mind but needing to run it past the director first. I didn't push. If it happens it will be great. If not, it was a glimpse into what I need to do to get out of my current position. I need to start now. I need clothes. I need to start exercising more. I need to start feeling better about my situation. I need to come to work when on death's doorstep so I can accumulate some sick time and not have a bad looking record. I was honest about my work situation and that I was not looking for anything in particular. I really do enjoy my job. I like *most of* the people I work with and tolerate those that annoy me. Even my boss, for all her faults, isn't the worst I've had. She's gotten a LOT better. The biggest downfall I see is that she refuses to acknowledge that she's done a good job and has some wiggle room to ask for things. She still jumps and asks is this high enough when anyone looks her way and never tells people to back off. It's sad really. She's more interested in getting the approval of people who have nothing to do with her job than making the people who work for her happy. I am not looking for a new job to get away from her. She's manageable. But I'd rather be in a position where I was appreciated more and the duties weren't expected on a whim. I don't even have a job description... but if I did it would have one word on it: Peon.

We're the only office officially open for the Admin Holiday. This means we get all the 'I'm trying to make an appointment at the clinic but they're closed' calls. As if we can do anything but say, "Yes, they are closed. You'll have to call back on Monday." Then listen to them whine and bitch and moan about how they want to make their appointment NOW. I'm in a "Fuck off" mood, so it has not been pleasant. Meanwhile the pot luck party is in full swing and I have been keeping a VERY low profile so I'm not bombarded with comments. I couldn't pay so I'm not going to just mooch. I even had a coworker call in sick and say, "The drinks I brought are your donation. So now you can go!" I respectfully declined and felt about an inch high. Just leave me alone to my food that I brought and eat your damn pot luck! *grumbles*

I seem to have lost my train of thought. I've spent the day correcting a simple spreadsheet no less than seven times. The corrections are stupid shit that I totally should have caught. Like putting the wrong dates. THREE times. My boss finally put her head on the table and just gave up. I'm sure part of it is that I need my monthly vitamin B12. That's the thing with having my surgery. You can't slide on the vitamins. I have to do some major reports and simply don't have the ability to concentrate. Not good. Sooooo not good.

In other news we learned about a coworker that was let go with the other Britney snoopers. She was given the option of retiring or having her ass fired. She retired. I like the gal but think they should have fired her ass just like everyone else who violated HIPAA to peek into the life of someone in the entertainment business. I don't care WHAT they do for a living or what kind of person they are personally. Everyone deserves privacy. Everyone. You violate their privacy, you get shitcanned. End of story. I don't care what you are. Janitor, doctor, administrator. Same fate for the same offense. It doesn't matter what they saw, either. They still went into the records with the intent to view private documents. With the amount of emails that we received about HIPAA and the consequences for violating patient privacy anyone who went ahead and did it was a complete moron and doesn't need to be dealing with patient care.

We're supposed to have a potluck this Friday and guess who isn't joining in. Yeppers... You guessed it. Moi. With three days of no pay I am just barely making it and don't have enough to fork out for anything extra. Ironically it's supposed to be a general potluck/birthday celebration for the April birthdays (which means me). Personally I could give a rats ass about it, especially after the decision to make people bring their own cake was decided. Of course this little party was planned up by my boss since it's her 50th, which still makes the whole decision a load of crap. Everyone brings their own cake if they want to celebrate... except for mine. Yeah, real class.

I haven't even bothered to tell them. I figure when they ask I'll let them know. I'm just so done with this place lately it's beyond silly. Stupid rules, stupid peole and the person who gets the shaft has been me. Anyway, enough bitching and moaning and whining and griping. I have chocolate. Any day is a good day when there's enough chocolate around.

Creepy IT chick strikes again. After offering up the world she comes through with Jersey. I've been waiting to finalize a major report for four days. She was supposed to run a Macro that gave me all these wonderful numbers. They gave me numbers all right... just the wrong ones. I spent all this time trying to just get everything else ready so I just had to insert the last part and it was for nothing. First my boss changes two parts of my report (four more reports instead of two). Then she says she only wanted ONE part changed. She gives me three days to finalize it and on the fourth (when it was due) I was still waiting on the numbers. Here's the kicker. I said I could redo a years worth of data to make the report look nice. CITC said no problem. Then at 4:45pm yesterday (you know... when I usually leave) she announces the data WON'T be the same because we changed how we gave it to her a few months back. WTF!?!?! If she told me this I could have either sent her the updated data or at least finalized the fucking report. So here I am, busting ass to redo the last section while my boss is bitching at me. I also told her which sections she'd have to work on HOURS before so it would be finalized when I entered my info. Did she do anything? Of course not! Instead she sat there fuming at 5:08am as I packed my shit up and walked out the door. I'll be damned if I'm going to stay over to listen to her bitch about why SHE didn't do her info. Today she seemed okay with it, although she managed to twist around how it was my fault for Mary not notifying me about the data change. This from a woman who can't keep a fucking email that was sent to her FIVE seconds prior.

Tired.... But Smiling
Originally uploaded by j00wish

This weekend is going to be spent fucking around and NOT thinking about work. I also plan on sleeping in... which means my cats will be on death watch if the even so much as peep at me. Phoebe had decided that 2am is a great time to get some late night lovin. Considering Jake doesn't even get that, I'll be damned if I'm going to pay attention to a cat. First order of business is to get a new squirt bottle for the bedroom. Pronto. If I even hear a peep I'm aiming and firing in that general direction. Expect stories of wet cats and early morning mop ups in the near future. If that doesn't work I'm buying a Super Soaker.

My boss finally arrived at work at around 11am, still sick but on the mend. I can't believe she's even attempting to come in... especially how sick she was. She also managed to forget her keys and asked to borrow mine. "Okay, only if you wash them off afterwards." It's the little things that make my life enjoyable these days. I had to practically pinch myself so I didn't smirk while saying that.

Here's the latest scoop on my ever dramatic life in the cubicles of hell that we call work. The lazy cow who pitched a fit about buying a cake for my friend and coworker? Yeah, she's spear heading a pot luck birthday for my boss, another coworker and yours truly. I fucking kid you not. I am beyond chaffed about this. I got the email and practically yelled out "fuck you" before deleting it. My friend intercommed me to express her extreme displeasure about this whole ordeal (IE: It fucking sucks). Personally I'd rather give them the finger and just stick to celebrating my birthday privately. I'll probably get my SARS carrying boss something since its a special birthday... maybe a rhinestone mask.

I am so angry right now I could just spit. *spits* My boss has decided to come in today after a meeting and asked me to help make a doctor's appointment for her. The reason? She's coughing up green (IE CONTAGEOUS) and needs antibiotics. The idea that she's even in a meeting infecting people is beyond rude. But to tell me she's going to be coming her and bringing her germs in when my resistance is already low is just beyond... words. I want to tell her to stay away. I want to tell her to keep her infectious ass home and have some fucking respect for all the people around her. I don't even have a mask or some Lysol to spray around me. If I get sick again it's going to be Workman's Comp... Fucking cow.

I am gloating. It's a bad BAD thing to do... but I just can't help it. My boss called in sick today and she sounds bad. Like she's suffering. Like... she has the same shit that knocked me on my ass. I can't even pinch an ounce of pity for her either. All I can do is just sit here with a smirk on my face and think, "It's about fucking time".

Before you shake your head... I spent last night driving home and until I went to sleep in tears. Because of the recent car lawsuit (to be explained later) and other issues I've been pretty tight on finances. To the bone, so to speak. So this illness couldn't have come at a worse time. The last three days I was out it was without pay. My boss *could* okay my use of vacation time, but it's her choice. She chose not to. I have worked my ass off for her, staying after hours and working from home. She has called me on my days off and generally just been a bitch to me. Still... I've supported her. So her telling me 'I have to find out from HR' and then holding off on telling me until the end of the day (knowing I'd be upset) really put a bad taste in my mouth. She knows my financial situation. It's not because I've spent money on bullshit things. Now I'm weighing my options on how to get by until my taxes come in. The part that angers me the most is she made some sort of third person decision. "THEY said I had to stick to policy". Fuck you. I know the policy. It's the supervisor's discretion. So now Karma slapped her for being such a cow to me and my gloating pretty much means I need to do some serious good deeds to not get hit again. Does buying Girlscout cookies from little girls pass as a good deed?

My boss is at work... sick. Not even just a little sick, either. She's coughing up a storm and not even covering her mouth. the ignorance astounds me. How someone who has been a nurse for almost thirty years can think that sitting in an office somehow makes everyone immune from your illness. I've been wearing long sleeves to I don't have to touch doors and doorknobs. The ventilation system sucks ass so that's the first issue. We're all breathing the same air. someone coughs on the far right and it comes right over to our side.

Right now I have zero sick time and am sweating bullets. I was out for three days without pay and my boss hasn't said anything so I guess I'm humped this next paycheck. I don't even want to risk going in there to ask her if I can use my vacation... especially since she's 'in a mood'. Add to that that she's been talking about retiring more and more... I'm so screwed if she does. Showing 20 years experience means dick when you don't have any sick time to show for it. If my leg gets chopped off I'm going to wrap it in an ace bandage and hop my way into work.

Yeah, so the lazy coworker managed to fuck up any future birthdays. They took a vote (at her insistance) and now if you want to celebrate your birthday you bring your own cake. Give me a fucking break. I always looked forward to having that done by someone. I don't have family and most of my friends aren't local. In short... It's the only time I really have a group of people sing happy birthday to me. I'll be damned if I'm going to buy a fucking cake for myself and bring it to work. That's just sad. My boss knew it was going to piss me off, so she didn't even include me in the vote. She told me as she had one foot in the other direction, ready to bolt. G-d forbid I should have a different fucking opinion. She can kiss my ass if she thinks I'm buying cake for people to eat just to get a happy birthday sung to me. And I'll be damned if I do anything for that cow that decided to bitch about the birthday celebrations.

Odessa: So... Russian roulette question time
Jake: ?
Odessa: I looked at my calendar and its PMS time for Mila and myself
Jake: oh Jesus
Odessa: She's a raging bitch
Odessa: Should I remind her?
Jake: In the most subtle way possible, lest you both rush at each other and suddenly I look out the window and see a fucking mushroom cloud hanging over your office area

Yeah, so this week should be interesting. I'm guessing we'll be found in her office, me with my eyes gouged out and her with a broken neck, by the end of the week. Having the same cycle is a bitch when it's your boss. Add to the fact that she can be a royal bitch at ANY time of the month and you've got a one way pass to the unemployment line. Or the police station. Which ever.

Every day I go to break and lunch around the same time. It's rare I'm off by more than ten minutes. Every day I have someone call or come by with work related crap and they always say the same thing: "I know you're at lunch but..." There are a *few* times they pull the "Oh, you're at lunch? Anyway..." Either way I don't get to just kick back and rest in peace. Yes, I *can* go to the second floor and sit in a room that is filled with people I don't know and twittle my thumbs... or I can volley annoying calls and sit at my desk and blog. You do the math.

Today I get two calls from coworkers, one coworker that comes over and leaves when she sees my LUNCH sign up and finally a call from my boss. She starts to tell me about a problem, then attempts to rush me off of the phone by saying 'Anyway, you're at lunch we'll deal with this afterwards'. Oh sure... like that's going to sit well. Don't throw an issue partly in my lap, then snag it away and hold it over my head so I have to think about it for the rest of the hour. I FINALLY cut her off and just kept saying, "Just tell me, tell me, TELL ME." It ended up being something that the other coworker was bitching about... and it WASN'T my problem. I hate when people blame the software when it's a user issue. The report ISN'T wrong... The person running it incorrectly is. *grumbles* I even blurted out, 'It's a USER error" while said user was in the room. I didn't make any friends today, that's for sure. Fuck em if they can't do their job. Is it five yet?

Oh G-d! The mentality of my workplace just dropped below a two year old. We have two coworkers being pissy with each other and I'm the one that has to deal with it. One coughs so the other bitches. The coughing chick retaliates by bitching about the lazy one always being away from her desk. The latest installment of As the Playground Turns was this morning. We get an email from the lazy one bitching about the coughing one not doing all her work fast enough. I kid you not. Her cryptic email made my eye twitch. She spent the whole day monitoring this other person's workload... but didn't do shit to help out. My friend/coworker, who was also CC'd on the latest bitch mail, rolled her eyes and shot back asking the lazy one to clarify what her email was actually for. While part of me wants to block any bitch content from my Inbox I am curious to see how she'll spin this one. "Oh, I was just letting you know...' isn't going to fly. *grabs popcorn*.

I'm one of those people that likes celebrating things ON the day they happened. It just seems silly to put something off like it's a trip to the dentist. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc... If you couldn't put off HAVING the baby on that day, then why should you retroactively put off celebrating. Wishing me a happy birthday three days prior so you won't forget is just sad. It's like you're saying, 'I can't be arsed to remind myself to remember an important date to you, so just be happy I remembered it at all'. Gee... thanks. February 14th is coming up and I was hoping to have the usual romantic dinner at home. I find out today that I'm being dragged into some meeting that is supposed to go until 5:30pm, but has some people who will talk until 7pm... easy. 'Just celebrate it on the weekend'. Riiiight. Just because YOUR personal life is devoid of any romance and love doesn't mean mine has to be. So yeah, this year's Hallmark sponsered holiday is being delayed. I had BETTER be let go early the next day. Damn it!

I'm feeling quite crappy today. I tried to go into work, even though I was light headed and dizzy. After a few hours the feeling got worse and I had to deal with telling my boss I needed to go home. Her first response was VERY abrupt, then followed it by an, 'I hope you feel better.' Yeah, I'll bet you do... with all those reports you've had me put aside and all... *grumbles* Right now I'm feeling icky. I asked my doctor for advice and he told me to take some Tylonal, cold meds and cuddle with a Teddy bear. I love my doc... really I do.

A stool pigeon. A rat. A.. a... spyish person. My Boss finally noticed that one of my coworkers has been taking advantage of the VERY cushy job that she's been given. This is the same person that she was talking about promoting because of her excellent work. To be honest the girl CAN hustle and get things done. The problem is that it's only when she wants to. Last week my boss freaked out about the long holiday and started telling everyone to help her out and me to take messages. I balked. Why be backlogged with patient calls when two people could clear the fax out? She scoffed. She rolled her eyes. She... mocked me. WTF. Then she did her sarcastic 'FINE' (which I can do soooo much better) and told me to do it. I cleared that sucker out with time to spare. She looked at the work and conceded. I wasn't happy with that. I made her admit that I was right and that she was wrong. To my surprise she actually did. Since then she's been on a mission to make sure my coworker either stepped up or stepped aside. As frustrated as I am with the predicament I am pissed off that the coworker put me in this situation. She knows she's being watched. She KNOWS she can work harder. She KNOWS our boss can and does listen in on conversations. Yet she continues to call family and friends throughout the day and not do the work she's supposed to.

This morning she was given a relatively simple task. Clear out the inbox by 9am (before most offices open). At 9am none of them were cleared and I walked by to see her on the phone with her bank. I wanted to smack her upside the head. She was being offered a chance to be reclassified, get a raise and move up... and it's for the easiest job ever! Yet all she can do is fuck around because someone isn't sitting next to her and breathing down her throat. You know... if they're going to add 'babysitter' to my list of duties I want a fucking raise.