I've had three doctors tell me that I look sick and need to get blood work drawn. *sigh* I know I'm not doing well. I don't eat enough and need to exercise more. In short... I suck at taking care of me. Part of me is nervous about actually getting the blood work done. I am almost positive that most of it will say malnourished. It's tough to keep up. I need to find a way to eat better. I need to have someone take care of me. Most of all... I need to stab my coworker in the face for playing an all Christmas Music station that is forcing me to listen to Wham sing Last Christmas.

At least my hips are better. Jake was doing one of his workouts today and his hip (once again) started hurting. He stopped but the pain only got worse. Three text messages later he's on his way to the X-Ray and I'm waiting to hear while at work. I'm grateful that his doctor was able to see him and schedule an xray on such short notice. Of course the waiting game on the results are going to be a bitch. Is it bad form to be teasing someone about getting old while they're in pain? With his birthday 18 days away it's perfect time to start.

Meanwhile this morning my boss showed up and told me that I'm doing a great job. She said that the big bosses love my reports and everyone stops what they're doing in meetings when the email notification pops up. Then the meeting changes to what the census is and a discussion of the numbers. I was flying high today, that's for sure.

PS: I hit my 10,000!!!!!!!! Actually, it's 10,030GP but who's counting? *grins*

I was doing so well. for a while. Then I felt cruddy, Jake got hurt and whatever other life issues got in the way. Today my Potassium drops AGAIN and I'm without my meds. *sigh* Grabbing bananas, potatoes and whatever else I could find seems to be keeping me afloat. Driving home is going to be interesting, that's for sure. I've been so supportive of Jake's exercise program, now I need the same. It's tough when you're trying to push yourself. It's so easy to come home after work and simply plop down on the couch or computer chair. The hard part is changing your clothes and then going BACK out to walk. Jake has the best deal. He can go across the street during lunch and do a 45 minute work out. I get paged if I go to the bathroom. At least Jake has started planning out the meals for the week. It's so nice to see what's for dinner posted on the refrigerator. We're also trying to save money so this is a doubly good deal. Plan healthy meals and don't cheat. Works for me...

I think the one thing I am sick of (personally) is always being on the verge of being sick. That feeling that one night without enough sleep, one day not eating all the right foods or one person with a cold will put me out for a week. My immune system sucks. I get it. No matter what I do it's just not good enough to get past this feeling of 'eh'. Last night it was the queasy stomach. Today it's the never ending potassium level. Part of it is that I need to get my ass back on the exercise routine that made me start to feel better. Thirty minutes a day. It doesn't seem that much until you try to do it. Jake's been exercising and looks great. He's dropping the weight and finally forming the build that he's been wanting. Me? Notsomuch. Illness after illness after illness has made exercise the lowest priority. Now that I am finally on the verge of feeling better I need to seize the moment and get my butt into gear. I love my little pep talks to myself. I'm a great cheerleader... just sucky player.

I love when people call, hear me cough/talk and say, "Oh my! You sound terrible!" This is as I'm getting better. I can't even imagine what they'd be saying if they heard me last week. A eulogy maybe? I dunno. Also, being sick means blowing your nose etiquette goes right out the window. Screw going to the bathroom or doing dainty noises. I sound like a sewage line being unclogged... and feel like it. It's loud, full of snot and if my coworker doesn't like it she can go file something. I'm tired and really would love to be home. Alas... the sick time won't allow that. I look forward to the time when I am healthy and have hundreds of hours of sick time on the books. Right now it's vacation time. I feel too guilty asking for time off after being sick. Damn Jewish guilt gets me every time.

I'm back at work, but not because I'm better. I'm just not quite as miserable. I also don't sound like a man... so that's a start.

This weekend I managed to finally finish a few games, which I am quite proud of. The 100% is something I've been striving for. Wolverine is still kicking my ass, but I'm getting a little closer. That Deadpool fight is either going to be the end all be all achievement when I get it or the one that will send the controller through the window.

Dear head cold from hell... I think we need to break up. No no... it's not me... it's YOU. I just don't think we're meant for each other. The temperature and scratchy throat was enticing at first. Sick enough to be home and yet healthy enough to be able to play on the XBox 360 all day. The first two days was fun. Then the horrendous cough set in and endless mucus. I... I just didn't think you were into that. Now I'm back at work and even more ill feeling and something's got to give. Call me selfish, but I'm just not that in to you. Oh don't worry. I'm sure you'll find some hot little hypochondriac who is just dying to have you. Seriously... you need to go. NOW.

The saga continues. Yesterday I called the stupid pharmacy at 3pm to make sure they had my meds ready. At first the girl gives me a firm "No" and starts to end the call. I yelled "WAIT" and told her my doctor's office confirmed that they had called it in. She sounds annoyed and puts me on hold to check. A few minutes later she comes back to tell me it's there. At least she sounded a tad more pleasant when she told me. It's funny how being caught in a lie does that.. That night we drive to the store and Jake runs in to get the meds. Fifteen minutes later they tell him it won't be ready until tomorrow because they don't have the right dosage. WTF!?! After pitching a fit (to Jake on his cell) he left. We get home to a message from the pharmacy saying there was a problem and the meds wouldn't be ready. This was at TWO pm. Ironically it was also the same chick that answered the phone when I called an hour later. I am so sick of this place. The other pharmacy is a little farther but I think I'm going to try them out. Anything is better than this place. The drug dealer on the street corner would give me better service.

...my pharmacy will hear me. Stupid morons. So of course I'm getting sick again. This time I had my doctor call in some Potassium so I didn't have to go to the ER. AGAIN. Because my pharmacy (which used to be awesome and now sucks donkey balls) is so shitty I called to make sure it was on order. Silly me... calling during lunch. The first time they answered they asked to put me on hold. No problem. Then they just kept clicking the hold button whenever the phone switched back. After twenty minutes a guy picks up in what sounds like the testing grounds for airplane engines and tells me that the drumsticks are on back order. Pity... but not my problem. After yelling into the phone that I wasn't calling about the drumsticks (right as doctors walked by... classic) he put me on hold again. After a few minutes I hung up and tried calling back.They hung up on me. The next time they just switched me to hold. No hello, no 'hold please'. I waited. Finally a woman answers and I ask if my meds have been ordered. Nope. Greeeaaat. next message is to my doctor's assistant. *sigh* All this to take something that makes me puke. *grumbles*

Before I begin let me just say that Jake is wonderful. He's awesome. He's been there for me when I needed him most and last week was no different. He even brought me roses. *smiles*

I spent the week at home, but not before a three hour stint in the ER. Last Monday I felt a dull headache all day. By the time I went to bed I was dizzy, nauseous and weak. After thoughts of Jake finding me in a coma (yeah, it felt that bad) I said we should go to the ER. First problem: I was too weak to do much. Jake dressed me and half carried me to the car. We got to the ER and were taken back to a room pretty quickly. From there it was a waiting game until the tests came back. I had already figured it was something to do with my levels. The last time I felt shitty my Potassium was low.

Next to us an elderly man was wheeled in who wreaked of smoke. He sounded like he was coughing up water his lungs were so bad. The doctor was firm about what he needed to do and the tech came in to give him a treatment. That's when he got bitchy. He kept insisting it wouldn't work and even went as far as saying, "What are you, stupid? I told you it's a waste of my time and yours." I wanted to yell to him that he should go home a die if he felt that way but was too busy trying not to faint. Another old man was wheeled in and decided he'd be the clown of the party. He told off colored jokes to the nurses and even got Jake to smile. Meanwhile the moron next to us started snoring.

The tests came back worse than I thought. I had bottomed out on my sodium, potassium and calcium. A nurse came in to give me some liquid potassium and I grimaced. She said, "It's not that bad, is it?" right before I puked. I guess that answered her question.

I'm not a prudish person, but there are some things I'd rather not share in a relationship. Peeing in front of Jake was one of them. Unfortunately I was too weak to go by myself and so that was pretty much out the window. Then I was too weak to hold the cup. Yeppers... Jake and I shared a moment I hope I never have to share again.

Once we got back home I was so relieved. I still felt shitty but it was so good to get out of there. I spent the rest of the week feeling like crap and it still hasn't gone away. My doctor wants me to get better by eating foods high in potassium, calcium and adding salt to my diet. Milk's doable. Hell, even the salt is okayish. Potassium? That's the hardest one to do and I can only eat so many bananas. The next person that tells me I'm full of shit is going to get a "I know..." response. Oy.

The only good part about being at home was I was able to play Wolverine... endlessly. It took my mind off of feeling crappy and I got to hear Hugh Jackman for hours. <333 The game is pure win and I suggest it to anyone who is looking for a fun game where body count gives you achievements (I've already gotten the 2,000 body count one). Now if only I could beat the game.

So Jake ended up having to take a trip to the ER last night. It seems that Friday's move was a little too much for him. After carrying HUGE boxes of books and such around the corner to my car he started coughing. By the time all of his things were tucked away and we were driving home he was coughing pretty hard. REALLY hard. I kept wanting to stop for some water, but my ever stubborn boyfriend nixed the idea. We got home and he still managed to move a lot of the things into the house. No matter what he did the cough didn't get better. On Monday they sent him home from work. By 3pm he was in serious pain and I told him to get over to the ER at my work. I called a doctor who left his name at the front desk. He literally walked in and was escorted to a room. One of the perks of working in a hospital setting. I had to wait until I was done at work to see him, which worked out pretty well. The doctor had just given him the diagnosis (asthmatic Bronchitis) and went to do the sign out.

Last night was pretty rough for the both of us. Jake coughed all night long, which kept me awake. He suggested he go sleep on the couch, which I nixed. I'd rather be woken up and make sure he's okay than worry and not sleep. Needless to say I am less than stellar today at work. :p

The stitches are out and the doctor said that so far all looks good. I have a six month check up to seal the deal and say goodbye to the abscess from hell.

I've been in so much pain lately that the last thing I wanted to do was talk, blog or do much of anything. Hell... I couldn't even pout. As much as I joked about Vicodin the most it did was make me punchy. I don't see why people treat it like some wonder drug that is a cure all for pain. It took the edge off, then added it to my personality. Weeeeee!

As much as I like blogging it was nice to get away from it. It's funny how I think about time after I've stepped away from the web. I really think that Jake and I spend too much time staring at the monitor and not at each other. With online being such a big part of our lives I am trying to find people who manage to even out both so that there's not that communication issue. Don't get me wrong... Jake and I talk and are sharing better than ever. But I think a lot of the issues that we've had could be ironed out quicker if we just took more time together to do them. We started off on the web chatting with each other, and even now are constantly sending each other web pages and pictures as we chat to friends and surf the web. But yeah... the question remains: What does one do at home together besides surf the web to spend some quality time? Besides sex, that is. :p

I just got back from the oral surgeon and I look like Carly Simon. If my lip extended anymore I could use it as a cup holder. The procedure took about an hour and a half, complete with mystery 'bright green something' that is going to the pathologist. Mr. Nosy, who loves to talk out of his ass, claimed I would get 'a few stitches that dissolved'. Yeah... Seven NON dissolvable stitches later I am now going to have to go back to get them removed. The surgery went well... except for when the numbing medication started to wear off while he was working on the tooth. That and when I had to pee and they decided it was a good time to squirt water all over the place every ten seconds. I don't know what pain was worse... feeling the root of my tooth being worked on for a moment or having to pee so bad I thought my bladder would burst while water was being 'spritzed' across my face every ten seconds.

The surgeon said that he thinks this 'might' do the trick, even though he didn't find particles or something that would explain why the other treatments didn't help. He then described the puss as something that probably 'evolved' and was self sufficient so the cleanings didn't help. Oh great... I just caused a mass murder of lower life forms evolving in my mouth. That will rock me to sleep tonight. Then again... the Vicodin G-ds should help with that area.

Personal crap aside... the abscess opened and I have a fever. I was trying to hold out until the surgery but my boss said to make sure all was well. So now I'm playing the waiting game until my oral surgeon calls me back and tells me if this is something that I need taken care of earlier or if it's something that can wait. At this point I am two breaths away from yanking out the damn tooth my self. Tube tops and Coors beer are in this year.

PS: This means don't expect much in the way of blogging unless I get really annoyed/pissed off/upset... Or PMS. Same thing...

yeah so... I still have the tooth abscess and have to have surgery. It's the last resort before they have to pull the tooth and then put in some sort of bridge or something. To say that I'm nervous is an understatement. Between that and the whole 'you're going to be mighty sore for a few days' speech I am NOT looking forward to the 15th. I took the 16th off so that I could rest up.

My friend started work this week and so far it's been a blast. The only issue is that they neglected to tell her that they are changing her hours and she's not happy. I think she was trying to suggest I do the later shift... which is a no go. I worked too hard for too many years to have to do that shit. And with Jake going back to school it will be the only time we may have together. I'm just happy that she's here and that Mr. Nosy will soon be out of my hair. He's been especially bitchy lately and I am not amused.

We FINALLY got back online Friday night so I spent the weekend playing catchup with all the websites I frequent. It was nice but by Sunday I was climbing the walls. I really need to get out and go somewhere. There had better be a day trip in the works soon... hopefully set up by Jake.

I swear to G-d, I am so close to hurling right now it's not even funny. I went to the Oral Surgeon this morning and he said the abscess has gotten worse. Lovely. I mentioned how he said that I would see a slight bump afterwords and he said he meant from his work and not the abscess. Duh... Since the other alternatives to getting rid of the damn thing are surgery or removal of the tooth (as if... that's all I'm saying) we are working on it aggressively. First he stuck a fine needle into my gum and aspirated it. Apparently a decent amount of puss came out (as if there's anything decent about puss). Then he said he hopes that the new round of antibiotics he gives me coupled with the blood mixing in with the abscess will do it's job. When I say 'new' antibiotics I am not talking about the latest and greatest thing either. Because of my MRSA we're resorting to taking the old fashioned kind. You know... the kind that makes you sick to your stomach. I got the pills around 10:30am so I figured I'd tighten up on the time I took them. You know, every three hours instead of four. Enter misery. I was trying everything under the sun to not puke all over my desk, including the 'don't puke' chant. After saying it about twenty times in a row I started walking around and trying to think of anything but the nausea. Finally the nausea subsided enough to answer the phone. Now I'm going to try and figure out how to live through the next eight days without humiliating myself at work. All I can say is this had better fucking work...

The abscess isn't going away. In fact it seems to be getting worse. I am trying to hold out until January before going back, but I don't know if I can. Part of the reason for waiting is insurance. Delta insurance is always so mysterious. You don't get a card and there's no number to call. It's just something that magically pays for your teeth cleaning twice a year. Anything over that gets wonky. I've been asked to pay a portion and be reimbursed. That portion might be a lot of money if it is surgical. Then there's the limit. They pay up to a certain amount... but no papers are given as to what that amount is. You just hope whatever you are having done doesn't go over and wish for the best.

The other reason for waiting is getting my assistant in place. Once she starts we can teach her the ropes so I can take off. At this rate I think I'm going to nix the initial training and have Mr. Nosy do my job. I'm scared that if I fall or get hit in the face and this thing pops I'm going to be going through what my friend did... and surgery, graphs and being in a coma is not what I want. Considering I have Community MRSA, having an infection raging through my body won't be good either. You might as well put a gun to my head and randomly pull the trigger. Being broke sucks donkey balls...

I'm still fighting the tail end of the head cold from hell... but that didn't stop me from having a great time with Jake. He decided to come home late Thursday night and I was more than happy to drive out there and pick him up. It's just so nice to have him back. We did a lot of talking (and some crying) this weekend and things seem so much better. There was also a whole lotta sex.

I think that for the first time in a long while Jake and I have a clear idea of our future together. We decided it's going to be just the two of us for a while, which will be nice. There's a lot of ground still to cover and we both need to work on getting past this rough spot. Just because he's home doesn't mean it's all over and done with. We both need to work on getting to a point where we feel comfortable again, and I understand that it's not going to happen over night. The key is that we're together and moving forward.

Apparently the server issue is no one's problem. MT insists it's a server issue. My server management company says it's s script issue. I haven't even tried going back to my host who doesn't know why the issue is happening. Back to MT support. Riiiiight. I like MT, I really do. The look, the ease, everything. What I DON'T like is that their free support is basically a 'you get what you pay for' deal. I'm not pointing fingers. I don't know who to even start with. All I want is a blog that works with comments that work too. I understand my server management company's frustration. They can't find the issue and the developers aren't saying anything. I'm going to try again to see what I can do with the MT people... but at this rate it looks like I may be searching for another software and asking all the people on my server to do the same. I have no choice.

Meanwhile I am so nervous about tomorrow and Wednesday I could faint. I have two HUGE meetings back to back on Tuesday officially announcing my duties to all the big wigs in my department, then starting Wednesday I finally start my doing what I was hired to do. Of course then I have to take off to see if the abscess it better or if I need surgery. GAH! I've been pestering the Oral Surgeon's office to see if there were any cancellations... but no such luck. At least my mouth doesn't hurt as bad. *knocks on wood*

So the verdict is an abscess. The original root canal that I had done when I was 11 wasn't done correctly. After numbing the fuck out of my face (and torturing me with what seemed like a gazillion needles) the Oral Surgeon redid my root canal. Everything was going swimmingly and then he stopped. "Oh wow" was all I heard before he stared pulling black gunk from my tooth. Mind you it's the front, lower tooth so it's a small hole to work with. After that came the puss. I felt so icky. He scraped until he couldn't get anymore and filled the whole with antibiotics and put on a temporary seal. Then he wrote me a prescription for triple antibiotics and said that if this didn't work he'd have to do surgery. I was beyond mortified. I'll find out in two weeks (Sept 10th) if the antibiotics were able to stamp out the infection. So far my mouth is so sore that any movement that includes my lower lip makes it ache. You can imagine how much of a bitch I am right now...

Yesterday I was told that not only is my job FINALLY kicking into high gear as of the 10th (notice the date) but I will be hiring someone who I will be in charge of. I've never officially been over someone before, so I'm not sure what I will need to do. I'm really excited about the oportunity to lord over guide someone in their career. Let's get back to the date, shall we? Yeah, so my first day on the job and I have to leave early. I tried to reschedule and everything was booked. My boss is trying to keep it together while being pulled a gazillion ways at once and the last thing she needs is to worry about this.

I would have posted this yesterday but I couldn't log into my account... AGAIN. It started a few days ago. But I was able to refresh and log in. Yesterday and today was a total lock out, even commenting gave me an error. Right now I am able to log on, but the comments still aren't working. This really is the last thing I need to worry about. *sigh*

I just got back from the dentist. He said that it's either an abscess which would need another root canal (done today) or a cyst which would mean they'd have to do surgery on me (scheduled for another day). My appt is at 2:30pm. That's an hour and a half from now. I am trying so damn hard not to freak out and failing badly. I can't believe I'm actually praying for it to be an abscess. How sick is that? But given the two choices it's the easiest to deal with and I won't need to take time off of work. At least I was able to come back to work to do my PM Census report. I don't want to piss off the BBs at this stage in the game. Especially since they are going to present my job September 9th. *sigh* Think good thoughts...

My mouth has been hurting me for a couple of days. I touched my tooth today and it looked loose. considering it's the one I had a root canal on I can't imagine the nerves being the issue. That leaves me to the other possibility: Abscess. A webmaster from a site I go to recently had an abscess that went into his neck. Now he's on a ventilator with an open wound and waiting to have it closed with a skin graft from his leg. I've been trying not to think about it but my mouth keeps reminding me. So either I need the tooth replaced (shit) or I have an abscess and need antibiotics (shit shit shit). With my Community MRSA this is not going to be an easy ride. I was doing so well too! *sigh* At least the appointment is tomorrow so I don't have to wait long. Wish me luck that's some option I haven't thought of yet that doesn't involve a lot of work.

Last Thursday I got food poisoning. Yeah, that was fun. I literally talked myself out of puking for the two miles it took me to drive home. It's Monday and my stomach is still iffy. At least I gained points from doing the daily census from home. Go me! On the flip side we managed to do some heavy spring cleaning this weekend. We got rid of the fish tank, set up the A/C in the bedroom so it's not an ordeal every time we need it and I washed that filthy fan that sits by the window facing the street. Talk about nasty. After Jake finally got the A/C set up he turned it on and closed the door. I little while later he went in to check it and came out frustrated. He swore that it was broken. I took a deep breath, finished washing the dishes and went in to look. Luckily it only needed to have the water drained. I'm so happy the apartment is getting in shape... now if I could only feel better.

I can't believe I'm fighting off another fucking sinus infection. I know what it's from too. We have this huge fan that gets full of gunk from outside and hair from Dorian who LOVES to sit behind it and stare out the window. We finally cleaned it this past weekend. It was so hot out last week that we had it on full blast... which means everything goes right into my face. So of course I'm suffering from the fan and all the crap it blows around. *sigh* The last time I tried the medication my doctor gave me for my staph infection and it seemed to do the trick. This time the infection is all the way in my sinuses... so I've got a slim chance of getting rid of it before it gets bad. With the big changes that may happen I can't afford to get sick. *sigh*

Tired.... But Smiling
Originally uploaded by j00wish

This weekend is going to be spent fucking around and NOT thinking about work. I also plan on sleeping in... which means my cats will be on death watch if the even so much as peep at me. Phoebe had decided that 2am is a great time to get some late night lovin. Considering Jake doesn't even get that, I'll be damned if I'm going to pay attention to a cat. First order of business is to get a new squirt bottle for the bedroom. Pronto. If I even hear a peep I'm aiming and firing in that general direction. Expect stories of wet cats and early morning mop ups in the near future. If that doesn't work I'm buying a Super Soaker.

My boss finally arrived at work at around 11am, still sick but on the mend. I can't believe she's even attempting to come in... especially how sick she was. She also managed to forget her keys and asked to borrow mine. "Okay, only if you wash them off afterwards." It's the little things that make my life enjoyable these days. I had to practically pinch myself so I didn't smirk while saying that.

My boss is at work... sick. Not even just a little sick, either. She's coughing up a storm and not even covering her mouth. the ignorance astounds me. How someone who has been a nurse for almost thirty years can think that sitting in an office somehow makes everyone immune from your illness. I've been wearing long sleeves to I don't have to touch doors and doorknobs. The ventilation system sucks ass so that's the first issue. We're all breathing the same air. someone coughs on the far right and it comes right over to our side.

Right now I have zero sick time and am sweating bullets. I was out for three days without pay and my boss hasn't said anything so I guess I'm humped this next paycheck. I don't even want to risk going in there to ask her if I can use my vacation... especially since she's 'in a mood'. Add to that that she's been talking about retiring more and more... I'm so screwed if she does. Showing 20 years experience means dick when you don't have any sick time to show for it. If my leg gets chopped off I'm going to wrap it in an ace bandage and hop my way into work.

I have to apologize to all my friends for my current emotional state. I'm whiny. We're talking MAJOR whines... Between feeling like shit, not being able to do anything and not being able to accomplish anything I'm in a sort of a funk that is a bitch to get out of. My sinus/ear infection has made it so I can't even concentrate enough to read or play my games. It's also brought on some sort of emotional kamakaze to start things I'm not capable of finishing and then throwing myself at the feet of whomever is unlucky enough to be there and pitching a fit worthy of a two year old in a candy store. I DO appreciate how much patience and compassion my friends have shown me. I DO appreciate the Sims meshes that were created for me. I DO appreciate friends showing up on NoChickTrix and supporting the site. I'm tickled to death to see the newest member, a great guy that usually sticks to comments on my blog. Most of all, I appreciate not being tarred and feathered for being a complete whiny ass about anything and everything. My sinus infection is MUCH better. My ear infection hurts like a sonofabitch, but is still not bad enough to ask for pain killers. I'm just glad I'm finally back at work and being productive. Again, thanks to all my friends.

Odessa

I finally went to the doctors today and he gave me the results. Massive sinus infection AND ear infection. So now I'm taking three types of medications (including Penicillin) to try and get rid of this. I'm miserable, nauseous, light headed and DO NOT want to deal with anything.

That being said I was in the store waiting for my prescription to be filled and I hear this constant beeping sound. I turn around and some woman put her child in one of those grocery carts in the shape of a race car so the little rugrats can feel like their driving while you shop. Whatever moron thought it would be a *cute* idea to add a horn should be taken out back and beaten. Daily... Anyway, after a minute or so of this kid banging on the horn every two seconds I flash a look to the oblivious mother. She smiles and says, "He's four. It's cute!" I scowl and say, "Maybe now. In fourteen years if he does it he'll get his ass kicked. Probably by me." She hurried away, glancing back as if I offered to eat the little fucker. Yeah... I'm not in the mood.

I sneezed all over my cell phone. I hate being sick. I'm sick, woozy and not in the mood for anything. Blah

I'm feeling quite crappy today. I tried to go into work, even though I was light headed and dizzy. After a few hours the feeling got worse and I had to deal with telling my boss I needed to go home. Her first response was VERY abrupt, then followed it by an, 'I hope you feel better.' Yeah, I'll bet you do... with all those reports you've had me put aside and all... *grumbles* Right now I'm feeling icky. I asked my doctor for advice and he told me to take some Tylonal, cold meds and cuddle with a Teddy bear. I love my doc... really I do.

Every year our building adopts needy families and holds different types of sales and raffles to make money so that they can buy gifts to them. This year we hit the jackpot. Every day has been filled with all sorts of food that I shouldn't be eating but do anyway. 'Hey, it's for a good cause' has become our floor's official logo. Each department has it's own bake sale, luncheon or snack time treat and everyone else is happy to fork over the three to six bucks and munch on someone else's cooking. I swear I'm going to go into a cookie coma if they keep this up. *looks at fresh salad* Riiiight.

Every time I see this one woman at work she asks me how much weight I've lost. At first it made me feel good to tell someone. After a while it got... annoying. I don't even talk to this woman outside of 'hello, how are you?' and now I add 'even more!' or 'not weighing myself'. Still... she still asks. Personally I think it's kind of rude, but it's my fault for answering her original question. it's gotten to the point to where I just walk by and don't make eye contact. I don't WANT to share how much I've lost. I don't WANT to bring a scale in to satisfy her nosy desire to watch my butt shrink. Isn't there some sort of human etiquette on what you should and should NOT ask total strangers? I think I buy her a book on How Not to be Rude* for the holiday. That or just tell her to fuck off. Hmmm.... The latter IS cheaper.

*not an actual book that I know of. Just being a sarcastic shit because it's Friday and I'm on my second cup of coffee. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Yesterday I was speaking to a friend who has MRSA (I have Community MRSA). Besides feeling frustrated with the healthcare system in general he was also angry about how our country reacts to it and the horrible news stories that gloss over it. I wrote this to him and figured I'd share it with you:

I can relate to so much that you are going through. Working in the medical field has given me an inside look at what happens. Having Community MRSA has given me a way too close look at what happens to those who slip through the cracks. Once you have it it's no longer about cures or even combating it. It's about containment. It's the same with MRSA itself. The news stories don't jockey around the health condition, it's causes and possible cures. Instead they feed off of the publics fear and insatiable desire for sensationalism. Cue the thunder, cue the lightning, a flash of truth and the rest is bullshit. And Joe Public seems to eat every word, not wanting to know if there's more out there and not interested in if it's the truth.

On September 11, 2001 I had my fill of television. What started with the OJ trial ended with the WTC. I had finally had enough. After that I sought for my news online. Carefully, using foreign news sources and becoming more globally aware. News that was kept from American homes ran front page in other countries. I peeked in on what we were watching and it was pure garbage. 'Hard hitting' news shows were soft punching propaganda. Health stories were no more than gossip. And gossip pushed down real news to third or forth story. I no longer look to our nightly news for resources... and I can understand how exasperated you are.

A few years ago one of our doctors was in the very beginning phase of a link to brain tumors and a *possible* cure. It was a theory. No tests had been run. She published a paper touting the possibility so that tests could be run. The media had a slow news day and flipped through the New England Journal of Medicine and found her paper. Imagine our surprise (and her despair) that they were saying UCLA had a possible cure for brain cancer. My office fielded hundreds of calls a day. I spoke with dying patients, begging to be a test subject. I had to tell them no trials were even set up and it would be years before she would have any. I went home crying every night... still hearing the echoes of weeping patients and loved ones whose hopes were lifted... and then dashed all because some bastard couldn't find a real news story.

MRSA is a bitch. I just got over yet another cold and a staph infection in my nose. Yeah... I felt real sexy. Every day I fear someone will bring a cold into work. A 24 hour crud for them is a week (or more) of misery for me... all the while hoping it won't go into pneumonia again. *hugs again tighter* I'm here for you.

I'm so sick of feeling... sick. My boss called yesterday to find out if I was going to be there to finish the big report. Not once did she even ask how I felt. You gotta love the empathy. Actually she did ask if I was getting better. But it was more a demand than anything. "Are you getting better? Or do I need to make other arrangements to get this report done?"

If only life were like video games. In games you just run around and pick up health points to get better. On the verge of death? Here, take this box with the red cross on it. ZING! Much better... Oh? Still not ready for battle? Here's another health pack for good measure. That big bad guy got you in that 'not so fresh' mood? Kill him and take his life points. ZING! Now don't you feel much better? I am sooo not going to be safe to drive near on the freeway this morning...

A woman who works in our office just came back from a mental stress leave. After three months of being off (part of which she was institutionalized) she is trying to get back into the swing of things. We talked about her being on medication and the stigma that it created... even losing friends because of it. I told her that they weren't real friends in the first place if they judge you on that. It's hard to accept that in this day and age mental illness is still so taboo. I explained to her that it's like any chemical imbalance. Diabetes, heart conditions, and other health problems can all be controlled by medication. It doesn't make the person any less of a decent human being. The nice thing was that she wanted to talk about it. She wanted people to know. She figured that way they could make their decision and she would know where they stood. I admire her for that. We had a nice conversation and she really looked happy about talking to me about it. It's one of those awkward situations where you want to tell someone... you just don't know how.

An interesting tidbit was how she spoke about her culture (she's black) disregards mental illness. She's going through horrible depression and they're telling her to pray, put her faith in G-d, etc... As if she's just not religious enough and that's her problem. Why do people rely on religion for everything? As if everything else is just a way to stick it to G-d. I told her the next time they're on death's door with a cold and have enough snot flowing to drown a cow... tell them they need to pray instead of taking that Cold medicine. Let's see how fast they backtrack on their opinion when *they're* the ones suffering. Oh, and then duck. Nyquil bottles can cause a nasty bump on the noggin when thrown... even from a weak bible thumper.

So... the mammogram wasn't that bad. I came in expecting the worst. I had even did a self mash test to see how it felt. Ow... So when I arrived I was prepared for whining and whimpering and generally being a pussy. The technician was really nice. She explained everything thoroughly and was very patient. I hiked up my boob and gritted my teeth. Then... nothing. It was pressure, but no real pain per say. Even the side way smash wasn't that bad. Awkward, but not bad. The only thing I have to do now is wait for the results. They said that if I didn't hear from them by Tuesday that everything was fine and a letter would be sent to follow up. So far I haven't heard a peep.

Me: So... I got my tits smashed on Friday (mammogram). Let me know if you hear anything about it.

My doctor: Sweet.

I make his day.

It's 12:20pm on a Friday and all I can think about is getting the hell out of here. I'm leaving at 1:30pm to go get my very first mammogram (details on Monday... you have been warned). At least I'll have the rest of the day off to recuperate from the apparent pain you go through. I asked my boss what to expect. "It hurts" and "Just remember not to plan it around your menstrual cycle when your breasts are sensitive" were her two comments. Considering I'm on my cycle (TMPI... deal with it) I'm basically fucked. It's pretty sad when having your breasts smashed is more appealing than doing some work.

I made my first appointment to have a mammogram. I've been putting it off since I turned forty in April for obvious reasons. With a coworker being diagnosed with breast cancer and it being Breast Awareness Month (as if they aren't made aware of enough) I figured it was time.

It's amazing how we get so paranoid about something that's so normal. The possibility of something being found is enough to make us not want to check. I'm fine until I'm coughing up blood... then maybe I'll go in for a check up. I wonder if that's the American way or just people in general. Be it fear or laziness... It's time to squish these babies. Statement of the day:

My Boss: "It's too bad we can't make men squish their penis like that for tests."

Angry much?

I'm still sick, but at least I'm getting better now that the antibiotics are starting to kick in. Yay for having a weak immune system. My boss actually sent me home a little earlier the last two days, which shows you how bad off I was. I think she appreciates that I'm even there. She'd better....

I lost all my Sims characters... and even a new batch. I finally gave up and reinstalled the damn thing. I think I'm getting too impatient with it because I was at a different level and didn't want to go back to the beginning. Oh well. Between trying to find all the correct versions of software for my new computer (fucking Vista) and deciding which hard drive will be internal VS external (the computer only has room for two internal) I've been a busy gal. I'll be glad when this is done with and I can get back to just fucking around.

Seriously... This has been the week from hell. And I'm not even talking about the cold from hell that has had me housebound (and my boss pissed at me). It all started because I wanted to play my Sims game (except for the getting sick. That was a coworker's fault).

My power supply started failing so I went out to buy a new one. Then my game started to get choppy because of all the downloads so I went to buy more RAM... then a new video card. My video card fried my old motherboard and I went out with a fever to buy a new computer. Six trips to Best Buy later I was home with a new computer, new video card and an external hard drive to move all my shit over. So of course the new computer has Vista, which means some of my programs don't work. It's pretty... but pretty doesn't cut it when I can't use my Photoshop. At one point Jake came home and I started talking about hearing church bells chiming (there's not a church even close). He sent me to bed.

Last night I decided to try my Sims2 game. It loaded just fine, but when I went to choose a Sims house it just held there. The computer says that it's running (instead of not responding), so I am at a loss. I created a new Sims character and was able to move them into a house. I went back out, then was able to choose that Sims' house. I tried one of my other Sims and still can not access them. I am so pissed right now. I'd gladly trade my new computer for my old one just to have all my stuff. *sigh* Oh, here's the new computer specs:

AMD Athlon 64 x 2 Dual Core Processor 4400+ 2.30GHz
2046MB RAM
NVIDIA GeForce 8600 GT Video Card
Vista Home Premium

I'm hoping I can find someone that will help me save my Sims. *crosses fingers* Yeah, I'm obsessed...

Oh, and by the way... It's easier to get two female Sims to have sex than when I created Mini Jake and Mini Me. I'm just saying...

The good news is the power supply is officially switched. The bad news is now it checks my other hard drive every time I sign on. The worst news is that I am sick and have a fever. Fuck this...

I emailed my doctor today about not feeling well. Lately I've been feeling like I could sleep for hours. His response? 'Have you been exercizing?' Of course not! It's been too hot for the past couple of weeks and last week I was just feeling blah. Now I now why. Oy... So now I have to put away the Sims2 and sign off the computer so I can force myself to at least do thirty minutes on the bike. It was so much easier (and nicer) when Jake was taking online courses. Now I have to fend for myself three nights a week and it's dragging me down. *sigh* In other words: It's Jake's fault.

I am free! Free from going to the surgeon's office ever again! W00t! At first I didn't think me suggesting I turn the care over to my primary care doctor (PCP) was going to fly.... but in the end I was free of any further stress from having to deal with Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Asshole.

I arrived forty minutes early, which is about right for me. I slowly made my way up to the office, dreading every moment. At 3PM (my appointment time) they took my vitals and shoved me into a room. I sat there and text messaged until 3:40PM, when the fellow arrived. Unfortunately the last one graduated who said I would be able to transfer care and this one seemed hell bent on keeping me there. Fucking Heifer.

Me: I would like to transfer my care to my PCP.
Heifer: We like to see our patients for two years post op.
Me: (after dropping jaw at the extra year added on) Kaiser patients are released to their doctors 6 months post op.
Heifer: That is true. Do you have Kaiser?
Me: No, just 20 years as an employee of UCLA that knows the system.
Heifer: I'm going to check your labs and discuss your request with the doctor.
Me: You do that. *smiles*

By that time I was almost shaking. I just wanted it to be over with. I quickly emailed my doctor to see if he minded that I told them all to fuck off. Of all days for him to not answer back right away. I text messaged Cat about how pissed I was. She agreed. Fifteen minutes later the surgeon came in, followed by the Fellow.

Doctor Meltdown: Who is this? I don't even recognize you. *smiles*
Me: (I can play the nice nice game too) *smiles back* Thank you!
Doctor Meltdown: So I hear you want your care transfered to your doctor.
Me: *smiles sweetly* Yes sir.
Doctor Meltdown: Well, since your doctor and I work closely together with our patients I see nothing wrong with that. Let me know if you have any issues. (holds out hand)
Me: Of course! (shakes hand)

And with that the saga of dealing with him was over. Done. Finished... No more stressing out over dealing with him. No more hour appointments that are 45 minutes of waiting. I practically clicked my heels as I ran down the stairs and scared some old biddy with my squealing into the phone.

I appreciate what he did surgically. I AM a different person outside. Rather... I'm back to the old me. Pre-car accident, when I was able to hop around and not be in total pain. I've still got a ways to go with my back, but it's NOTHING compared to a just year ago, when simply washing the dishes locked my back and made me almost immobile. For the rest... the freaking out on me when I complained about a staff member, threatening me instead of asking me for my side and threatening me as a patient and an employee.... he can kiss my ass.

Jake and I are about to have some pretty strong changes in how we live. Between bills and school books we are tapped out of cash. Add to the fact that him going to school instead of just using the online classes means I have to re-adjust my eating and exercising habits. Instead of Jake being home to cook the meals and being my support system to make me walk when I don't want to I have to push myself. Take tonight for instance. I sat at my computer and didn't do shit. Yeah, this is going to work out perfectly. I am amazed at how much I depend on him for every little thing. Now we have to deal with these changes and see where it takes us. *sigh*

So I haven't lost any weight in a couple of weeks, besides stepping up on my exercises. I'm annoyed to say the least.

Email to my doctor:

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I'm at a Plateau
This fucking sucks

His response:

Patience, my dear... patience.

My doctor loves me... *smiles*

My body hates me. Just when I was starting to feel good about losing weight and buying clothes that actually compliment my body instead of just covering it I stop losing weight. What's worse is that I made the worst mistake and weighed myself at night. It said I gained four pounds. After hyperventilating and pitching a fit Jake peeked around the corner. Seeing that it was the scale my wrath was aiming at he cautiously asked what happened. I ranted. I raved. I... pouted. I swore off all sweets, breads and pasta. I went to bed... sulking. In the morning I peed and got back on the evil scale. Apparently I had four pounds of urine in me. I hadn't lost any weight... but I hadn't gained any either. I know people hit plateaus... I tried to ready myself for it. I reacted about the same as my first major dent in my car. Pitched a fit and paid dearly to have it fixed. unfortunately throwing money at my body won't will the weight off. It WILL get some odd looks from coworkers though.

Apparently my sunny disposition did nothing to help cure this cold. I am still sick and stayed home today. At least my boss didn't grill me on it. Hell, I stayed at work sick all last week to get her report done. She should have given me today

I swear I'm going to toss the next person who comes to work sick out the fucking window. I can understand minor symptoms, but these people are practically sleeping at their desks with blankets, tea and tissues. If you have a temperature and can't say more than two words without going into a coughing fit then you need to keep your sick ass at home! Meanwhile Jake has been sick all week from one of these people and I am fighting it off myself. So much for a fun filled long weekend. *sigh*

The Odessa/Jake household is officially sick. He's worse off than me though. So today I go to work and feel miserable while he gets to stay home and do the same. I can't risk missing any more work right now so I'm stuck. Every time I mention sickness my boss goes off on her 'you should have gotten a flu shot' rant. It's not the fucking flu! It's a miserable head-cold from hell. *grumbles*

I *think* my appointment with the surgeon went well. He said I was on the low end of normal for recovery and had high blood cell count which he'll discuss with my doctor. Yeah, okay. So now I am waiting to hear from my doctor on what is up with my labs. The surgeon starts mumbling about how he discusses it with him because they work together on my recovery. No shit. I just don't get why he couldn't discuss it with me. Whatever. Afterwards he says someone needs to talk to me and to go back out into the waiting room to be called in. Thirty minutes later I ask the receptionist to at least tell me WHY I have to wait and the doctor tells them I can go if I want to. Hell yes! If they need to get a hold of me they have my number. I still don't know what that was about either. Oy. Anyway, at least that's over with and I have two more appointments left.

Tomorrow I go to see the surgeon for my three month follow up. Then it's two more visits before he can kiss my skinny ass good-bye. I know I should be able to move past his outburst, but he made my life hell during the scariest moments. Deciding on having surgery is a serious thing, elective or not. There are so many things that can go wrong you don't need to worry about the mental stability of the surgeon holding the knife. Afterwards I went to see my doctor and he cocked his head to the side as I walked towards the room. "I don't hear any instruments he purposely left in clinking around." I love the guy but he's such an ass.

I am finally 'almost' over the head cold from hell. Tomorrow is my first day back, which means it will be hell. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Heh. This past week has been a blur, as you can tell by the sporadic posting. Considering this was the first bad cold in a year I guess I'm doing well. Let's just hope my boss remembers that. Oy.

Kill me now. I've had the head cold from hell for the past three days. On Friday I started feeling sick and told my boss. Her reaction: "Keep away from me!" She's getting her wish today. I'm keeping my miserable self home today and about to go back to bed.

The last month (or two) have been a pain in the ass. Between me trying to eat normal again (and failing), updating NoChickTrix (fucking that up), updating the gallery (see: NCT) and finding a new server (Hurrah! I found one!) I have been disinterested in doing anything else. Some of it is finally falling into place (thanks to Bane), so I will be back to enjoying my online experience soon.

My post operative healing has been an eye opening experience to say the least. The other night I tried eating chicken strips from a grocery store deli and ended up ripping something inside and coughing up blood. Yeah, that's attractive. Supposedly I should be eating normally by the third month. Thanksgiving should be interesting.

Updating the forum on NoChickTrix has been another exercise in patience. I made TWO test forums and had Bane walking me through the problem hacks only to fuck up the real board. We're not even going to discuss me accidentally putting the upgrade to NoChickTrix and Bane having to spend three hours unfucking that up. When it came down to the live update I managed to miss an error that was on the test forums, do something to the front page that made it wonky and erase the log in section. Yeah, that was just a few of the errors. It's still not completely fixed, but whatever.

The galleries were expected to go down with the upgrade. What I *didn't* expect was for it not to upgrade correctly. As of now I still have two galleries that don't work and no idea as to how to fix them. Go me!

The server issue has been one that's been around for a while. Our server sucks. It's slow. It's old. Our current hosting company is too expensive for me to upgrade so we started looking around. More on that baby later.

I'm sorry I haven't been updating the journal and I'm sorry I haven't been talking to a lot of my dear friends. I miss you all so much and promise to get back to normal once this is all over with. Hopefully this weekend will be the magic number for finalizing everything and I can sit back and breathe....

I am sooooo happy! I just got back from the doctors. I am doing well and may be able to even stop taking one of my meds. I have to see him in two weeks to make sure. My boss is going to love me coming back and asking for time off right away. Maybe I should bring a camera. It sounds like a Kodack moment....

This has been an interesting experience to say the least. I am going on my last week before returning to work and normally scheduled postings. This week I devoted to trying to upgrade NoChickTrix... although I have yet to finalize the test board. I went from 34 hacks to thirty... and have only found 16 that were updated. I loathe having to get rid of some, especially the shoutbox. *sigh* Oh well. The cool thing about the newest VB version is that its easier to install hacks. Plus there are plenty of extras to go through. I dread getting rid of my current front page hack, but I'm tired of waiting for them to update it. Two years is a long time to wait. Yeppers, I waited... Silly me.

I've been so wrapped up in posting on my StumbleUpon site that that I haven't had time to do the things I've been wanting to do on my other sites. That and chatting my little ass off with my friends. <333 HAH! I just looked at my email. I signed up for a site called 25peeps.com to show people my blog a while back and they just said I made it on the site for now. I'll only be on the top as long as people click it... which is interesting. So of course I did this right before surgery so my site would suck ass in the way of posts. *smiles* Oh well... It was an idea.

I met my friend for brunch today. It felt so good to just sit and chat for a bit. She's having her house remodeled so she could relate to the trapped at home feeling. She was surprised at how much weight I had lost, which made me feel good. When I got home I was so tired I took a nap... from 1PM til 4:30PM. I can't believe how much energy it took out of me. I hope I can survive my first day at work. Maybe they won't notice me napping. :p

Caution: bodily function discussion ahead. :p

So Saturday I decided to 'cheat' a little and have some cottage cheese with sliced banana. It was just a little bit... Just enough to cause excruciating pain. I ate at about 11PM on Saturday and by 1:30AM I was in pain. Nothing I did made it better. Between 1:30AM - 3:30AM I walked around, tried going to the bathroom and finally threw up. Not a lot, but enough to allow me to sleep. In the morning I awoke to horrible pains. I read through the paperwork and it mentioned constipation. I tried drinking some medicine and it was enough to show me the real cause. Apparently I had blocked my stomach because of the swelling. The meds was enough to bring it all up. I'm not supposed to throw up because of the pressure on the stitches so I waited to see if I fucked that up. So far nothing. Needless to say I was not a happy camper yesterday. At least the pain is gone.

Okay, maybe just a little. Yesterday was one of the tougher days. I couldn't sleep all night. I was hungry. I was dizzy. I was pouting. I was... in pain. I fucked up and ate lasagna, which is a no no. What I really want is a normal meal. Some salad, diced potatoes and chicken. I just want to get back to feeling right. My stomach is still not right and everything I have makes me feel icky. Ew. I'm whining. Did I mention PMSing? *looks up* Guess not. This is a shitty week for me and an even shittier week for Jake.

I also hate that I'm stuck in this fucking apartment and have nothing else to write about except being stuck here. *sigh* Maybe I should just take a hiatus until I get out. Blah.

I got back from the surgeon today. He must have swallowing a handful of NICE NICE pills before he opened the door. We were greeted by a smiling doctor, shaking hands and asking how everything was. It was a vast difference from the asshole I had to deal with in the hospital. Maybe he realizes what an ass he was... but I doubt it. I was just grateful to have a pleasant experience with the prick. :p

My pains are normal so that is a relief. As the swelling goes down the pains are the healing process. No way I could have gone back to work any sooner. I have been feeling really dizzy and light headed today so he said to up the caloric intake. So much for the pounds melting away. My back isn't killing me after walking around which really made me feel better. He said I may find some internal stitches popping out as they dissolve. I'll look like a FemBot! :D

I want to say that this experience has been an eye opener. I couldn't have done it without the love and support Jake has given me. I am so lucky to have him by my side. <333

Thank you Jake. I love you with all my heart and soul.

I had my first almost real meal. Minestrone Soup... blenderized. That's right... There wasn't a speck of anything in it but it was goooood. I ate more than I was supposed to (oops) but it was too good to pass up. I looked up the serving size after I finished the meal. My bad. So far no pains, etc... One thing I learned from this experience is to NEVER assume it's going to be a walk in the park. I figured I would have six weeks of needed vacation to lounge around and rest. The clear liquids would be a no brainer and what is one month or two compared to the healthier you? I should have mentally prepared for this. I was trying so hard to just get past the surgery that I didn't think about the recovery process. I feel bad for Jake. By the time he gets home he's worked all day and wants to unwind. Meanwhile I'm ready to explode from boredom and feel uber needy. Of course when I fuck up and do something I'm not supposed to (and hurt myself) he gripes at me for not asking him to do it.

My friend called today after getting back from Australia and I overwhelmed her with chatter. I was just so glad to talk to someone. I don't think she got a word in for the first twenty minutes or so. :D Finally I stopped the "MEMEME" and asked about her. Yeppers, I may be slow but I catch on...

I have been fighting off a bit of depression the past couple of days. Two weeks of being stuck indoors, unable to eat anything and walking around our one bedroom apartment for exercize finally got to me. Yesterday I broke down and Jake whisked me away to... Best Buy. I bought Romancing The Stone/Jewel of the Nile, Independence Day, Speed, Alien, Aliens, Silence of the Lambs and Down Periscope. I may not have a great taste in movies... but at least I have more to watch! It felt soooo good to get out for a bit. I am hurting today because of it but that's okay. I go to the doctors on Thursday for my first check up. This should be fun. The only good part about an all liquid diet is that I've lost 21 pounds in 2 weeks. It's amazing what a 125-150 calorie a day intake can do for a body. :p

I am bored out of my fucking skull!!!!!


























That is all.

I never noticed how much I would miss food until I can't eat it. I have one more week of clear liquids before I can start on foods. Even then it's going to be a slow process. But ANYTHING is better than Jello, water, popcicles and broth. Watching movies are really hard when it gets to the food scenes. I was dying for a salad with tomatoes... and sure enough that's what they were eating. I want a potato so bad... and still do even after watching an actor throw it up in another movie.

Speaking of movies... I am very annoyed at Columbia House. I ordered five movies on August 31st so they would be here in time. I get back from the hospital and still no movies. I found Columbia House's phone number via the Get Human site and they assured me it would take 7 to ten days. No fair! I can't sit at the computer long and can't walk far... I'm bored out of my mind. My love affair with CH is turning into a 'eh, they're okay'. Entertain me, damn it!

I have met two new people from SU that have made my day. REALLY made my day. FunkyCaucasian is a fiery woman whose looks are only outdone by her personality. I spent the day chatting with her via PMs and I can tell you... she's incredible. I also met Phoenix3Arisen. A sexy guy with brains and a great sense of humor. SU is finally making up for all the slooooooow time by delivering friends!

In other news... I bitched out our mailguy today. It's a good thing we use the PO Box. He called to be buzzed in and I slooowly put on clothes and went outside. I was hoping for some sort of gift to lift my spirits. Instead I see him head back out the door. I called to him and asked what he had. He said, "Oh, it wasn't for you. I just needed to be let in." WTF!?! Then he asked if I was okay (I looked pretty shitty). I told him I had just had surgery (to lay in on the guilt) and next time try buzzing the door that the package is for. I thought about adding "idiot" at the end then thought better. Yay for grumpiness!

So I have a temp. The doctor notes say to call if it's 100.5. I'm 99.6 so I'm going to wait. The joys of healing. Yay....

It's funny how body functions are treated in different settings. I never thought I'd be praised for passing gas, peeing and crapping. My three days in the hospital are finally over (thank goodness!) and I am at home recouperating. The surgeon was standoffish the whole time, but whatever. He did his job. He did a damn good one too. Sleeping/sitting/moving is still very hard, but I am coming along quite well.

Oh and if you ever need to rest, DO NOT expect to in a hospital. The every six hour check ups turn into every three for the night. I had my blood pressure, pulse and temperature taken at 11PM, 2 AM and 5AM. Plus the nurses were conducting a hen party, clucking all night long. You'd think they'd keep the laughter to a dull roar... Oh well. All of my nurses were kick ass. My roommate was a sweet kid with an unknown illness. One night her doctors were in her part of the room for 4 hours. Turning the lights on, trying to do tests and asking questions that could have waited until the AM. Idiots.

It felt so good to walk through the door today. I missed being home so bad. Now I can finally rest and drive Jake crazy.

The long journey to better health is finally coming to the bend in the road. Tomorrow at 7:30AM I will be on my way to surgery. That means I have to be in admissions at 5:15AM. I didn't even blink when the guy told me. I was just so ecstatic about getting first case. Everyone's fresh, ready to go and there are no hold ups. Now the realization sets in and I am having a mild panick attack. Go me! I'll get up at 4AM, jump in the shower and be ready to go. No make-up (*shudders*), no breakfast (*sigh*) and no coffee (kill me now).

I will be in the hospital for three days and not sure of when I will be online after that. Next week for short periods for sure. Until then... See you on the flip side!

I really hate bitching about insurance. I chose to have it instead of paying more for a PPO. And my primary doctor is one of the best out there. I'm amazed at how lucky I was to have gotten him. The insurance gets to me when I am forced to see doctors I wouldn't if I had the choice. Right now I am getting ready to have surgery on Tuesday with a doctor I don't want to have. It's not even about his skill as much as his bedside manner. He was told some wrong information and decided to have a meltdown while on the phone with me. I don't want to get into specifics... but it was pretty insane. The worst part was when he said I was not a patient but an employee and had no right to say anything negative. He never apologized, even after learning that he was wrong. Today was going to be my big day. I was going to finally see him and decide if I could go through with the surgery. After waiting an hour and a half I was greeted by a Fellow who said she would be assisting on the operation and my doctor was out of town until Monday. WTF!?! After going through the motions of signing all the paperwork I walked out in tears. By the time I got into my car I was crying. I don't even know how I made it home. After crying to my doctor and my friend I emailed the surgeon to call me. There's no fucking way I'm going to let him operate without clarifying his intentions. Now I'm back to the waiting game and feel absolutely miserable. Yeah, I'm going to be pleasant to be around...

Just a few of the things that I have been going through this week. The fan for my heatsink died, leaving me computerless for a couple of days. I was not amused. I've been getting ready for my pre-op appointments next week so it added to the 'not so happy' phase. Hopefully those will go well and I will be on my way to a healthier me.

Oh, and last night I got a rude awakening from my boyfriend. There I was, sleeping like a baby when Jake stumbles to the bathroom. A few minutes later he stumbles back in and plops down on my bad knee. You know, the one I've already had surgery on ONCE? Yeah, so anyway... I kicked him off the bed with my other leg and he starts griping at me. I'm in a fetal position trying to breath and he's bitching about being kicked onto the floor. I should have kicked him in the head. :P

I hate when I can't sleep. Everytime I tried to sleep I kept thinking about the reports I had to do. I would close my eyes, try to think of anything else and BAM! Be right back to thinking about work. I finally got up at 4AM and did the damn report. I should have done it last night... 20/20 hindsight, right?

I also did something to my hip that's mildly concerning me. I have some joint pain and no bruising. At first I thought I might have banged my hip on a table, but the pain is a little different. It's deeper and only hurts when I try to cross my legs. The only thing I can think of is when my hip popped while we were... well... Yeah, it popped. This oughta be interesting to explain to the doctor.

This scale situation is making me crazy! We ended up buying another scale. After entering the info I stood on it and... it was off. WTF!?! I kept standing off and then on, each time a slightly different weight. Then I started moving it around the bathroom. I wanted to scream. Finally it got close to what my doctor's office said I was and I just gave up. I realize the bathroom is uneven (thank you California Earthquakes and bad designing) but this is rediculous. Now we have two scales I don't trust. *sigh* At least I lost 23 pounds from this diet. Yay!

I really do. I point it north and gain two poinds. point east and lose three. We paid a lot of money for a scale to track my weight lose and now all I can say is I roughly lost 19 to 22 pounds. I feel like we bought Jake Sparrow's compas and am trying to find what I really want. I want to lose weight! How ironic that 'north' is pointing to where the kitchen is. Maybe the scale is threatening me. You go in there and prepare to see THIS! Bastard....

I am so annoyed. We are down four people at work right now. My one friend just retired, one girl has the flu and is out til Monday, one has unknown medical issues and is out until August. Then there's the forth one. She came in two days ago and started crying at her desk. I thought someone had died. She ends up going home and calls the boss later on saying the doctor put her out for a week because of stress. I didn't bother asking why. No personal issue needs a week. Then she bops in the office yesterday to drop off the note and you'd swear she just got laid. She was happy. She was laughing. She was literally hopping up and down in her cubicle laughing. I wanted to rip her fucking head off. She comes over as I am talking to the temp agency saying, "We need anyone who can imput data at this point. We're hurting." She smiles, hands me the note and goes back to talk. Considering we are so behind there's no time for chit chat. I walked over, pissed off and asked if everyone was okay with the backlog. One coworker followed me back to see if I was okay. Then she says, "So did she give notice?" WTF!?! Apparently she's leaving the state on July 1st. No notice, either. So she's going to get ready to move, come back and maybe give a weeks notice. I was beyond livid. You just don't do that shit. My boss hired her, gave her a raise and we were all really good to her. I don't understand where people figure they can say 'Fuck it, I'm not transferring' and just screw their coworkers by not giving notice. At least we could start the interview process sooner. My boss says to let it go. What goes around comes around. Usually that's my line. This time I said, "Yeah? I hope what comes around is a swift kick in the ass."

Why oh why do people have to come to work sick? My coworker comes in at death's door and starts hacking up shit right next to me. She can't talk above a whisper and is in need of medical attention. So what does she do? Come to work and infect everyone there. I swear, we have got to have the sickest group in the hospital. Someone's always taking off for doctors appointments or calling in sick. The past two days we were down four people. Everyone was put on doubletime duty. Now that my one coworker decided to come in and cough all over everyone I'm expecting a meltdown any day now. All I can say is that if I get sick I'm going to kill her. Or at least give her the most painful noogie she's ever had.

My boss is coming back to work while still recouperating from pneumonia. I am not thrilled. Besides the fact that she should be resting I don't want to get sick. I get pheumonia every time I get a cold and I don't need her bringing in a ready made germ. I loathe when people come to work sick. It's so inconsiderate. Just stay home and get better. No one gets brownie points for bringing their colds to work. We have a coworker who insists on coming to work sick. Everytime I hear her cough or sneeze I want to spray Lysol over the cubicle wall. Well, it's off to work. Red Team, Go!

I don't get it. I go to bed at 8:30pm and still feel like shit when I wake up at 5:30am. I just think we're not meant to get up that early. Period. I take multivitimins, plus an extra B12 and still move like the dead. I don't even want to think about that 'I'm just getting old' mind set, either. I loathe when people start talking like that. You might as well plop yourself in a rocker and drink prune juice all day. My new friend from SU, Joepa, seems to be burning the candle at both ends every night and still manages to drag his ass to work and be productive. When I took those classes on Thursday nights I thought I was going to die Friday morning. I used to have so much fun.... *sigh* Time for another change. Soon... Soon...

So I lost five pounds. I chugged 16 to 20 glasses of water a day, cut down on my carbs, traded in my condiments for low cal shit and started exercising (kinda sorta maybe when I'm in the mood). It's been the first time in a while that I really tried to lose weight so it felt good to actually succeed. Plus we're eating better and feeling better. They say it takes thirty days to change a habit. So I have about seven days left of feeling hungry and cranky. I hope.

This week is a bitch. Seriously. I have been dragging my ass to work and not been able to concentrate. Monday was kinda understandable. The first day of the week is always a bitch. But this is Wednesday and I'm still feeling like two pots of coffee won't even touch this mental exhaustion. Jake has to leave 30 minutes early which *should* help me to leave on time but I feel like I'm going to be screwed without his prodding me out the door. Thank goodness for the long weekend coming up.

I called in sick again and my boss was pissed. There was a huge report due today that wasn't finished. I felt bad until she started in with 'I gave you extra time' shit. The two weeks prior were taken up by Thanksgiving and her constant little tasks. Everything was priority and even when I told her that I needed to work on the Month End reports she stacked more shit on my plate. I was waiting for the AAs to add the missing information so I could complete that report. When I gave the sheets to their supervisor I got 'they don't have time to do this' and she handed them back. Fine. I went to my boss and asked what I should do and she took the sheets, saying they had to make time since it was information they left out. Lovely... Away went my report and that's the last I heard if it. When I mentioned it to the boss today her response was, "Well I guess I gave it to them then!" She was one step from yelling. I finally said, "Look. I've been sick all last week and came in to do the reports. Now the hives are bad and I can't wear clothes. You know I'd come in if I could. I did last week." After that she said "I know" a couple of times and then started complaining about having to do the reports herself. I offered for her to send them to me so I can do them from home but she ignored me and hung up. I am sooo not looking forward to tomorrow. I have to go in, but I dont want to hear the flack. I just need to keep repeating, 'You gave me twice the work on top of the other added tasks not counting my own and expected me to do it in half the time." If that doesn't work I'm going to start looking for a job pronto. This is bullshit.

/ rant

After five days of people smoking in Texas I came home to a lovely sinus infection. Oh joy. Oh rapture. Now my face is swollen and my nose is bleeding from all the blowing chunks of snot out. Did I gross anyone out yet? Deal with it. The worst part is my doctor said he'd send in an order for Keflax and shot off an email to his staff to do it. That's like talking to air. They have gotten better but still seem to fuck up when I really need something. So last night I got off early only to drag Jake to the pharmacy for an empty order. Bah. I emailed my doctor and threatened to take pictures of the snot and send it to him. :p

What was funny about the smoking was that they knew I was allergic. Their fix? Stand right outside the room and smoke while a fan blew the smoke right in. I didn't want to point out the obvious so I just dealt with the consequences. Oy. It reminded me of the Smoking VS Non Smoking sections in restaurants. Same ventilation only tables apart. It was more like the smoking VS deal with it sections if you ask me.

I am FINALLY getting my tooth fixed today. I've been wearing a temporary tooth for over a month and it's definately nearing the end of it's usage. Being so far away from my dentist sucks. I used to be able to walk across the street from my old job location. Now I have to take a day off. Well... I don't HAVE to. But it's a great excuse. Otherwise I have to leave early and pray that I gave myself enough time to get there. 45 minutes to drive 13 miles sucks monkey balls.

I think I broke my toe. I was so busy yapping away as I walked to my car that I didn't see the cement barrier and tripped over it. I didn't fall but I smacked the hell out of my foot on it. Now my toe is swollen, hurting like a mother fucker and purple underneath the whole nail. At least I dont have to go to jury duty tomorrow. I'd rather spend my day whining at work. :p

My ear problems continue. I had a CT Scan on Friday to find out more about what's going on. I'm off for another week (with no sick time left) and the pain seems worse today. *sigh*

At least Bane finally gave me an updated stats to play with. *hugs stats* I love it! I've also entered the album art, artist art AND lyrics for all of my music on the MP3 Playlist that Bane created. I've been a busy little bee in pain. :p

So I had my MRI, which was a nightmare. I didn't know I was claustrophobic until they tried to squish me into this tube. I freaked, the WONDERFUL tech pulled me out and sat with me while I cried. I called my doctor who said I HAD to do it and prescribed me Aviton (a derivative of Valium). I went in six hours later and my doctor emailed me the next day: "You have a bad, deep otitis externa AND mastoiditis. Make a follow-up appointment with the Head and Neck surgeon." I freaked. I can't even see him until Friday at 7:30am. Right now I'm just nervous about what is going to happen.

To all my friends: Thank you so much for the wonderful support you have given me and for understanding my flakiness. Hopefully this will be over soon (crosses fingers) and I can get back to some sort of a normal life.

I wish... I spent Saturday in the Emergency Room, after not being able to lie down. I couldn't put any pressure on my head without shooting pain. I kept expecting to see a rod pierced through my skull when I looked in the mirror. The doctor did the usual examination, then walked passed me and yanked my ear. I almost jumped out of my chair. I yelped in pain and looked back at him. He had a slight grin on his face. Bastard. He explained afterwards that he needed to do that so that he would know what kind of infection he was dealing with. No pain meant inner ear. Oh Dear G-d no that hurts pain meant outer. He told me this while standing a safe distance away. Smart move. Six years of medical school and he uses slapstick to diagnose me.

As I was leaving he mentions that I may have MRSA. Back the surgical scrubs up... That is the kind of thing that hospitals dread. He said not to worry, that it's the OTHER kind of MRSA. Oh great, I may have the poor cousin of a health problem. He couldn't diagnose me without cultures, so I'm going to wait to speak with my doctor before completely losing what's left of my self control.

To the person who emailed me with a suggestion: Thank you so much. That was very kind of you. :)

The ear infection is getting worse. Last night I called my doctor crying, begging for him to either cut off my ear or give me pain meds. He opted for the pain meds. At this point I wish he'd just cut the damn thing off. No matter WHAT I do it hurts. Now I know why kids scream when they get ear infections. Anyway, I'm off to curl into a ball and pray for sleep.

I hate the heat. Seriously, I loathe it. It's so fucking hot here, and we don't have any air conditioning. We've got fans at all the windows and a big fan that we move from the den into the bedroom when we sleep. I don't care HOW high using an AC makes the electric bill go. I'd pay it just to sleep through the night and not have to drag the fan around.

"At night you can hear her bitching and moaning, scuffing her feet and scraping the fan against the ground. The room gets really warm and suddenly she appears, shrieking "I WANT YOUR FAN!"

I could happen...

But I'm feeling really shitty. My ear infection went into my sinus. Now the left side of my face aches. To top it off I went to see an ENT and he wants me to get a CT Scan. Bah!

I want to call into to work so badly, but with both bosses out it's going to be insane. One more reason to want to call in sick. :P I never thought I'd be happy to see the boss back.

Okay, I'm done now. *munches on chocolate*

My ear looks like I have leprosy and it's going to fall off. Okay, maybe not that bad... but it's still icky. I have some sort of infection on the outter ear that I had to see the doctor over. Most doctors bitch at their patients for not taking care of themselves... Mine bitched at me for not updating the Thong gallery. I love my doctor. :D

I'm cramping and bleeding. There, I said it. When I was growing up 'girl stuff' was strictly for chicks to talk about. Nowadays it's a topic everyone deals with. The other night I was fussing about not feeling good. Bane asked me what was wrong. Out of habit I hesitated... only to have him say, "Are you cramping?" It made me smile. I keep forgetting how comfortable people are with normal bodily functions these days. Some say it's being brought up with girls, or dealing with their mom... but I think it's something more. I believe we are more open about it in our classrooms and with each other.

When I was 10 we had a sex ed class. They shuffled the boys into one room and the girls into another. From there we watched an old film on how our bodies are changing. They lightly touched on the boys changes, and when the film ended we were shuffled out again, no Q&A session offered. The boys were talking about how girls change when their breasts get big. I was already a B cup so all eyes were chest level at me. Lovely... I got my first dose of what would be the typical introduction stare from the male gender.

You can stop here unless you want to read embarassing girl stuff. Two weeks later my dad took me whale watching. I started feeling sick and headed for the cramped bathroom. Back then toilet paper consisted of folded over sheets, about the size of two crackers. I had started my period and was stuck in the bathroom for most of the trip. When I told my dad he started getting teary eyed. "My baby's becoming a woman." I wanted to die. He took me to the market and had me buy a box of Stayfree pads. The package was huge! I could slap on 4 wheels and make a go cart out of it. He made me carry it all the way to the front, which was torture. I was redfaced, and just wanted to go. I told dad not to embarass me. Fat chance. When we got to the cashier he blurted out, "My baby started her first period. She's becoming a woman!" People at checkstands on both sides of us looked over, and I wanted to crawl under the stand and die. The checker gave me a smile and looked a little sad. Now I know why.

And to complete the humiliation on me: Three months had passed and my mother asked where all the pads where going. What I wasn't told was when my period ended I was supposed to stop wearing them. Needless to say, I felt like a complete moron when she started taunting me about it. My dad tried cheering me up about it... but his giggling only made it worse.

Back to the present. I look forward to the stress of worrying about my job to be over so I wont be bleeding every two weeks. Oh yeah, and will someone please tell my boyfriend that trying to make me feel better by saying it might be pre-menopause is NOT going to help. KTHXBAI!!1

I am so glad that it's Friday. There is nothing I want more than for this day to be over so I can go to bed and sleep til noon on Saturday.

My boss had this momentary lapse (of course) where she forgot that I was not going to be on the phones. Aparently she didn't let anyone else know and they all went to lunch. With one person on the phone she came out to find out what was happening. Naturally she looked towards me, like it was my fault she fucked up. I gave her an 'oh hell no' look and her anmesia wore off pretty quick. She is bound and determined not to help us on the phones. It's funny, actually. She keeps saying how she's worried about her job, yet won't make the extra effort to show that she's a valuable employee.

Happy Friday!

I'm back at work... kinda. Since my voice is trashed and I'm still coughing like I have cholic I don't answer the phones. Basically, I do my work and everyone 'realizes' that I can't relieve them at the last minute. I'm not backing down on this though. The only reason (besides money) that I am here is because my boss said I didn't have to be on the phone. I'm holding her to that. I can't wait until this cough is gone. I feel like I should be balancing a ball on my nose.

I stayed home again, much to the dismay of my boss. My voice is still not back and I'm still coughing like a seal. Considering my job is answering phones all day it's not exactly like I'm fit to chat. My boss calls me at 3pm to tell me they're sending some illness leave papers. I'm going back tomorrow, no matter what. I can't afford to be off any more days without pay. Oh well, they'll be wasting a stamp as far as I'm concerned. Just think how this could have been avoided if my coworkers stayed home instead of infecting the whole fucking office.

After a week of begging for death (not really) I am finally getting better. Now... I have to go back to work. The worst day is the last day before you go back to work. I'm not quite well enough to go in but not sick enough to sleep. Today I'm going to lounge around, surf the net, harrass my boyfriend, annoy my best friend and think about all the great jobs I could do from home so that I never had to go to work again. Of course I would be spending way to much time fucking around and end up poor... but that's besides the point.

Figures... I start a new blog and get deathly ill so that all my rants are me whining about being ill. Meanwhile I'll be auctioning off that lung that I seem to be coughing up on e-bay. It's stuffed with phlegmy goodness from the heart.

I am sick. I am on meds. I HAVE to go to work on Monday... and yet I feel guilty about calling off a lunch date. A chick that I used to work with moved across the country to get away from whatever. Now she's miserable in another part of the state. I hung out with her a couple of times, but do not consider her a friend by any means. She's more like another lost soul that I tried to help find some happiness. Some people find lost puppies... I find lost people. Anyway, she decides to come to California for a couple of days and meet up with people. My other coworker aparently ditched her and now she's expecting me to meet her for lunch. Did I mention that I'm sick? We're not talking flu here, we're talking pneumonia in the making. The last thing I wan't to do is leave this house and sit in some booth hacking, coughing and blowing my nose. I am not a pretty sight. The term 'death warmed over' comes to mind when I look in the mirror. I'm... I'm whining. Maybe if I whine enough she will call it off herself. Fuck it... I'm going back to bed.

"Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
Oh my lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola lo-lo-lo-lo lola"

When I get sick my voice tends to drop. Right now I think I could sing bass. My manager called and I answer the phone. He thought I was Jake... Lovely. My voice went from sexy Kathleen Turner to macho Ving Rhames in a day. I think I'm going to mentally scar my boyfriend when we have sex tonight. Heh.

As technology moves ahead in leaps and bounds we have alienated ourselves. Take my doctor for instance. Great guy. I email him my symptoms and he tells me what to do. It seems like a great plan until I really get sick. His phone nazis make it all but impossible to get ahold of him and now I am at the mercy of twits writing down messages and him checking his email.

An older man called and complained that he couldn't go through our phone system. He only owned one phone and it was a rotary phone. He started to yell, saying that he shouldn't have to change his phone to get ahold of a g-d damned human. At the time I brushed it off as an old man refusing to move forward with society. Today I see a man who weeps for the society that once was. Either way he's SOL, but I feel for the guy.

Being sick sucks monkey balls. My coworker felt like she just HAD to come into work while coughing up a lung and now everyone is sick. There's nothing like a room full of red eyed, runny nosed women coughing in unison to kill your sunny disposition. Now I'm sick, my boyfriend is sick and we're vying for pity. I think I have him beat though. Unless he can produce a uterus my cramping and PMSing will give me victory in the pity race. Go me.