This weekend went by so fast it was sick. Saturday I spent six hours at the mall. Again... SIX HOURS. I walked. I tried on clothes. I walked more. I... whined. In the end I managed to buy a few new outfits and enjoyed some bonding with a coworker. I think I would have bonded MUCH better over some drinks and cheesecake, but ya know. I'm still trying to work out the details of next week. And by 'work out' I mean find out what the hell I'm doing. I don't have a start time. I don't have a location. I don't have shit as far as information. So yeah, I'm a bit on edge. My OB came in today in the usual grumpy Monday mood with an added snarkiness to make the day even more fun. Luckily for me she's in a meeting til at least 11:30am. Then it's showtime. I'm going to have to show her how to do the reports and hope she doesn't bitch at me for my 'get it here' instructions. After all... she WAS the one that taught me everything I know. As if...

I want details! I want descriptions! I want to fucking know every time they breathed. My friend, on the other hand, wants to summarize a VERY important conversation. She ended it with a "Don't worry. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be." Fuck that shit. I want to worry. I want to know. I want to panic. I want to fret and dissect the conversation for any innuendoes that may mean something but most likely mean absolute dick. Right now I feel like I'm going to burst and the only thing I can say is 'I'll let you all know soon... either way'. As it is I feel like the 'either way' is not going to be a happy one. *sigh*

I recently learned that someone I thought of as a friend was talking behind my back. Yeah, I know... junior high school shit. Still it hit me hard and I've been trying to deal with it. I really liked this person too. We post on the same forums (Sims related) so it's been hard for me to even enjoy the place.

Bullshit background: I like to thank people for their creations on the forums. I can't seem to create anything worth uploading and admire the hell out of those who try and succeed. I want to be supportive. I want to encourage new people to keep trying. Team player and all that... Most of the time they are objects I download for personal use. But there are quite a few that I thank without the download. It's not even a matter of quality. If I see something that I personally wouldn't use but think is absolutely adorable I want them to know. Why waste bandwidth to let someone know they did a good job? I never liked the 'It's not something I would use' comment. I don't see the need. The important part is that someone is sharing something they did and wants feedback. I'm more than happy to oblige. The mean person PMd a friend saying they basically didn't like me because of this. They felt it was pity posting or something like that. They also slammed my friend's work saying her friends only posted to be kind, and not because they liked her work. She posted about the conversation (minus the comment about me and the name of the person) because it really hurt her. Instead of just letting her vent and hearing what her friends had to say on the matter the mean person posted the PM (which was removed before I saw it) along with some very cruel comments about people who post without downloading. They left it with a 'I'd hate for them to come with me to buy pants' comment. This rubbed me raw. I felt like this was describing me to a tee. So much so that I deleted comments on creations of this person that I didn't download. Little did I know that they were talking about me.

The thread got out of hand and was locked. The person who was mean decided to pitch a hissy fit and delete ALL of their work and say they were only going to be on the main side (not the adult side). I was so appalled that someone would take creations from people who had nothing to do with the matter. It was so selfish. So childish. So... unlike the person I thought I knew. Then I was told about the PM. Ironically it was because the mean person accused my friend of telling me and she ended up having to tell me when asking if I knew. So now I was hurt and feeling humiliated. Worst of all, I felt like some sort of spammer. I didn't even want to post on threads. I felt like I was being judged. I went through my usual ask a billion people if I'm really that way and another person who I really liked said I kinda was. That made me feel even worse. Enough to want to leave.

A woman who I talk to a lot PMd me and I took a chance and told her about it (no names, etc..) Her response made me feel so much better. She reminded me of all the people who thanked me in posts and in PMs for being so kind and always saying something nice. One person called me an angel for making sure everyone had at least one post complimenting their work. My silly Moo was always supportive and then I got the PM I was dreading. I had asked a guy who I trusted to give me the truth. Brutal, but to the point. I half expected him to side with the mean person. Instead he sent a very detailed PM basically saying I was doing good for the community. That there is nothing wrong with thanking someone for their work, as long as you don't say you're downloading something that you aren't. I finally started to feel like the mean person was standing alone on this issue. If anything his comments hurt the community and it was better that he left. More importantly, I've seen him post on threads doing the same thing... so he was a hypocrite.

So now I'm trying to lick my wounds and join back in the fun. I figured it would be good to just get it out and be done with it. So there you are... the drama and it's closure. Except for when I bitch about the mean person... Cuz you know how I am. :p

birthday 2008
Originally uploaded by j00wish

The evening rocked my socks off. Cat and Mark showed up with TWO cakes (vanilla for my boring ass and chocolate to mix things up). We hopped in the dirty Rav4 and headed over to Houstons. Jake called beforehand and they said the earliest reservation was 9pm. He called at 5pm. We did it just in case and walked in to a 20 minute wait. Awesome... Two glasses of wine later I was feeling no pain and we enjoyed a great dinner. Once we arrived home I changed into something a little more comfortable (sweats... how romantic) and they brought out the cake. It was awesome. All sorts of awesome.

On Sunday I drove Cat and Jake up the wall trying to find new outfits. People think I'm joking when I give them the 'I HATE shopping and am miserable to be with' warning. Now they know... Monday I took the car in to get the damn radio replaced (thank G-d for warranties) and have it serviced. Tuesday... Tuesday I was a total bum.

I can't tell you the rest of my weekend just yet... but lets just say I was really happy with how it turned out.

As drama goes, I would rather chew on a mouth full of shit than have to deal with it. *puts away lunch* As with any community there's never a shortage of drama, no matter how mellow the place is. Lately the drama has been at the Sims site I love to go to. Incase you didn't want to read two posts down... and since I wrote out the whole fucking thing before realizing I had JUST wrote about it:

Two people start talking off the boards and it turns out the guy has a crush on the girl. Both say they are in a bad marriage and lust blossoms. They post ALL over the place how much they adore each other, and I sign up thinking said two are a couple. I learn of marriage issue later, and stifle it because it's none of my business. Then the woman's spouse finds the password and signs onto the site. Que the drama. She comes clean, tells him everything (two points for her) and that she wants a divorce. He asks for another chance and she says yes (a million points for her). Then the guy's wife finds the emails (don't these people delete anything?) and goes ballistic. She breaks his Sims discs and says she's leaving. He posts a dramatic I'm leaving thread which manages to piss everyone off because he sounds like a total pussy and tries to pull the victim card.

Anyway, the thread is still active and more people are chiming in with their views. My biggest concern is that they're going to start going after each other. One poster already told people his wife cheated on him and he caught her, so he's thinking of how the wife must feel if she reads this post. My opinion is that while I feel for the wife (even though all past conversations make her sound to be a real bitch) it's the guy's choice to even post on there. And since he decided to add the whole 'I was just being nice' bit all bets are off. The people went nuts and I even tried to make some sense of it all but couldn't without doing a little knee to the groin. If the guy would just shut up we'd all go back to our regularly scheduled fucking around and downloading custom content. Anyway, I'm sick and at home and not in the mood.

Sometimes people fuck up. Good people. Sweet people. Lonely people. A friend, who is married, looked to those she cared for to get the comfort and love that she wasn't getting at home. One guy popped up who showed her extra and an online relationship began. At first it was sweet. Teasing on the boards (not mine) and conversations. Then it became more and they were openly viewed as a 'couple'. I've always said she needs to break away first, then look for love. But that is someone looking in from the outside. I supported her and hoped for the best. The expected happened... her husband found the emails and looked on the board. They spoke and she asked for a divorce. He wanted a chance and she said yes, but it wasn't in her heart. This should have been a clue. A lesson learned. But instead of deleting the emails and laying low the guy manages to have his wife find them and she leaves. Instead of dropping the balls and accepting his choices he whined and said he'd made a huge mistake. Publicly. It was sooo not cool. Now my friend is trying to work through what to do next and deal with the pain of not having him to help her along emotionally.

It's been pointed out that I'm milder on the Sims site. I guess I am... considering I didn't rip him a new one when reading the post. I don't dislike the guy... I'm just not happy with his actions. A lesson (hopefully) learned and more drama to put behind for my friend, and one more reason for me to make sure the channels are open with Jake . I think we're doing pretty good as far as not hiding things from each other. We share IM messages, PMs, posts and phone call conversations. I trust him and I hope that he trusts me. Relationships can be a bitch, y'all!

I asked JakeD to pick up a nice birthday card for our friend so we can give her something other than a hug tonight when we see her. He came back with some retching Hallmark card. I'm still going to give it to her, but ya know... it made me wonder if the problem lies within the lame wording of the card or the ever growing cynical part of me. It was bad. It started out with "For a Special Friend" and ended with a "and I really, really like when it's your birthday. Because then I get to let you know how much you mean to me". Personally I would drive pens through my eyes if I got something like this. But I'm hoping to liquor her up enough to where it seems like whispers from G-d. Then liquor her up more so she pukes on it and we have to toss it... and all that's left is a vague memory of an awesome card that meant the world to her. Yeah... that's the plan.

I'm always amazed when someone who's a wonderful person gets cheated on. They've got all the traits of what every man or woman has been looking for... and yet the person who found them can't keep their legs closed long enough to appreciate the gem they've found. They love you. They want to spend the rest of their lives with you. They... just can't seem to live up to the words.

A friend of mine just told me that they are single again. A long time relationship just ended after said signifiCUNT other decided to cheat on them while they were away for five days. Five days. A lifetime of trust down the drain because they couldn't respect the person they were with. I don't believe the 'it just happened' bullshit either. You don't even go down that route without consciously thinking about it. You have to want it. I look at guys all the time and it never goes beyond that. The idea of 'I wonder what he'd be like' never even enters my mind. Why? Because I have someone. Those thoughts are left for when I get home. The minute you start thinking about someone in a sexual manner you need to stop and ask yourself why. I don't mean long enough to buy a condom either. I'm talking stop, think and if you REALLY want that person then you need to talk with your significant other first. Give them the decency of making a choice too. If you want to act like a single person then you need to be one. One: simple respect. Two: What person wants to start a relationship with a cheating bastard? I'm just saying...

Last week Jake and I went out to eat with Cat and Mark. We sat at the table and our waiter, a large creepy guy, asked what we wanted to drink. It wasn't his creepiness that wigged me and cat out. It was... his voice. We both sat silently until he left and I leaned over and said, "It puts the lotion on it's skin". She practically jumped out of her seat yelling "YES!" We were both trying to think of why that voice sounded sooo creepy... and sooo familiar. The worst part? He totally looked like the guy. So the whole night we had Buffalo Bill serving us, each time he left we made jokes and gave each other glances. I kept thinking, "What if this guy has a girlfriend and the movie came out." You can't help but notice how similar they were. No way would I be able to 'do it' with someone who sounds like a psycho killer. Grumpy cowboy? Yeah. Psycho killer who wants to wear a woman skin suit? *runs*

Yesterday I was speaking to a friend who has MRSA (I have Community MRSA). Besides feeling frustrated with the healthcare system in general he was also angry about how our country reacts to it and the horrible news stories that gloss over it. I wrote this to him and figured I'd share it with you:

I can relate to so much that you are going through. Working in the medical field has given me an inside look at what happens. Having Community MRSA has given me a way too close look at what happens to those who slip through the cracks. Once you have it it's no longer about cures or even combating it. It's about containment. It's the same with MRSA itself. The news stories don't jockey around the health condition, it's causes and possible cures. Instead they feed off of the publics fear and insatiable desire for sensationalism. Cue the thunder, cue the lightning, a flash of truth and the rest is bullshit. And Joe Public seems to eat every word, not wanting to know if there's more out there and not interested in if it's the truth.

On September 11, 2001 I had my fill of television. What started with the OJ trial ended with the WTC. I had finally had enough. After that I sought for my news online. Carefully, using foreign news sources and becoming more globally aware. News that was kept from American homes ran front page in other countries. I peeked in on what we were watching and it was pure garbage. 'Hard hitting' news shows were soft punching propaganda. Health stories were no more than gossip. And gossip pushed down real news to third or forth story. I no longer look to our nightly news for resources... and I can understand how exasperated you are.

A few years ago one of our doctors was in the very beginning phase of a link to brain tumors and a *possible* cure. It was a theory. No tests had been run. She published a paper touting the possibility so that tests could be run. The media had a slow news day and flipped through the New England Journal of Medicine and found her paper. Imagine our surprise (and her despair) that they were saying UCLA had a possible cure for brain cancer. My office fielded hundreds of calls a day. I spoke with dying patients, begging to be a test subject. I had to tell them no trials were even set up and it would be years before she would have any. I went home crying every night... still hearing the echoes of weeping patients and loved ones whose hopes were lifted... and then dashed all because some bastard couldn't find a real news story.

MRSA is a bitch. I just got over yet another cold and a staph infection in my nose. Yeah... I felt real sexy. Every day I fear someone will bring a cold into work. A 24 hour crud for them is a week (or more) of misery for me... all the while hoping it won't go into pneumonia again. *hugs again tighter* I'm here for you.

I care for them so the temptation to smack them upside the head is diverted just enough to annoy the fuck out of me. Take my one friend for instance... the one that ended up helping my boss give me grief about the upcoming holiday season.

My friend: How about if we got together at whatever time you like over the Yule time xmas. Say on Tuesday the 25th. I don't want to mention xmas, Hoewever we have created a tradition. whether you like it or not. It is up to you

My response: I can't believe you went there. Oy. You can mention Christmas all you like. It's not like it doesn't exist... ass. :p The 25th is just fine with me. Again... ass.

I swear to G-d I'm going to list my religion as FSM and insist on having Friday Mass at work. A little garlic bread, some spaghetti and the funkiest music I can find... set on high. For the holidays I'll hang strings of pasta around the desk, along with some garlic cloves to really stink up the place. You want me to get involved in the holiday spirit? You got it!

Oh yes, the PMS is kicking in. I really miss the every other month deal. One month I'm a bitch, one month not so much. I try my best to dodge bullets by simply sticking to myself. I quietly play my Sims 2 game and keep the IM chit chat to a minimum. I've gotten pretty good at catching stressors before they get out of control. I've noticed a few people that absolutely drive me batshit angry around this time. Any other time and I can shrug off their comments. When the PMS hits I am going for the jugular and *then* asking if it's too much. Typical conversation:

Me: I need your opinion
Unfy: Okay
Me: See this thread? (sends link)
Unfy: Yes
Me: Okay, it ROYALLY pissed me off. Can I show you my response to make sure it's not too harsh?
Unfy: Go for it.
Me: Okay... "MUTHER-FUCKER. DIE IN A PIT OF FIRE YOU COMPLETE FUCK OF LIFE. I WANT TO RIP YOUR THROAT OUT AND SPIT DOWN YOUR NECK. YOU'RE A LOSER AND CANNOT BELIEVE YOU EVEN THINK THAT WAY. DIE! DIE! DIE! *spits*"
Unfy: Uhhhh.... I'd take out the spitting part
Me: Okay, thanks.

Unfy... The PMS adjuster. I think he just thanks the lack of G-d that he's on my good side. :p

Meanwhile last night I went off the PMS meter. It was pretty scary. I was searching for my peanut butter M&Ms and couldn't find them. I saved some just for these types of emergencies. When I realized that Jake ate them I went right into the zone. The psycho zone. On top of that I was feeling like shit (crampy, etc...), and my friend needed me to look up how to reformat his computer after he got an error. I even called Jake during his class (while he was taking a test) to bitch him out. Insanity ruled the household last night and Jake snuck in with a big ole bag of M&Ms held out infront of him. Smart guy... maybe next month he'll leave my sanity stash alone. Fucker...

One of my close friends who retired has come back to work as a temp to help us out. I love her to death... but she drives me batty at work. She always asks a million questions, seems to be a magnet for any computer issues (like I'm one to talk) and expects me to drop everything to fix her problem. Thursday morning I was not in a good mood and she was waiting for me when I arrived. I didn't even have time to flick my computer on before she was asking me to fix her latest issue. For some reason Microsoft Outlook just loves to freeze on her. Every day. Multiple times. The first five days I was patient. Now I'm ready to revoke her computer privileges. I feel bad because I adore her to death. I just wish I could adore her *outside* of work. At this rate I'm going to kill her before her assignment is over. Oy...

This weekend Jake and I went to see a friend from High School. Eileen and I lost touch for some reason or another and found each other on MySpace of all places. She's a special Ed teacher for kids and has two Autistic children of her own. She's married and lives in a nice house close to her mom.

It's funny how you expect people to be different after all these years, yet she was the same butthead I remember in high school. Funny, sarcastic and smiling. The ride there I talked a million miles an hour, trying to ready myself for anything. My nervousness wasn't about meeting her as much as it was about putting together gaps in my life. I've always felt incomplete, as if my past were bits and pieces of a whole. I've met so many people who had friendships since kindergarten that it made me feel like I was missing out. It's hard when talking about 'old times' refers to three or four years ago. Now I feel like I'm starting to find myself again. Memories I've suppressed are now just... memories. Good, bad... it's still a part of me. Of course, Eileen telling her mom about us hitch hiking was a memory I wished she could have forgotten. :p There's nothing worse then the wrath of a Jewish mom. heh.

The barbeque went well. Jake neglected to tell me about his online class having homework due so we had to leave early. I wasn't thrilled about that, but what are you going to do... except kill him. Her kids were typical kids, but you could see they had Autism. Eileen helped to take care of special needs foster kids growing up (usually under the age of 2) so she's the perfect mom for them. We planned on getting together sans the kids soon so it will be nice. I think the best part is finally having more friends that we don't just talk to online. Besides my work buddies we haven't had anyone to just hang out with until Cat and Mark arrived. That was a dream come true. We finally have a couple that we can talk about everything and anything with... who have similar views and interests. Hopefully they won't get sick of us. :p

Working in the medical field has it's perks. It also has it's annoying parts. People want free advice. They want to know it's going to work before they even try it... even if there's no guarantee that they will have the same outcome. Try explaining that to someone looking for a miracle. so yeah... this Friday I met with a friend's niece and talked about weight loss surgery. Here's the kicker: It was at a burger joint. Their choice, not mine. Jake and I met up at Hamlet's and ended up sitting for a half hour before my friend got there. Then another thirty minutes til her niece arrived. She was nice, funny and I think would do good with the surgery. Then again, this is a non medical opinion based on one meal. The hardest part is giving her information without touching on my personal opinion of the doctors/personnel. Surgically the doctor is excellent. Personally... not so much. But that was with me. Again, same thing with the staff. How I have to deal with them is completely different, so it's not fair that I even bring that into the mix.I spoke about it with my friend beforehand and she agreed that it wasn't something to discuss. Stick to the medical questions, leave the personality part out of it.

Saturday was decent, although I checked my PMS time-frame several times after having it out with Jake. Nope, not due. He was just being an ass. He wanted to go to Cat and Mark's house to play games. He also discussed with them about getting me to join. Bad idea. See... I don't play video games. I grew up before they were everyone's passion and personally get too stressed when watching. Plus, most of the games Jake plays makes me dizzy just to follow. I feel like I'm sea sick after a few minutes. Give me something silly like the Sims 2 and I'm happy. Anyway, he told me and I suggested they come to our place so I could fuck around on my computer while they played. He started the make me feel guilty and I got pissed. REALLY pissed. It's not fair that I should have to play something just because he wants me to. If I'm not interested... then I'm not interested. It took me half the night to get over it. In the end they had fun with their games, I downloaded a ton of shit for the Sims 2 game and all was good. In between we had a good meal, interesting conversation and the night ended on a positive note around 2 a.m.

Is the weekend really over? *sigh*

I have been sucked into the time stopping game called Sims 2. I'm playing the Nightlife expansion pack to be precise. I made a Mini Me and a Mini Jake in one game and just a Mini Me in another. Ironically the Mini Me and Jake Sims characters get along just like we do. Heh. My vote is to start off with the cheats until you get used to how it works. Cat was kind enough to endure all my questions and panic driven IMs until I got the hang of it. Some of the highlights are:

Diva: why are my Sims fighting?
Cat: uh oh

Diva: and it wont let me inside the house!
Cat: did you put on a front door?
Diva: yes
Cat: hmm

Diva: a bunch of sims came by too
Diva: so help me if that redhead ends up flirting with Jake I'll nuke it from orbit.... its the only way to be sure
Cat: ha ha ha
Cat: you can make him start a fight with her

Diva: dude, how do you just.... SEE them?
Diva: I keep seeing walls
Cat: hang on
Cat: there's a button that let's you change the way the walls work

Diva: I think they're dying
Diva: :(
Diva: how do I feed them?
Cat: pause the game

Diva: I died
Diva: :(
Cat: what?
Cat: oh god
Diva: she ate cookies
Cat: Um
Diva: *cries*
Cat: what did she die of?
Diva: she just fainted on the floor
Cat: is she still on the floor?
Cat: if the grim reaper hasn't come, it just means she fell asleep on the floor
Cat: because she needs to be told to go to bed
Diva: jake is sparkly
Diva: and she wont go to bed
Diva: stupid sims
Cat: I think I need to supervise you ;-)

Now that I've FINALLY sorta kinda gotten the hang of it, I'm really liking this game.

On Friday Jake started talking about getting a bookshelf for all his books that he has lying around and in a big ole box in the closet. After fretting about where we would put it I remembered that Cat helped re-design a house before using her Sims program. I called her up and asked if she could help. Within minutes I was being sent different options on where to place all of our furniture. Here's the current design and the one we chose. She even offered to come over and help with Mark so we could get all the heavy furniture moved. I cannot even begin to say how much I appreciate all that they have done for us. Besides being tired Mark still said yes and within a few hours we had everything in place.

The next day it was back to Hell. Ikea-Hell, that is. I cannot even start to talk about how much Burbank is like the fifth ring of Hell for us. Especially at that fucking store. The people are pushy, cranky and it's almost like war in the pick up area. After returning the extra flooring for a 200 dollar credit (yay!) we ventured our way back into the bowels of Ikea to look for a bookshelf. Jake wanted to high tail it out of there but I said no. I'll be damned if I was going to make another trip to this place... EVER (unless Cat or Mark needed something). We found a decent one and bolted for the door. After paying for the bookcase Cat suggested we head over to Islands for dinner. Since they knew where it was I waited for them to get their car. I thought I saw them and pulled out of my space (big mistake). When I realized it wasn't them I pulled to the side and hit the hazard lights and waited. Some complete idiot pulled up behind us and started flashing his lights. I rolled down my window and waived him on... nothing. He just sat there. He yelled something and I yelled back, "Don't you know how to go the fuck around!" With that I gave up and headed for the entrance... with the idiot in tow. He followed us all the way around the corner before parking and jumping out of his car. He slammed his door, stomped to the passenger side, opened and slammed that door too. It was... odd. We made it to the restaurant and tried to cool down while Mark laughed about how we manage to get the biggest idiots to deal with. We're lucky like that. :/

We have our floors! It took longer than I expected and the side panels still need to be put back... but the floors are in and *most* of our stuff is back in place.

Friday night Kitty and Caufield came over and we started ripping up old carpet. What we found underneath was stained carpet pads (probably from previous owners dog/cat) and cracks in the cement (Earthquakes, baby!). After getting rid of all that nastiness (the effects of which JakeD is still dealing with) it was time to pop out the floor boards and rip up the carpet tacks. I learned a lot about carpeting and flooring these past few days. For instance, uneven cement is a bitch to lay flooring over. Between earthquakes and sloppy work the floor underneath was bumpy. Still... the guys managed to bite the bullet and did a fantastic job putting the flooring in place.

You can check out the work in progress at my Flickr page. It's still a bit messy because of the extra flooring we have to take back (Yay for less cost!) and I don't want to put everything back until the side panels are back up. I want to extend a HUGE thank you to Caufield and Kittyroze, and with a heartfelt thanks to JakeD for all the hard work they did on these floors. I love em!

This weekend JakeD and I offered to go to Ikea and help cart the furniture to their new place. Rav4s are great for carrying large loads without looking too big. Anyway, after walking through the MANY sections of Ikea we made it to the end. Everyone was tired, our feet hurt and all we wanted to do was get the hell out of there. Caufield suggested I bring the truck around while they checked out. After finding a decent parking space in the loading area I called. "Uh, it's going to be a bit." Lovely... So I sat in the air conditioned car and waited. A minute later I felt a bump against my car. It actually rocked the car. I look over and some ditzy blonde is leaning her car door against mine. I jumped out and she quickly moved it. I was pissed. She finally got her stuff in and drove off. Not TWO MINUTES later I feel another car rocking bump. WTF!?! I jump out and this time the chick looks, and then ignores me. Her car is parked slanted so she can hardly open the door. I went into bitch mode.

Me: HEY!
Idiot: What?
Me: Move your fucking car door off of my car.
Idiot: What?
Me: Move your FUCKING car door off of my car. You're scratching the paint.
Idiot: What do you expect me to do?
Me: Park your fucking car correctly so you don't bump my car with your FUCKING car door!

By that time her friend had jumped out of the other side and led her away, closing the door. I stood there in the heat, staring them down. I could have spit nails by that point. Two minutes later (after having to move everything back out because they put the car keys in the trunk before piling the boxes in) they warily drove off. I loathe inconsiderate people...

This weekend I finally got to meet my online friend, Kittyroze and her wonderful boyfriend Caufield. We had a blast driving around and just chatting about everything and anything. They scored early on a great little apartment building and was able to enjoy their time in LA, which was bonus for me. It was nice to have people over who were down to earth and had similar views. Jake and Caufield were like two peas in a pod (inset spooning joke here) and we spent half the time teasing them. On Sunday we went to Jerry's Famous Deli and had an interesting conversation. Kitty and I had ours and Jake and Caufield had theirs. The people next to us watching in amazement, which was humorous in itself. I did the typical blonde move and managed to go from West Hollywood to the Valley in one wrong turn. Yay me.

They leave tomorrow to go and pack, which I feel saddened by. I know they're moving here but I had such an enjoyable time I didn't want it to end. I'm such a wuss.

It's been a while since I've met anyone in person that I've chatted to online. That's about to change. My goal has always been to meet people online and make new friends. To me that was as natural as joining a club or going to a party. Go for the conversation, stay for the people you click with. If you're lucky you walk away with some interesting discussions and some possible new friends. But online has always been taboo when it came down to actually meeting people. You had your online friends and your IRL (in real life) ones. I remember getting into a big debate with someone over the idea of an online community and stood my ground that it was possible.

The key to getting the most out of the online experience is to be sure of what you want. That means understanding what you are getting involved in. There are many places to chat, NoChickTrix included, where you can meet people and have an enjoyable time. There are also many places where most of the people you come in contact with are looking for a fight. The idea is to know when you are somewhere you can be yourself, and know when to shut up and stick to the topics at hand. I've seen too many people ripped apart for being too gullable, too nice or too emotional. There are a lot of cruel people on the web. I've seen the worst personality traits come out when mocking someone's death or misfortune. If it weren't for my little spot on the web I seriously doubt I'd still be online.

This summer I am going to meet two couples I've chatted with online. The first couple is a woman and her boyfriend that I met from Flickr/SU. For the most part we've just commented on various pictures, so it should be interesting to meet her in person. They seem like a great couple. The second is a long time online friend that I met on NoChickTrix. She's hopefully moving out to California in July with her boyfriend, a wonderful guy I also adore, and cannot wait to hear the official news. It will be nice to have someone to hang with and chat about everything and nothing. Right now most of my closer friends are online. As much as I enjoy our IM chats it's nice just to be able to grab some coffee and just sit face to face.

My next goal is to travel and see friends where they live. I can finally start to travel with Jake... and there's no house cleaning involved on my part. Scooooore!

I just don't have the emotional capacity to be there for everyone else in regards to Jennafer. Her EX boyfriend shows up on NoChickTrix Saturday and signs in as her. I was devastated. To see her name online... and to know that he was snooping through her personal stuff, it was too much. After a bout of crying I went into webmaster mode and changed all the permissions on the site. Fuck that shit. I also locked him out of her account. I think the hardest part was when her name dropped off of the Who's Online section. I broke down and went to bed for a while.

This morning the EX boyfriend signs up as a new member and posts a thank you thread. While I don't mind the words, I just felt an email would have been better. This guy took care of her better than all the rest for the longest time. Jenn Jenn finally had the support she needed to watch her medicine intake and curb her alcohol intake. It's hard to reign in someone like Jennafer, especially when her life was indoors for the most part. Between her mental illness and phobias she couldn't do much. But then he got hooked on crack. That is so foreign to me. Who the fuck takes crack? I think of homeless druggies on the street, not full time job and house mortgage. He lost the house, the job and Jennafer because of his addiction... and it really hurt her. He wouldn't let her have both dogs, which sent her into a panic attack. I had to try and bring her down. It's the only time I heard Jennafer cry.

I emailed him to stop posting. He was bringing up old threads and writing about his love for her. He even said he was 'Jen's man'. No... you're her EX boyfriend. Fucker... I can't be too harsh, because I know he loves her. Jennafer had a way of picking some of the WORST guys, but they all loved her. My baby was a heart breaker. In the end NoChickTrix was and will always be Jenn Jenn's place. She told me she was paranoid that he was spying on her and even signed up under another name to hide from him. If she didn't want him around in life I was damn sure not going to allow it in death.

Here's the part where I'm an asshole. The guy's hurting. He's reaching out for guidance. He is searching for comfort. I just can't be that person. Instead of consoling him and giving him comfort I gently gave him the door. I have always been there for people. I've always been the type to put my feelings aside and take care of theirs. This time... I need everything I have just to keep going. I don't wish him ill will and I hope he finds the support he desperately needs to move on. It's just not going to come from me.

I called the florist today to order flowers for Jenn Jenn's funeral. I spent an hour chatting with this woman about the different arrangements, how bizarre balloons were on them and misreading 'Sympathy and Remembrance' as 'Sympathy and Resentment'. After fussing about carnations (they look chintzy) and smallish baskets I picked a floral bouquet with enough colors to blind you. I was tempted to send the cheesy basket with a teddy bear attached, just because I know Jenn Jenn would laugh at that. But I figured her parents... not so much. As much as the funeral is a last good-bye to her, it's a way of grieving for them and I wanted to be respectful.

I'm a bit of a mess right now. A dear friend died unexpectedly yesterday and I've been at a loss. She had a Grand Mal seizure while in the bath and drowned.

She had some mental problems and phobias that made her an outsider of many people. I just thought she was wonderful. She could light up a room with her giggle and her antics were a source of laughter to many. From teepeeing the inside of the house to blasting the Rocky Horror soundtrack while dancing around in her Time Warp boots. She also managed to get involved with some of the biggest losers, and many calls were about leaving him or getting back together with someone else. I tried my best to be supportive knowing that anything else would be a losing battle. Jenn Jenn was going to do what she wanted to do.

She called me the other week incoherent at about 5am. She left messages and I finally picked up and said I'd call her back. I tried getting a number but she told me 'you know it' hung up. It was the last time I would talk to her. It kills me that I never spoke to her again.

I've been talking to her aunt, which is comforting. I think it's good for her too. Last night I tried calling her parents and ended up calling her ex boyfriend instead. I spent twenty minutes listening to him scream, yell, cry and trying to console him. He said they were getting back together and she was at her mom's house getting ready to see him. He told me how much she spoke of me and that I was very important to her. It made me feel better and yet a little worse. In the end we don't always get the perfect last good byes and I have to accept that. I know she knows how much I care about her and it's going to have to be enough to help me move on.

My dear friend is moving on. Moving past the bullshit, past the ickiness. Past... the DRAMA. Meanwhile I seem to be stuck in some sort of muck that is drowning me. What's worse is that I can't talk to my friend about it. Nor do I want to. He's managed to be in a happier place, filled with new prospects and a better handle on life and himself. He's learned what he needed to and managed to get out relatively unscathed.

Then there's me. StumbleUpon has always been a fun place for me. I've met some wonderful people there and had fun looking through all the different sites. That's how it should be. Along the way I've dodged the silliness that seemed to engulf peoples' lives, destroying what could really be a fun experience. Then again, these same people seemed to revel in it. If there was nastiness to be had, they'd dive right in... then holler like a child when they got bit. Or when someone took the bait. I couldn't help but wonder why someone would dive into what was destined to be a really messy experience. Yet here I am... staring at the bait.

I'm not a bad person, but I'm not perfect in any way. Nor do I EVER claim to be. But when I see someone making false accusations about me it makes my blood boil. That ex-friend who decided to out me? Well he's been making the usual 'poor, pitiful me' posts about being ousted from the place. Meanwhile he was the one that chose to leave. No one was evil to him. Granted, I didn't sugar coat my responses with 'but I wuv u'. That certainly doesn't mean I was nasty to the guy. Oh, and by 'leave' I mean post 'I'm leaving for a while, boo hoo' and then show up the next day.

The main reason I am at this point is that there are people I genuinely like at StumbleUpon. People who I enjoy chatting with. They also are friends with the ex-friend. One of which posted about wishing ill will on those people who 'chased him away'. That really bugged me. More than it should I guess. She doesn't know the whole story. That's the bait. If I jump in to defend my semi anonymous side of things it could get nasty. Most likely he'll say all sorts of lies (if he all ready hasn't) and I'll either be forced to be a part of the StumbleUpon drama that I have come to loathe or leave the place. One thing's for sure. If I do leave it's for good. None of this 'I'm leaving!' Then check for messages every half hour to see who begs for me to stay. *rolls eyes* Hopefully it won't come to that. Any advice, support, words of encouragement is greatly appreciated til this blows over. I need to talk about this with SOMEONE. :p

What started out as a relaxing weekend ended up filled with drama. That friend who decided to post about my weight loss flipped his lid when my other friend (his ex-boyfriend) told him it upset me. While it bothered me I wasn't going to mention it. I know the drama would outweigh the request to remove it. And oh how the drama flowed. I was PM'd at least twelve times, each one saying a different variation of the same thing. I tried my best to nip it in the bud, which worked against me. Apparently he was dead set on having the last word, even if it was irrational and wrong. In the end I woke up to one final PM, and the message that he blocked me. This is third grade stuff here... but I am semi relieved. No more messages, no more accusations, no more 'you talk to him and not me' bullshit. I lost a friend... but gained control of my PM box again.

To the friend who blocked me: Thank you for all your kindness. You've helped me through some tough times. You've been kind to me and I harbor no ill will towards you. Good luck on your life and I hope you find the happiness you need.

/ end friendship

This weekend was a blast. We spent ALL day hanging out with Audie and chatting. I chose The Cheesecake Factory for it's good food and nice atmosphere. I didn't factor in the parking though. $20 bucks later we were finally allowed to leave. Oy.

It was nice to finally meet some of the people we've been chatting with online. I've only met a handful so far (which includes Jake ) so I am hoping this is the start of meeting more NCTers. The biggest problem is trying to get to a spot where we can meet. Most of my friends are out of state or the country. A day trip to New York is out of the question, so I guess we'll have to wait a while before seeing others.

My only disappointment was that the waiter took the pictures and mine came out all blurry. Audie will just have to come out again to take more!

I survived the annual work party and managed to have some fun. We drove to my boss' house on Saturday afternoon, expecting the 'biggest storm of the season'. Yeah, so basically my car got washed. I think more water comes out of a car wash then the whole storm combined. You gotta love that California weather.

We were the first ones to arrive (figures) and helped set things out. It was nice to see my boss in a cheerful mood. Her husband even managed to show up (don't ask) and be pleasant. I love how I'm her assistant and he still has no clue as to who I am. And we've met several times. Soon the other guests arrived and we started to enjoy ourselves. The food was good, there was only ONE Christmas game to get through and everyone had a blast. We sat at the cool peoples table and talked about horse fucking and other bizarre news items that would have had the other guests running for the door. JakeD got roped into playing the White Elephant game... and scored a nice candle set. After that we were out the door. I wished my boss a merry Christmas and she gave me an odd look. "I'll see you on Monday." You'll what!?! Oh yes, I was the pillar of calmness. My friend laughed all the way to her car, talking about the expression on my face. Lovely.

We followed my friend/his boss who lives around there to see some gorgeous Christmas lights. The homes were incredible and the lights were professionally done. I would love to go back and see more closer to the Christmas holiday. JakeD We managed to get lost on the way back, but found our way. I'd rather be lost in a uber rich neighborhood then some backwoods psycho infested area any day. But that goes without saying.

I met my friend for brunch today. It felt so good to just sit and chat for a bit. She's having her house remodeled so she could relate to the trapped at home feeling. She was surprised at how much weight I had lost, which made me feel good. When I got home I was so tired I took a nap... from 1PM til 4:30PM. I can't believe how much energy it took out of me. I hope I can survive my first day at work. Maybe they won't notice me napping. :p

I had my first almost real meal. Minestrone Soup... blenderized. That's right... There wasn't a speck of anything in it but it was goooood. I ate more than I was supposed to (oops) but it was too good to pass up. I looked up the serving size after I finished the meal. My bad. So far no pains, etc... One thing I learned from this experience is to NEVER assume it's going to be a walk in the park. I figured I would have six weeks of needed vacation to lounge around and rest. The clear liquids would be a no brainer and what is one month or two compared to the healthier you? I should have mentally prepared for this. I was trying so hard to just get past the surgery that I didn't think about the recovery process. I feel bad for Jake. By the time he gets home he's worked all day and wants to unwind. Meanwhile I'm ready to explode from boredom and feel uber needy. Of course when I fuck up and do something I'm not supposed to (and hurt myself) he gripes at me for not asking him to do it.

My friend called today after getting back from Australia and I overwhelmed her with chatter. I was just so glad to talk to someone. I don't think she got a word in for the first twenty minutes or so. :D Finally I stopped the "MEMEME" and asked about her. Yeppers, I may be slow but I catch on...

I have met two new people from SU that have made my day. REALLY made my day. FunkyCaucasian is a fiery woman whose looks are only outdone by her personality. I spent the day chatting with her via PMs and I can tell you... she's incredible. I also met Phoenix3Arisen. A sexy guy with brains and a great sense of humor. SU is finally making up for all the slooooooow time by delivering friends!

In other news... I bitched out our mailguy today. It's a good thing we use the PO Box. He called to be buzzed in and I slooowly put on clothes and went outside. I was hoping for some sort of gift to lift my spirits. Instead I see him head back out the door. I called to him and asked what he had. He said, "Oh, it wasn't for you. I just needed to be let in." WTF!?! Then he asked if I was okay (I looked pretty shitty). I told him I had just had surgery (to lay in on the guilt) and next time try buzzing the door that the package is for. I thought about adding "idiot" at the end then thought better. Yay for grumpiness!

My weekend went by so fast. It's been nice to be busy. I'll get to that in a minute. Why does my boss think it's a good idea to call me at home and tell me about a report she needs ON A SUNDAY? I noticed a message on my cell phone from when we went to the movies. She called to tell me about a report that was needed... then ended by saying she'd forward me the email. *blink* Why not just forward the email? I can't do anything til I get to work anyway. Oy...

Anyway, we've been keeping ourselves busy these past couple of weeks, which has been really nice. Last weekend we shopped and spring cleaned, which which was long overdue. This weekend was dusting, and more spring cleaning. We're working on one area at a time, which is perfect. On Sunday we had breakfast with our friend and her husband. Afterwards we raced to Century City Mall to see The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. One word: Awesome. It was funny, full of action and special effects that made it even better than the first. There were a few moments that they I could have done without, like the father reinacting the breaking of the lamp, but the movie moved on to be all that I had hoped for. I think you need to see it again to appreciate all the details. Davy Jones' crew was amazing. You need to look closely to really appreciate them. The sword fighting scene was one of the best parts. I cannot WAIT until part three comes out!

Jake and I got together with one of my old coworkers last Friday for dinner and gossip. It was good to see her again. It's funny how I gripe about my job, and yet are able to meet all kinds of nice people because of it. We went to Marie Callendars and I totally blew my die.. err.... new eating habits. From there we went to her house for wine and chatted until the wee hours of the morning. I didn't want to drive right after drinking so it was perfect. It was really nice to get away from the computer for a while, even if I did feel like I was cheating. :P

I don't get it. I go to bed at 8:30pm and still feel like shit when I wake up at 5:30am. I just think we're not meant to get up that early. Period. I take multivitimins, plus an extra B12 and still move like the dead. I don't even want to think about that 'I'm just getting old' mind set, either. I loathe when people start talking like that. You might as well plop yourself in a rocker and drink prune juice all day. My new friend from SU, Joepa, seems to be burning the candle at both ends every night and still manages to drag his ass to work and be productive. When I took those classes on Thursday nights I thought I was going to die Friday morning. I used to have so much fun.... *sigh* Time for another change. Soon... Soon...

At least I feel that way. is a blast to use and I've met some really nice people there. I've also had some annoying people hit on me, which I pretty much ignored. It's the people who aren't quite blatant about it are the ones that are hard to deal with. I have one guy who keeps sending me messages to be my friend. We're talking multiple times a day. I said hello once before looking at his profile. "I'm interested in making friends of different cultures/religion so that I'll know more about the different cultures/religions. I'm more interested in girls/women." Of course you are, big guy. He hasn't even used SU to rate any sites, and he's added 86 people to his "Friends" list and they're all women. Well, except Joepa. But his avatar is a pair of tits so I don't think the guy knows it yet. I don't want to be mean, which is why I haven't responded yet. I've had a few others who contacted me who list their relationship status as "Open Marriage". WTF!?! I don't even touch those messages with a ten foot pole. Why take vows if you're still going to fool around? It's like you're still dating, but with all the tax breaks.

I was going to respond to the comments my previous post in the comment section, then went a tad overboard. Besides, it's easier to read here and I look like I'm updating. :P

Two everyone who commented on the previous post: Thank you all for the kind words. *hugs* How ironic that the people I actually say made my time on the web worth it commented. I'm just so frustrated with nothing working. It's more about everything that I like is not what any NCTers like. Someone suggests I start an NCT Flickr group, then it dies. I suggest other things that interest me, but no one takes a second look. I'm out of ideas at this point. It's also my disilusion with meeting people. Between the jerks who sign on with one thing in mind: Insults... to the person who vows to be a friend to the end and is no where to be seen.

Thaum1el: You're not a lousy poster. I'd rather have someone post when they see something that interests them than ten thousand LOLs. You also start new threads, which I have always been grateful for. You're one of the sweetest guys I know.

Dynamitt: Sweet sweet Dyna. Heart of gold. I don't mind if Imeem is not for you. It's not like I am basing my friendship on people who sign up, I just wanted people to like the same things as I do. If people don't then it's not their fault... but I am lost at who to share what I like with, you know?

Jules: Cow. I kid. I kid. I know you're busy. Hell, I helped to get a lot of that 'busy' over to you. Now two friends are together and two members are AWOL. Hehe. Seriously though... You're always there for me and understand what I'm saying.

Dustin: (Everyone, this is Dustin. A great guy I met at IMEEM.) I can't imagine you not having lifelong friends banging at the door. You're such a good guy who knows just what to say. I'm not sure of what I will be doing on the web in the future, but I won't go completely off of it. I'd miss my friends too much. Especially the ones who commented here. They've always been wonderful.

Al: You know, you're the only person who took the Moderator title and didn't leave. I was beginning to think that it was a curse. You're also a wonderful and honest guy who I look forward to seeing in person. *hides pity pot* I know... I shouldn't be so down about it. But this isn't just a tantrum. I've been feeling this way more and more. Hell, I made NCT to be cheered up when I felt all was lost. That's why it hurts so bad. It shouldn't be the place that lets me down... or makes me feel like doing a chore by updating it. But the echoes get me to me. I simply don't know where to go with NCT anymore. Part of it is knowing I don't have any more time to devote to it than I already give. Like I told Dustin on his Imeem blog: Dreams hurt when they're something that is always just out of reach. That's when I start to question if it's worth dreaming.

Today is the last day working in Westwood. It's been my second home for nearly 18 years. Onward to the new jobsite. After the layoffs, reorganization of our department and my job duty changes I finally feel like there's an end in sight to this stressful period of my life.

I'm really nervous about what it's going to be like in the new area. I think the last day is going to be the hardest. I'm worried that I won't be able to get there in time, that the new place will have people hell bent on bitching about everything and that I won't be able to even go online during breaks.

I want to thank my friends who supported me through these times and understood my need for space. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. Sometimes the best friends are those who can sit quietly with you, and not have to speak. I knew you guys (and gals) were there and it meant the world. *hugs*

My friend arrived from Arizona today. I haven't seen him in a couple of years so it's a great to be able to kick back and chat. It's also a great excuse for me to take a couple of days off and relax after being bombarded at work.

The first order of business was to have some Tequila shots. Then he tackled our router problem. I finally get to annoy the neighbors. Go me!

Isn't it funny how friendships teeter on the edge of mortal enemies? When a stranger falls, you ask if they're okay... offer to help. Your friend? Laugh and point. Then tell everyone. When they say, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer..." It's not so you can keep an eye on them... It's so you can hurl them at your friends.

I can't take this anymore. Honestly... it's getting rediculous. I have a friend who I care for. He's a complete sweetheart. He's also driving me up the fucking wall. He went from a great guy that I enjoyed chatting with to someone who starts every conversation with 'Do you like me anymore' or 'Are you through with being stressed?' I used to be very comfortable talking to him. Now I dread the same questions. I asked him numerous times to understand that I am dealing with a lot of stress with the layoffs and move and to please give me some space. He responded by IMing and PMing me asking if we were still friends. I finally told him that I couldn't take it anymore and that we shouldn't talk for a while. I told him that I would contact him. He continued as if I said nothing.

This all started because he blurted out that he didn't like Bane, who happens to be my best friend. Bane, on the other hand, has no problems with him. Bane's only spoken to him once or twice and thought he was a nice guy. While I was flabbergasted, I respected his feelings. That didn't stop him from laying into me about how he felt about him. I finally put my foot down about it and asked him EXACTLY what he didn't like. He could never answer me. When he saw that Bane was posting more on NCT again he flipped. He sent me a bizarre PM saying that although he was never 100% on NCT (more like 3%) he was leaving it for good. This was right after I had told people that I needed to get away from all the online drama. Gee... thanks.

I hate losing friends, but I feel like he is forcing me to make a choice. His constant PMs, IMs and emails are borderline stalking. So far I've just ignored his messages (after the one that said not to contact me). This morning I woke up to two IMs, two PMs and FOUR emails... all saying the same thing. I lost it. I emailed him back saying to stop all contact. I told him that he was making me miserable and to just STOP. My next step is to just be a raving bitch... or sick my boyfriend on him.

Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer when this huge bug flies onto it. It's wings are almost as long as my index finger. At the time I was chatting with Bane on skype... so of course I yelled into his ear, jumped up and told Jake to kill it. He starts bitching about how it was tiny... never mind that when he saw a PICTURE of a snake on the screen he screamed like a little girl. I told Audie about it and she decides to be evil and send him a renamed photo of a snake.

Audie: i heard Diva keeps sending you snake pics.....so here is a nicer pic so you wont have to scream.....

*** Jake has received bunnies.jpg.

Jake: I'LL KILL YOU BOTH

Then he asks me to come over and click the picture off... And he calls me wimpy. :P