Yeah so... once again our DSL has been down the whole weekend. That's TWO weekends in a row... starting on Friday. But this time there was a twist. After the usual tier one support that we've all come to know and loathe I decided to call back the next day for an update. The next guy, from Canada this time, starts asking me questions and I start describing the whole situation. When I get to the part where the modem keeps resetting he says to stop. Then he asks if I told the person this yesterday. After I said yes he gave a long sigh. It's not the connection, it's the modem. *grumbles* I was so outdone. We only got the modem two years ago so it's under warranty. That's the good part. We STILL have to wait for them to ship us out a new one. That won't be before Tuesday. The guy tried to make me feel better about the whole 'it's only two years old' bit by telling me how he had one customer go through SIX before getting one that worked. That did the exact opposite of 'feel better'. Jake and I spent the better part of the weekend driving each other nuts. We walked a lot, which was good. We also watched hours of Family Guy. Talk about mind numbing. Most people don't realize how connected they are through the internet until it goes down. Not us... we know EXACTLY how connected we are and go absolutely apeship when we don't have it. We're perfect for each other!

So this weekend our DSL went out. After the initial freaking out I started the usual unplug/reboot/blah blah blah tier one tech support bullshit. Nothing helped. The internet light was off and didn't want to come back on. I took a deep breath, counted to twenty then called tech support. Ten minutes later I got some chick who called herself Mary with a thick Indian accent. I bit my tongue and explained everything I did... step by step. Sure enough it was a waste of time. She made me redo each step, asking if I've done this (even though I already said I did) and continued on with her script. Tier one tech support sucks balls. After making some strange statement about the modem possibly not working because of my computer I called bullshit. She got pissy and I called her on THAT too. Then she asked if I had a router. I said yes, but that the modem was connected directly to my computer. She kept insisting that I tell her what router it was, even though I wasn't using it. After telling her so we could move past it she announces there's an issue (no shit) and more tests need to be done. If the internet doesn't come on by Monday it will be escalated and a tech support person would call me. Oh joy. Oh rapture. Monday comes and I decide to call them from work. That's right, work. Fuck their 'you must be in front of your computer' bullshit. I call and some guy says all is well. There was something changed on their end that needed to be updated. Could they *be* any vaguer? Meanwhile Jake gets to go home early (bastard) and there's no internet. ARGH! We tag team call Verizon and I get someone first. The guy gets tired of me asking Jake questions via text messages and calls him directly. Internet back up in less than five minutes. Yes! Now comes the fun part... hooking up the router and seeing if it works. *sigh*

When I first started on the web I was a normal American internet surfer. I lived in my bubble where foreign news was a blip on the screen and nothing more. Two seconds of a statistic. A death count. Then on to fluffy kitties and children who did lame science projects. I was pro military, pro death penalty and everyone loved the US in my eyes. And why wouldn't they? After all, we had ALL the technology, the medical breakthroughs and good will donations. When I first saw anti-American sentiment I was shocked. How could they not like us? More and more negative comments came up and I chalked it up to ignorance. After all, they didn't know us. Then 9/11 hit and the world came flooding in. Slowly my eyes opened, REALLY opened, and I saw what other people saw. The bullying. The arrogance. The facade. Our media fed us Grade A American Born propaganda and we joyfully swallowed each bite. After all, we were the good guys.

Six years later I am still forming a more enlightened opinion of the world and our role in it. I support the military, but not it's actions. The death penalty isn't a deterrent... and is hard for me to support. My country... that's the hardest one. Someone asked me how I could love ground. That it made no sense. To them, the only place you should feel a sort of dedication to ends at your front door. I can understand his point, but I am not ready to make that change. I probably never will. For all our mistakes it's still a great place to live.

The hardest part for me is to read comments from people just starting on the web. The 'unenlightened' souls that swear the US of A is the best place to be and our military is nothing short of heroic. They beat their chests and swear we're the most powerful country and everyone else just needs to follow our lead and it will be okay. G-d help those who don't. One nation, ONE religion and everyone else is tolerated... but barely. Racism is okay when it's against those who are different. Our Constitution is just like the Bible... Unless the Bible has different ideas. The worst part is that they don't want to learn. They don't want to know how others feel. They just don't care.

One world. One life (seriously, shut up). One kind. Simple rules we all can follow with this in mind. I wonder if we'll ever get to the point of breaking down the walls that keep us from growing. If we can just get past the borders....

I have no internet connection. *cries* Here's my saga...

Last week I called my DSL/Cell phone/telephone company about my bill. $200 a month was just too much with everything going on, especially when $70 of it was to my telephone line, which I never use. After talking to a guy who told me I should be getting some Triple Freedom discount for using all their products I mentioned that my DSL plan was still on the 768kb download speed and I hated how I couldn't get a faster speed. "Of course you can!" said the cheerful employee. "You can get 3mb on a newer relay." Heart be still... And since I was on the OLD DSL setup I was only able to get the Double Freedom discount (whatever) but they could switch me over and all would be better. Of course, there would be a three to five day downtime of internet access... *choke* From that point on it has been a complete nightmare. Here's the timeline of errors for posterity:

6/15/07:

* I spoke with a nice guy who said I would be able to get a Triple bundle discount if I upgraded my DSL from the Relay Frame (old kind) to the ATM Frame (newer kind). I said sign me up! And he transfered me to the DSL section. Only downside: 3 to 5 days without connection

* I end up in the Philippines. Another nice guy listens to what I want and says he will put in the order. They will send me a new modem (for free) since mine is ancient and I will get a call the next day about my order. He says no downtime is involved.

* I get home and a nice gal from tech support says she checked the line and doesn't see the problem I reported. I explain the situation and she says to call tech support and make sure the order is still on.

* I call Tech support and a nice guy says all is well and to expect a call tomorrow. Yippee!

* No call happens.

06/19/07:

* I call the DSL department and talk to a so so guy who tries talking me out of getting the upgrade. At least a week of down time, closing account and opening new one, blah blah... If you're happy with the speed stick with it. Oh, and no order was placed.

* I say fuck that but ask to be transfered to tech support anyway. I end up in India. Some nice woman with a shitty connection reads from a script and puts me on hold for 3 minutes/4 minutes/eight minutes for each question asked. I finally ask to speak to the person she's asking the questions to. She hurries me off the line, saying the order has been placed and that someone will call me to answer all my questions. I try to explain that I don't want ANYTHING done until I find out what the realistic downtime will be and she tells me someone else will tell me. She hangs up.

06/20/07:

* A nice guy who's local calls me to ask what the line problem is and I bite my tongue. I tell him the WHOLE story and he says I won't have any downtime, but I also won't have a faster service without ordering it. The only plus is that I can have the option to get a faster service on the new system. After explaining the way it works he tells me he has to call me back in about ten minutes because he is having some problems with ordering the new modem. I cheerfully say 'no problem!'

* Ten minutes later the guy calls back to say he can't order it. I can either order it through Verizon or on my own. Afterwards I can be changed. I was NOT amused. I politely (while gritting my teeth) say I think that it should be on them since EVERYONE has said I could get the modem and he asks for a day to work on it. After offering to call customer service and complain he talks me into waiting til tomorrow.

Again... I am NOT amused.

06/21/07:

* IT guy calls back to say that he will be able to send the new modem to me for free... but he doesn't know when. Aparently there's some problem with their system, blah blah blah... and he'll call me back once it's ordered.

* IT guy calls to let me know that the modem is on the way! Then he asks if the PO Box is okay for them to send it to... I say, "It depends. How are you sending it? UPS won't deliver to a PO Box." "I'll have to call you back." *screams*

* ...*siiiiigh* I get home and there is NO internet connection. I call the tech department and get some guy in India who tells me he has to look through the script even though I tell him the answer won't be on there. Then he puts me on hold to ask someone. Eight minutes later he tells me he's still asking and I ask to speak to a supervisor. TWELVE minutes later the only jerky guy I've ever spoken to at Verizon answers. He's stand offish and simply says, 'Yep, they changed it over. Yes, there is a note saying to wait until the 27th. I guess they just ignored it. You'll just have to wait until Tuesday for the modem. You can call billing tomorrow about temporary dial up, but they're closed now'. When I tell him that's unacceptable because we start online classes THIS WEEK he says, 'Tell the teacher Verizon says we're sorry'. Rather than explode I opted to say, 'Oh, this phone call needs to end NOW.' He started to read off the Verizon script then stopped and simply told me to have a nice night. I had my fill. I sat and cried for a good thirty minutes before calling friends for advice.

06/22/2007:

* I call Verizon and push the the first tier of tech support to the dial up section. After giving me all the info he starts to walk me through the set up. That's when I learn I don't have a fucking Ethernet connection. ARGH!!!!! Now I have to buy one and then call back. I also was transfered to the Complaint department where a nice lady listened to my saga and said someone from corporate would be calling me back within four hours (after they open). We'll see...

* I spoke with a woman from the Complaint Department, who was really nice, and I *may* be on my way to being online again. Here's the catch: I have to go out and buy a modem (and they'll reimburse me) or wait until Monday for it to be sent via Next Day Delivery. Apparently the one that was ordered before went into a hold bin because they were trying to send it via UPS to my PO Box. The woman was VERY empathetic and said she would help me until it was finished. She said they would also address the unprofessional comment that the supervisor said. Of course there's always a catch... Best Buy didn't have the Modem they suggested and the Verizon store said that while they have it they can't check to see if they can bill me until I get there. Yeah, fun times... So now I have to leave work 1/2 hour earlier to drive to the store, get the DSL and then call the woman back. After that I have to try and install it before 4:30pm so I can go and pick up JakeD for our movie night.

I had better be able to notice a difference after all this. Fuckers...

I was going to respond to the comments my previous post in the comment section, then went a tad overboard. Besides, it's easier to read here and I look like I'm updating. :P

Two everyone who commented on the previous post: Thank you all for the kind words. *hugs* How ironic that the people I actually say made my time on the web worth it commented. I'm just so frustrated with nothing working. It's more about everything that I like is not what any NCTers like. Someone suggests I start an NCT Flickr group, then it dies. I suggest other things that interest me, but no one takes a second look. I'm out of ideas at this point. It's also my disilusion with meeting people. Between the jerks who sign on with one thing in mind: Insults... to the person who vows to be a friend to the end and is no where to be seen.

Thaum1el: You're not a lousy poster. I'd rather have someone post when they see something that interests them than ten thousand LOLs. You also start new threads, which I have always been grateful for. You're one of the sweetest guys I know.

Dynamitt: Sweet sweet Dyna. Heart of gold. I don't mind if Imeem is not for you. It's not like I am basing my friendship on people who sign up, I just wanted people to like the same things as I do. If people don't then it's not their fault... but I am lost at who to share what I like with, you know?

Jules: Cow. I kid. I kid. I know you're busy. Hell, I helped to get a lot of that 'busy' over to you. Now two friends are together and two members are AWOL. Hehe. Seriously though... You're always there for me and understand what I'm saying.

Dustin: (Everyone, this is Dustin. A great guy I met at IMEEM.) I can't imagine you not having lifelong friends banging at the door. You're such a good guy who knows just what to say. I'm not sure of what I will be doing on the web in the future, but I won't go completely off of it. I'd miss my friends too much. Especially the ones who commented here. They've always been wonderful.

Al: You know, you're the only person who took the Moderator title and didn't leave. I was beginning to think that it was a curse. You're also a wonderful and honest guy who I look forward to seeing in person. *hides pity pot* I know... I shouldn't be so down about it. But this isn't just a tantrum. I've been feeling this way more and more. Hell, I made NCT to be cheered up when I felt all was lost. That's why it hurts so bad. It shouldn't be the place that lets me down... or makes me feel like doing a chore by updating it. But the echoes get me to me. I simply don't know where to go with NCT anymore. Part of it is knowing I don't have any more time to devote to it than I already give. Like I told Dustin on his Imeem blog: Dreams hurt when they're something that is always just out of reach. That's when I start to question if it's worth dreaming.

I don't belong here. I've always had that 'outside of the bubble' feeling, but never as much as tonight. I've spent hours trying to find fun things to share with people and hardly get a peep anymore. When I do it's almost like a courtesy cough. Tonight really did it for me. I was trying to get a friend to sign up for Imeem and got hit with comments like 'it's shit'. Someone doesn't like bubbles and it's a shitty program. I admit would be nice to have more active members, but it's not like the whole program isn't worth trying. Whatever. I think what angered/upset me the most is that it's yet another thing I tried to share with people that got shot down. I don't expect to be the kind of person who finds the newest and greatest websites. I just wanted to have fun with people while finding new sites to enjoy together. The whole idea of levity links on NoChickTrix was to get people active. News links to get people talking. Rant, same thing. I feel like a total failure right now. Everything I tried hasn't worked.

My dream of meeting new people on the web seems to be coming to a close. I've met some really nice people, and some not so much... But many of the friendships never fully materialized. People I thought had become lifelong friends faded away. Members came and went in the blink of an eye and people who called NCT home moved on without looking back. Part of me wants to just shut everything off and never look back. Honestly I don't think anyone would feel a loss. For me it's finally admitting what I've felt for so long. I just don't fit in. I never have. The story of my life.

There's nothing worse than turning on your computer at work and realizing your stuffs gone. By 'stuff' I mean Instant Messeger. Since the boss knows I use it and is fine with it I didn't know what to think. After a couple of hours the IT guy returns my email but can't look into it yet. Then the internet connection dropped. By the time he finally got everything reinstalled it was almost time to go and AIM was dead. I won't even know if it works until I get back on Tuesday. At least I got my Firefox back. And now... the weekend. The loooooong weekend. Let the partying begin.

Last night I was searching for levity for NoChickTrix and realized that there was shit out there. Every site had the same thing, some had things from when I started on the web. It was like one big circle and I had come back to the beginning. While it can be enjoyable for people who are just starting on the web, most have been around enough to see fainting calfs and special olympic pictures with funny slogans on them to last a lifetime. Let's face it... seeing it once is enough. Now if there was a picture of a fainting special olympi... I'm going to hell.

I wanted to peruse the "Adult" sector of the net... the 93% side. Hey! I'm an adult. I have every right to watch porn while drinking a Zima and... let's not go there. First things first... I don't not have any children. I do not WANT any children. I should not have to jump through hoops because some parent isn't capable of "protecting" their child from porn. Mind you, I used to look through my dad's Playboy as a young child. I loved the comics. I'm a level headed (don't say a word... ) heterosexual woman. I don't have homicidal tendencies. Well, excluding rush hour on the 405.

As I was saying, I don't have a kid. So why do I have less rights as a minor? Did I say you could get knocked up and have a kid? Did I have any say in the upbringing, religious choice or moral standards in your child? Then why the hell should I be responsible for what your child does? I'm not your baby-sitter. You don't pay me 24/7 to make sure that your child is viewing the proper content. I can understand schools and libraries. Why any school would even allow adult sites to be accessed in the first place is moronic. And I don't think the library should have to implement a "both hands on the table" rule because someone doesn't want to pay 2 bucks for a porno.

If you decide to purchase a computer for your home, it's your responsibility to safeguard any product from your kids. If it were up to me, I'd ban all parents from having computers in their homes without a certificate proving they know how to use it. Heck! I'd ban people from becoming parents without a certificate, financial statement and IQ test. Oh.. so you want to have sex with your boyfriend to prove your love? Bend over, babe. here's some lubricant. He'll love you for it, trust me.

Why anyone would purchase an adult, yes adult... product for their minor is beyond me. What? You don't know how to password protect the settings or become an administrator for changes? Fine. Don't install an ethernet card. Problem solved. If you can't live without the net... take a class, read a book. Pay someone to do it for you. It's your responsibility, not mine. You had the kid, not me. I refuse to be forced into paying six different adult check systems and be barred from my porn because you couldn't keep your legs closed.

Everytime I hear about a parent whose child 'stumbles' upon an adult website and is enraged I want to scream. Why was that child on the internet without supervision? This isn't JUST about porn, either. There are kids learning how to make bombs on the internet, meeting pediphiles on the internet, going on ebay and bidding on things they could never pay off. Kids are curious. They want to see what's out there. Would you let your child walk the streets without knowing where they were going? If it were my kid, which it is NOT, I would make sure ANY browsing was supervised and that I had something in place to block questionable content.

The web. WWW stands for WORLD Wide Web. As in not just my country. Unless there's some universal rule book I haven't seen, I don't see how a law can be globally enforced. Age checks. How can you expect every country to have to conform to our laws? If Japan had the moratorium on internet law, all genitalia would be digitally scrambled... Cartoon child porn would be A-Ok.... and scat would rule the porn sites.

On a lighter note... Pauly Shore has NOT made a movie lately.

When I was first introduced to instant messaging I thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Imagine being able to talk to someone in another state... or country. For free! I spent hours on that sucker... then the novelty wore off. The first time I signed on I got hit with spam. I couldn't believe it. I had just opened that program up, and nearly jumped out of my skin when the fog horn from hell went off, when I got a chat request. The idea that someone would make the default sound in a program a cruise ship from hell horn should have tipped me off. Then there's the fact that some "chick" named Debbie was inviting me to check out some porn. Red flags are on the field! I received four to five before I could figure out the blocking methods. That was an even bigger omen. I download a file that I can only use under the cloak of darkness. Hmmmm. I'm not just talking one or two preferences. I had to search through almost every field to turn the appropriate ticklers off. Now I have a program that I can't use to it's potential. Great.

As I peruse through the different sections I keep seeing one thing over and over: Warnings about privacy. "Hey... Thanks for downloading our great product! By the way... we are not responsible for the bazillion spam requests and malicious users that will stop at nothing to make your life miserable. Here's some ads to pop up continuously, have a nice day!" Oh yeah, I feel warm and safe with that statement.

As I read through the security issues... both on the warning page and the open forum, I realized that the world is filled with devious little pricks. Why would you want to spam people? Has anyone ever fell for the chick with porn rouge? Hey! I just met a great gal online... She's into porn! All right! Woo hoo! High five... I don't think so.

The worst part is that if you happen to meet someone and put them on your list... They're there for life. Sure, you can take him/her off of your contact list... But you're still on theirs. Oh, too bad buckaroo. So you have to do the unspeakable. Cancel your number and get a new one. Here's the real kick in the pants. Your old number? It's still listed. I'll bet you over half the ICQ numbers out there aren't even in use anymore. What kind of business keeps a database filled with useless information? Besides the Presidency that is...

On a totally unrelated note: It's been four years since some chick died from some unknown substance that she had injected into her ass to make it smooth. Some people called it murder. Some called it an accident. Me? I called it "natural selection".

Why is it always a competition? Yahoo VS Google, PC VS MAC, IE VS Firefox, Microsoft VS ...everything. G-d forbid I should admit to using the wrong one. I have to listen to my friends chide me and try to 'turn me from the dark side'. I use Yahoo. I still use IE from time to time, I love my PC and I love my Windows XP. You don't like it? Biteme. :P

First day back after a nice break from NCT. I love that site and really need to find a clear direction for it. It's always been the front page VS the forum. I guess it's because the front page came first. I ranted. I raved. I posted porn and news. Suddenly there was a community growing in the background and I didn't evolve with it. Now I have to figure out how to incorporate the two. The news and levity is what takes the longest. It sucks up about 3 hours a day. I've been trying to do it while at work, but I don't know how that's going to fly with all the changes. Then there's the rant. Some people may be bright and chipper at 6am... but I'm not one of them. A lot of my rants were more like whimpers. I've seen sites that have multiple people post rants, and in the beginning I was dead set against it. Now not so much. *sigh* I have too many ideas pulling at me at once. I think I'm going to go suck down some more coffee and think about it later.

In other news, Mondays suck monkey balls...