This has been one of the hardest days I've worked. One by one, eight people were led into their supervisor's office and laid off. Five of them were friends of mine. I feel lost right now. Even though we were warned about the layoffs months ago it still is a shock. My coworker spent the first part of the morning making comments like "Wow. Made it to first break." and "Gee... Lunchtime and I'm still here." I wanted to smack her. It didn't hit me until I turned and she was gone that I realized how right she was.

My friends are coming around and I don't know what to say. It's worse than a death. At least then you can console them, say that the person is in a better place, that the pain is over. Now all I can think of saying is clichés that always annoyed the fuck out of me.

It's hard for everyone when a business decides to do layoffs. Everyone goes through a whole gamut of emotions. Sad, angry, happy (that it's not them) and guilt. Right now I'm a little bit of everything (a talent from the Jew in me). I feel bad that my coworker is going, but a part of me want's her to leave already. Once she found out that she was definately being laid off she started being impossible to deal with. Everything that you ask her turns into the injustice of the company.

Me: Do you have any paperclips I can have?
Her: No! But it doesn't matter. In a week I'll be out on my ass and not even have a paperclip to my name.

Yesterday she crossed the line. She came in to my cubicle to whine/cry/rage about being laid off and started talking about how unfair our system was. "Why is it that someone gets to stay based solely on their years of service (me) while someone who has been a hard worker and fast learner gets laid off because she hasn't been here a while (her)?" WTF!?! What makes her think that she's better than me because she can make a fucking graph faster? Mind you, she's slow as shit after eating refried beans when it comes to any of our daily duties. She 'forgot' to do a report needed every 3 months for a whole year. Guess who had to do it... Yeppers, yours truly.

Now I know why they don't give any prior warning to people. I figure she's going to do dick as far as duties are concerned for the next week. She'll be too busy sending out resumes (fine by me) and bitching at me about how she should have been the one they kept (blow me).

< /bitch fit>

I have a coworker that is always talking about how broke she is. When we found out that our jobsite was moving she freaked. "I can't afford to pay ANOTHER penny! That's too much gas with no compensation." After chiding her for being dramatic 48 yrs old and in such dire straits she backed down and said that maybe she was exaggerating a little. Ya think? *rolls eyes*

I stopped feeling bad for her when she started showing off the pictures of the two purebred dogs and purebred cat that she had. There are dogs and cats being put to death every day that need homes. She was even looking into a weekend job to try and help pay off her credit card debts. Buying three animals that costs HUNDREDS of dollars each should have been the LAST thing she thought of doing.

She's also the last hired in our department, and most likely the first to go come May. She's even said that she expects it. She told me she was looking for another job... right before she left early to board her three animals at a kennel for 7 days (around $238) so she could go on vacation with her girlfriend. No, really....

And that's just me... ENOUGH ALREADY! I am stressed to the max and have no patience whatsoever for anyone. I've even started snapping at friends. It's the start of April, which means the next rounds of layoffs are here and I am not handling the stress very well. Here's a simple way to get answers for the typical questions:

ANYONE: How are you?
ME: I'm bleeding, stressed and worried that I'll lose my job or that the new place they are going to move us will majorly suck monkey balls.

ANYONE: How do you feel?
ME: Miserable. I'm crying, scared and worried about what's going to happen.

ANYONE: Have you heard anything about your job yet?
ME: No.

ANYONE: Do you know what you're going to do/have you made any plans if you get laid off?
ME: No. I'm going to try and get a job somewhere in UCLA, otherwise I will be moving in with either Jake's family or our friend Kittyroze. Bane also may be getting a call.

If you just read these through the first week of June we'll both be MUCH happier. Both meaning me for not having to rehash and you for not getting your head bitten off by an over stressed friend.

I know it's going to be okay. I've lived my whole life landing on my feet after being slammed to the ground. But right now I'm in the middle of it and just want to quietly sit on my pitty pot and search for chocolate. *grabs Cherry Garcia ice cream* TGIFF

As some may know I work at UCLA Medical Center, which announced that they would be laying off about 400 Full Time Employees by June. We've been on pins and needles, waiting for word on what would happen to our department. The most we've heard is that there are going to be some big changes and our jobs will be very different from what we are doing now. The rumor mill is in full swing and I am up to my eyelids in scenarios and assumptions. I have finally asked for direct quotes and confirmations before listening to ANYONE's spin on things. Today we get this in the email:

"Dr. XXXXXX (head of UCLA) would like to meet with our entire staff this Thursday morning to give us an update on the marketing and managed care departments as well as answer any of our questions."

I feel a sense of relief that we will finally be hearing some concrete information on what is happening with our departments. I am also terrified that it will bring to light our worst fears. I have a feeling I won't be sleeping well this week...