Sometimes people fuck up. Good people. Sweet people. Lonely people. A friend, who is married, looked to those she cared for to get the comfort and love that she wasn't getting at home. One guy popped up who showed her extra and an online relationship began. At first it was sweet. Teasing on the boards (not mine) and conversations. Then it became more and they were openly viewed as a 'couple'. I've always said she needs to break away first, then look for love. But that is someone looking in from the outside. I supported her and hoped for the best. The expected happened... her husband found the emails and looked on the board. They spoke and she asked for a divorce. He wanted a chance and she said yes, but it wasn't in her heart. This should have been a clue. A lesson learned. But instead of deleting the emails and laying low the guy manages to have his wife find them and she leaves. Instead of dropping the balls and accepting his choices he whined and said he'd made a huge mistake. Publicly. It was sooo not cool. Now my friend is trying to work through what to do next and deal with the pain of not having him to help her along emotionally.

It's been pointed out that I'm milder on the Sims site. I guess I am... considering I didn't rip him a new one when reading the post. I don't dislike the guy... I'm just not happy with his actions. A lesson (hopefully) learned and more drama to put behind for my friend, and one more reason for me to make sure the channels are open with Jake . I think we're doing pretty good as far as not hiding things from each other. We share IM messages, PMs, posts and phone call conversations. I trust him and I hope that he trusts me. Relationships can be a bitch, y'all!

Is a total pussy. He's nervous about going back to school. Mind you, he's been going to classes for the past few years. His class tonight? Spanish. It's a no brainer! He's been speaking/writing Spanish for years. The class is just the second level. The first one put him to sleep and made him a G-d among men to his fellow classmates. He would ramble off answers and they would gasp in amazement. I can't wait for him to realize his potential in life. He's so talented, so smart. He's got so much to offer and just can't grasp that simple concept. All he needs to do in life is just keep a positive outlook and just try. The rest is like breathing for him. Oh yeah, and pay the fucking bills.

I asked JakeD to pick up a nice birthday card for our friend so we can give her something other than a hug tonight when we see her. He came back with some retching Hallmark card. I'm still going to give it to her, but ya know... it made me wonder if the problem lies within the lame wording of the card or the ever growing cynical part of me. It was bad. It started out with "For a Special Friend" and ended with a "and I really, really like when it's your birthday. Because then I get to let you know how much you mean to me". Personally I would drive pens through my eyes if I got something like this. But I'm hoping to liquor her up enough to where it seems like whispers from G-d. Then liquor her up more so she pukes on it and we have to toss it... and all that's left is a vague memory of an awesome card that meant the world to her. Yeah... that's the plan.

Jake is a light weight. One glass of anything alcoholic and he's on his way to being tipsy. So last night he decides to stay up and has a glass and a half of MY Asti. He comes to bed around midnight and that's when the fun begins. He starts to snore... LOUDLY. I do my usual love kick. Nothing. It gets louder. I start my 'turn over' whine. No response. I roll over and shake him, then literally hit him on the chest. Nada. I finally give up around 1am and drag my extra cover and pillow into the den to sleep on the couch. I still hear him out there, but it's semi softer. I start to drift off to sleep... and my neighbor gets home. She's loud, has clunky shoes and seems to want to use every machine she has at once. I somehow drift off and then here Jake ask why I'm on the couch. I do my bitching and he says to come to bed. I get up and see something fly by me. I decide to stick my face up close to it and realize it's a white bat. I scream and it flies at me. I scream some more... each time getting louder. Jake FINALLY comes out and takes care of it. I ask if he shooed it outside and he simply says 'it didn't make it'. Then I notice the possum hanging off of the fire alarm. I scream again and Jake grabs the extra large fish net and scoops it up then tosses it outside. I start to notice all sorts of creepy crawly things and want out of the house pronto. I turn to a glass door then say, "What the fuck. We don't have a glass door" and wake up. It's now around 4am and I'm still on the couch. *grumbles* I stumble back into the bedroom, kick Jake over and have some weird dream about some woman with some insane amount of kids coming into a store and me helping her move the trolly she used to cart them in. I am sooo going to be hurting at work today.

Jake started chuckling this morning (a rarity at this hour) and mentioned that Dorian was chasing his tail. I looked over for a sec and noticed he was spinning oddly.

Me: I think he has something on his tail
Jake: Really?
Me: Yeah. Go check.

At this point I figured Jake would have taken him over to the kitchen and turned on the light to see what said sticky thing was. Instead he picked Dorian up and ran his hand down the tail... then stopped.

Jake: Oh G-d!
Me: What?
Jake: It's poo.
Me: Hahahahaha!

And with that we ended up spending twenty minutes cleaning poo from Dorian's tail. He made such a fuss... Meanwhile I'm late and calling my work with the 'my cat had poo on it's tail' excuse doesn't sound like it's going to fly.

Yay for early morning tiffs. I was trying to wake up while surfing the web and Jake says "I put a dollar in your purse and took out the change." I yelled "Wait!" and stomped over. I save the quarters from the different states and had one or two I didn't have yet. After fussing at him he slammed the coins on my desk and said "FINE. I didn't realize it was such a big deal." Enter bitch-mode... "It's ALWAYS been a big deal. I'm not a bank. I need to keep change for when I park. I'm not a bank ya know!" With that I grabbed my coins and looked to see which ones I was missing. Only one of them was new, so I gave him the rest. All that over coins.

It's not that I get annoyed about him digging in my purse for change... as much as him assuming it's his without asking. it would be different if I did the same. But anything I've borrowed I made sure to give back. I have yet to see any coins reappear in my purse. By this time I'd need a new purse just to hold them all.

Jake also recieved a letter from the car accident lawyer. It looks like the woman is not going to settle and he will owe $1000. After consulting a free legal advice place they said that if he offers to pay half she may not try to sue for the other $500. I say it's worth a shot. So yeah... it will be hard times in this household for a while.

Sometimes I want a macho man. A flexing, grunting, I'll take care of it kind of guy. The kind of man that gets his leg chopped off and simply tosses it into a bag and hops to work... and sews it back on during break. Mostly... it's because I have no maternal instinct and see my lack of compassion to the one person I love the most as a fault of mine. Take out the need for pampering and we're doing just fine and dandy. The minute Jake gets sick or just feels ill I go into some bizarre bitch-mode and can't seem to shake it until he gets out of it. Take this morning for instance. He is coming back from a two day vacation celebrating his birthday and managed to get food poisoning. He puked his guts out last night while at school so I picked him up (under threat of death if he puked in my car) and he went to bed. This morning he talked about not going into work and I turned into a mini boss. Statements like "You'll need a note", "This is a bad time for you to call in considering you'll be out with your knee" and even "You sounded JUST fine last night at 1AM when you couldn't sleep" flew out of my mouth . The final "You should AT LEAST go in for a little while" finally pushed him to iron his shirt. I practically bullied him into work. I don't know why I get this way. Maybe it's because most guys I've dated just buck up and deal with it. Most guys I've dated were assholes though. *blink* Well now... that puts things into perspective.

Oh yeah... and I've been on hold for ten minutes listening to music and now have Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time stuck in my head. Blah.

PS: After talking to a friend it was pointed out that I sounded a bit mean. It's not like I think Jake is a candy ass. He's strong, gets shit done and is the best bug killer I can find. When it's heavy he lifts it, when there's work to do, he does it. This rant is only on being sick... and more about how I react than how he feels. In short: He's a manly man. :p

I've come to ackowledge Monday through Friday as the time between the weekends. I don't know if it's the impending holiday time off or just that I am sick of this job. Most likely it's a combination of the two. Welcome to the world of pseudo careers and slacker jobs. I've lived my life wanting to work enough to enjoy life. A little money in the bank and enough to buy what I need is really all I wanted. Slowly what I wanted over took what my job paid and now I'm just another shmuck in a dead end job trying to save for things I really can't afford.

I dream of owning a home, although the ones I could afford I wouldn't want to live in. I dream of matching furniture.. again the ones I can afford I don't want to get. About the only thing I've managed to secure is a nice car that has payments I can live with and still order out.

I love when people throw the 'but you have two paychecks coming in' line at me. Two people living together also mean bigger bills. I'm sure we could save more if we (meaning Jake) were more careful with our (meaning his) money. But I'm not his mom and refuse to be the typical nagging girlfriend. He knows what he owes and what he needs to save for. If he doesn't then the wrath is on him. :p

Jake received a letter in the mail saying the lawsuit is *almost* finished. The remaining issue is $1,087 which is over the amount of my coverage. They want to know if we're going to pay this. WTF!?! After the original request was slapped down by their lawyer I was not to happy to get a follow up letter regarding the matter. Especially since the amount keeps changing. Now I have to play phone tag with the lawyer to find out what's going on. If I had the money I would just throw it at her to go away. Right now I'm hoping for a small miracle that they'll manage to talk down her lawyers and just settle the damn thing. I just want to get on with my life already!

On Friday Jake started talking about getting a bookshelf for all his books that he has lying around and in a big ole box in the closet. After fretting about where we would put it I remembered that Cat helped re-design a house before using her Sims program. I called her up and asked if she could help. Within minutes I was being sent different options on where to place all of our furniture. Here's the current design and the one we chose. She even offered to come over and help with Mark so we could get all the heavy furniture moved. I cannot even begin to say how much I appreciate all that they have done for us. Besides being tired Mark still said yes and within a few hours we had everything in place.

The next day it was back to Hell. Ikea-Hell, that is. I cannot even start to talk about how much Burbank is like the fifth ring of Hell for us. Especially at that fucking store. The people are pushy, cranky and it's almost like war in the pick up area. After returning the extra flooring for a 200 dollar credit (yay!) we ventured our way back into the bowels of Ikea to look for a bookshelf. Jake wanted to high tail it out of there but I said no. I'll be damned if I was going to make another trip to this place... EVER (unless Cat or Mark needed something). We found a decent one and bolted for the door. After paying for the bookcase Cat suggested we head over to Islands for dinner. Since they knew where it was I waited for them to get their car. I thought I saw them and pulled out of my space (big mistake). When I realized it wasn't them I pulled to the side and hit the hazard lights and waited. Some complete idiot pulled up behind us and started flashing his lights. I rolled down my window and waived him on... nothing. He just sat there. He yelled something and I yelled back, "Don't you know how to go the fuck around!" With that I gave up and headed for the entrance... with the idiot in tow. He followed us all the way around the corner before parking and jumping out of his car. He slammed his door, stomped to the passenger side, opened and slammed that door too. It was... odd. We made it to the restaurant and tried to cool down while Mark laughed about how we manage to get the biggest idiots to deal with. We're lucky like that. :/

Jake has an annoying sarcastic attitude when I wake him up. Last night I woke up around 12:48am to some faint beeping sound. I rolled over and Jake wasn't there. I went into the den and there he was... sound asleep in his chair while his computer beeped about being over heated (fucking Athlon). I called his name out a few times, each getting louder. Finally I yelled and he woke up. I told him to go to bed and turn off his computer and he threw his hands in front in some sort of oh no waving (hard to explain) and said, Oooh Kaaay. I wanted to throw something at him. Instead I walked over and turned off the whining computer and made sure he didn't knock over the television while teetering around the floorboards we have yet to put into place. Oy...

Jake and I are about to have some pretty strong changes in how we live. Between bills and school books we are tapped out of cash. Add to the fact that him going to school instead of just using the online classes means I have to re-adjust my eating and exercising habits. Instead of Jake being home to cook the meals and being my support system to make me walk when I don't want to I have to push myself. Take tonight for instance. I sat at my computer and didn't do shit. Yeah, this is going to work out perfectly. I am amazed at how much I depend on him for every little thing. Now we have to deal with these changes and see where it takes us. *sigh*

Two hours to go before my weekend officially kicks off. Two hours before I jump into my car and sit in traffic. Two hours... and counting down. This weekend we're off to another fun California location. After three years of surgeries and injuries and sitting around I decided that 2007 was the year we started acting like a couple. No more weekends at home spent chatting online and playing games. At least, not the whole weekend. I want to travel. I want to have fun. I want to start taking photography lessons... and need to practice my shot. I've lived here all my life and there are so many things I haven't explored. No more putting stuff off. We may not make it to Europe for a while but we can at least travel within our means. California here we come! Next stop: Salvang!

WTF!?! I woke up at around midnight last night and noticed Jake wasn't in bed. I figured he was messing around on the computer and went out to nag him back to bed. I walked into the den and didn't see his head over the TV. Not on the couch or in the kitchen either. I walked over to his desk and found him on the floor, spread eagle with the trash can between his legs. I panicked. I freaked. I yelled out his name and shook him. He was... asleep. On the floor. When he woke up I was relieved.

Me: Jake!
Jake: Wha?
Me: You're ON THE FLOOR?
Jake: She didn't mind.
Me: Honey, you... hold up. SHE? She who?
Jake: (waking up more) What? Who?
Me: You said 'SHE'. Who is 'SHE'?
Jake: Huh?
Me: Get up and get to bed. Jeesh...

You just KNOW we're going to continue this conversation tonight.

I'm a sucky touristy guide person. "jake:s been out here for over three years and the only places he's been is The Ghetty Center, The Long Beach Aquarium, The Renaissance Faire and the Santa Monica Halloween Carnival. To my *weak* defense I couldn't walk far before because of my back so I couldn't go a lot of places. But since the weight loss I am finally able to walk around relatively back pain free. No more excuses. There are a lot of mini road trips to take, so I need to get my ass in gear and do them. Our date night was a wake up call to that. Then there was the conversation with our mutual coworker. "J" wants Jake to go with him on a 13 mile walk for some sort of cause. All I remember is they get a Tiffany necklace at the end. It's going to be on Jake's birthday weekend, so "J" wanted to ask me if I had any plans for him. Nope! Take him away! I think it would be a great adventure to hang out with the guys and do this walk. "J" is super nice and it would be good for Jake to get away. Plus, it's in October... and I don't have plans past this Friday.

Date night turned into a lot of fun this weekend. We started off at Red Lobster (yes, I know...) and the conversation wasn't fun. After yet another week of not doing what he promised I gave up. It happens this week or he moves out. It was a tough decision to make, but I can't continue to live like this. I've never lived with someone this long and don't intend to shack up out of laziness. If he doesn't want to move forward, then he moves out.

After that conversation we moved on to other topics (I'm not one to nag). The biggest deal was about moving. It's time to get out of our little apartment and into something we can actually have company in. I want to be able to invite friends over, to move around the room and to have an actual dinner space. Right now we site at the computer desk or at the couch. It's unacceptable. The dinner was decent and I added my usual flare with dropping melted butter on my shirt. I ended up looking like a Super Soaker victim trying to clean it up. All class I tell ya.

After dinner we headed home. When we got into the car the temperature gauge read 94°. We left home at a comfy 68°, so it was a shocker. We drove over the hill and the temp went down to 64°. This is the biggest reason why I don't want to move to the valley. It gets so damn hot there. Anyway, we rounded the corner and hit a wall of traffic. Jake suggested we get off at Sunset and I started craving Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf's frozen mocha. Yum! After getting a bit lost (I hadn't been there in a while) we found the shop. It was on Montana Avenue, a great little beach community for upper to middle class people.

While Jake headed across the street to use a store's bathroom I waited for the drinks. Two woman and a young child came in and started to harass the counter guy. He was overly polite when she asked if he had a bathroom and stated they didn't have one. She got snotty. "What would you do if I just peed right here, all over your floor? Yeah, I know your type. But you don't know what I'm like." He stuttered, not knowing what to say. I jumped in, trying to save the guy, "There are TWO places you can find public restrooms, there and across the street... where my boyfriend is right now." She looked disappointed but managed to snap, 'You're so lucky!' at the guy before dashing out the door. Twit...

We grabbed our drinks and decided to take a stroll down the street. We walked ten blocks before turning back, admiring the buildings and laughing about being able to see our breath. All in all the night ended up being pretty fun. Last minute adventures are the best!

I swear to G-d I am going to lock up the frig and cabinets with padlocks. Last night was the last night before I came back to work (and online life) after a four day mini vacation. Half for my birthday, half for my sanity. I pushed myself to go to bed and Jake decided to stay up. That's my first clue. When he finally came to bed sometime after midnight the sleep kicking began. AGAIN. Jake loves to snack right before bed. Unfortunately that usually makes him have funky dreams which make him restless. Last night he must have been dreaming he joined the Rockets. I'd wake him up and he'd go right back to kicking. By three AM he awoke me from a break up dream and I figured it was a sign. I grabbed my pillow and an extra blanket and headed for the couch. It's real comfy to sit on, but a killer if you lay down. Now I'm up with aches and pains from here to eternity and tired as hell. They're going to love my disposition at work.

Jake arrived home yesterday around 2pm. He stopped by my work to get the house keys and looked pretty tired. I guess you really CAN'T go home again. He didn't sleep well and couldn't wait to leave. I was hoping he'd have a better time. Don't get me wrong, he enjoyed seeing his family and all. It's just that he couldn't wait to get back where his cell phone had reception and there was DSL for the computer. It's funny how you can live your whole life in a small town and the minute you see what else is out there you suddenly feel deprived. Heh.

Yeah, so last night I was sound asleep when the bedroom lights flashed on. It scared the shit out of me. I shot up in bed to see Jake, peering out the bedroom door and then close it. He turned the lights off, then on again and opened the door... peeking out. I was thoroughly freaked out. After asking if he was dreaming he looked confused, then said 'Yeah I guess so' before turning off the lights and going back to bed. I got up to open the door and walked around, just in case he was hearing something. I swear I'm going to tie him to the bed at night. Oy...

Way back in 2003 JakeD got into a car accident in my new car. He tried making a left turn in front of some chick speeding down the road in her brand spanking new BMW. For three years we've been trying to put the case behind us, but it hasn't been easy. The woman ended up being a nut case that wouldn't sign anything. At one point my car insurance had to hire a private detective to make sure she was getting the mail. I finally signed off on the thing so her insurance could get paid. When November passed we breathed a sigh of relief. The case was officially closed.

February 26th we get a call from some guy stating he wants to serve us. Apparently the bitch filed a suit on November 22nd (the day before it expired) and they were just getting around to giving us the papers. You can imagine how thrilled I was to hear this. I called the insurance company, who had to re-open the case and assign yet another adjuster. We were back at step one. Yesterday I called the insurance people after being notified of a court date in which no one showed. I panicked. They assured me we didn't have to. Apparently her attorney is similar and has yet to even tell them what she's suing for. So now it's in their hands and we just have to sit and wait. The ironic thing is this twit lives blocks from us. I have yet to venture out that way, but I can tell you it is tempting. If she starts claiming permanent injuries you bet your bottom dollar I'll be in front of her house with a camera in hand. All the people in LA... and he has to hit a psycho-chick.

JakeD is still getting over walking pneumonia and I am (hopefully) getting over this fucking cold soon. We ventured out to the Toyota dealership this weekend for an oil change and hung out while it was being done. We joked around with one of the workers there (who was black). He was really nice and tried pushing the mechanics who were working on our car to finish faster. An older man arrived to pick up his car wearing a UCLA teeshirt. Even though the sleeves weren't that long he tried rolling them over to give some sort of half assed muscle shirt look. Plus, it showed his tats. The Toyota worker greeted the man and mentioned his UCLA shirt. The guy responded with, "Yeah! You probably went to the University of South Central, right?" The only sounds were jaws dropping on the ground. I told JakeD to cover his UCLA jersey that he was wearing as I stared at the man in utter disbelief. The Toyota guy politely said no and the guy's car arrived. POS beat up blue car. Fitting...

The ignorance of people never ceases to amaze me. They scream to the heavens about racial profiling in the police force, yet our society is one of it's biggest offenders. I'd be lying if I said I never did it. But the difference is acknowledging it and realizing that it's wrong.

Sunday night Jake decided to once again eat before going to sleep. Everytime he does this I end up having to deal with his funky dreams and sleeping patterns. Last night it was breathing hard and snoring. While he can go right back to bed after I've woken him up/bitched at him I end up lying awake, praying for sleep. This happened all night long. I had two mini dreams so I must have fallen asleep at some point. One I can't remember but the other had me and Keira Knightly in it. We were captured by Barbossa who was taking us somewhere on a train. Yes a train. Not a normal train, mind you... but one you'd find at an amusement park. No windows, etc... She figured out a way to unhook us from the front, where Barbossa was sitting. She unhooked one and I pointed out all the pirates in the cars behind us. Smart girl that she is, she unhooked those. Then the train stopped and we got out into the snow. Suddenly loud sound roared and once again I had to kick Jake. I didn't even get to see Captain Jack Sparrow. By the way the dream was going he'd probably have bird legs, so I guess I'll wait another night to have our meeting.

It's that time of the year again. Time to start panicking about bills. Every year I do the same fucking thing. Come mid March my tax refunds come in and everything is hunky dory. I have extra money in the bank, bills are paid off and all is well in the Odessa/Jake household. A few years back I made some major computer upgrades with my refund and the money dissipated. But for the last two years I haven't done jack shit with it. Yet somehow the money still ends up gone by the new year. A few months back I decided to take a large chunk of it and put it into a online savings account. The interest rates blew my local bank out of the water so I couldn't resist. Still... I kept some in the checking for emergencies. No emergencies happened and here I am, panicking. I have money in savings. It's not like I'm down to the wire. But if I am ever going to move out of this shitty little apartment and into something nice I have to forget those accounts even exist. I think it's the idea that I can't just go out and buy something for two weeks. I can't pay any bills (except rent) and it's going to be tight. I worked hard not to live like that. It was something I did a long time ago and still cringe when I think about it. Robbing Peter to pay Paul and begging Mary for an extension.

My other issue is that I look to Jake and want to start grilling him on his finances. Truth is, I'm afraid I'll never move forward and it kills me to think about it. I don't want to live like this. I want to be comfortable. I'm not talking rich, just enough to be able to eat out when we like and buy a video. I want my sites to work. I want to travel. I want to see my friends in Georgia. Little things that are just out of my reach right now and it's killing me.

Then there are the big things. Marriage. I want a ring. A nice ring. My friend and I talked about this earlier in the week and she said that engagement rings are pointless. I disagreed. Not just on the traditional meaning of the ring, that it signifies commitment, but that it also proves he is able to save up for something he really wants. You save for what you want. No excuses, no 'next week'. If you want it then no one has to remind you to do it. I don't want to ask about if he's been saving up because any answer but 'yes' would kill me.

Money makes me crazy.

The Odessa/Jake household is officially sick. He's worse off than me though. So today I go to work and feel miserable while he gets to stay home and do the same. I can't risk missing any more work right now so I'm stuck. Every time I mention sickness my boss goes off on her 'you should have gotten a flu shot' rant. It's not the fucking flu! It's a miserable head-cold from hell. *grumbles*

I was surfing through StumbleUpon and stumbled across a site that offered some simple tips on how to hide an erection. Of course I had to ask Jake if this was a regular problem while he was battling monsters on his X-Box 360.

Me: Hey!
Jake: Argh! *click click click* What?
Me: Is getting an erection throughout the day a normal problem?
Jake: Wha... *click click* What!?! Shit! Yes. Kind of. Shit *click click* Not like all day.

He thinks I'm trying to throw him off. I'm just keeping him on his toes.

Yesterday was wrapping day at our house.

Number of presents to wrap: 1.
Number of times paper was pulled out to wrap: 4.
Number of times Phoebe dive bombed into the middle of the paper, ripping it to shreds: 3

I was sitting at the computer with Phoebe when her ears perked up and she took off down the hall like a bat out of hell. The next thing I hear is paper crumpling and Jake yelling, "G-d damn it!" She waltzed back out only to do it again. By the third time Jake learned to listen for her galloping and pulled the paper out of the way. I was no help, laughing and calling to her. I can't imagine wrapping any other gifts. If we have to I'm getting video of it. :D

I got back from the surgeon today. He must have swallowing a handful of NICE NICE pills before he opened the door. We were greeted by a smiling doctor, shaking hands and asking how everything was. It was a vast difference from the asshole I had to deal with in the hospital. Maybe he realizes what an ass he was... but I doubt it. I was just grateful to have a pleasant experience with the prick. :p

My pains are normal so that is a relief. As the swelling goes down the pains are the healing process. No way I could have gone back to work any sooner. I have been feeling really dizzy and light headed today so he said to up the caloric intake. So much for the pounds melting away. My back isn't killing me after walking around which really made me feel better. He said I may find some internal stitches popping out as they dissolve. I'll look like a FemBot! :D

I want to say that this experience has been an eye opener. I couldn't have done it without the love and support Jake has given me. I am so lucky to have him by my side. <333

Thank you Jake. I love you with all my heart and soul.

I had my first almost real meal. Minestrone Soup... blenderized. That's right... There wasn't a speck of anything in it but it was goooood. I ate more than I was supposed to (oops) but it was too good to pass up. I looked up the serving size after I finished the meal. My bad. So far no pains, etc... One thing I learned from this experience is to NEVER assume it's going to be a walk in the park. I figured I would have six weeks of needed vacation to lounge around and rest. The clear liquids would be a no brainer and what is one month or two compared to the healthier you? I should have mentally prepared for this. I was trying so hard to just get past the surgery that I didn't think about the recovery process. I feel bad for Jake. By the time he gets home he's worked all day and wants to unwind. Meanwhile I'm ready to explode from boredom and feel uber needy. Of course when I fuck up and do something I'm not supposed to (and hurt myself) he gripes at me for not asking him to do it.

My friend called today after getting back from Australia and I overwhelmed her with chatter. I was just so glad to talk to someone. I don't think she got a word in for the first twenty minutes or so. :D Finally I stopped the "MEMEME" and asked about her. Yeppers, I may be slow but I catch on...

Just a few of the things that I have been going through this week. The fan for my heatsink died, leaving me computerless for a couple of days. I was not amused. I've been getting ready for my pre-op appointments next week so it added to the 'not so happy' phase. Hopefully those will go well and I will be on my way to a healthier me.

Oh, and last night I got a rude awakening from my boyfriend. There I was, sleeping like a baby when Jake stumbles to the bathroom. A few minutes later he stumbles back in and plops down on my bad knee. You know, the one I've already had surgery on ONCE? Yeah, so anyway... I kicked him off the bed with my other leg and he starts griping at me. I'm in a fetal position trying to breath and he's bitching about being kicked onto the floor. I should have kicked him in the head. :P

I can't believe it. The worst week to NOT have chocolate and yet here I am. PMSing with NO chocolate. Last night Jake bought me one of the four Reeses Peanut Butter Cups in one candy. I was happy. I ate three and decided to save the forth for tonight. I asked if he thought it would be okay without being wrapped up and with a nod it was shoved into the drawer for safe keeping... Or so I thought. Fast forward to this evening. After a horrendous day fighting with my boss I was looking forward to that chocolate. Hell... I NEEDED it. I opened the drawer and blinked. It was gone. I moved papers around. Nothing. I thought back to the Snickers incident and glared at Jake. He looked around and swore he didn't touch it. Together we looked around, ending up at the kitchen trash. There it was, crumpled against the side. Let's just say a certain boyfriend is on his way to get me more candy as we speak.

I think my boyfriend and I need a no talking rule in the morning. He can be so damn grumpy and it sets off my 'oh yeah?! I can be grumpier' sensor. The result? Sleepy bitching. I get up at 5:30 am so I can try and think about a rant and he sleeps til I bitch at him to get up. I figured I'd leave the alarm on and hit snooze so I don't have to worry about it. He bitched at me for leaving it on and I said, "Fine! Then from now on you either get up on your own or I'm leaving without you!" The joys of a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love the guy. But he can be a real asshole in the morning. Me, not so much. Bah.

I just finished the first of two wonderful days off. On Wednesday my boss broke the news that she would be out next week. That blew my chances of taking Thursday and Friday off. I mentioned it to her and she said, "Why not take tomorrow and Friday off instead?" Oh hell to the yeah! I busted my ass to finish up all my reports and smiled all the way home. Today was spent just relaxing. I cleaned up the logs for this site and NoChickTrix, and just stayed away from the IMs. I plan on doing the same tomorrow. Not being social, that is. I am probably going to sleep in, watch some movies and just not think about anything.

Jake stayed after work today to play some basketball with the guys, which was nice. I missed him but the alone time was kick ass. It's been so long since I just had time to myself like that. I remember when he first came out here. I wondered how I would be able to deal with someone in the same home for a whole month. Three and a half years later I miss him when he goes to the store. It's strange... I went from wondering how I was going to deal with him in my life to how I deal with him not being there... even for an hour or two. Okay, enough with the sappy shit. Back to my vacation. Weeee!

I have finally listed about 98% of my movies on DVD Spot. I still miss Guzzlefish, but oh well. I like how DVD Spot has an owned and wish list section. I finally have a list of the VHS I still need to buy as DVDs. I'm still going to replace that old cabinet with something a little larger and more stylish. I just loathe having to do it before we move into something larger. A nice two bedroom with air conditioning would be nice.

Jake's last day on his temp job was Friday. He did one interview with a friend of mine, but it's still iffy. I'm not counting on that one, so I hope he has more soon. At least he finally signed up for classes. I'm annoyed that he's still going parttime, though. *sigh* I just want to move on with my life to something better. I can wait 4 1/2 years to move, but that's it. I wish we had a Plan B.

Last night was fun. I crashed out early, wanting to ready myself for today. My boss has been out for two days and is sure to be on the lurk for any little thing. Jake crawled into bed sometime around midnight. I awoke to the bed shaking. At first I thought it was an earthquake. When it happened again I realized it was something worse. Jake had the hiccups. What's worse was the smell that was flowing through our apartment. I jumped up and went for the kitchen, thinking he had left something on the stove. Nope. It was something he cooked and ate. Ew. It smelled rancid. After putting a layer of air freshner in every room I went back to bed. He hiccuped, I bitched. Finally I made him get up to try the usual remedies that work for me. He refused to do them correctly and then insisted they didn't work. I even went online to look up remedies. They were that bad. After teaspoons of sugar, a huge glass of water and me trying to scare him the hiccups remained. He refused to try anything else so I went to bed. He followed. A minute later he was on the couch. After twenty minutes of the cats jumping on me I was back to sleep. I woke up about 1:15am and went to check on him. No more hiccups, thank G-d. I woke him up and told him to come to bed. Thirty minutes after that I started hearing a high pitch whining sound coming from him. I wanted to scream. I started pushing him, telling him to go blow his nose. The fucker refused. No way was I going to listen to that all night. I took both hands and feet and pushed him to the edge of the bed. "Go blower yer nose!" I couldn't believe this was happening. He's such an ass when he's sleepy. Finally he listened and I fell asleep. Three hours later I am up to start the day and my energy is shot. I would love to call in, but know it will be a nail in my coffin if I do. I'm sending this to all my single friends who whine about how bad they want to be in a relationship. :P

It's been so many years since I've had to deal with family issues I'm at a loss. :Jake:'s mom is just being ridiculous. All I can do is stand beside Jake and support him through this time. I can understand her missing him and his infrequent calls obviously aren't enough to sustain her mood swings. At this point I don't think daily calls will make her happy. This morning we did our usual routine of messing around with the computer while getting ready for work. Jake went off to get ready and came back to check a new IM. Suddenly he yells, "Oh what the fuck!" His mother sent him a "guilt text message"

Mother-in-law: Hi Jake it's mom wanting to say hi and i love you. why don't you call me any more am i that unimportant that you don't call to see how everyone is? or are too busy to gave a damn? i would love an a response someday. It hurts me alot knowing that you think I'm don't that important any more . i know you have your own life with Odessa ,but forget who took care of you some many years. i love you with all my heart and more please call me . i work 11-8:PM .

After staring at each other in total disbelief I tried my hardest to be supportive. Ten minutes later the phone rang. He looked at the Caller ID (thank G-d for that) and sure enough it was his mom. We were just leaving the house and shook his head and let it ring. She hung up. He decided that he would call her over the weekend. He didn't want to be upset at work and frankly he didn't want her to think that acting out would get a result. It's like she's in her terrible twos.

It's hard to know what to say at times. It's been so long since I've even dealt with family matters. I know it would be nice to talk to his mother more, but every time he calls her it ends up being a guilt fest. I can't blame him for not wanting to spend his time off being chewed out. The other day he spent 45 minutes of his hour lunch chatting with her and then tried to get off the phone so he could eat his lunch and be back in fifteen minutes. She got offended. It's a no win situation.

I used to dream about moving to Texas and finally having a family. We would meet up for a girls night out or brunch and just chat about everything and nothing at all. Now all I can think about is moving just close enough for emergencies and holidays. Welcome to family life...

Ahhh, romance. The quiet time of the evening when two people get it on. Or at least try to. Last night was as romantic as a three stooges flick. First of all it was colder than a witch's tit. After strategically hopping past the kittens who were waiting to dive into the bedroom the moment I opened the door I hopped into bed to warm up. As usual Jake had already claimed three forths of it. I mustered up my sexiest bedroom voice and griped, "Move over!" He playfully refused so I playfully put my freezing cold feet on his side. At least, I thought I did. He happened to roll over right as I did and I landed squarely on his uhhhh... netheregions. Jake moaned like grampa Simpson, which started me on a giggle fit. He then stated "I hope you don't mind going lesbian tonight." which made it even worse. After ten minutes the giggles subsided and we tried again. I scooched over and right as he went to kiss me I realized my hair was caught underneath me and adjusted it... and head butted Jake in the face. The romance pretty much went out the window from there. Yeppers, we're a couple of real passion go-getters.

Caller ID is a good thing. After Jake's latest showdown with his mom he decided on taking a small hiatus from her guilt ridden drama routine. I love her to death but the woman feeds off of misery. Her latest stint of once again taking in Jake's dead ex friend's wife who's also a druggie and ran off with her now dead husband's brother *deep breath* with the two infants in tow was just too much. She's like a two year old. You tell her not to pick something up and she dives for it... then cries when it hurts her. Unfortunately this isn't the first time she's taken them in. Some call it southern hospitality, I call it attention whore.

This morning the phone rang and I picked it up. After seeing his mom's name on it I waved it in front of Jake. "You want to talk to her?" After shaking his head I placed it back in the cradle. After the answering machine lied announced our unavailability we heard the sweet voice of his mom. Hah! More like her 'how much can I tell you how pissed I am that you didnt pick up without saying it' voice. After stumbling through her message, obviously pissed at him for not picking up she said she mailed his V-Day card (which is weird) and then hung up. Yes, his mother sends him a Valentine Day card. *blink* Anyway, we giggled about being so sneaky which is totally childish and totally us. She threatened said she was going to call tomorrow so I'll leave the choice up to him. No way am I answering the phone with raging mom on the other end. I may be blonde, but I'm not stupid.

Once again the bed monster appears. Phoebe jumped onto the bed and woke me up. She ran under the covers and attacked my leg, so I yanked her naughty ass out of there. Finally she settled down on Jake's pillow. I was half asleep when I felt her tail tickle my nose. I opened my eyes to see her walking on Jake's pillow towards his face. Suddenly he lurched up, pulling the pillow towards him and flipping poor Phoebe into the wall. Luckily she wasn't hurt. He yells something as I yell "Phoebe!" and grab for her. He looks at both Phoebe and I... then grumbles something about bad dreams, puts his head down and goes to sleep. Any remedies for sleep walkers/talkers/yellers? Besides duct tape and sleeping pills, that is...

Last night Jake decided to hit the sack early so I stayed up and surfed. Good thing too... I think I would have thrown his ass out of the house bed. I was enjoying the quiet evening (the neighbors weren't around) and all of the sudden I hear Jake yell WHAT THE HELL!?!?! Then the light flicks on. I ran back there, thinking something bad happened, and find him tearing the sheets off the bed. I asked him what he was doing and he responded "Something was under there. Big... Where's Phoebe?" When I assured him both cats were with me he got a confused look on his face and then crawled back into bed. WTF.... So now I have to crawl into a bed that may or may not have some midget monster crawling around. Needless to say I spent the rest of the night flinching...

Okay, If I'm not PMSing then there is something seriously wrong with me. Jake's MySpace hoochies bug the shit out of me, some chick mentioned something on my friends' profile about being in the top eight friends and I noticed I WASNT and almost posted a whiny ass comment. I'm feeling this needy, icky feeling that's driving me insane. Bleed, damn it!

I walked into the kitchen this morning and stepped on something gooey. After my initial "ew" I got a wet paper towel to clean whatever it was up. It turned out to be the top of a Snickers bar wrapping with melted chocolate in it. There was even more on the counter. When Jake woke up I mentioned it to him. That's when it got creepy. He swears he didn't eat it. Mind you, he has sleep walked before and has a habit of talking in his sleep. I don't mind the talking in his sleep too much... except for the one night with the 'thing' under the pillow and his occasional yelling from nightmares. At least the Snickers was his. If it was mine he'd be a deadman. :p

Jake bought Pitch Black and The Chronicles of Riddick. I think that I am becoming a Vin Diesel fan. I really enjoyed his character. I thought he was going to be another Van Damme. Full of ego and short on personality. Instead he was confident, funny and kicked ass in the fight scenes. I look forward to seeing more movies with him in it.

Friday night was date night for Jake and I. He arrived at the Cheesecake Factory first and got the table for us. When I arrived they pointed me to the booth. Lucky us, we got the same waiter that was drooling over him the last time we were there. I walked up to the table and he was practically sitting in Jake's lap. He's a really nice guy and catered to Jake's our every need. When I wanted more Iced Tea I simply pushed it to Jake's side and he would appear out of no where to fill it. At least he acknowledged me this time.

Jake took off for a couple of hours to go watch the new Batman flick so I could spend some time alone. It's nice to just be able to kick back and relax for a while by myself. The downside is that I thought about him the whole time, hoping that he was enjoying himself.

I also got to harass Bane about basically everything and listen to him sing "This shit is bananas. B-a-n-a-n-a-s" over and over. Kill me now.

I had a fight with Jake today. It's not anything new, just something that I don't want to deal with anymore. My first mistake was holding in my frustrations. I hate nagging and loathe dealing with someone moping. But after two years Jake should have been in college by now and on his way to getting a degree. So far all he's gotten is an SAT book that I bought. I talked with Kittyroze this weekend and she quickly Googled up info about what he needs to do. Instead of saying something I held it in. Jake is so talented and has so much potential. It's not like I think he's going to throw it all away. Rather, I just hate that he's not moving his ass to reach for his goals. Instead of telling him this I held it in until he fucked up (again) and didn't get groceries for lunch. Then I bitched. Now we're in a fight and it's just hanging out there... little things that add up. I keep thinking about our future and seeing it move farther and farther away. I don't have any biological clock ticking per say, but I made a promise to myself years ago that I wouldn't just stay in a relationship for years without moving forward. Here lies the problem: How do you move forward when you can't make any plans? I see myself with Jake when I'm old and grey... I just don't want to be old, grey and unmarried. *sigh*

We need a second room. I got mad at Jake the other night and didn't even have a place to bitch about him in private. It's not like I don't tell him what I feel... but it's nice to have a place for some quiet time that doesn't involve flushing or rumpling the bed sheets. A second bathroom would be great too. I swear our bladders are in sync. We have to fight over who gets to pee first and who gets to stand at the door asking "Are you done yet?" While I'm at it I'd love a million dollars and a pony. :P

Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer when this huge bug flies onto it. It's wings are almost as long as my index finger. At the time I was chatting with Bane on skype... so of course I yelled into his ear, jumped up and told Jake to kill it. He starts bitching about how it was tiny... never mind that when he saw a PICTURE of a snake on the screen he screamed like a little girl. I told Audie about it and she decides to be evil and send him a renamed photo of a snake.

Audie: i heard Diva keeps sending you snake pics.....so here is a nicer pic so you wont have to scream.....

*** Jake has received bunnies.jpg.

Jake: I'LL KILL YOU BOTH

Then he asks me to come over and click the picture off... And he calls me wimpy. :P