After FINALLY getting my DSL back up and running we were off to vacation. Figures... Let me do a re-cap:

The 4th of July was spent on the phone with Verizon Online Support. That's right, I spent my day off fucking around with my computer. After a few hours we finally located the problem: My boyfriend is a dork. Instead of hooking up the modem to the router he just hooked it up to my computer, then hooked the router to an empty cord. After realizing the blunder it was pretty easy to reset the router and get both computers back online. Then came the speed test. It was not as fast as they claimed it would be so I waited for a half hour to get a call back about that. I was told that I actually COULD get the 3mb speed and they were going to work on it. Meanwhile I'm trying to find the pricing difference to see if I really wanted it. I get the call back that my speed is now at the maximum. I was just so relieved that I didn't bother asking about the billing.

We spent the rest of the holiday relaxing at home and nixed the holiday crowd. Holidays suck balls when they are right in the middle of the week. Your day off is the night before and you can't enjoy the holiday because you know work is the next day. Add to the fact that we only had one computer online and this holiday was less than festive. The only good part is I took Friday off to go to San Diego so I came back for one day and was off again.

Part 2 tomorrow: San Diego here we come!

On Friday I got a call from the Verizon Complaint Center at the Corporate office. A nice lady talked to me about my ordeal and tried to get the ball rolling. First, the Modem was STILL not sent because they were using my PO Box to send it. It was down to the wire and I finally decided to buy the fucking thing myself and she agreed to credit my account. One little detail: I had to find a store that sold the type they suggested. After calling around I found a Verizon store who agreed to sell me the modem after reminding me it usually comes with a deal. Gee... thanks. I took off early and bought the damn thing ($60) which they billed. After setting it up we were back online. Of course that's not the end of it. Now I have to send back the other Modem that should arrive this week and wait until tonight or tomorrow to see what speed I can even get with my lines. Two more days and I *hope* it will be the last I will have to talk with Verizon for a long while.

I have no internet connection. *cries* Here's my saga...

Last week I called my DSL/Cell phone/telephone company about my bill. $200 a month was just too much with everything going on, especially when $70 of it was to my telephone line, which I never use. After talking to a guy who told me I should be getting some Triple Freedom discount for using all their products I mentioned that my DSL plan was still on the 768kb download speed and I hated how I couldn't get a faster speed. "Of course you can!" said the cheerful employee. "You can get 3mb on a newer relay." Heart be still... And since I was on the OLD DSL setup I was only able to get the Double Freedom discount (whatever) but they could switch me over and all would be better. Of course, there would be a three to five day downtime of internet access... *choke* From that point on it has been a complete nightmare. Here's the timeline of errors for posterity:

6/15/07:

* I spoke with a nice guy who said I would be able to get a Triple bundle discount if I upgraded my DSL from the Relay Frame (old kind) to the ATM Frame (newer kind). I said sign me up! And he transfered me to the DSL section. Only downside: 3 to 5 days without connection

* I end up in the Philippines. Another nice guy listens to what I want and says he will put in the order. They will send me a new modem (for free) since mine is ancient and I will get a call the next day about my order. He says no downtime is involved.

* I get home and a nice gal from tech support says she checked the line and doesn't see the problem I reported. I explain the situation and she says to call tech support and make sure the order is still on.

* I call Tech support and a nice guy says all is well and to expect a call tomorrow. Yippee!

* No call happens.

06/19/07:

* I call the DSL department and talk to a so so guy who tries talking me out of getting the upgrade. At least a week of down time, closing account and opening new one, blah blah... If you're happy with the speed stick with it. Oh, and no order was placed.

* I say fuck that but ask to be transfered to tech support anyway. I end up in India. Some nice woman with a shitty connection reads from a script and puts me on hold for 3 minutes/4 minutes/eight minutes for each question asked. I finally ask to speak to the person she's asking the questions to. She hurries me off the line, saying the order has been placed and that someone will call me to answer all my questions. I try to explain that I don't want ANYTHING done until I find out what the realistic downtime will be and she tells me someone else will tell me. She hangs up.

06/20/07:

* A nice guy who's local calls me to ask what the line problem is and I bite my tongue. I tell him the WHOLE story and he says I won't have any downtime, but I also won't have a faster service without ordering it. The only plus is that I can have the option to get a faster service on the new system. After explaining the way it works he tells me he has to call me back in about ten minutes because he is having some problems with ordering the new modem. I cheerfully say 'no problem!'

* Ten minutes later the guy calls back to say he can't order it. I can either order it through Verizon or on my own. Afterwards I can be changed. I was NOT amused. I politely (while gritting my teeth) say I think that it should be on them since EVERYONE has said I could get the modem and he asks for a day to work on it. After offering to call customer service and complain he talks me into waiting til tomorrow.

Again... I am NOT amused.

06/21/07:

* IT guy calls back to say that he will be able to send the new modem to me for free... but he doesn't know when. Aparently there's some problem with their system, blah blah blah... and he'll call me back once it's ordered.

* IT guy calls to let me know that the modem is on the way! Then he asks if the PO Box is okay for them to send it to... I say, "It depends. How are you sending it? UPS won't deliver to a PO Box." "I'll have to call you back." *screams*

* ...*siiiiigh* I get home and there is NO internet connection. I call the tech department and get some guy in India who tells me he has to look through the script even though I tell him the answer won't be on there. Then he puts me on hold to ask someone. Eight minutes later he tells me he's still asking and I ask to speak to a supervisor. TWELVE minutes later the only jerky guy I've ever spoken to at Verizon answers. He's stand offish and simply says, 'Yep, they changed it over. Yes, there is a note saying to wait until the 27th. I guess they just ignored it. You'll just have to wait until Tuesday for the modem. You can call billing tomorrow about temporary dial up, but they're closed now'. When I tell him that's unacceptable because we start online classes THIS WEEK he says, 'Tell the teacher Verizon says we're sorry'. Rather than explode I opted to say, 'Oh, this phone call needs to end NOW.' He started to read off the Verizon script then stopped and simply told me to have a nice night. I had my fill. I sat and cried for a good thirty minutes before calling friends for advice.

06/22/2007:

* I call Verizon and push the the first tier of tech support to the dial up section. After giving me all the info he starts to walk me through the set up. That's when I learn I don't have a fucking Ethernet connection. ARGH!!!!! Now I have to buy one and then call back. I also was transfered to the Complaint department where a nice lady listened to my saga and said someone from corporate would be calling me back within four hours (after they open). We'll see...

* I spoke with a woman from the Complaint Department, who was really nice, and I *may* be on my way to being online again. Here's the catch: I have to go out and buy a modem (and they'll reimburse me) or wait until Monday for it to be sent via Next Day Delivery. Apparently the one that was ordered before went into a hold bin because they were trying to send it via UPS to my PO Box. The woman was VERY empathetic and said she would help me until it was finished. She said they would also address the unprofessional comment that the supervisor said. Of course there's always a catch... Best Buy didn't have the Modem they suggested and the Verizon store said that while they have it they can't check to see if they can bill me until I get there. Yeah, fun times... So now I have to leave work 1/2 hour earlier to drive to the store, get the DSL and then call the woman back. After that I have to try and install it before 4:30pm so I can go and pick up JakeD for our movie night.

I had better be able to notice a difference after all this. Fuckers...

Jake and I were kicking back after dinner when the DSL went down. I did the routine power down and IP release/renew, but it didn't work. Then I did the next step: panicked. This is what happens when you are so used to using the computer for everything. After digging up the Yellow Pages I called the Verizon help line. The biggest problem with Verizon support is that they employ really nice people to read off scripts. G-d forbid you actually have a problem with your computer. Then you get the "Uhhh... hold please" five or six times while someone else tells them to ask you questions from the 'higher level' script. Finally the guy orders a support ticket and tells me someone will be in touch with me within the next week. WTF!?! I got off the phone with them and called Pos. He had the DSL up within 10 minutes. The culprit? Verizon wouldn't release the IP so that my router could select one. I got BACK on the phone with Verizon to cancel. Ten minutes later I am talking to another nice guy who keeps saying the ticket was submitted for the wrong area and he needs to re-submit it. Finally I blurted out "But I want to cancel it!" He stopped for a second, then listened. I thought it was over with when he said, "Okay. Now I have to contact my manager to cancel the ticket. I don't have permissions to do that." *sigh* Next time I'm just calling Pos...