So I was driving to work behind some POS Nissan Sentra who couldn't seem to gain enough speed to go faster than 58 mph... in the fast lane. I coped pretty damn well under the circumstances. After muttering to myself I started imagining myself in a very large Monster truck, simply stepping on the gas and smooshing his slow-assed car to bits. All that was left was a tiny square bouncing off of the freeway while his screaming face peers out (Okay, so the truck is also a trash compactor). Then I took a deep breath and simply imagined a giant boxing glove popping out from my car and gently hurling the car forward. My random daydreaming went on for a while, until the idiot decided to slam on their brakes when traffic approached. And by 'approached' I mean about half a mile away. We're not even talking stopped traffic either. A few brake lights, followed by steadily moving traffic. After yelling out a few "WTF!"s I imagined the hand of G-d simply coming down and flicking him off the face of the Earth. Because He'd totally do that. I am one of the Chosen People after all. *looks up and smiles meekly* Let's just hope He has a good sense of humor.

I swear to fucking G-d... every time I get behind some person driving a newer Toyota Corolla they drive slower than shit after Mexican food. I've started to get a twitch in my eye every time one of them pulls in front of me. Slow and annoying. The kind of slow that makes it impossible to veer around them. These aren't old biddy drivers either. Young people, middle aged people. It's like they get hit by the fucker stick the minute they set foot in the driver's seat. I have no problem with people who choose to drive the speed limit. Just move to the right and let the rest of us maniacs continue on our way... damn it.

Oh my fucking G-d. Was yesterday 'let's drive the Red Rav4 driver bat shit day'? I left early to go to my doctor's appointment and managed to get behind every slow person driving in Los Angeles ALL the way to the office. I'd get behind a car and they would automatically start to crawl up the road. I'd swerve into the next lane... same shit. Within a mile I was edging up the road surrounded by a bunch of slow driving people who KNEW I wanted to pass. I tried the 'be cool and pretend it doesn't bother me' approach when the glanced over but my white knuckles told a different story. I could have landed planes with those babies. I was two blocks away from my turn when a HUGE truck pulled in front of me and went about two miles per hour. I swear to G-d I was hyperventilating by the time my street came up. There's no such thing as taking a drive in LA. It's called 'testing your willpower'.

I was driving to work yesterday morning and noticed a cop in the middle of the street directing the traffic. I swear its almost like conducting an orchestra. The little white gloves were mesmerizing. As I got closer it dawned on me... the lights were working. I glanced at the other lights... working. In my caffeine induced state I was tempted to point out this little detail but figured it was too early to get a ticket for being a smart ass. Weird...