I recently learned that someone I thought of as a friend was talking behind my back. Yeah, I know... junior high school shit. Still it hit me hard and I've been trying to deal with it. I really liked this person too. We post on the same forums (Sims related) so it's been hard for me to even enjoy the place.

Bullshit background: I like to thank people for their creations on the forums. I can't seem to create anything worth uploading and admire the hell out of those who try and succeed. I want to be supportive. I want to encourage new people to keep trying. Team player and all that... Most of the time they are objects I download for personal use. But there are quite a few that I thank without the download. It's not even a matter of quality. If I see something that I personally wouldn't use but think is absolutely adorable I want them to know. Why waste bandwidth to let someone know they did a good job? I never liked the 'It's not something I would use' comment. I don't see the need. The important part is that someone is sharing something they did and wants feedback. I'm more than happy to oblige. The mean person PMd a friend saying they basically didn't like me because of this. They felt it was pity posting or something like that. They also slammed my friend's work saying her friends only posted to be kind, and not because they liked her work. She posted about the conversation (minus the comment about me and the name of the person) because it really hurt her. Instead of just letting her vent and hearing what her friends had to say on the matter the mean person posted the PM (which was removed before I saw it) along with some very cruel comments about people who post without downloading. They left it with a 'I'd hate for them to come with me to buy pants' comment. This rubbed me raw. I felt like this was describing me to a tee. So much so that I deleted comments on creations of this person that I didn't download. Little did I know that they were talking about me.

The thread got out of hand and was locked. The person who was mean decided to pitch a hissy fit and delete ALL of their work and say they were only going to be on the main side (not the adult side). I was so appalled that someone would take creations from people who had nothing to do with the matter. It was so selfish. So childish. So... unlike the person I thought I knew. Then I was told about the PM. Ironically it was because the mean person accused my friend of telling me and she ended up having to tell me when asking if I knew. So now I was hurt and feeling humiliated. Worst of all, I felt like some sort of spammer. I didn't even want to post on threads. I felt like I was being judged. I went through my usual ask a billion people if I'm really that way and another person who I really liked said I kinda was. That made me feel even worse. Enough to want to leave.

A woman who I talk to a lot PMd me and I took a chance and told her about it (no names, etc..) Her response made me feel so much better. She reminded me of all the people who thanked me in posts and in PMs for being so kind and always saying something nice. One person called me an angel for making sure everyone had at least one post complimenting their work. My silly Moo was always supportive and then I got the PM I was dreading. I had asked a guy who I trusted to give me the truth. Brutal, but to the point. I half expected him to side with the mean person. Instead he sent a very detailed PM basically saying I was doing good for the community. That there is nothing wrong with thanking someone for their work, as long as you don't say you're downloading something that you aren't. I finally started to feel like the mean person was standing alone on this issue. If anything his comments hurt the community and it was better that he left. More importantly, I've seen him post on threads doing the same thing... so he was a hypocrite.

So now I'm trying to lick my wounds and join back in the fun. I figured it would be good to just get it out and be done with it. So there you are... the drama and it's closure. Except for when I bitch about the mean person... Cuz you know how I am. :p

Remember that thread on the Sim site that I was bitching about? Of course you do. Anyway, it was FINALLY locked, but not without a parting shot by the moderator. His statement was basically the forum it was posted in was for bitching... so don't complain if someone bitches and that the guy did something wrong and no one has the right to judge him for admitting it. He's partly right. No one should judge anyone. Not on that forum or in life. No one's perfect and the whole situation was sordid. I think the only issue people had was that he was publicly lying about it ever happening... and for the most part slapping the woman he was practically fucking on the board in the face. A woman who was adored by almost everyone there. In the end he didn't owe it to anyone accept for her. He could tell me that he's a three foot tall Gremlin that loves wearing frilly pink tutus with bee wings stapled onto the back and I'd just nod and move on. At the end of the day he has to look at himself in the mirror and see who he really is. A fucker... Not that I care. *innocent look*

As drama goes, I would rather chew on a mouth full of shit than have to deal with it. *puts away lunch* As with any community there's never a shortage of drama, no matter how mellow the place is. Lately the drama has been at the Sims site I love to go to. Incase you didn't want to read two posts down... and since I wrote out the whole fucking thing before realizing I had JUST wrote about it:

Two people start talking off the boards and it turns out the guy has a crush on the girl. Both say they are in a bad marriage and lust blossoms. They post ALL over the place how much they adore each other, and I sign up thinking said two are a couple. I learn of marriage issue later, and stifle it because it's none of my business. Then the woman's spouse finds the password and signs onto the site. Que the drama. She comes clean, tells him everything (two points for her) and that she wants a divorce. He asks for another chance and she says yes (a million points for her). Then the guy's wife finds the emails (don't these people delete anything?) and goes ballistic. She breaks his Sims discs and says she's leaving. He posts a dramatic I'm leaving thread which manages to piss everyone off because he sounds like a total pussy and tries to pull the victim card.

Anyway, the thread is still active and more people are chiming in with their views. My biggest concern is that they're going to start going after each other. One poster already told people his wife cheated on him and he caught her, so he's thinking of how the wife must feel if she reads this post. My opinion is that while I feel for the wife (even though all past conversations make her sound to be a real bitch) it's the guy's choice to even post on there. And since he decided to add the whole 'I was just being nice' bit all bets are off. The people went nuts and I even tried to make some sense of it all but couldn't without doing a little knee to the groin. If the guy would just shut up we'd all go back to our regularly scheduled fucking around and downloading custom content. Anyway, I'm sick and at home and not in the mood.

*sigh* After being home sick for three days I was finally starting to feel better and all hell broke loose at an unlikely spot: My one favorite Sims site. Part of me feels guilty because I spoke up about something that bothered me (which quickly blossomed into a full blown head-scratching event). But the other part of me still stands my ground. Yeah, so details...

A while back someone posted an annoying thread about how they were shocked that no one had known about them. I kid you not. Everyone was as polite as can be as they posted about how they were talented, etc... (I'm doing this from memory so don't hold me to everything being in line) and managed to hit a nerve with me. I bit my lip and mentioned the thread to a member who had been there a while and they said they felt the same way. I held back, not wanting to cause a stir but finally ended up calling them on their post. The woman clarified things, promised to upload content to show their work and all was happy again. We'd get new content, they'd have a place to upload.. blah blah blah. Except for one thing... she never uploaded squat. Instead she decided to start a forum and invite members over. I totally understand wanting to have control of your work and it's always nice to have your own spot... but it's the WAY she did it that I just wasn't thrilled with. She posted about getting new member sign ups, and kept posting about needing more people. One another person's forum. Without contributing squat. It was quite rude in my opinion. But hey, we can't all be classy broads can we (shut up Mike)?

Yesterday I saw a new post about the other person's site. I went to the site and noticed a Goals thread. Since I didn't see any content (and you know I love the custom content) I clicked on the goals thread to see what they were planning to do. *sigh* I should have just clicked off. I should have just held it in. But on the thread one guy (another total sweetheart) said to go spam the hell out of InSim (my favorite site). I was so taken aback, especially since they know all that the owners are going through. I went back to the InSim site and saw one nice guy posting about going there and I Pmd him with a thump. I just didn't know what to say. I was really annoyed with the spamming guy, but since I don't know the personalities I went for the one I figured I could talk to (but not knowing how to say it). Unfortunately he wasn't around and the original commenter was. I PMd him and spoke my mind. It had nothing to do with them posting on the board. I would never do that. We ALL post on different boards. It was about the spamming. And the fact that no one said it wasn't cool. In return the guy jumped the gun, said he was really spying on the site to see if they'd keep their word or just steal content (yes, this is a problem) and posted some mini rant about it. I was mortified. Enter nice guy number two. The first guy I thought would be easier to talk to (even if he thinks I think he's weird... weirdo). He jumps to defend the site, not knowing what transpired and I try to stamp out a fire and end up chatting on IM for a while with him. We worked things out (between the two of us) and hopefully all will be good on InSim too. I'm half dreading going there just to see the aftermath. Hopefully the chick that the post was directed to will be respectful enough to either ignore it or give a simple explanation as to why she never posted on InSim. As long as there's some sort of closure and we can get back to having fun and downloading custom content.

I ended up tossing and turning last night, just thinking that things weren't resolved. Plus... why the hell did the nice guy think I was... I dunno. standoffish maybe? Granted, I don't curse like a sailor there, but I did think I was the same person. I dunno. Maybe I have some sort of Sybil in me (shut up Mike and Mike). Yay for more drama....

The drama that is my cubicle neighbor happened to get into the elevator at the same time as me today. After the initial greetings we moved on to the weekend. I kept my answer short (it was nice) while she went on about working for extra money, trying to keep the house, telling her husband he needs to step up and do some work while watching the kids, etc... She added 'You know how it is'. I wanted so bad to say, 'Actually, I don't'. Don't get me wrong, I think everyone's gone through the phase where they spent money like there was no tomorrow and then flipped out after getting the bills. I'm sure most people fought their way out of debt that they should have kept in control. Hell... I went to the Consumer Credit Counseling Service (CCCS) after spending when I shouldn't have and putting rent/tires/oil changes/etc... on my credit card. I cut up those cards and slowly paid off every dime. In the end it felt liberating. I was in my early twenties... the age of discovering reason. This woman, on the other hand, is in her thirties with children to take care of. Three to be exact. Three kids and a husband who doesn't want to help with the kids, can't seem to keep a job and generally causes that woman grief. Grief that she talks about daily. Hourly. To anyone and everyone within earshot.

I'd love to give this woman advice. It would be so easy for me to just say 'dump his ass'. Easy for me because I wouldn't have to deal with children. I wouldn't have to deal with lawyers. When Jake and I were going through tough times I sat down and looked at our home and made a mental tally of his VS mine. The hardest part would be the cats. Hard for him, that is... because they stay with me. :p

Meanwhile the woman who sits by me is stuck in a situation that there's no easy answer for. So instead of answering I give her a consoling look and slight smile... as to say 'I understand'. What I'm *really* saying is 'Dear G-d... are we at our floor yet?'.

My dear friend is moving on. Moving past the bullshit, past the ickiness. Past... the DRAMA. Meanwhile I seem to be stuck in some sort of muck that is drowning me. What's worse is that I can't talk to my friend about it. Nor do I want to. He's managed to be in a happier place, filled with new prospects and a better handle on life and himself. He's learned what he needed to and managed to get out relatively unscathed.

Then there's me. StumbleUpon has always been a fun place for me. I've met some wonderful people there and had fun looking through all the different sites. That's how it should be. Along the way I've dodged the silliness that seemed to engulf peoples' lives, destroying what could really be a fun experience. Then again, these same people seemed to revel in it. If there was nastiness to be had, they'd dive right in... then holler like a child when they got bit. Or when someone took the bait. I couldn't help but wonder why someone would dive into what was destined to be a really messy experience. Yet here I am... staring at the bait.

I'm not a bad person, but I'm not perfect in any way. Nor do I EVER claim to be. But when I see someone making false accusations about me it makes my blood boil. That ex-friend who decided to out me? Well he's been making the usual 'poor, pitiful me' posts about being ousted from the place. Meanwhile he was the one that chose to leave. No one was evil to him. Granted, I didn't sugar coat my responses with 'but I wuv u'. That certainly doesn't mean I was nasty to the guy. Oh, and by 'leave' I mean post 'I'm leaving for a while, boo hoo' and then show up the next day.

The main reason I am at this point is that there are people I genuinely like at StumbleUpon. People who I enjoy chatting with. They also are friends with the ex-friend. One of which posted about wishing ill will on those people who 'chased him away'. That really bugged me. More than it should I guess. She doesn't know the whole story. That's the bait. If I jump in to defend my semi anonymous side of things it could get nasty. Most likely he'll say all sorts of lies (if he all ready hasn't) and I'll either be forced to be a part of the StumbleUpon drama that I have come to loathe or leave the place. One thing's for sure. If I do leave it's for good. None of this 'I'm leaving!' Then check for messages every half hour to see who begs for me to stay. *rolls eyes* Hopefully it won't come to that. Any advice, support, words of encouragement is greatly appreciated til this blows over. I need to talk about this with SOMEONE. :p

What's up with all the drama? Is it the religious holidays or just that time of the month? Either way my patience is wearing thin... REAL thin. Some woman semi-stalks my friend who was married to her ex husband (a complete loser) for a short while and now I have to deal with possibly booting her ass. Meanwhile the woman decides to show up on NoChickTrix while my friend is off having a great time on her honeymoon. I'm going to have to cool my heels until she returns, which I am horrible at doing. I just want to get this over with before it gets stupid.

Update: Okay, so my PMS got the bet of me and I seemed to have had a raging bitch-fest. The woman was nice enough not to post until my friend returned so it's all good. Gah! I should just take PMS weeks off.

I hate when relationships end. Friends or more, it's so draining. The acceptance of it is by far the worst. Just when you thought you had come to terms with it the reality hits you. You will never talk to that person again. They're gone. It's like a death. Things that seemed so funny now are just reminders of an inside joke that no one else gets. You look around and the room, or computer, takes on a whole new somberness. An object turns into something from 'them'. Things that you were saving to give to them now become this deep emotional burden. What the hell am I going to do with these!?!?!?!??! Send it to them? No, that would open lines of communication that you closed. Save them? But it will never be mine, I got it for them. Throw it away? Probably. And the time that you spent getting them goes with it. Put it in an unmarked box? So much energy over little things. No wonder people sleep all the time when they're sad. Too much energy is put into such minor things. But it keeps you from focusing on the end result. Or does it? Life is so harsh. People talk about the harshest conditions to live in, and weather comes to mind. Not me. The harshest condition is just living. Fighting every day to exist. Hoping that something will matter. Realizing that in the end it does not. Would you rather be a hero to a group of people... Or the one person who made a difference in someone's life?

It's hard for everyone when a business decides to do layoffs. Everyone goes through a whole gamut of emotions. Sad, angry, happy (that it's not them) and guilt. Right now I'm a little bit of everything (a talent from the Jew in me). I feel bad that my coworker is going, but a part of me want's her to leave already. Once she found out that she was definately being laid off she started being impossible to deal with. Everything that you ask her turns into the injustice of the company.

Me: Do you have any paperclips I can have?
Her: No! But it doesn't matter. In a week I'll be out on my ass and not even have a paperclip to my name.

Yesterday she crossed the line. She came in to my cubicle to whine/cry/rage about being laid off and started talking about how unfair our system was. "Why is it that someone gets to stay based solely on their years of service (me) while someone who has been a hard worker and fast learner gets laid off because she hasn't been here a while (her)?" WTF!?! What makes her think that she's better than me because she can make a fucking graph faster? Mind you, she's slow as shit after eating refried beans when it comes to any of our daily duties. She 'forgot' to do a report needed every 3 months for a whole year. Guess who had to do it... Yeppers, yours truly.

Now I know why they don't give any prior warning to people. I figure she's going to do dick as far as duties are concerned for the next week. She'll be too busy sending out resumes (fine by me) and bitching at me about how she should have been the one they kept (blow me).

< /bitch fit>

I have a coworker that is always talking about how broke she is. When we found out that our jobsite was moving she freaked. "I can't afford to pay ANOTHER penny! That's too much gas with no compensation." After chiding her for being dramatic 48 yrs old and in such dire straits she backed down and said that maybe she was exaggerating a little. Ya think? *rolls eyes*

I stopped feeling bad for her when she started showing off the pictures of the two purebred dogs and purebred cat that she had. There are dogs and cats being put to death every day that need homes. She was even looking into a weekend job to try and help pay off her credit card debts. Buying three animals that costs HUNDREDS of dollars each should have been the LAST thing she thought of doing.

She's also the last hired in our department, and most likely the first to go come May. She's even said that she expects it. She told me she was looking for another job... right before she left early to board her three animals at a kennel for 7 days (around $238) so she could go on vacation with her girlfriend. No, really....