How do I describe my mood today? Think two year old in a candy store and the word "No".

Okay, maybe just a little. Yesterday was one of the tougher days. I couldn't sleep all night. I was hungry. I was dizzy. I was pouting. I was... in pain. I fucked up and ate lasagna, which is a no no. What I really want is a normal meal. Some salad, diced potatoes and chicken. I just want to get back to feeling right. My stomach is still not right and everything I have makes me feel icky. Ew. I'm whining. Did I mention PMSing? *looks up* Guess not. This is a shitty week for me and an even shittier week for Jake.

I also hate that I'm stuck in this fucking apartment and have nothing else to write about except being stuck here. *sigh* Maybe I should just take a hiatus until I get out. Blah.

I have been fighting off a bit of depression the past couple of days. Two weeks of being stuck indoors, unable to eat anything and walking around our one bedroom apartment for exercize finally got to me. Yesterday I broke down and Jake whisked me away to... Best Buy. I bought Romancing The Stone/Jewel of the Nile, Independence Day, Speed, Alien, Aliens, Silence of the Lambs and Down Periscope. I may not have a great taste in movies... but at least I have more to watch! It felt soooo good to get out for a bit. I am hurting today because of it but that's okay. I go to the doctors on Thursday for my first check up. This should be fun. The only good part about an all liquid diet is that I've lost 21 pounds in 2 weeks. It's amazing what a 125-150 calorie a day intake can do for a body. :p

I've got a great boyfriend who I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. I've got a great group of friends that are never too busy to lend an ear. My job is much better and I've got all the comforts to make it a nice life to live in. So why am I sitting here feeling like something's wrong? I guess it's because I know what I COULD be doing with my life. No matter what I say, it always boils down to me making some changes that I'm not ready to make. I need to lose weight (who doesn't). But my back is fucked up from my knee and walking short distances locks it up. That brings me to my relationship. We don't do much. Part of it is that I can't do any walking. Then the finances come into play. Jake's job isn't going to become permanent, so we only have until December. Meanwhile he's still trying to become enrolled in school. I'm worried that he won't be able to afford books and whatnot, so I don't want to ask for more money on bills. He has been paying for some more, which helps me a great deal. My online life... well, it's changed a lot. I look at my forum now and wonder if it's ever going to pick up. It may need seem like an important aspect, but it's been a huge part of my life for the past four years.

Nothing too severe, just all the little things adding up and me not changing anything. The little things can get pretty big if you don't tend to them. I'm sitting here in the dark and wondering where to begin. Wondering WHEN I will begin.