I was going to respond to the comments my previous post in the comment section, then went a tad overboard. Besides, it's easier to read here and I look like I'm updating. :P

Two everyone who commented on the previous post: Thank you all for the kind words. *hugs* How ironic that the people I actually say made my time on the web worth it commented. I'm just so frustrated with nothing working. It's more about everything that I like is not what any NCTers like. Someone suggests I start an NCT Flickr group, then it dies. I suggest other things that interest me, but no one takes a second look. I'm out of ideas at this point. It's also my disilusion with meeting people. Between the jerks who sign on with one thing in mind: Insults... to the person who vows to be a friend to the end and is no where to be seen.

Thaum1el: You're not a lousy poster. I'd rather have someone post when they see something that interests them than ten thousand LOLs. You also start new threads, which I have always been grateful for. You're one of the sweetest guys I know.

Dynamitt: Sweet sweet Dyna. Heart of gold. I don't mind if Imeem is not for you. It's not like I am basing my friendship on people who sign up, I just wanted people to like the same things as I do. If people don't then it's not their fault... but I am lost at who to share what I like with, you know?

Jules: Cow. I kid. I kid. I know you're busy. Hell, I helped to get a lot of that 'busy' over to you. Now two friends are together and two members are AWOL. Hehe. Seriously though... You're always there for me and understand what I'm saying.

Dustin: (Everyone, this is Dustin. A great guy I met at IMEEM.) I can't imagine you not having lifelong friends banging at the door. You're such a good guy who knows just what to say. I'm not sure of what I will be doing on the web in the future, but I won't go completely off of it. I'd miss my friends too much. Especially the ones who commented here. They've always been wonderful.

Al: You know, you're the only person who took the Moderator title and didn't leave. I was beginning to think that it was a curse. You're also a wonderful and honest guy who I look forward to seeing in person. *hides pity pot* I know... I shouldn't be so down about it. But this isn't just a tantrum. I've been feeling this way more and more. Hell, I made NCT to be cheered up when I felt all was lost. That's why it hurts so bad. It shouldn't be the place that lets me down... or makes me feel like doing a chore by updating it. But the echoes get me to me. I simply don't know where to go with NCT anymore. Part of it is knowing I don't have any more time to devote to it than I already give. Like I told Dustin on his Imeem blog: Dreams hurt when they're something that is always just out of reach. That's when I start to question if it's worth dreaming.

I don't belong here. I've always had that 'outside of the bubble' feeling, but never as much as tonight. I've spent hours trying to find fun things to share with people and hardly get a peep anymore. When I do it's almost like a courtesy cough. Tonight really did it for me. I was trying to get a friend to sign up for Imeem and got hit with comments like 'it's shit'. Someone doesn't like bubbles and it's a shitty program. I admit would be nice to have more active members, but it's not like the whole program isn't worth trying. Whatever. I think what angered/upset me the most is that it's yet another thing I tried to share with people that got shot down. I don't expect to be the kind of person who finds the newest and greatest websites. I just wanted to have fun with people while finding new sites to enjoy together. The whole idea of levity links on NoChickTrix was to get people active. News links to get people talking. Rant, same thing. I feel like a total failure right now. Everything I tried hasn't worked.

My dream of meeting new people on the web seems to be coming to a close. I've met some really nice people, and some not so much... But many of the friendships never fully materialized. People I thought had become lifelong friends faded away. Members came and went in the blink of an eye and people who called NCT home moved on without looking back. Part of me wants to just shut everything off and never look back. Honestly I don't think anyone would feel a loss. For me it's finally admitting what I've felt for so long. I just don't fit in. I never have. The story of my life.