This morning was fun. Again... My OB (old boss) was in rare form, jumping down everyone's throat and freaking out about stupid shit. Then we met (again) about my duties. This time she pulled another staff member in to give the news of what duties they would be taking over. After the usual list she started talking about how everyone needs to learn more Excel, that it will help them in their career, blah blah blah... Whatever. Then she added, "When Odessa started she didn't know anything." Uhh.... Excuse me? WTF!?! While I wasn't the Master Chart Maker or Quick Draw McFormulas... I DID know Excel. I corrected her and she back stepped... adding how much more I've learned. Cow... Anyway, the person taking over mentioned to me about how she should get a raise for 'taking over all my duties'. Because I'm leaving and don't give a fuck I snapped back, "All of them? Please. You're not even getting a portion. But if you feel that way then by all means... ask for one." That shut her up. Considering most of the duties she got are really something she should have been doing from the start... yeah, no tears from this cubicle.

Our new temp has this... laugh. At first I couldn't place it. I know it was slightly annoying and slightly creepy. But it was also familiar. Friday morning it hit me. Duran Duran's Nowhere Girl. There's creepy forced laughter in the beginning of the song. It's EXACTLY how she sounds. I keep waiting for the echo and the bad hairdo to cue in after each breath. I don't think the laugh would bother me as much if it didn't sound so... forced. I understand that trying to fit in when you're a temp is tough, but fake laughter seems to push people away. Every time she laughs I can see 'Oh G-d, make her stop' expressions on the faces of my coworkers. I could be evil and tell her a really, really obnoxious joke and then leave the office... but I don't want to spend the last days at my job picking Temp flesh off of my desk. Not to mention I would totally lose any chance of a going away party. Fuck that shit. I'll have my party yet. *flips off lazy coworker*

So one of my coworkers wants to apply for my position. She's a good worker... when she wants to be. But *most* of the time she talks to her family members either on the phone or when they stop by her desk and chat for twenty minutes. She's also the one that is easily swayed with gossip and bullies other employees. All those are doable... considering my boss would ride her like a Stallion and break her into a pony. The part that *really* bugs the shit out of me is that she has NO experience with Word, Excel, Access or PowerPoint. I've tried to show her things from time to time and she would have none of it. To be fair... none of them would. Why learn something when I could do it? The worst part is she's had to use Excel in the past. The other day she asked me about the position and I said it was report heavy. Her response, "Well you didn't know it when you started, right?" WTF!?! Why does everyone think I was a total moron when I started at my position. The *only* thing I wasn't used to doing was graphs. Even then I had done some. And when I was hired we had one or two major reports a month. Now I have a total of 32 reports to do every day. That's before I update all my weekly, monthly and quarterly reports. Then there are the reports I'm asked to do on the fly. considering she didn't know how to add a column or make a title, her learning curve is straight up. I don't mind teaching someone my duties... but I'll be damned if I'm going to teach them how to use the programs. Fuck that.

The twit, by the way, is me. After consulting with the letter G-ds (Cat and Jake) I finalized my official farewell letter and sent it off to let everyone know I was out of here. First glitch was the group email. Basically... It was wrong. After resending it the next morning Jake IMs me about the email forward I left. the first draft of the farewell email was a sample I found on the web. I deleted, changed and sent to Cat for review. What I didn't realize is the email linked part of the address from the sample, which wasn't even close to my work address. After pondering the idea of getting the email address I decided to recall the email and replace with a new one. I was halfway there and accidentally clicked off of the new email. Instead of canceling the recall it simply deleted without any replacement. That meant I had to see which of the twenty to thirty people opened the email before resending. FINALLY I resent the email to everyone and the responses started flowing in. Some had already heard through the gossip vine. Others were shocked but tickled pink that I was finally getting away from my boss. All wished me well and said they'd probably still be working with me in some form or fashion. Lovely... it's like a bad penny. One coworker saw the failed recall email (I hate that it shows that) and asked if that meant I wasn't leaving. I refrained from saying, "Not very fucking likely" and simply explained it was to try and correct an email error. Whatever.

Later on in the day I was told I needed to train one of the nurses to do my daily reports. I went through and counted how many different reports I did and it ended up being twenty seven. I thought the nurse was going to faint. I have yet to write out how to do the major report... and am not looking forward to it. Try explaining how to change Excel graphs imbedded into a Word document to someone who doesn't know how to change Margins. It's one thing to show someone how to do this when they understand Word and Excel... but I'll be damned if I'm going to teach someone the basics of a program so they'll fuck up the document and blame me for not teaching them right.

Since I worked so hard (Read: forwarded to Cat and Jake) on my farewell email that I thought I'd post it here for posterity.

Hello Everyone,

As some of you may know, I will be leaving my position at the [old department] sometime in the next month. I have accepted a newly-created position with the [new job department], and I want to take this opportunity to say goodbye to each of you.

I am deeply grateful to have worked with such a warm, wonderful group of individuals. I have immensely enjoyed working here, and I appreciate having had this opportunity to work alongside you.

During the past several years, each of you has provided me with support, encouragement and guidance. As a result, I feel I have grown immensely; both personally and professionally. I have shared a unique camaraderie with each of you, which I hope will continue in the future - even if I may no longer work with you directly.

I look forward to the challenges and personal growth that will come with my future position, though I will remember my time with the [old job] fondly.

I wish you the best of luck and an abundance of success in the future.

Please feel free to reach me via email at [CORRECT email here].

Warm regards,

Odessa

In other words: Laterz! LOL!

Some days I wonder why I even come into work. Then I remember the bills.... A coworker comes up to me while I'm on the phone and says she'll come back. No problem. She pops by a while later, still on the phone. She says she'll come back. Do you see a pattern arising? She comes by AGAIN and I stop her from leaving. You know... because being on the phone isn't going to change. She announces that she's locked out of her computer and can't get in. Oy... I call the IT guy and he tells her to restart. I go back to my call. A while later she comes by to let me know she still can't get onto her computer. And by 'a while' I mean 'over an hour'. I contact the IT guy who tells her to restart and it's lather, rinse, repeat. So she comes up tell tell me that she has yet to get onto her computer and I ask her why she didn't tell me. 'You were busy'. WTF!?! I'm ALWAYS busy. I tell her to stick a note under my face if I'm on a call and she says, 'It's not that serious'. Oooookay. Cue the boss coming in late and finding out said coworker hasn't been able to sign onto her computer for two hours. Guess who's fault it is. I'll give you ONE guess. So yeah, I get the fucking riot act for not going over to her desk and standing there while she tried to sign onto her computer. The last I heard it's a password issue... otherwise known as a UE. Now I'm told the hard drive is going bad and it's still my fault that she didn't tell me she couldn't get in. Any rational person who's job solely relies on them being able to sign into the computer would raise hell if they couldn't get on. Yeah... welcome to UCLA. Home of the lazy. Meanwhile I'm working through lunch (as usual) and my boss said, "I could have kicked you out of your cubicle so she could have a spot, but I found other people." Gee, thanks. You're so kind.

This morning they had the weekly meeting with the AAs in my office. One of the coworkers who I like got verbally jumped about being slow with her duties. To be fair... she is slower than the rest. But she's also more thorough and the most pleasant to talk to. So of course I jumped in when I shouldn't have... which makes it look like I'm just sticking up for her. But whatever. Everyone offers something to their job. What the speedy demons add in speed they take away in customer service. *sigh*

So the server. Yeah... It's been choking on a big one lately. I have no idea why either. All I ask is that it not gork over the weekend so I can have an nice enjoyable weekend that doesn't involve volleying emails between my host and the people who maintain my server.

I may have big news but need to hold off sharing it. *smiles* Anyway, my birthday is tomorrow. Another year older, yet none the wiser. Yeppers, that just about sums it up!

We're the only office officially open for the Admin Holiday. This means we get all the 'I'm trying to make an appointment at the clinic but they're closed' calls. As if we can do anything but say, "Yes, they are closed. You'll have to call back on Monday." Then listen to them whine and bitch and moan about how they want to make their appointment NOW. I'm in a "Fuck off" mood, so it has not been pleasant. Meanwhile the pot luck party is in full swing and I have been keeping a VERY low profile so I'm not bombarded with comments. I couldn't pay so I'm not going to just mooch. I even had a coworker call in sick and say, "The drinks I brought are your donation. So now you can go!" I respectfully declined and felt about an inch high. Just leave me alone to my food that I brought and eat your damn pot luck! *grumbles*

I seem to have lost my train of thought. I've spent the day correcting a simple spreadsheet no less than seven times. The corrections are stupid shit that I totally should have caught. Like putting the wrong dates. THREE times. My boss finally put her head on the table and just gave up. I'm sure part of it is that I need my monthly vitamin B12. That's the thing with having my surgery. You can't slide on the vitamins. I have to do some major reports and simply don't have the ability to concentrate. Not good. Sooooo not good.

In other news we learned about a coworker that was let go with the other Britney snoopers. She was given the option of retiring or having her ass fired. She retired. I like the gal but think they should have fired her ass just like everyone else who violated HIPAA to peek into the life of someone in the entertainment business. I don't care WHAT they do for a living or what kind of person they are personally. Everyone deserves privacy. Everyone. You violate their privacy, you get shitcanned. End of story. I don't care what you are. Janitor, doctor, administrator. Same fate for the same offense. It doesn't matter what they saw, either. They still went into the records with the intent to view private documents. With the amount of emails that we received about HIPAA and the consequences for violating patient privacy anyone who went ahead and did it was a complete moron and doesn't need to be dealing with patient care.

We're supposed to have a potluck this Friday and guess who isn't joining in. Yeppers... You guessed it. Moi. With three days of no pay I am just barely making it and don't have enough to fork out for anything extra. Ironically it's supposed to be a general potluck/birthday celebration for the April birthdays (which means me). Personally I could give a rats ass about it, especially after the decision to make people bring their own cake was decided. Of course this little party was planned up by my boss since it's her 50th, which still makes the whole decision a load of crap. Everyone brings their own cake if they want to celebrate... except for mine. Yeah, real class.

I haven't even bothered to tell them. I figure when they ask I'll let them know. I'm just so done with this place lately it's beyond silly. Stupid rules, stupid peole and the person who gets the shaft has been me. Anyway, enough bitching and moaning and whining and griping. I have chocolate. Any day is a good day when there's enough chocolate around.

Here's the latest scoop on my ever dramatic life in the cubicles of hell that we call work. The lazy cow who pitched a fit about buying a cake for my friend and coworker? Yeah, she's spear heading a pot luck birthday for my boss, another coworker and yours truly. I fucking kid you not. I am beyond chaffed about this. I got the email and practically yelled out "fuck you" before deleting it. My friend intercommed me to express her extreme displeasure about this whole ordeal (IE: It fucking sucks). Personally I'd rather give them the finger and just stick to celebrating my birthday privately. I'll probably get my SARS carrying boss something since its a special birthday... maybe a rhinestone mask.

Yeah, so the lazy coworker managed to fuck up any future birthdays. They took a vote (at her insistance) and now if you want to celebrate your birthday you bring your own cake. Give me a fucking break. I always looked forward to having that done by someone. I don't have family and most of my friends aren't local. In short... It's the only time I really have a group of people sing happy birthday to me. I'll be damned if I'm going to buy a fucking cake for myself and bring it to work. That's just sad. My boss knew it was going to piss me off, so she didn't even include me in the vote. She told me as she had one foot in the other direction, ready to bolt. G-d forbid I should have a different fucking opinion. She can kiss my ass if she thinks I'm buying cake for people to eat just to get a happy birthday sung to me. And I'll be damned if I do anything for that cow that decided to bitch about the birthday celebrations.

Every day I go to break and lunch around the same time. It's rare I'm off by more than ten minutes. Every day I have someone call or come by with work related crap and they always say the same thing: "I know you're at lunch but..." There are a *few* times they pull the "Oh, you're at lunch? Anyway..." Either way I don't get to just kick back and rest in peace. Yes, I *can* go to the second floor and sit in a room that is filled with people I don't know and twittle my thumbs... or I can volley annoying calls and sit at my desk and blog. You do the math.

Today I get two calls from coworkers, one coworker that comes over and leaves when she sees my LUNCH sign up and finally a call from my boss. She starts to tell me about a problem, then attempts to rush me off of the phone by saying 'Anyway, you're at lunch we'll deal with this afterwards'. Oh sure... like that's going to sit well. Don't throw an issue partly in my lap, then snag it away and hold it over my head so I have to think about it for the rest of the hour. I FINALLY cut her off and just kept saying, "Just tell me, tell me, TELL ME." It ended up being something that the other coworker was bitching about... and it WASN'T my problem. I hate when people blame the software when it's a user issue. The report ISN'T wrong... The person running it incorrectly is. *grumbles* I even blurted out, 'It's a USER error" while said user was in the room. I didn't make any friends today, that's for sure. Fuck em if they can't do their job. Is it five yet?

Oh G-d! The mentality of my workplace just dropped below a two year old. We have two coworkers being pissy with each other and I'm the one that has to deal with it. One coughs so the other bitches. The coughing chick retaliates by bitching about the lazy one always being away from her desk. The latest installment of As the Playground Turns was this morning. We get an email from the lazy one bitching about the coughing one not doing all her work fast enough. I kid you not. Her cryptic email made my eye twitch. She spent the whole day monitoring this other person's workload... but didn't do shit to help out. My friend/coworker, who was also CC'd on the latest bitch mail, rolled her eyes and shot back asking the lazy one to clarify what her email was actually for. While part of me wants to block any bitch content from my Inbox I am curious to see how she'll spin this one. "Oh, I was just letting you know...' isn't going to fly. *grabs popcorn*.

A stool pigeon. A rat. A.. a... spyish person. My Boss finally noticed that one of my coworkers has been taking advantage of the VERY cushy job that she's been given. This is the same person that she was talking about promoting because of her excellent work. To be honest the girl CAN hustle and get things done. The problem is that it's only when she wants to. Last week my boss freaked out about the long holiday and started telling everyone to help her out and me to take messages. I balked. Why be backlogged with patient calls when two people could clear the fax out? She scoffed. She rolled her eyes. She... mocked me. WTF. Then she did her sarcastic 'FINE' (which I can do soooo much better) and told me to do it. I cleared that sucker out with time to spare. She looked at the work and conceded. I wasn't happy with that. I made her admit that I was right and that she was wrong. To my surprise she actually did. Since then she's been on a mission to make sure my coworker either stepped up or stepped aside. As frustrated as I am with the predicament I am pissed off that the coworker put me in this situation. She knows she's being watched. She KNOWS she can work harder. She KNOWS our boss can and does listen in on conversations. Yet she continues to call family and friends throughout the day and not do the work she's supposed to.

This morning she was given a relatively simple task. Clear out the inbox by 9am (before most offices open). At 9am none of them were cleared and I walked by to see her on the phone with her bank. I wanted to smack her upside the head. She was being offered a chance to be reclassified, get a raise and move up... and it's for the easiest job ever! Yet all she can do is fuck around because someone isn't sitting next to her and breathing down her throat. You know... if they're going to add 'babysitter' to my list of duties I want a fucking raise.

Work drama can be humorous. I find the petty stuff the funniest. Every day I run a dozen reports to put together a daily report of how we did the day before. It shows how many calls we answered, how many referrals we did, etc... It's supposed to be there as a sort of personal gage. Some of the coworkers use it as a weapon. It doesn't matter that each person also has other tasks which impact on calls, etc... Instead of using it to help themselves they use it to point out the problems of other people. Sibling rivalry exists everywhere. I have one coworker who watches our phone call display with a vengeance and calls me the minute she thinks she's getting the wrong amount of calls. Annoying? Yes. But at least she's keeping track. The pettiness REALLY gets stupid when they start pointing out minute details (I was on hold less time then them) without acknowledging the obvious (they were ALSO off the phones more). I *could* get snarky and point the ironies out... but I'm just not that interested in running twenty more reports to prove that this person does as much work as everyone else based on all their job duties. Instead I smile, give a surprised look and then go back to my job and thank goodness I don't have to work closer.

Honest to G-d, this lazy coworker is going to be the death of me.... or her. On Friday I reminded her that a fellow coworker's birthday was this weekend and it was her turn to buy the cake. The rule is the last person to have a birthday gets to buy the next person a cake. Simple, right? Fair, right? yeah... so anyway, this lazy cow forgets to get the cake on Monday. I ask her and she starts some song and dance about having things going on, etc... and I slapped her back with a "It's ONCE a year. They did it for you." Tuesday 4pm rolls around and TT points over her shoulder that the cake is here. What she DOESN'T tell me is she 'forgot' again and another coworker got it for her. I ask if she's going to get everyone together and she starts some bullshit about how I can do it because she's busy entering stuff. I started to, then went back to my desk. It's not my problem. 4:15pm rolls around and she asks me as I walk by. I asked if she wanted to do it the next day. She agrees then I add, "Fine. You call up AR and tell her you have the cake but we're doing it tomorrow so she knows she wasn't forgotten." She looked at me like I said, "Fine. You slice the baby up and eat it's intestines while we point and laugh at you." She even had the nerve to say "I didn't even want to be involved in this." I said, "fine, you tell The Boss you don't want to". Two minutes later I was told we were doing the cake. Mind you, that lazy cow didn't even flinch. No well wishes, no nothing.

Part of me wants to call her on it and say that she can just not be involved in any of it. But that's bullshit. We don't do much together and this is one thing we all do to share a private moment of our lives. While most places get to go out and have lunches we are stuck answering phones all day. If she can't be arsed to be a team player then she shouldn't be here. Stupid cow.

Some weeks are bad and some are really bad. Then there's this week. If I had to rate it on a scale of pain (one being an ache and ten being amputation and disembowelment by psycho killer) I'd have to rate it a 6.5. Seriously... losing a limb by Michael Myers isn't that far behind what this week has done. I've had patients from hell, incarcerated patients whose cases needed to be hand carried (with no less than 15 calls a day) and coworkers who found any and every opportunity to weasel out of their responsibilities with a simple 'I didn't know'.

Last night I even had a guy in a moving truck stalking me... for about eight miles. Everywhere I went he veered into my lane to follow. At first I thought he was just not paying attention. Then just an asshole. By the time I pulled into the grocery store parking lot I realized that he was following me. I parked and called Jake to let him know and the guy circled the huge lot... twice. There were plenty of spaces to park too. Then he seemed to disappear, but not before I called Jake again to tell him to hurry up. As we pulled out of the lot I spotted him, sitting in the van across the street, blocking traffic. He pulled out to follow but got stuck at the light. Thank goodness for slow people. Finally there was a death of a coworker's mother. I had to sit there while my boss tried to marginalize the issue. "Well, she knew it was coming". As if losing a parent to cancer VS a car accident is any less painful. Now I'm sitting here and begging for five o'clock to come so I can fly out of here and just vegetate with Cat and Mark while praying that this weekend takes forever to end.

Yesterday a coworker offered a tin of cookies to us. I politely declined, saying we were trying to be good. Now I wish I had taken the damn things. She decided to offer them to all of us, begging me to try the 'yummy cookies' her uncle bought her that she couldn't eat for health reasons. I grabbed a couple while faintly hearing another coworker whisper 'don't!' and took them to my desk. I sat down, popped in one of the cookies in my mouth and then... stopped. The taste. It was... oh man. It was like old playdough. I reached for the trashcan and spit it all out, then followed that up with the other cookies I had grabbed. In the background I could hear a faint snickering with an 'I told you so'. That bitch. :p Today I heard the group whispering about what to do with the playdough cookies. They didn't want to hurt our coworkers feelings... but didn't want to spend the next eight hours spitting up nasty treats either. I walked up and showed plan C to them. I took a handful of cookies, smiled, then dropped them into the trashcan. I figure two to three days of feeding the trash should make everyone happy. I is so smart.

Every morning I walk past a coworker on my way to fill up my water bottle who just HAS to start asking me work questions. I haven't even had my coffee and already she's found SOMETHING wrong that she has to bitch about. That SOMETHING is also somehow my responsibility to fix. G-d forbid she actually look for directions or click on something to see if it's fixable. She's one of those helpless people who doesn't know a lick of Excel but uses it anyway... and expects me to correct any errors she manages to create (and she ALWAYS does).

This morning it was about the date. She said she typed January 08 and it went back to January 07. No matter how many times she tried (my guess is two) she couldn't get the date to be 08. Usually (meaning every fucking day) I go over there and magically fix whatever issue she has. This morning I'm tired. I'm cranky. I haven't had my coffee... AND I'm PMSing.

Her: It won't change to 08
Me: Wow... *rolls eyes*
Her: No matter what I do
Me: I never heard of that
Her: I've tried it over and over
Me: Gee... that sucks. Maybe you should just type January since the report is named 2008?
Her: Nevermind (really pissy). I'LL keep trying.

Then she gives me attitude because I don't fly over there to save the day. Again. Besides it NOT being my job to be her secretary, I REALLY didn't appreciate her 'so you do it' attitude. She's been on my nerve all week with the 'Oh woe is me, I work so hard' while I pick up her slack (and the rest of the groups). I don't bitch about it. I don't whine to them. I just do it. So yeah... I got a tad annoyed when she once again expected me to fix something without asking how SHE could do it. Is this day over yet?

Demon = food. Lots of it. Everywhere. GAH! I've been munching on finger sandwiches, cookies, baked goods and everything else they've set down for us to eat all day long. It started innocently enough. we had a Tea Party to raise more money for the needy and (semi) needy families we are adopting this year. I say 'semi' because I can't call a family that's Christmas wish is for a Wii and a 19 - 20 inch TV needy. The other family has so many needs. A family of seven (Mom and dad with five children), two children severely retarded with severe medical conditions and one of those is wheelchair bound. They live in a horrible part of town and barely get by. Their requests for a ham on Christmas and a jacket for one of the boys broke my heart. They weren't asking for much... just a few necessities and a nice dinner for the holiday. Back to that later.... First, the food. Oh yes, the evil evil food. home baked goods, little sandwiches made by coworkers and freshly brewed tea was too much for me to handle. I ate. and ate. And... took a little breather, then ate again. Each portion just enough to satisfy my hunger, but more portions than I care to mention. Oy... To make matters worse (for my tummy and waistline) they brought all the extras and placed them RIGHT... BY.... MY... DESK. Kill me now.

Okay, back to why I'm so miffed about this fucking adopt a family shit. The one family truly needed our help in every sense of the word. They needed the kindness that only seems to come around this time of year. Wallets open a little more, people listen a little longer and kindness is spread a little thicker. Except when driving. Those bastards are all getting coal in their stockings. So when one family was unable to be reached our building took on a coworker who was in a bad accident and needed several surgeries. Needless to say, their Christmas wouldn't be great. I have no problem with helping out people in need. But when the wish list consisted of the Wii game console and a 19' - 20' television (for a nine year old) I balked. I grumbled. I raised hell. We went above and beyond the amount that was expected only to be told they were going to buy them the game console. WTF!?! I don't care if the kid wanted it... you don't buy a 'needy' family a $300 - $500 gift. Food, gift certificates yes. But a game console that needs games which run about $30 - $50 each? I don't fucking think so. If you can afford that, you aren't that needy. The coup de grace was finding out that not only did the second floor people buy the kid the Wii AND the television, but instead of joining us and donating the rest of the excess money to other families who weren't adopted they opted to 'take care of their own' and buy other things for their coworker. Merry Fucking Christmas...

My weird coworker says this over and over and over again. Thirty three times. Thirty three times for ONE call. By the end I wanted to slit my wrists.... or her throat. She also loves to say "Hi. hi. Hi. Hi. Hiii." My other coworker almost kissed my boss' feet when she was moved across the office (and out of WC's range). She loves to repeat. It's worse then Valley Girl chat. Over and over... and I have about five more hours of trying NOT to strangle her. Anyone want a human parrot?

This year I managed to ditch that annoying Santa fucker at work. While he ho ho ho'd around all the employees that cared I hid in the kitchen with another anti-santa person and bitched about him. We also bitched about fearing Clowns too... which was cool. I felt like he was a kindred spirit until he mentioned fearing antiques. Then it just got weird. Yeah, bah humbug to you too. Now I have all the people around me laughing about how I ditched Santa. A few said they were on the look out to warn me. It's said when it gets to the point where you have to hide just to not get into an altercation with some moron who throws on a costume and suddenly thinks he's all that. Next year I'm going to line up mini GI Joes with Santa targets around my desk.

Every time I see this one woman at work she asks me how much weight I've lost. At first it made me feel good to tell someone. After a while it got... annoying. I don't even talk to this woman outside of 'hello, how are you?' and now I add 'even more!' or 'not weighing myself'. Still... she still asks. Personally I think it's kind of rude, but it's my fault for answering her original question. it's gotten to the point to where I just walk by and don't make eye contact. I don't WANT to share how much I've lost. I don't WANT to bring a scale in to satisfy her nosy desire to watch my butt shrink. Isn't there some sort of human etiquette on what you should and should NOT ask total strangers? I think I buy her a book on How Not to be Rude* for the holiday. That or just tell her to fuck off. Hmmm.... The latter IS cheaper.

*not an actual book that I know of. Just being a sarcastic shit because it's Friday and I'm on my second cup of coffee. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

...the young caucasion girl. That's the first thing a woman who works at UCLA snapped at one of the nurses. It was also the start of a thirty minute tyrade that left two woman (both UBER nice) shaking and me steaming mad. The reason for her flipping out? A woman who called us excessively when she didn't get any call backs was also calling this bitch. So my coworker called to check if she got the paperwork. When she never got a callback my coworker called two more times to see if everything was okay, etc... So yeah... it's over this woman feeling like we're trying to make her DO HER JOB.

The next day when I learned of it I went directly to our boss' office and told her of the incident. It took me forty minutes to convince the woman who got the brunt of the verbal abuse to agree to make a complaint. By the way, she's not caucasion and a few years shy of forty. Luckily the employee's boss is on good terms with us and VERY customer service conscious. We rehashed the event via phone and managed to get quite a few gasps and shocked expressions before it was done. My boss was NOT pleased. I even used my 'we're not working in a pencil factory ya know... we're working with patients and need to be more considerate' lecture. Sure... it was preaching to the choir, but it felt good to add it.

I'm always amazed at how nasty people can be. Especially those who will tear anyone apart if they think the person is too nice to stand up for themself. Throughout the tirade this woman whined about being the only one as if she were at the helm of the Titanic and narrowly missing icebergs daily. I wish I could tell her that the person she screamed at is dealing with a mother dying of cancer. A grandfather dying of old age. A grandmother walking the halls with Alzheimers. Two jobs to try and support them all... and STILL manages to smile and be pleasant. I DID tell the manager that later on. Luckily she knows her and is sympathetic to the situation. What happens remains to be seen. Bottom line: The cow needs to be slapped. *sigh*

The drama that is my cubicle neighbor happened to get into the elevator at the same time as me today. After the initial greetings we moved on to the weekend. I kept my answer short (it was nice) while she went on about working for extra money, trying to keep the house, telling her husband he needs to step up and do some work while watching the kids, etc... She added 'You know how it is'. I wanted so bad to say, 'Actually, I don't'. Don't get me wrong, I think everyone's gone through the phase where they spent money like there was no tomorrow and then flipped out after getting the bills. I'm sure most people fought their way out of debt that they should have kept in control. Hell... I went to the Consumer Credit Counseling Service (CCCS) after spending when I shouldn't have and putting rent/tires/oil changes/etc... on my credit card. I cut up those cards and slowly paid off every dime. In the end it felt liberating. I was in my early twenties... the age of discovering reason. This woman, on the other hand, is in her thirties with children to take care of. Three to be exact. Three kids and a husband who doesn't want to help with the kids, can't seem to keep a job and generally causes that woman grief. Grief that she talks about daily. Hourly. To anyone and everyone within earshot.

I'd love to give this woman advice. It would be so easy for me to just say 'dump his ass'. Easy for me because I wouldn't have to deal with children. I wouldn't have to deal with lawyers. When Jake and I were going through tough times I sat down and looked at our home and made a mental tally of his VS mine. The hardest part would be the cats. Hard for him, that is... because they stay with me. :p

Meanwhile the woman who sits by me is stuck in a situation that there's no easy answer for. So instead of answering I give her a consoling look and slight smile... as to say 'I understand'. What I'm *really* saying is 'Dear G-d... are we at our floor yet?'.

That's what I've been saying since the one coworker started working on our fax server. She keeps kicking back records that have everything and I have be the one to look like an ass when they call to find out what's going on. I swear I'm going to start telling them she's an alcoholic just for the pity defense. Of course... it's funnier if they can see my hand movements when I tell them. Now watch... she's sleeping with Jack Daniels and I didn't even know it. :p

The Creepy IT Chick has a few more nails in her coffin. One of which is complementary of my boss. She talks loud. And cusses. And gossips. And bitches. And... she's annoying. So after a round of 'lets bitch about the boss in a job that I'm not even officially hired in' my boss had had enough. She slammed her door (not the first time) and typed out an email to her boss, politely asking for someone talk talk to her about her tone and wording. She actually had a good point. There's nothing worse than talking with a patient who's loved one is dying and trying to drown out profanities and negative comments of the person next to you. CITC admitted her volume level was high and promised to keep it down. That last for a total of three days. Monday she was back to her old self with the Creepy IT guy that hangs around her and their boss came by. She asked them how long they had been there and if she remembered that all lengthy conversations were not to be held at her desk. With that the guy skittered away and CITC was left to simmer at her desk. I could bake an egg on her forehead. Oy.

I really don't feel *that* bad for her. She's bitched about this job since I first met her. Everyone who walked by her desk would have to listen to snarky comments about her boss and whoever else she worked with that wasn't around. I felt like I was in junior high again and happened upon one of the mean girl spots. You know... the corners that all the bitchy girls hung around, cat calling to everyone else. The minute one of the teachers walked by they went into innocent mode. The biggest difference is... this chick is in her 50s/60s. It's no wonder she can't find a permanent position. Snarky ISN'T sexy. :p

One of my close friends who retired has come back to work as a temp to help us out. I love her to death... but she drives me batty at work. She always asks a million questions, seems to be a magnet for any computer issues (like I'm one to talk) and expects me to drop everything to fix her problem. Thursday morning I was not in a good mood and she was waiting for me when I arrived. I didn't even have time to flick my computer on before she was asking me to fix her latest issue. For some reason Microsoft Outlook just loves to freeze on her. Every day. Multiple times. The first five days I was patient. Now I'm ready to revoke her computer privileges. I feel bad because I adore her to death. I just wish I could adore her *outside* of work. At this rate I'm going to kill her before her assignment is over. Oy...

A woman who works in our office just came back from a mental stress leave. After three months of being off (part of which she was institutionalized) she is trying to get back into the swing of things. We talked about her being on medication and the stigma that it created... even losing friends because of it. I told her that they weren't real friends in the first place if they judge you on that. It's hard to accept that in this day and age mental illness is still so taboo. I explained to her that it's like any chemical imbalance. Diabetes, heart conditions, and other health problems can all be controlled by medication. It doesn't make the person any less of a decent human being. The nice thing was that she wanted to talk about it. She wanted people to know. She figured that way they could make their decision and she would know where they stood. I admire her for that. We had a nice conversation and she really looked happy about talking to me about it. It's one of those awkward situations where you want to tell someone... you just don't know how.

An interesting tidbit was how she spoke about her culture (she's black) disregards mental illness. She's going through horrible depression and they're telling her to pray, put her faith in G-d, etc... As if she's just not religious enough and that's her problem. Why do people rely on religion for everything? As if everything else is just a way to stick it to G-d. I told her the next time they're on death's door with a cold and have enough snot flowing to drown a cow... tell them they need to pray instead of taking that Cold medicine. Let's see how fast they backtrack on their opinion when *they're* the ones suffering. Oh, and then duck. Nyquil bottles can cause a nasty bump on the noggin when thrown... even from a weak bible thumper.

Technology is a great thing... if you have the basic understanding of the process and/or learning capabilities. We have a few people at work who view anything new as 'too hard' or 'too confusing' and manage to fuck up even the simplest of tasks. Take this one guy for instance. He shares our fax server and has managed to fuck it up no less than three times. A simple task such as sending a fax becomes a huge ordeal when he has to type in the fax number on a computer instead of pushing the buttons on a fax machine. He's also managed to use up all the server space uploading personal photos. Apparently he didn't think using it as his personal photo album was a big deal.

Then there's this twitty girl who thinks the IT guy is her personal tech support. She's driving him crazy over a personal issue while I'm driving him crazy about a work one. There was a time that I thought tech support was a decent job to look into. Now I see the darker side. The darker, dumber side. I'd be fired within a week for slapping people upside the head.

My workplace has just gotten stupid. I don't know if it's because the staff is all female or we just got unlucky with the personality types. I vote for the female issue. Most women I've known are prone to gossiping. Add a bully (or two) into the mix and you've got a recipe for headaches galore. What's worse is that all the women in my office are in their 40s and 50s. You'd think they'd grow out of this playground behavior. Instead, they seem to have almost mastered it.

"Coworker A (CA)" is a bit slow in her production. What she lacks in speed she makes up for in knowledge. "Coworker B (CB)" is fast and on the ball when it comes to her job. My boss made her lead because of that. Her problem? She can't just do her job. She's either on the phone with family members or they come by her desk to chat. This is all day long, every day. Then there's the problem employee, "Coworker C (CC)", that I bitch about from time to time. She is constantly over at the busy body's desk, gossiping. CB and CC get together and gang up on CA. The last few weeks has been beyond ridiculous... so I went to my boss. She half listened, and now has my friend trying to intervene. Meanwhile I have to sit there and listen to all the childishness while they take turns bickering about each other. I need a vacation... BIG TIME.

Working in the medical field has it's perks. It also has it's annoying parts. People want free advice. They want to know it's going to work before they even try it... even if there's no guarantee that they will have the same outcome. Try explaining that to someone looking for a miracle. so yeah... this Friday I met with a friend's niece and talked about weight loss surgery. Here's the kicker: It was at a burger joint. Their choice, not mine. Jake and I met up at Hamlet's and ended up sitting for a half hour before my friend got there. Then another thirty minutes til her niece arrived. She was nice, funny and I think would do good with the surgery. Then again, this is a non medical opinion based on one meal. The hardest part is giving her information without touching on my personal opinion of the doctors/personnel. Surgically the doctor is excellent. Personally... not so much. But that was with me. Again, same thing with the staff. How I have to deal with them is completely different, so it's not fair that I even bring that into the mix.I spoke about it with my friend beforehand and she agreed that it wasn't something to discuss. Stick to the medical questions, leave the personality part out of it.

Saturday was decent, although I checked my PMS time-frame several times after having it out with Jake. Nope, not due. He was just being an ass. He wanted to go to Cat and Mark's house to play games. He also discussed with them about getting me to join. Bad idea. See... I don't play video games. I grew up before they were everyone's passion and personally get too stressed when watching. Plus, most of the games Jake plays makes me dizzy just to follow. I feel like I'm sea sick after a few minutes. Give me something silly like the Sims 2 and I'm happy. Anyway, he told me and I suggested they come to our place so I could fuck around on my computer while they played. He started the make me feel guilty and I got pissed. REALLY pissed. It's not fair that I should have to play something just because he wants me to. If I'm not interested... then I'm not interested. It took me half the night to get over it. In the end they had fun with their games, I downloaded a ton of shit for the Sims 2 game and all was good. In between we had a good meal, interesting conversation and the night ended on a positive note around 2 a.m.

Is the weekend really over? *sigh*

Part of the area we're *loosely* connected to department wise decided to email me yesterday and ask if we could do some work for them. Mind you, the person asking is part of a clique that takes 45 minute breaks, 2 hour lunches and meanders back and forth to each others' offices for the other part of the day to chat. In short: she doesn't do dick. With people going on vacation and medical leave our staff is limited. Since my boss is on medical leave I was left with the decision. I asked her to clarify her vague email and stated my boss is not available (she was having dental surgery that day). She sent me a snotty response with the same vague wording and said that certainly someone else could make the decision. Fine... I said no. I also copied our IT guy and suggested he help her set up an email for it. She got snippy, told the IT guy to disregard and said she'd speak to her boss. Fine, you do that you little twit.

I mentioned the email to my boss before I left yesterday. She was in one of her moods and said we should try to help. Before I could get an answer back from the little twit about what exactly she wanted my boss jumped in and said we'd do it. Besides that she didn't delete the section that I asked to NOT forward. I was pissed. Part of it was because they don't do shit and this was a total dump. Why make us do work when the IT guy can simply create an account for them? Because they're stupid, that's why...

This morning was hectic. We had a staff member on vacation, another calling in late and a third going home sick. I was not in the mood to deal with laziness, but whatever. The lazy cow emails my boss back thanking her, and adds that "it shouldn't have been made a big deal". I was furious. I was livid. I flipped. I emailed my boss a bitchy letter and then clicked send, knowing it was bound to piss her off. It was wrong, especially since she is in pain. I immediately felt guilty. Instead of a bitchy response she emailed saying I was too negative and that things are going to change, blah blah blah... Before I could send my email she was on the phone. In pain. I felt about two inches high. I blurted out my feelings about how they are lazy and this was a no brainer and she gave her reasons why we needed to keep on their good side. Before I could give my reasons why we should tell them to fuck off and die (not really good reasons, but it felt good to say) our fire alarm went off. Fuck! I jumped off the phone and hurried down the stairs for the mock fire drill.

I came back to my desk and emailed my boss about the 'big deal' comment, saying that could she at least address that. I hit send and her email popped up... addressing it. At least we're on the same page. She told her that it WAS a big deal when staffing is an issue and that I was rightfully concerned. Take that, bitch! She also added that it would be nice if she planned ahead when she expected to use us and explained that we are doing more work than before. I felt vindicated. I... smiled. HAH! The twit wrote back a lame excuse about just finding out (bullshit) and my boss shot back that this isn't the first time they've had a 'last minute' request. End of fucking story.... *shoots middle finger into air and smiles*

Today was a trying day for my nerves. Besides the regular slew of calls I had a guy completely flip out on me as soon as I said, "How may I help you?" Aparently Help = Scream at. After the first SIX times I said "I am trying to HELP you" you went over the deep edge. I decided to kick it into high gear and just.... sat there. I waited for about thirty seconds (which is an hour in silence time... ask JakeD) before reinterrating that I was trying to HELP him and that the only way I could HELP him was if he stopped yelling. I think each time I said HELP it was like a poke in the chest. Just enough to almost say FUCK YOU without losing my job. Finally the little bastard shut up and I put him on hold while trying to track down (and kill) the person responsible for him being on my line. I found the original coordinator who took care of his case and asked for the background. She said that she left a message 45 minutes ago with his wife that he still needed information. Fine. I picked up the phone and began to repeat what she said. Halfway through my ears crawled into the side of my head and shivered while he screamed, "My WIFE?!?! I don't HAVE a wife". I promptly put him back on hold and looked for something sharp as I asked her who EXACTLY she called. "Oh wait. This is a different patient." I snapped, "Fine, then YOU can tell him that" and transfered the miserable bastard to her. Then I looked for something dull. My kingdom for a spoon....

It's freezing at my work! If it's above 68 degrees I'll eat my panties. Try typing with frozen fingers. GAH! I can't believe they expect me to type like this. We went through this last year and had to resort to gloves scarves. You'd think this was the East coast in the winter with all the jackets and blankets draped over people just so they could work. I swear I'm half expecting to see my breath.

Meanwhile all the heifers with hot flashes who bitch about the slightest change in temperature are cheery and I'm freezing my ass off. I'll probably regret this in ten years or so but right now I feel like they should stick a couple of ice cubes up their butts and let me thaw out. The worst part is it's still stuffy in here. No wonder I have yet another sinus infection.

Bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch.... And I'm not even PMSing... YET. Fear my blog, man...

...meets the laziness of state employees. Yesterday my boss went to a meeting and I was left in charge of making sure the calls were being taken care of. Abandonment rate is a big deal for a phone center, which doesn't mean the employees care. Left and right people were putting themselves on Not Ready, making call outs when three people were in the cue and just not caring. By the end of the day I wanted to rip my hair out and dance on their lazy heads. You'd think they would care that each call is a person in need of medical attention. But they were too busy fucking around and not hustling when the busy time started. I'll bet they'd hustle if each call lost equaled an hour of pay. Fuckers...

The Creepy IT Chick does it again. I ask her why her report is off by ten appointments and she tries the 'oh you know, we're going to be off by some' bullshit. I ask her to show me which ones and she starts a whole line of bullshit about the data I give her, blah blah blah... including that it doesn't have the same information. WTF!?! I ask her to show me and after some extra bullshit she pulls up the report. EVERYTHING is there. She starts in with the discussion MONTHS ago and how we agreed to do this and that... whch was major bullshit. After pointing that out (politely) she realizes its on her part and says she has to figure out what's going on.

Fast forward to our meeting with her boss and mine. After she's called on the carpet for the time it takes her to run the reports (hours turns into minutes) my boss starts asking for control of the reports again. While I appreciate her help, it would seem we lose more than gain with it. I mention the issue and she practically dives in to say it's being fixed. Both bosses miss that exchange and I am left with getting a Macro that doesn't work. The hell with that! I confront my boss (in the bathroom) and tell her what's happening. She goes into a long bitch session that I can only cut in on by flushing (I am so getting a flushing sound for my desk). In the end she wants me to alert her boss so she doesn't expect me to get incorrect data. Lovely...

I hate feeling like a snitch, but this chick is Pro when it comes to bullshitting. Lately she's been in the dog house for not following through with her work (even being suspended for three days) and she's not even a fulltime employee. I just hope to get the Macro before she takes off and I am left with hours of work again. Oy...

That lazy cow. My coworker pissed me off three shades of red. No, FOUR. After running a report I noticed one of the referrals was wrong. I called up my coworker (we'll call her HEIFER) and asked what happened. After doing her usual song and dance she said the doctor on the patient's referral wasn't listed so she picked another doctor's name with the last name of 'Weis....'. Oh yeah, THAT just makes all the sense in the world. It's like referring a patient to a Neurologist who needs a Hysterectomy (not real medical problem of patient). Her response: I just chose by the last name I guess. When I said that means my reports are fucked she backed up saying she's sure she doesn't do it all the time. Then I felt my eyes bulge. Heifer is in her 50s. Mentally... not so much.

I tried to find this doctor in the Medical Group and came up empty. He's NOT our doctor. When I mentioned it to her she tried blaming the nurse who didn't catch it. I told her she was right... but that she was ALSO responsible for making sure we had the right info. She blinked. She scrunched her face. She made a 'bullshit' face. I wanted to rip that face right off, too. Apparently I didn't hide said face ripping feelings because she started to back away. After going over to my friend and bitching up a storm I took a deep breath and went over to Heifer with authorization in hand. "Call Facey and let them know the doctor isn't ours and have them change the name. Then get Medical Records. THEN call the patient and let them know." She started to argue about having to call for medical records and my eyebrows flew off of my forehead... then landed back on in a furrowed position. She snapped her mouth shut and took the paper.

Honest to G-d, these people are lazier than a cat in sunlight. We've got some good workers, but it's the ones that don't want to do ANYTHING other than the minimum required that get my panties in a wad. It's not like we're working in McDonalds for Pete's sake! We help patients. These people depend on us. GAH! I need chocolate.

My G-d. The creepy IT chick has been farting... all day. Between taking little sips of air and spraying some old Victoria's Secret body spray I found in the drawer I think I'm going to faint. In other news, my boss sucks and this day majorly blows. :p

I'm a sucky touristy guide person. "jake:s been out here for over three years and the only places he's been is The Ghetty Center, The Long Beach Aquarium, The Renaissance Faire and the Santa Monica Halloween Carnival. To my *weak* defense I couldn't walk far before because of my back so I couldn't go a lot of places. But since the weight loss I am finally able to walk around relatively back pain free. No more excuses. There are a lot of mini road trips to take, so I need to get my ass in gear and do them. Our date night was a wake up call to that. Then there was the conversation with our mutual coworker. "J" wants Jake to go with him on a 13 mile walk for some sort of cause. All I remember is they get a Tiffany necklace at the end. It's going to be on Jake's birthday weekend, so "J" wanted to ask me if I had any plans for him. Nope! Take him away! I think it would be a great adventure to hang out with the guys and do this walk. "J" is super nice and it would be good for Jake to get away. Plus, it's in October... and I don't have plans past this Friday.

I'm a *fake* assistant. At least, that's what my boss says. After noticing a coworker's desk decorated with streamers and a tiara/wand I asked what the occasion was. "It's Administrative Assistants Day". So of course I had to attempt to rub it in that my boss forgot, only to get a 'she does a lot for her boss. Brings her coffee during meetings, buys presents for her and other people on her behalf. She's a real Administrative Assistant." Ouch! I gave my usual sarcastic "oookay" and walked away. But it left me simmering. Since I am not in the mood for a bitch fest today (of all times NOT to be PMSing) I just wanted to list what I do that is as an an asisistand and beyond the call of duty:

What I do as an Assistant:

1. Schedule her appointments
2. Lie for her when she doesn't want to deal with someone
3. Cover for her when she's late
4. Train and re-train everyone on new systems
5. Be the complaint person for every thing
6. Do everyone elses' job duties while maintaining my own
7. Do reports
8. Be the 'second' in command without any official title
9. Listen to her bitch all fucking day
10. Take the blame for whatever goes wrong, regardless of who did it.

What I do beyond my Job Requirements:

1. Call family members
2. Remind her of birthdays
3. Make appointments for her (personal)
4. Work through breaks/lunches/overtime
5. Work from home when sick/on weekends and vacation days
6. Deal with her moods

So basically I need to bring her a fucking cup of coffee and buy something to be an Assistant. Silly me.

Today is an Administrative Holiday. That means everyone else gets the day off and WE have to work. The only bright side is that my boss is taking today and Monday off for her birthday. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself, but it won't be working. She said we could 'wear jammies and run around' as long as the phones were answered. I swear that woman just hit senility or had a liquid lunch. Either way that means we're going to have our own mini party, eat junk food all day and end up sick by the end of it. My second (or third) childhood all crammed into one day. Now all we need is naptime and for someone to get their bra stolen and thrown in the freezer.

Another Thursday, another purple photo.

This photo is from the Robert A Maguire collection.

Every Thursday is Purple-Thursday at my work. You have to wear something purple. It was started by one of my coworkers who loves purple and caught on. I love it because no matter how frustrated the day is when I realize I'm wearing purple I know tomorrow will be Friday. Today this will be my purple for the blog.

Wow! That was.... harsh. The creepy IT chick got her ass handed to her yesterday. As annoying as she is this was still a bit much. I can't say she didn't have it coming. Her boss came by to find out how she was doing on a major report that was due in one day. The IT chick's response: "I downloaded a patch from Microsoft's website." The woman blew her top. "What!?!?! That's all you've done in a day and a half!?!?! We pay you 85 THOUSAND dollars a year for super duper support and all you've done is download a patch!?!?!" At that point I grabbed my keys and went for a walk. I don't care if she was watching midget porn, you don't publicly tear someone a new asshole. That's what offices are for. Besides, who wants to hear that a person in management actually uses the term 'super duper'?

V-Day at work is always fun. It's like the rose parade... complete with snarkiness. All day there have been flowers delivered to various coworkers, each sizing up the new bouquet with the last. It started off with a HUGE basket filled with over three dozen roses and humongous "I Love You" heart shaped balloons. The women were salivating. Anyone who DIDN'T get flowers got the 'do you want one of mine?' comments. Yeah, like that will make it better. Each year I tell myself (and Jake) that I don't want flowers, and each year I wish I would have said otherwise. Then again, it would be nicer to get flowers on any other day just to feel special. Yes, it's snobby. Yes, I fully admit to wanting to partake in that 'in your face' smugness that comes along with getting something special at work. Next year I'm taking out a loan and buying myself flowers. :p

PS: I wrote this while high on pink, red and white M-&-Ms.

The creepy IT chick who sits next to me has been flirting with this other contracting IT guy for quite some time now. They've had noisy lunches at her desk and he is always popping up throughout the day to 'chat'. And by 'chat' I mean 'cleverly ask questions about the program they are both working on while disguising it as just saying hi'. The other day she decided to up the ante and ask him out to dinner. They are two of the most annoying people here so the thought of anything personal makes my skin crawl. If only they spoke quieter.

Anyway, he politely declined... saying he had to pick up something or another (I really was trying not to listen) and I figured he wasn't interested in her for anything other than information. She's a smart girl, right? She should get the hint. Nope. Soon after I walked around the corner to see her giving him an impromptu neck massage and quickly searched for the White-Out to put onto my eyes and erase that icky visual. It was obvious she was going for the kill when he managed to once again slip away. the next day I was walking down the hall and heard him talking to someone about what to do for the evening. I shrugged it off and went to my desk. He followed behind me and as if on cue his cell phone rang. He immediately starts sweet talking then gets off of the phone. She mentions him making plans without her and he says, "That was my sweetie. She just wanted to know what our plans were for the evening." I could almost hear the IT chick's heart breaking. I gave a sigh of relief thinking it was the end of hourly visits and icky flirtations. Don't get me wrong. I don't wish bad on the quirky chick. I'm sure she'll find another icky guy who will appreciate her and treat her right. I just hope it's not while at work. Ew.

I've come to realize that age has as much to do with wisdom as beauty does with clean feet. An older coworker of mine decided to let me know the report I created for her wasn't working right. I checked it out and sure enough she changed some of the filters and screwed it up. Not that she'd admit to it. I fixed the report and went over to show her what 'someone' had done. After hemming and hawing about it not being her (the only person who uses that report) She asked what she should do with all the reports that came out wrong. That was the first clue I was going to have a headache. I asked her how long it had been doing this and her response was 'about a month'. I blinked. She let a report go for a month. I explained that she'd have to run them all again and she started in with the 'Oh hell naw. They're going to have to find someo..." and then I put up my hand. I smiled and said, "That's why you should let me know when someone isn't working right away. You waited, right?" She frowned and nodded. "Then you're going to have to redo the reports." With that I walked away, rubbing my temples.

This isn't the first time she's done something like this. She's almost 20 years my senior and acts like a 16 year old on their first job. Everything isn't her problem, isn't her fault and she shouldn't have to clean it up... even if it is. I had my phase of skirting the responsibility. But I was nineteen and learned fast. This woman is almost at retirement age and hasn't gotten a clue. Personally I don't mind chatting with her, although I try to keep everything work related. It's amazing how two minutes of personal conversation can give you months of 'but you're my buddy' attitude. I am still asking myself if I want to venture out into the management field. Right now I only have to deal with some of the bullshit. as a manager I would have a whole crew worth. I want to leave my current position for something closer to home that doesn't involve pre menopausal managers whose personality changes more than a group therapy session for Manic Depressants without their meds. Decisions, decisions...

The weird IT chick that moved next to me decided to have a mini lunch date with the new guy at her desk last week. She bitches about how loud we are anytime someone asks how her new cubicle is. Meanwhile she seems to have no volume control on her yapper. I would have really liked it for her date. She started off bitching about the Democrats and how they'll see how bad it will get, yada yada yada... Then started in on Clinton (of course). She couldn't understand how Democrats love the guy. Then she added, "I mean... Bush never lied... to a grand jury. He spoke the truth. You know, what he believed to be true." I had to fight the urge to jump the cubicle and slap her upside the head. I've never actually heard someone say that. Sure, there are people who don't read the news and only believe what they hear in church... but this was an educated woman. I had to leave my desk.

Yesterday she comes to work sick (one of my pet peeves). Don't bring your germs to work! How sick she was is up for debate though. Her voice went from a complete whisper (Telling her boss she's completely lost her voice) to normal tone (gossip, gossip, gossip with a coworker). All day long... I almost miss the *hocking* dude. Almost.

Okay, I am majorly annoyed at this IT chick at work. My Boss somehow met with "C" a while back and she talked my boss into automating our reports. I explained that the data was not clean and I had to do a lot of tweaking. C assured me (in front of the boss) that it would be as easy as pie. I remained HIGHLY skeptical. With B's blessing I removed the extra work we had done and stopped the nurses from doing it.

Let me do a brief explanation. If a patient calls we refer them to Doctor A. Three weeks later we check the hospital system to see if that person made an appointment. If they did we check off an area next to the doctor's name so they can see we gave them that patient. If the patient called up and was told Doctor B could see them sooner and saw them we had no way of showing Doctor B we sent the patient there. Enter the text fields in our report. I added all the doctors names into a field so we could select Doctor B if that happened. The problem? It's really not a reportable field. I'd have to count how many times each doctor got a patient and add it into the first section. Confusing? I thought so. M's idea was to change the computer date back to the referral date and enter a NEW referral with Doctor B in it. That made it a lot easier. C said we didn't have to do this so everyone stopped.

Two months ago C was supposed to have automated everything. She told me she didn't want me to do ANYTHING, just send her the raw data. Ooookay. She got back with me a couple of weeks later with a completely wrong number. We went back and forth, with me trying to explain why each part was going to be hard to do. She sends some data to my boss who asks why the numbers are so wrong. "Well, that's the data Diva sent me!" Then B bitches at me about sending wrong data and I have to explain that she asked for it that way. HIGHLY annoyed and now late I am told I have to hand count over 500 appointments because it's not going to be ready. Same thing last month.

This month my boss asks me to meet with C and find out what's going on. The fact that she's uber creepy aside, I don't trust her. Nonetheless I email her for a meeting. she replies, but then cancels. She reschedules and is a no-show. I start working on the month end again. I also decide to populate another text field to try and make the process easier. That's 1600 doctors I have to go through. I email about this to C and she says not to do anything until we meet. Not wanting to be burned again, I ignore her. The My boss emails her and schedules a meeting. Magically she shows up at my desk the day before to see if there's anything we should talk about beforehand. I show her the new project and she starts bitching about my boss. She said B has to give up some of the data she wants. That it shouldn't matter if we get 51% vs 49%. I told her it does but she's welcome to tell B that in the meeting. She said she'll set some things straight. Riiiight.

The day comes and my boss is in a mood. You know, the 'nothing you do is right' one. We meet and she smiles at C and frowns at me. C is chipper and talking about how close we're getting. Blah blah blah . Nothing about setting her straight even came up. I finally said, "Aren't you going to tell B about having to give up some numbers?" She looks nervous then says, "Oh no! With this new data everything should be fine!" Fucking bitch! We leave and I am highly annoyed.

I asked my boss about one report and she jumped down my throat about not telling her about another report we agreed to and to get C back. She comes back in and they have a pow wow while I'm printing the fucking report. I walk in to them saying, "Oh, it's no problem. Good!" Then B gives me the look like 'I can't believe you had me pull her back'. I wanted to scream. I interjected one thing and then the meeting was over. Right before lunch I tried to tell B some concerns I had about C. She jumps down my throat about not saying it in front of her and starts to lecture me about how I *should* have done this. I yelled, "FINE! Forget it!" and started to stomp out of the office. She tried smoothing it over with one of those, 'It's just that it works better that way' bullshit. I looked at her for a second and snapped, "It's about that time of the month, isn't it?" and she stopped. She responded pissily, "I guess it IS." I walked out of the office bitching, "Yeah, I THOUGHT so..." and she was nicer for the rest of the day.

It's a real bitch to be on the same PMS cycle as your boss....

PS: You know I'm PMSing when one post is longer than the rest of the month combined

I woke up this morning to an email about a employee at my work who died suddenly this weekend. She worked there for 30 years 'and will be greatly missed'. They are even having a memorial for her. I have no idea who this person is. Do I ask someone to describe her? Any pictures? Of her, I mean. Not the death. I don't want to seem like I'm waiting to see if I'll mourn her. Imagine going to the memorial, sitting down and getting a pamphlet. "Oops! This wasn't who I thought it was. Scuze me. Pardon me. Scuze me..." MB, RIP where ever you are... and who ever you are.

A nurse I used to work with in the Operating Room interviewed for the RN position yesterday. That's the second nurse from the OR that I've seen. She's actually in the front running for the job. My boss asked me for my opinion (before she arrived). I said, "She's ditzy. Nice, but ditzy." When she frowned I added, "But this has been ten years. I'm sure she's changed some. I know I have." I don't think I'd mind working with her again. Having history with someone means I know her buttons. *evil grin* I kid. I kid...

I was at work yesterday, working away when the fire alarm went off. Since there wasn't a drill announced I grabbed my purse and looked to my boss. She looked at me. That was it. We have fire drills from time to time so that everyone knows what to do when there really is an emergency. So what happened? Everyone hustled around asking what to do and no one even inched towards the door. After a few minutes of people saying, "Well I'm not going. I have work to do" and "I'm not leaving. I don't smell any smoke" the fire marshall arrived and shook his head. Around that time the temp came running in and opened the kitchen door. The smell that came out of there was horrible. Rotting corpses would have smelled better. Aparently she 'forgot' about her popcorn and left it in for too long. And by 'too long' I mean ten minutes too long. My coworker said it had turned colors she didn't think popcorn could turn. Ew. We spent the rest of the day with that horrid smell. Everytime I went near the kitchen I felt like hurling.

As we were getting ready to leave another coworker peaked in and made another discovery. The woman used OUR microwave, which was now ruined. Everyone got together to purchase it a while back so we'd have something of our own. At least they're going to replace it. I just walked in this morning and the room still reeks. Needless to say the temp is keeping a low profile. I REAL low one.

I don't think I'm ready for management. One of the coworkers went on disability for a month and we had to scramble to find help. After the first temp got a job we got another one to take her place. She was really nice, very laid back and willing to work. Yesterday one coworker mentioned "T" had called her the night before and was coming into work today. To say I was slightly annoyed would be an understatement. Not only did she NOT let me know so I could give the temp some warning but she didn't ask what she needed to do before returning to work. All employees have to go to our employee health to be cleared. I called the boss and she was more annoyed, getting "T"'s cell number to try and catch her. Too late. She arrives and I'm stuck with having to let her know she has to turn right around and drive to campus and then let the temp know it's her last day. Very uncool.

After arguing with "T" over protocol she went to call HR and find out if I was telling the truth. Yeah, that made me feel competent. Then I approached the temp. Understandably she was let down. I felt so bad. I guess it showed because after 30 minutes of checking on her she finally patted me on the back and said, "It's okay. Don't worry about me. This is my job." I felt like a shmuck. Here I am telling someone their services are no longer needed and it ends up them consoling me for having to do it. At least this is just a side job for her. I just hate her having that 'don't cut yourself over this' look in her eye as she spoke to me. Oy...

You know, I shouldn't bitch. There are some people out there without a job. But some days letting loose is the only way I can manage to walk into that place.

We have two temps. One is for data entry only and one is an old coworker. The old coworker is a blessing. She knows how to do most of the work so the training is minimal. The other temp is very nice and doesn't know any of our systems. That means 'someone' has to find stuff for her to do. Yesterday my boss caught her reading while waiting for someone to give her work. You know that didn't fly. You know what it did do? It transferred the grief my boss was giving me onto to her. Thank G-d for temps!

I am so annoyed. We are down four people at work right now. My one friend just retired, one girl has the flu and is out til Monday, one has unknown medical issues and is out until August. Then there's the forth one. She came in two days ago and started crying at her desk. I thought someone had died. She ends up going home and calls the boss later on saying the doctor put her out for a week because of stress. I didn't bother asking why. No personal issue needs a week. Then she bops in the office yesterday to drop off the note and you'd swear she just got laid. She was happy. She was laughing. She was literally hopping up and down in her cubicle laughing. I wanted to rip her fucking head off. She comes over as I am talking to the temp agency saying, "We need anyone who can imput data at this point. We're hurting." She smiles, hands me the note and goes back to talk. Considering we are so behind there's no time for chit chat. I walked over, pissed off and asked if everyone was okay with the backlog. One coworker followed me back to see if I was okay. Then she says, "So did she give notice?" WTF!?! Apparently she's leaving the state on July 1st. No notice, either. So she's going to get ready to move, come back and maybe give a weeks notice. I was beyond livid. You just don't do that shit. My boss hired her, gave her a raise and we were all really good to her. I don't understand where people figure they can say 'Fuck it, I'm not transferring' and just screw their coworkers by not giving notice. At least we could start the interview process sooner. My boss says to let it go. What goes around comes around. Usually that's my line. This time I said, "Yeah? I hope what comes around is a swift kick in the ass."

Why oh why do people have to come to work sick? My coworker comes in at death's door and starts hacking up shit right next to me. She can't talk above a whisper and is in need of medical attention. So what does she do? Come to work and infect everyone there. I swear, we have got to have the sickest group in the hospital. Someone's always taking off for doctors appointments or calling in sick. The past two days we were down four people. Everyone was put on doubletime duty. Now that my one coworker decided to come in and cough all over everyone I'm expecting a meltdown any day now. All I can say is that if I get sick I'm going to kill her. Or at least give her the most painful noogie she's ever had.

An old coworker applied for my friend's job. She came in while I was at lunch so I only saw her afterwards. During the interview I heard her voice and the hairs stood up on the back of my neck. When I worked with her in the Operating Room she was hell on wheels. To be truthful, you had to be to survive down there. It was like being in the trenches. Afterwards we played nice and she left. Then the boss asked me what she like in the OR. "Like spitfire" is all I could say. After she told me about the interview all I could do was shake my head. Same chick after all these years, just a tad more psycho. I didn't want to say too much, because it had been a while since we worked together. It doesn't sound like she's going to be hired though. I'm kind of relieved. Lets put it this way, I still have memories of her shrill voice yelling down the hallway. *shudders*

The two new girls that work our department have finally lost their 'new person' shine and are showing their less than attractive quirks. I really like them, so I'm hoping the boss' claim to be able to 'whip them into shape' is true.

The first gal doesn't want to write down notes... ever. So now we're learning about all the mistakes she's done because she didn't listen to directions. She's really pushy, which threw me off at first. Now I just tell her to calm down and it breaks the steam engine that is her personality down.

The second gal is a worldwind of gab. I'm amazed she finds time to breathe. I adore her sweetness but the energery that girl kicks out is tiring. Unfortunately she sits next to the ladies in the next department who love to chat and it's going to get her into trouble. She also seems to forget how to do things, and that's wearing thin on the boss' nerves. REAL thin. Yesterday the bossasked me to show her how to do something AGAIN because if she showed her she'd start yelling. She also caught her painting her nails. There is no way you can be slow enough to paint nails during work hours at this job. When I found out the information I had been begging people to enter into the computer was sitting on her desk I wanted to cry. She doesn't understand the idea of time limits and urgencies. Oy...

Yesterday I went through April stats to get a head start on it. They fucked up on so much stuff... today I plan on having a long meeting with the boss. She keeps saying how she has someone check their work and yet it's not being checked. My daily reports for them are going to be one hundred pages long just so they can check everything. The next step is to hire people to sit next to them and point what to do.

Last week was a mess. On Monday my boss calls me into her office shaking her head. One of my coworkers gave her two days notice that she was celebrating her one year anniversary and could she have the rest of the week off through next Tuesday. She responded with a 'You have got to be kidding' email. After giving her a very hard time she said yes. An hour later the new coworker passed out and had to be rushed to the ER. She ended up admitted for the rest of the week. At that point I would have cancelled the last minute vacation of the first coworker, but my boss decided to let her go (and they say she's always mean). So naturally I had to take over doing their job again, which entails going through over 500 sheets of paper from the fax, sorting the authorizations/medical records out, looking to see if their duplicates and then giving them to people for call backs. I loathe that job. It's amazing how little people think about details when sending authorizations.

Medical Group: Why haven't you called our patient to schedule an appointment?
Me: Because you didn't list a telephone number for them OR you.

I kid you not, this happens daily. They send authorizations without diagnosis, or what they even want the patient to come here for. *shakes head* At least the one coworker (who took vacation) is back today. I will happily dump all the work on her. With a smile. Showing all 32 teeth. Gnashing...

Let me get this straight... The coworker who worked a grand total of 5.5 months out of 12 last year takes off for a week and I have to do her work? AND she doesn't even do the work from last month (yes the WHOLE fucking month) and someone else had to pick up her slack? What kind of deal did she make? Sign me up... I've been on edge every day with the amount of work dumped on me and all I hear is 'you missed out on 30 minutes worth of work because you didn't ask if someone was done'. This job is getting OLD.

This week is going to be hell, hence the sporadic updates. We both have early shifts and are trying to get ready for the week off. I have to pick up a coworker that sprained her ankle and can't walk from the bus stop to work (a good distance) and have to sort through all the little tasks my boss gave me. I came in on Monday to a two-page list of things to do. Some of them are my daily tasks that I've been doing the whole time. When she called (first day on her vacation) I mentioned the list and she laughed, saying it was just a reminder. I commented, "Yeah, because you know I turn into a complete moron when you're not here." She took that well. :p

The new supervisor turned in her one month notice this week. I don't blame her. The people she had to supervise gave her hell from day one. They were upset that their old boss was booted out and wanted my boss to know it. Funny thing is, they didn't do anything but hurt themselves. The new gal tried to stand up for t