I swear I want to kill Jake sometimes. Once again he didn't pay his bill. *grumbles* I just don't know what to do. I want to scream. I want to yell. I just am at my wits end. Emotionally I'm drained, physically... we won't even go there. We need a new game plan and fast. How can two people move forward when you can't get past the first hurdles?

I am tossing and turning about my taxes this year. Do I go to the guy that screwed them up last time or try to do them on my own. If I do them on my own I know I won't get the same amount back... but at least I won't get screwed if he doesn't do everything right. *sigh* Time to learn TurboTax. At least I save money that way.

I've come to ackowledge Monday through Friday as the time between the weekends. I don't know if it's the impending holiday time off or just that I am sick of this job. Most likely it's a combination of the two. Welcome to the world of pseudo careers and slacker jobs. I've lived my life wanting to work enough to enjoy life. A little money in the bank and enough to buy what I need is really all I wanted. Slowly what I wanted over took what my job paid and now I'm just another shmuck in a dead end job trying to save for things I really can't afford.

I dream of owning a home, although the ones I could afford I wouldn't want to live in. I dream of matching furniture.. again the ones I can afford I don't want to get. About the only thing I've managed to secure is a nice car that has payments I can live with and still order out.

I love when people throw the 'but you have two paychecks coming in' line at me. Two people living together also mean bigger bills. I'm sure we could save more if we (meaning Jake) were more careful with our (meaning his) money. But I'm not his mom and refuse to be the typical nagging girlfriend. He knows what he owes and what he needs to save for. If he doesn't then the wrath is on him. :p

Ever since I paid off my credit cards I have been leery about owing any money. I prefer to save up and then buy. Lately I've been buying things and whipping out the plastic like there's no tomorrow. Two A/Cs, a new floor among other items. That's not including the higher bills we're going to be paying for said air conditioners. Take last night for instance. Hell would have had more of a breeze than in our apartment. We clicked on the A/C and didn't turn it off until morning. It's all fine and good except I don't know the cost of that. I think that's the worst. If I knew how much running it was I would feel better about when we use it... and when we shouldn't. Meanwhile we have yet to buy our plane tickets to see Jake's family this Thanksgiving. Yeah, cuz that's how I want to blow $400.

Yeah, so I'm annoyed. Partly with myself for using the debit card instead of the credit card and shorting myself on the rent paycheck... and partly at Jake for somehow not mentioning that the reason he hasn't paid me for the last THREE paychecks is for school stuff that he didn't save up for and a dental bill I didn't know about. It's not like this is something new. And it's not like we haven't had the SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION about saving money over a gazillion times. Still... no money in the joint account and that leaves me using savings... AGAIN. This isn't even counting his teeth issue which will have to go on my credit card. He has yet to get more credit on his (don't even get me started there).

Am I wanting to get married too fast? I mean.. I'm ready. But I just don't see ANYTHING on his end that shows he is. Why should I be the one to ask about savings, bills and such? Why should I be the one to pay the bills and still manage to save for little extras? Why should I be the one to foot the bill for nights out, etc... I love him but I want a partner. An equal. I want someone to catch me if I fall. Right now I'd better have a pillow in hand because if I fall... it's going to hurt.

Maybe it's a sign of age, but for the first year I am not in a race with the devil bills to see if I can get my tax refund before they overwhelme me. The extra bills I have aren't bank breaking and I am still doing good. The only *frivolous* purchases that really hit my checking account was the camera and extra memory stick for it. The plane tickets to visit :Jake:'s family for Thanks Giving was planned for (hops around the room excited). The only unexpected bill was Ginger's vet stay and I have a year to pay that off. I'm finally mature and all that. Go me!

On a whim I decided to look at the minutes I had used on my phone. I have been talking to my friends a lot this month and figured it was close to the 900 mark. I almost choked when it said 65 minutes over. Luckily I only have today and tomorrow until it turns over to a new period but still... Next month's bill is going to be a bitch.