Last night's meeting was less than stellar. I sat around as three groups of doctors discussed my new duties. Each adding their own version and how it should be done. Meanwhile my boss and I just sat there... not saying a word. You could tell that any sort of objection/clarification/recommendation was going to be met with less than friendly responses. Today my boss called and I tried to talk to her about my take on it. Her first response was that she wanted me to not be obstructive. WTF!?! I clarified that trying to make sure there is some sort of procedure put in place that everyone agrees upon BEFORE winging it is not being obstructive. It's making sure that it will succeed. She understood and we talked about the issues, etc... I am not happy with this 'just wing it' attitude I have been getting. First of all there are patients that need to be taken care of. Secondly... it's my ass on the line. I'll be damned if I'm going to just start something without some sort of idea as to how it works, what is needed and who is going to do it. Add to the problem that half of the new duties are dependent on rooms that won't even be available for one to two years... you're damn right I'm freaking out.

My boss also added that I am in a management role and therefore need to start making these decisions on my own. I really like my boss... but this mentoring without being there is getting frustrating. I want some guidance, damn it. First all decisions are to be made on a higher level and given to me. Now I'm 'winging it' and letting her know in case she has any objections or suggestions. She also brought up the ever popular 'learning curve' that I'm on. Without anyone to teach me it might as well be a wall. Straight up, no traction. Here are some skates... go at it.

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