Every time my phone rings my heart beats a little faster. Every time it's NOT the call I'm waiting for my heart aches a little more. My boss said when she asked if they knew when a decision would be made the answer was 'probably sometime this afternoon'. That was Monday. I realize that decision doesn't equal phone call... but then again maybe it does. I've slipped and told others about my possible new job, including the lazy coworker who I can't stand. If it falls through then I'll feel even more of a failure. My boss will probably be supportive for about an hour... then ride my ass like it's the World Series for Rodeos. I can also see her start the 'let's see what you're doing wrong so we (meaning she) can fix it. And by wrong I mean everything I do. And by fix it I mean critique everything from my style to my breathing. I called my friend this morning and she said I sounded like a nervous wreck. She's right. It's one thing to apply for a job and not get it. It's quite another for everyone to know you didn't get it. Especially since I would go from 'top candidate' to loser in the time it takes to make a courtesy phone call... or open a dear Jane letter. So now I'm left waiting and wanting to know, and that's the worst part. I want them to be sure I'm right for the position. I want them to have confidence that they chose the best person. As long as it's me....

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