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April 30, 2008

Every Ring

Every time my phone rings my heart beats a little faster. Every time it's NOT the call I'm waiting for my heart aches a little more. My boss said when she asked if they knew when a decision would be made the answer was 'probably sometime this afternoon'. That was Monday. I realize that decision doesn't equal phone call... but then again maybe it does. I've slipped and told others about my possible new job, including the lazy coworker who I can't stand. If it falls through then I'll feel even more of a failure. My boss will probably be supportive for about an hour... then ride my ass like it's the World Series for Rodeos. I can also see her start the 'let's see what you're doing wrong so we (meaning she) can fix it. And by wrong I mean everything I do. And by fix it I mean critique everything from my style to my breathing. I called my friend this morning and she said I sounded like a nervous wreck. She's right. It's one thing to apply for a job and not get it. It's quite another for everyone to know you didn't get it. Especially since I would go from 'top candidate' to loser in the time it takes to make a courtesy phone call... or open a dear Jane letter. So now I'm left waiting and wanting to know, and that's the worst part. I want them to be sure I'm right for the position. I want them to have confidence that they chose the best person. As long as it's me....

[keywords: Work stress new-job]
Posted by Diva at 11:56 AM | Comments (0)

April 29, 2008

Reminiscing

I went through my cubicle yesterday and realized there's a whole lotta crap saved that I don't need. Everything from joke clippings to reminders of appointments... from 2001. I've started clearing out all the extra things that I haven't used in forever. Every once in a while I'll come across something I just can't part with... like my letter giving notice to my last position.

Working in the Operating Room was a blast. The hours sucked balls. I worked almost every weekend (13 days in a row then one day off... then six days in a row) and holidays. I worked 8 hours on the weekday, and 12 on the weekends/holidays. Seniority meant dick in that area. Then there was my boss. I trained her for the position and when she felt she knew enough (which she didn't) she started raining hell on all those who weren't on her good side. Eventually that included me. At my 10 year mark at UCLA I decided I needed a change. I wanted Monday through Friday hours. My dating was erratic and it was time to find someone special. It took me two years to find something I liked... and that was only with a friend suggesting it. By then I went from the OR's golden girl to a fuck up (in my boss's eyes). She wrote a less than stellar evaluation and I thought I was fucked. Luckily my current boss saw through the personal issue and gave me a chance. For that I will be forever grateful. When I told the higher up, a doctor who knew of all the crap and supported me privately (which didn't do shit when it came down to it) he said, "You know the OR will fall to it's knees, don't you?" I told him, "Yes, but maybe that's just what it needs". With that I wrote out my two week notice. A simple "My last day in this department will be" kinda thing. Nothing pleasant. No thank yous. More of a "fuck you" than anything. My new boss called and said "You're hired, but I need to talk to your current boss." No problem. I put her on hold and turned to the bitch and simply handed her the note, saying "My last day will be in two weeks. My new boss wants to speak with you. She's on line two." It was a burn that I felt good about. Regardless of how she treated me for the next two weeks... that day was awesome. I was given a goodbye cake that showed up on my desk and sat there... because hardly anyone knew. I left in tears... because I really did love my job. Two weeks after that my old boss was given two choices: Be demoted or fired. It took four people to do my job. Something I'm really proud of. I think I'll keep this letter... just because. *smiles*

[keywords: Work memories]
Posted by Diva at 11:55 AM | Comments (0)

April 28, 2008

The 'Top Candidate' Speaks

Two weeks before my birthday I was joking around with a coworker. We were complaining about my boss and her behavior (apparently she has a reputation throughout the hospital). I shot off a 'so find me a job' comment and she fired back with 'I will'. I said I wasn't kidding and she said either was she. Two days later she said she knew about a position that would be 'perfect' for me, but needed to talk to the director about it. A few days after that she said she emailed the person in charge of the job. She said, "Here's the thing. Originally they said they had someone in mind already. The next morning they called me and said that if you were really interested to call or page them." I was so nervous I could scream. After freaking out to Cat and Jake I sent off a friendly email saying I'd love to talk to them about the position. Then I waited. And waited.My friend said the person got my email and 'nearly jumped out of her chair with excitement'. That's a good sign...

Friday, the day before my birthday, I got the call. Let's meet on Monday. Figures... the day I took off to take my car in. I happily agreed and the timeline started. Again I panicked and asked Cat, Jake and Pattie for help on my resume. I hadn't written one in almost ten years. I was beyond nervous. This was such a huge step for me and I had dick prepared for it. After several drafts I finally had one I was happy with... just in time for them to ask me if I had one. Thank goodness for the kindness of friends.

Monday came and I managed to get my car back just in time. It felt so good to be back at UCLA. I ran into a few people who recognized me and made my way up to the office. I was dressed to the nines. They ended up being in casual wear. Heh. The interview lasted over an hour and a half. They loved my resume (thank you Pattie, Cat and Jake!) and even said things like "You used the word 'problem solver' which I really like, so I'm going to use it here". I walked out feeling good. Nervous, but good. The job sounds like a dream come true. It's being created as we speak, so I'll set the rules instead of trying to follow rules that may or may not have been changed by previous people. The only not so cool part is that my hours will be until 7pm at first. Once they see if the workload is slow (or they are able to hire new people) I will be able to have an earlier shift. No more Assistant to anyone. Dude... That alone is a dream come true. The difference between being an assistant to someone and having a supervisor is like day and night. As in sucking balls VS having them slapped across your face.

After a week went by the process started rolling. I got a call saying "You're one of the top candidates" and they were going to call references. Last Friday I got the call saying I was "the TOP candidate", and we needed to speak to your boss. My heart started racing. My hands were shaking. They said to let them know when they could call her after I let her know. My boss came back from a meeting and I made my way into her office. People couldn't understand why I was so nervous. To me, it was like I was breaking up with her. We had spent almost ten years together. We had many bad times, but there were many good ones too. And this job really molded me. I changed so much from when I first started. Some good, some bad. I was pushed into a position that I didn't want for a person I didn't enjoy working with. I learned to create graphs (ha ha), different reports and help manage a department. There was a lot of responsibility placed on me and I was up to the task. But there were bad parts too. My friend Michi said my boss was breaking me. Making me feel as if I wasn't worthy of doing a good job. She's right. I felt like they wouldn't want me when in fact I should feel like I needed to decide if I wanted them. Twenty years experience is nothing to sneeze at. And it's twenty years of growing, not just showing up at the job. But my boss was good at making people feel like they were failing. Any choice was the wrong one. I needed to grow a pair and move up.

My meeting went well. She was happy for me and even shook my hand. She said that if she could find a job closer to home without losing a big chunk of her salary she'd do so in a minute. She also looked sad. It was like we were coming to the end of something and both having to deal with it in different ways. I explained that I wouldn't go until the new hospital was running (whenever the hell that is) and I would do reports for her from home when needed. She said she'd give me a glowing review and with that I walked out of her office, hands shaking and waiting to hear when they'd call. So now everyone is talking about my 'new job' and all I can say is that I won't call it that until they actually tell me I have it. For now I'm the 'top candidate'. For now....

[keywords: Work boss new-job]
Posted by Diva at 04:03 PM | Comments (0)

April 25, 2008

Mama Has a Brand New Bag

Okay, I don't. But I totally need one. My current bag is old and boring. Meanwhile the ones I fell head over heels for are waaaay too expensive. I know there are knock off bags downtown that you can get for half the price, but the whole 'shopping' thing makes me queasy. You know... going out and dealing with a bunch of people trying on clothes that don't fit so other people can lie and say they look fabulous... just to get them out of the store. I don't know why I have such a negative feeling towards shopping in general. I swear it's borderline phobia. The thought of shoe shopping makes me want to lock myself into the house and barricade the windows. Online shopping is the best thing since sliced bread to me. No fuss. No obnoxious shoppers. No long lines. No kids running around. No annoying employees telling you something looks fabulous that you are busting out of. "Lime green tops and pink capris are in this year!" Not on this body they aren't.

[keywords: shopping]
Posted by Diva at 08:53 AM | Comments (1)

April 24, 2008

Summarize THIS

I want details! I want descriptions! I want to fucking know every time they breathed. My friend, on the other hand, wants to summarize a VERY important conversation. She ended it with a "Don't worry. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be." Fuck that shit. I want to worry. I want to know. I want to panic. I want to fret and dissect the conversation for any innuendoes that may mean something but most likely mean absolute dick. Right now I feel like I'm going to burst and the only thing I can say is 'I'll let you all know soon... either way'. As it is I feel like the 'either way' is not going to be a happy one. *sigh*

[keywords: Work Friends stress]
Posted by Diva at 03:32 PM | Comments (1)

April 23, 2008

When Friends... Aren't

I recently learned that someone I thought of as a friend was talking behind my back. Yeah, I know... junior high school shit. Still it hit me hard and I've been trying to deal with it. I really liked this person too. We post on the same forums (Sims related) so it's been hard for me to even enjoy the place.

Bullshit background: I like to thank people for their creations on the forums. I can't seem to create anything worth uploading and admire the hell out of those who try and succeed. I want to be supportive. I want to encourage new people to keep trying. Team player and all that... Most of the time they are objects I download for personal use. But there are quite a few that I thank without the download. It's not even a matter of quality. If I see something that I personally wouldn't use but think is absolutely adorable I want them to know. Why waste bandwidth to let someone know they did a good job? I never liked the 'It's not something I would use' comment. I don't see the need. The important part is that someone is sharing something they did and wants feedback. I'm more than happy to oblige. The mean person PMd a friend saying they basically didn't like me because of this. They felt it was pity posting or something like that. They also slammed my friend's work saying her friends only posted to be kind, and not because they liked her work. She posted about the conversation (minus the comment about me and the name of the person) because it really hurt her. Instead of just letting her vent and hearing what her friends had to say on the matter the mean person posted the PM (which was removed before I saw it) along with some very cruel comments about people who post without downloading. They left it with a 'I'd hate for them to come with me to buy pants' comment. This rubbed me raw. I felt like this was describing me to a tee. So much so that I deleted comments on creations of this person that I didn't download. Little did I know that they were talking about me.

The thread got out of hand and was locked. The person who was mean decided to pitch a hissy fit and delete ALL of their work and say they were only going to be on the main side (not the adult side). I was so appalled that someone would take creations from people who had nothing to do with the matter. It was so selfish. So childish. So... unlike the person I thought I knew. Then I was told about the PM. Ironically it was because the mean person accused my friend of telling me and she ended up having to tell me when asking if I knew. So now I was hurt and feeling humiliated. Worst of all, I felt like some sort of spammer. I didn't even want to post on threads. I felt like I was being judged. I went through my usual ask a billion people if I'm really that way and another person who I really liked said I kinda was. That made me feel even worse. Enough to want to leave.

A woman who I talk to a lot PMd me and I took a chance and told her about it (no names, etc..) Her response made me feel so much better. She reminded me of all the people who thanked me in posts and in PMs for being so kind and always saying something nice. One person called me an angel for making sure everyone had at least one post complimenting their work. My silly Moo was always supportive and then I got the PM I was dreading. I had asked a guy who I trusted to give me the truth. Brutal, but to the point. I half expected him to side with the mean person. Instead he sent a very detailed PM basically saying I was doing good for the community. That there is nothing wrong with thanking someone for their work, as long as you don't say you're downloading something that you aren't. I finally started to feel like the mean person was standing alone on this issue. If anything his comments hurt the community and it was better that he left. More importantly, I've seen him post on threads doing the same thing... so he was a hypocrite.

So now I'm trying to lick my wounds and join back in the fun. I figured it would be good to just get it out and be done with it. So there you are... the drama and it's closure. Except for when I bitch about the mean person... Cuz you know how I am. :p

[keywords: Friends drama Sims2]
Posted by Diva at 12:57 PM | Comments (3)

April 22, 2008

Yeah, That Makes Sense

Some days I wonder why I even come into work. Then I remember the bills.... A coworker comes up to me while I'm on the phone and says she'll come back. No problem. She pops by a while later, still on the phone. She says she'll come back. Do you see a pattern arising? She comes by AGAIN and I stop her from leaving. You know... because being on the phone isn't going to change. She announces that she's locked out of her computer and can't get in. Oy... I call the IT guy and he tells her to restart. I go back to my call. A while later she comes by to let me know she still can't get onto her computer. And by 'a while' I mean 'over an hour'. I contact the IT guy who tells her to restart and it's lather, rinse, repeat. So she comes up tell tell me that she has yet to get onto her computer and I ask her why she didn't tell me. 'You were busy'. WTF!?! I'm ALWAYS busy. I tell her to stick a note under my face if I'm on a call and she says, 'It's not that serious'. Oooookay. Cue the boss coming in late and finding out said coworker hasn't been able to sign onto her computer for two hours. Guess who's fault it is. I'll give you ONE guess. So yeah, I get the fucking riot act for not going over to her desk and standing there while she tried to sign onto her computer. The last I heard it's a password issue... otherwise known as a UE. Now I'm told the hard drive is going bad and it's still my fault that she didn't tell me she couldn't get in. Any rational person who's job solely relies on them being able to sign into the computer would raise hell if they couldn't get on. Yeah... welcome to UCLA. Home of the lazy. Meanwhile I'm working through lunch (as usual) and my boss said, "I could have kicked you out of your cubicle so she could have a spot, but I found other people." Gee, thanks. You're so kind.

[keywords: Work boss coworkers]
Posted by Diva at 11:47 AM | Comments (0)

April 21, 2008

No Way.....

I can't believe I'm fighting off another fucking sinus infection. I know what it's from too. We have this huge fan that gets full of gunk from outside and hair from Dorian who LOVES to sit behind it and stare out the window. We finally cleaned it this past weekend. It was so hot out last week that we had it on full blast... which means everything goes right into my face. So of course I'm suffering from the fan and all the crap it blows around. *sigh* The last time I tried the medication my doctor gave me for my staph infection and it seemed to do the trick. This time the infection is all the way in my sinuses... so I've got a slim chance of getting rid of it before it gets bad. With the big changes that may happen I can't afford to get sick. *sigh*

[keywords: Health]
Posted by Diva at 07:21 PM | Comments (0)

April 17, 2008

*Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip* Oh G-d...

I'm sitting at my desk when I hear a noise. An... odd noise. Then my shoe feels funny. I look down and there's a HUGE rip about two inches wide all the way up the back of my leg. Luckily I'm wearing a long skirt... otherwise people would be blinded. After rummaging through my desk drawers I find a lone package of nylons. An OLD package. I cross my fingers that the elastic is still good and slink my way to the bathroom, walking like a true diva. Slightly leaning back so the skirt covers my leg. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I probably looked like a total retard. Huurrrr! You'll be happy to know that all is well and I won't be rolled into the ocean anytime soon. The nylons fit snugly, which means I'll be sitting proper for the rest of the day. Straight up with tits out... like the sexy bitch that I am.

[keywords: Life Work clothing-malfunction]
Posted by Diva at 10:42 AM | Comments (2)

April 16, 2008

Birthday Time!

I took a few days off to celebrate my birthday and take a breather from work. It was like heaven. My birthday started off a bit rocky. I needed a haircut badly so I went to my hairdresser in the early afternoon. I felt guilty about using 'the cheap stuff' to try and lighten my hair a few weeks back and apologized to her. Yeah, I'm a total pussy. She said it looked fine and offered to highlight it. As you recall I wasn't too hip on the highlighting from before. It looks great when it's down... but like the bride of Frankenstein when I pull my hair back. Guess which way I wear my hair 90% of the time. Yeppers... So anyway, I said okay because I was stupid and she did my hair. The cut looks fabulous. The highlights? I think I'm going to need therapy. I'm not one to wear my hair down. All that flipping back and tucking makes me feel socialitish. I dunno.

The evening rocked my socks off. Cat and Mark showed up with TWO cakes (vanilla for my boring ass and chocolate to mix things up). We hopped in the dirty Rav4 and headed over to Houstons. Jake called beforehand and they said the earliest reservation was 9pm. He called at 5pm. We did it just in case and walked in to a 20 minute wait. Awesome... Two glasses of wine later I was feeling no pain and we enjoyed a great dinner. Once we arrived home I changed into something a little more comfortable (sweats... how romantic) and they brought out the cake. It was awesome. All sorts of awesome.

On Sunday I drove Cat and Jake up the wall trying to find new outfits. People think I'm joking when I give them the 'I HATE shopping and am miserable to be with' warning. Now they know... Monday I took the car in to get the damn radio replaced (thank G-d for warranties) and have it serviced. Tuesday... Tuesday I was a total bum.

I can't tell you the rest of my weekend just yet... but lets just say I was really happy with how it turned out.

[keywords: Friends vacation birthday Flickr]
Posted by Diva at 06:52 AM | Comments (2)

April 11, 2008

Vicious Little Bitches

This morning they had the weekly meeting with the AAs in my office. One of the coworkers who I like got verbally jumped about being slow with her duties. To be fair... she is slower than the rest. But she's also more thorough and the most pleasant to talk to. So of course I jumped in when I shouldn't have... which makes it look like I'm just sticking up for her. But whatever. Everyone offers something to their job. What the speedy demons add in speed they take away in customer service. *sigh*

So the server. Yeah... It's been choking on a big one lately. I have no idea why either. All I ask is that it not gork over the weekend so I can have an nice enjoyable weekend that doesn't involve volleying emails between my host and the people who maintain my server.

I may have big news but need to hold off sharing it. *smiles* Anyway, my birthday is tomorrow. Another year older, yet none the wiser. Yeppers, that just about sums it up!

[keywords: Life Work nct coworkers]
Posted by Diva at 11:19 AM

April 08, 2008

*Stabs Pen Through Ear*

I hate when something random makes me think of some even more random song and it gets stuck in my head. This morning a patient called that couldn't quite decide what she wanted.

Uhhh: I'd like uhh...
Me: Yes?
Uhhh: I'd uhh like... Uhhh
Uhhh: I'd like to... uhhh...
Me: Teach the world to sing? Furnish it with love?
Uhhh: What?
Me: Nothing, Maam. What would you like?

Suffer, bitches...

[keywords: Work video youtube]
Posted by Diva at 09:45 AM | Comments (0)

April 07, 2008

Stupid People Day Part 86597268

We have a line dedicate to Physicians. It clearly states to push this option if you are a physician or calling from a physician's office. So every day I get inundated with stupid people who can't seem to grasp the fact that they are NOT physicians and then can't seem to comprehend the very simple question I ask when I realize these 'less than stellar' individuals are NOT from the professional field. Usually within a word or two. Take the phone call I just received:

Me: Are you a physician or calling from a physician's office?
Idiot: Uhhhhh....
Me: Are you a physician or calling from a physician's office?
Idiot: Uhhhh... I wa..
Me: Are you a physician or calling from a physician's office?
Idiot: I just..
Me: Maam... ARE YOU A PHYSICIAN?
Idiot: No
Me: Do you WORK for a physician?
Idiot: I uhh....
Me: Do you work in a physician's office?
Idiot: No. I...
Me: Let me get you to the patient line. This line is for PHYSICIANS ONLY

I swear to G-d... I don't know how these people managed to live this far in life. Anyway... Yeah, stupidity. It annoys me.

[keywords: Work stupid-people-tricks]
Posted by Diva at 11:22 AM | Comments (0)

April 04, 2008

How Many Things Can You Do Until you Fuck Up?

My limit is seven apparently. My boss hit me with twelve emails. Three asking for the same thing. Two updating. This is in the span of five minutes. I was already doing the daily reports (12 different reports lumped into one end result report). On top of that I'm dealing with patient complaints, VIP patients and doctors wanting to refer their patients. All at the same time. One report I missed her comment about simply letting her know when it was done so that she could send it. Then she added that I didn't add a heading to it so they could figure out what information they were looking at. Both totally my fault. Even so... I couldn't help but feel that she was baiting me into fucking up. She's adding different reports, changing how she wants them... then calling me about new reports at the same time. I'm so tired and just feel like crying. The worst part is that she said she wanted to start putting everything in writing (paper trail) because we aren't on the same page anymore. No shit. I'm back on page twenty and she's on page 55/92/3/67/89/6/and all of the above. I know she has a suspicion about the job offer. Either someone reads my rants and tells her (FUCK YOU) or she's so nosy she listens to more than I think she can. Either way... I feel like my time here is growing short and I'd better get my ass in gear.

[keywords: Work stress boss reports]
Posted by Diva at 02:42 PM | Comments (1)

April 03, 2008

All The Time, Baby!

Yeah, so my boss just HAD to be a cow. So much for her being in a good mood after her birthday. She intercoms me to create a report for another department. I asked her what criteria she wanted and she respond "The one you do all the time for them." *blink* Since when? I literally sat there... staring at her. I finally said, "I don't remember doing one 'all the time'. Could you give me a hint on what they want at least?" She snaps back that I did one about a year ago or so when they were going to blah blah blah.... So apparently ONCE over a year ago is 'ALL THE TIME' in her book. Even she realized the absurdity in that statement and lowered her voice towards the end. IDIOT. I create so many different reports for so many people that it's impossible to remember every detail. Especially when they ask for different criteria each time. And doubly especially if the said report is OVER A YEAR OLD. Jake, in all his wisdom added "I get laid ALL THE TIME! Works for internet nerds".

Oh yes... this is just priceless. I emailed the person for the prior report so that I could see what criteria they wanted. They forwarded me the last email I sent with the report attached... dated MAY 2006. She can just eat my ass today. Seriously.

[keywords: Work boss reports]
Posted by Diva at 09:40 AM | Comments (0)

April 02, 2008

*pokes server*

Yeah, so yesterday sucked major donkey balls. Hairy, sweaty, infested donkey balls. My server decided to take a nap and I had no idea what to do. I spent twelve hours trying to work with two different support options (and a wonderful woman who sent me to her friends for help) only to go to bed without the email part resolved. This morning I clicked some random "Manage email" button and got slammed with over 1,111 emails. At least the damn thing is working. Part of me wants to know what happened so it doesn't happen again. The other half wants to burn yesterday from my memory and never revist it again. So far the latter is winning.

In other news I tried Second Life and hated it. The characters are nothing compared to Sims and they walk like there's an umbrella up their ass.... open. The best part about this game is watching Zack and his molester midget character. At one point Reli took us to get some free clothing/hair/etc... I'm looking through the free outfits and Zack flies in on a pink dildo. Then he turned into the Kool-Aid guy and it really got weird. I think I had a dream like this...

[keywords: nct server games simple-life]
Posted by Diva at 10:26 AM | Comments (0)

April 01, 2008

Memories Gone By

Lately I've been remembering random moments in my life. A date with a guy where I learned he kept condoms in the steering wheel center and decided to prank him and open it. My dad dumping water and ice over the shower top when I didn't lock the door. Walking in the mountains with some friends and taking my top off (it was hot) and another friend happily following suit. Riding to Big Bear with an old boyfriend and meeting up with some of his friends. A friend riding through my pink bicycle when I was a child and it literally snapping in half. It had a sparkly banana seat and pink ribbons sticking out of the handles. Girly in every way.

All these memories... and yet I forget something Jake told me a week a go. Or my boss sent me a month ago. I don't know if it's because of the medication I'm on, the vitamins I'm not getting or me being lazy. Whatever it is... I hope it's a passing phase. Still... I am enjoying the memories. :)

[keywords: memories]
Posted by Diva at 11:42 AM | Comments (2)