Last night Jake and I came home to cat pee on the carpet by the litter box and Trixi sitting in the middle of the room howling. We grabbed her and headed straight for the vet. A really nice doctor did an examination and spoke of chronic renal failure, hyperthyroidism and cancer. My head was swimming in all the possibilities and we went home and waited for the test results to come back. This morning I got the call. The tests pointed towards cancer and two more tests were needed. I opted for the bone marrow aspiration which would definitely rule out or confirm the cancer. Now I'm sitting at work and thinking about her procedure tomorrow and words like 'Multiple Myeloma' and 'six to seven months lifespan' are fading in and out of any conversation I have. I want to be home, but there's nothing I can do. All we can do is sit and wait and look at our options. The money is steep and the decisions are steeper. Quality of life is what's important to me. If it means six or seven months of pain and suffering I won't put her through that. I held onto my first two cats until they were almost limp. It was too long. I held on to them for me. *I* wasn't ready to let them go. Now I understand that it's not about me. It's about them and their physical state. I love Trixi to death but I'm not going to put her through months of needles and medications and nausea just so I can see her wither away.

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