Yeah, so I'm annoyed. Partly with myself for using the debit card instead of the credit card and shorting myself on the rent paycheck... and partly at Jake for somehow not mentioning that the reason he hasn't paid me for the last THREE paychecks is for school stuff that he didn't save up for and a dental bill I didn't know about. It's not like this is something new. And it's not like we haven't had the SAME FUCKING CONVERSATION about saving money over a gazillion times. Still... no money in the joint account and that leaves me using savings... AGAIN. This isn't even counting his teeth issue which will have to go on my credit card. He has yet to get more credit on his (don't even get me started there).

Am I wanting to get married too fast? I mean.. I'm ready. But I just don't see ANYTHING on his end that shows he is. Why should I be the one to ask about savings, bills and such? Why should I be the one to pay the bills and still manage to save for little extras? Why should I be the one to foot the bill for nights out, etc... I love him but I want a partner. An equal. I want someone to catch me if I fall. Right now I'd better have a pillow in hand because if I fall... it's going to hurt.

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