I'm a bit of a mess right now. A dear friend died unexpectedly yesterday and I've been at a loss. She had a Grand Mal seizure while in the bath and drowned.

She had some mental problems and phobias that made her an outsider of many people. I just thought she was wonderful. She could light up a room with her giggle and her antics were a source of laughter to many. From teepeeing the inside of the house to blasting the Rocky Horror soundtrack while dancing around in her Time Warp boots. She also managed to get involved with some of the biggest losers, and many calls were about leaving him or getting back together with someone else. I tried my best to be supportive knowing that anything else would be a losing battle. Jenn Jenn was going to do what she wanted to do.

She called me the other week incoherent at about 5am. She left messages and I finally picked up and said I'd call her back. I tried getting a number but she told me 'you know it' hung up. It was the last time I would talk to her. It kills me that I never spoke to her again.

I've been talking to her aunt, which is comforting. I think it's good for her too. Last night I tried calling her parents and ended up calling her ex boyfriend instead. I spent twenty minutes listening to him scream, yell, cry and trying to console him. He said they were getting back together and she was at her mom's house getting ready to see him. He told me how much she spoke of me and that I was very important to her. It made me feel better and yet a little worse. In the end we don't always get the perfect last good byes and I have to accept that. I know she knows how much I care about her and it's going to have to be enough to help me move on.

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