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« March 2007 | Main | May 2007 » April 30, 2007Date Night: Success!Date night turned into a lot of fun this weekend. We started off at Red Lobster (yes, I know...) and the conversation wasn't fun. After yet another week of not doing what he promised I gave up. It happens this week or he moves out. It was a tough decision to make, but I can't continue to live like this. I've never lived with someone this long and don't intend to shack up out of laziness. If he doesn't want to move forward, then he moves out. After that conversation we moved on to other topics (I'm not one to nag). The biggest deal was about moving. It's time to get out of our little apartment and into something we can actually have company in. I want to be able to invite friends over, to move around the room and to have an actual dinner space. Right now we site at the computer desk or at the couch. It's unacceptable. The dinner was decent and I added my usual flare with dropping melted butter on my shirt. I ended up looking like a Super Soaker victim trying to clean it up. All class I tell ya. After dinner we headed home. When we got into the car the temperature gauge read 94°. We left home at a comfy 68°, so it was a shocker. We drove over the hill and the temp went down to 64°. This is the biggest reason why I don't want to move to the valley. It gets so damn hot there. Anyway, we rounded the corner and hit a wall of traffic. :jake: suggested we get off at Sunset and I started craving Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf's frozen mocha. Yum! After getting a bit lost (I hadn't been there in a while) we found the shop. It was on Montana Avenue, a great little beach community for upper to middle class people. While :jake: headed across the street to use a store's bathroom I waited for the drinks. Two woman and a young child came in and started to harass the counter guy. He was overly polite when she asked if he had a bathroom and stated they didn't have one. She got snotty. "What would you do if I just peed right here, all over your floor? Yeah, I know your type. But you don't know what I'm like." He stuttered, not knowing what to say. I jumped in, trying to save the guy, "There are TWO places you can find public restrooms, there and across the street... where my boyfriend is right now." She looked disappointed but managed to snap, 'You're so lucky!' at the guy before dashing out the door. Twit... We grabbed our drinks and decided to take a stroll down the street. We walked ten blocks before turning back, admiring the buildings and laughing about being able to see our breath. All in all the night ended up being pretty fun. Last minute adventures are the best!
[keywords: jake California date-night] April 27, 2007Taking Back My ForumSince Jennafer's death I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions. From losing her to dealing with her ex boyfriends who seem to think showing up on :nct: and proclaiming their love is a good thing to do. If she were alive they would not have dared invade her special place. More importantly they've tried to make NCT into some sort of Jennafer Shrine for their own amusement. At first I was too crushed to do anything about it. But I've slowly come to terms with her death and decided that I won't let people who hurt her while she was alive suddenly claim to only have her best interest in death.
[keywords: nct jennafer web] April 26, 2007Ass... In a SlingOh yes, I certainly know how to shoot off my mouth. my boss stepped out of the office and my friend was sitting there so I jokingly went to her and said, "Do you know what I got for AA Day?" When she asked what I said, "Insulted." I told her I was told I wasn't a real assistant, then turned and saw my boss standing outside of the door in mid swig of her water bottle. Her eyes got big, then narrowed. I smiled at her and said, "Isn't that right, M?" Inside I was searching for some imaginary rock to crawl under. I'm sure the backlash will be when I least expect it, but whatever. It's not like I wasn't going to bitch at her about it at some point. It's like one of those moments when you slip on something and do a double flip and somehow manage to land on your feet. You do a 'ta da' and hope everyone thinks you meant to do that.
[keywords: Work boss oops] April 25, 2007I'm Such a FakeI'm a *fake* assistant. At least, that's what my boss says. After noticing a coworker's desk decorated with streamers and a tiara/wand I asked what the occasion was. "It's Administrative Assistants Day". So of course I had to attempt to rub it in that my boss forgot, only to get a 'she does a lot for her boss. Brings her coffee during meetings, buys presents for her and other people on her behalf. She's a real Administrative Assistant." Ouch! I gave my usual sarcastic "oookay" and walked away. But it left me simmering. Since I am not in the mood for a bitch fest today (of all times NOT to be PMSing) I just wanted to list what I do that is as an an asisistand and beyond the call of duty: What I do as an Assistant: 1. Schedule her appointments
1. Call family members So basically I need to bring her a fucking cup of coffee and buy something to be an Assistant. Silly me.
[keywords: Work boss coworkers] April 24, 2007Bridging the Online GapIt's been a while since I've met anyone in person that I've chatted to online. That's about to change. My goal has always been to meet people online and make new friends. To me that was as natural as joining a club or going to a party. Go for the conversation, stay for the people you click with. If you're lucky you walk away with some interesting discussions and some possible new friends. But online has always been taboo when it came down to actually meeting people. You had your online friends and your IRL (in real life) ones. I remember getting into a big debate with someone over the idea of an online community and stood my ground that it was possible. The key to getting the most out of the online experience is to be sure of what you want. That means understanding what you are getting involved in. There are many places to chat, :nct: included, where you can meet people and have an enjoyable time. There are also many places where most of the people you come in contact with are looking for a fight. The idea is to know when you are somewhere you can be yourself, and know when to shut up and stick to the topics at hand. I've seen too many people ripped apart for being too gullable, too nice or too emotional. There are a lot of cruel people on the web. I've seen the worst personality traits come out when mocking someone's death or misfortune. If it weren't for my little spot on the web I seriously doubt I'd still be online. This summer I am going to meet two couples I've chatted with online. The first couple is a woman and her boyfriend that I met from Flickr/SU. For the most part we've just commented on various pictures, so it should be interesting to meet her in person. They seem like a great couple. The second is a long time online friend that I met on :nct:. She's hopefully moving out to California in July with her boyfriend, a wonderful guy I also adore, and cannot wait to hear the official news. It will be nice to have someone to hang with and chat about everything and nothing. Right now most of my closer friends are online. As much as I enjoy our IM chats it's nice just to be able to grab some coffee and just sit face to face. My next goal is to travel and see friends where they live. I can finally start to travel with :jake:... and there's no house cleaning involved on my part. Scooooore!
[keywords: Friends cyberculture online] April 23, 2007I'm An AssholeI just don't have the emotional capacity to be there for everyone else in regards to Jennafer. Her EX boyfriend shows up on :nct: Saturday and signs in as her. I was devastated. To see her name online... and to know that he was snooping through her personal stuff, it was too much. After a bout of crying I went into webmaster mode and changed all the permissions on the site. Fuck that shit. I also locked him out of her account. I think the hardest part was when her name dropped off of the Who's Online section. I broke down and went to bed for a while. This morning the EX boyfriend signs up as a new member and posts a thank you thread. While I don't mind the words, I just felt an email would have been better. This guy took care of her better than all the rest for the longest time. Jenn Jenn finally had the support she needed to watch her medicine intake and curb her alcohol intake. It's hard to reign in someone like Jennafer, especially when her life was indoors for the most part. Between her mental illness and phobias she couldn't do much. But then he got hooked on crack. That is so foreign to me. Who the fuck takes crack? I think of homeless druggies on the street, not full time job and house mortgage. He lost the house, the job and Jennafer because of his addiction... and it really hurt her. He wouldn't let her have both dogs, which sent her into a panic attack. I had to try and bring her down. It's the only time I heard Jennafer cry. I emailed him to stop posting. He was bringing up old threads and writing about his love for her. He even said he was 'Jen's man'. No... you're her EX boyfriend. Fucker... I can't be too harsh, because I know he loves her. Jennafer had a way of picking some of the WORST guys, but they all loved her. My baby was a heart breaker. In the end :nct: was and will always be Jenn Jenn's place. She told me she was paranoid that he was spying on her and even signed up under another name to hide from him. If she didn't want him around in life I was damn sure not going to allow it in death. Here's the part where I'm an asshole. The guy's hurting. He's reaching out for guidance. He is searching for comfort. I just can't be that person. Instead of consoling him and giving him comfort I gently gave him the door. I have always been there for people. I've always been the type to put my feelings aside and take care of theirs. This time... I need everything I have just to keep going. I don't wish him ill will and I hope he finds the support he desperately needs to move on. It's just not going to come from me.
[keywords: Friends death jennafer] April 20, 2007Sympathy and ResentmentI called the florist today to order flowers for Jenn Jenn's funeral. I spent an hour chatting with this woman about the different arrangements, how bizarre balloons were on them and misreading 'Sympathy and Remembrance' as 'Sympathy and Resentment'. After fussing about carnations (they look chintzy) and smallish baskets I picked a floral bouquet with enough colors to blind you. I was tempted to send the cheesy basket with a teddy bear attached, just because I know Jenn Jenn would laugh at that. But I figured her parents... not so much. As much as the funeral is a last good-bye to her, it's a way of grieving for them and I wanted to be respectful.
[keywords: Friends flowers death jennafer] April 18, 2007Coulda Shoulda WouldaI'm a bit of a mess right now. A dear friend died unexpectedly yesterday and I've been at a loss. She had a Grand Mal seizure while in the bath and drowned. She had some mental problems and phobias that made her an outsider of many people. I just thought she was wonderful. She could light up a room with her giggle and her antics were a source of laughter to many. From teepeeing the inside of the house to blasting the Rocky Horror soundtrack while dancing around in her Time Warp boots. She also managed to get involved with some of the biggest losers, and many calls were about leaving him or getting back together with someone else. I tried my best to be supportive knowing that anything else would be a losing battle. Jenn Jenn was going to do what she wanted to do. She called me the other week incoherent at about 5am. She left messages and I finally picked up and said I'd call her back. I tried getting a number but she told me 'you know it' hung up. It was the last time I would talk to her. It kills me that I never spoke to her again. I've been talking to her aunt, which is comforting. I think it's good for her too. Last night I tried calling her parents and ended up calling her ex boyfriend instead. I spent twenty minutes listening to him scream, yell, cry and trying to console him. He said they were getting back together and she was at her mom's house getting ready to see him. He told me how much she spoke of me and that I was very important to her. It made me feel better and yet a little worse. In the end we don't always get the perfect last good byes and I have to accept that. I know she knows how much I care about her and it's going to have to be enough to help me move on.
[keywords: Life Friends death] April 16, 2007When Late Night Food AttacksI swear to G-d I am going to lock up the frig and cabinets with padlocks. Last night was the last night before I came back to work (and online life) after a four day mini vacation. Half for my birthday, half for my sanity. I pushed myself to go to bed and :jake: decided to stay up. That's my first clue. When he finally came to bed sometime after midnight the sleep kicking began. AGAIN. Jake loves to snack right before bed. Unfortunately that usually makes him have funky dreams which make him restless. Last night he must have been dreaming he joined the Rockets. I'd wake him up and he'd go right back to kicking. By three AM he awoke me from a break up dream and I figured it was a sign. I grabbed my pillow and an extra blanket and headed for the couch. It's real comfy to sit on, but a killer if you lay down. Now I'm up with aches and pains from here to eternity and tired as hell. They're going to love my disposition at work.
[keywords: Life boyfriend jake sleep] April 12, 2007Me at Work (Purple Thursday)I just realized I was wearing purple in this picture and decided to do a hail Mary post before Thursday was over. Don't I looke like such the little operator? I took this yesterday while getting ready for my birthday/mini vacation. Can you tell I was in a good mood or what? My boss was a no show on that day, which was fine by me. It was nice not to have any extra stress. Next week will be hell but it was worth it to just get away.Today was my birthday. I turned the big 4-0. I spent it relaxing and enjoying the well wishes of friends. I got calls from people I didn't expect to hear from and MIA wishes from people I thought would. I guess it evened out. :jake: bought me 18 long stem roses, which were mooshed by the delivery people, but still a wonderful gift. Later on he took me to our favorite restaurant, Houstons, where we dined on prime rib and artichoke and spinach dip. Yum! Later on we had some cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory that sent me into a sugar rush from hell. It was worth it. We tried taking some photos together at the restaurant but either kept laughing, talking or making odd faces. All in all it was a good day. Tomorrow I continue my mini vacation by sleeping in, lounging around and planning our day trip to the Renaissance Pleasure Faire on Saturday. I can't wait!
[keywords: jake birthday Flickr purple-thursday] April 09, 2007Moving On.... And Stuck in the Same SpotMy dear friend is moving on. Moving past the bullshit, past the ickiness. Past... the DRAMA. Meanwhile I seem to be stuck in some sort of muck that is drowning me. What's worse is that I can't talk to my friend about it. Nor do I want to. He's managed to be in a happier place, filled with new prospects and a better handle on life and himself. He's learned what he needed to and managed to get out relatively unscathed. Then there's me. :su: has always been a fun place for me. I've met some wonderful people there and had fun looking through all the different sites. That's how it should be. Along the way I've dodged the silliness that seemed to engulf peoples' lives, destroying what could really be a fun experience. Then again, these same people seemed to revel in it. If there was nastiness to be had, they'd dive right in... then holler like a child when they got bit. Or when someone took the bait. I couldn't help but wonder why someone would dive into what was destined to be a really messy experience. Yet here I am... staring at the bait. I'm not a bad person, but I'm not perfect in any way. Nor do I EVER claim to be. But when I see someone making false accusations about me it makes my blood boil. That ex-friend who decided to out me? Well he's been making the usual 'poor, pitiful me' posts about being ousted from the place. Meanwhile he was the one that chose to leave. No one was evil to him. Granted, I didn't sugar coat my responses with 'but I wuv u'. That certainly doesn't mean I was nasty to the guy. Oh, and by 'leave' I mean post 'I'm leaving for a while, boo hoo' and then show up the next day. The main reason I am at this point is that there are people I genuinely like at :su:. People who I enjoy chatting with. They also are friends with the ex-friend. One of which posted about wishing ill will on those people who 'chased him away'. That really bugged me. More than it should I guess. She doesn't know the whole story. That's the bait. If I jump in to defend my semi anonymous side of things it could get nasty. Most likely he'll say all sorts of lies (if he all ready hasn't) and I'll either be forced to be a part of the :su: drama that I have come to loathe or leave the place. One thing's for sure. If I do leave it's for good. None of this 'I'm leaving!' Then check for messages every half hour to see who begs for me to stay. *rolls eyes* Hopefully it won't come to that. Any advice, support, words of encouragement is greatly appreciated til this blows over. I need to talk about this with SOMEONE. :p
[keywords: Friends drama SU] April 08, 2007Drama... EwWhat's up with all the drama? Is it the religious holidays or just that time of the month? Either way my patience is wearing thin... REAL thin. Some woman semi-stalks my friend who was married to her ex husband (a complete loser) for a short while and now I have to deal with possibly booting her ass. Meanwhile the woman decides to show up on :nct: while my friend is off having a great time on her honeymoon. I'm going to have to cool my heels until she returns, which I am horrible at doing. I just want to get this over with before it gets stupid. Update: Okay, so my PMS got the bet of me and I seemed to have had a raging bitch-fest. The woman was nice enough not to post until my friend returned so it's all good. Gah! I should just take PMS weeks off.
[keywords: nct drama nochicktrix] April 04, 2007He's Home.... and Sleep Walking AGAINJake arrived home yesterday around 2pm. He stopped by my work to get the house keys and looked pretty tired. I guess you really CAN'T go home again. He didn't sleep well and couldn't wait to leave. I was hoping he'd have a better time. Don't get me wrong, he enjoyed seeing his family and all. It's just that he couldn't wait to get back where his cell phone had reception and there was DSL for the computer. It's funny how you can live your whole life in a small town and the minute you see what else is out there you suddenly feel deprived. Heh. Yeah, so last night I was sound asleep when the bedroom lights flashed on. It scared the shit out of me. I shot up in bed to see Jake, peering out the bedroom door and then close it. He turned the lights off, then on again and opened the door... peeking out. I was thoroughly freaked out. After asking if he was dreaming he looked confused, then said 'Yeah I guess so' before turning off the lights and going back to bed. I got up to open the door and walked around, just in case he was hearing something. I swear I'm going to tie him to the bed at night. Oy...
[keywords: boyfriend jake sleep-walking] April 02, 2007Blocked? HAH!What started out as a relaxing weekend ended up filled with drama. That friend who decided to post about my weight loss flipped his lid when my other friend (his ex-boyfriend) told him it upset me. While it bothered me I wasn't going to mention it. I know the drama would outweigh the request to remove it. And oh how the drama flowed. I was PM'd at least twelve times, each one saying a different variation of the same thing. I tried my best to nip it in the bud, which worked against me. Apparently he was dead set on having the last word, even if it was irrational and wrong. In the end I woke up to one final PM, and the message that he blocked me. This is third grade stuff here... but I am semi relieved. No more messages, no more accusations, no more 'you talk to him and not me' bullshit. I lost a friend... but gained control of my PM box again. To the friend who blocked me: Thank you for all your kindness. You've helped me through some tough times. You've been kind to me and I harbor no ill will towards you. Good luck on your life and I hope you find the happiness you need. / end friendship
[keywords: Life Rant Friends SU] April 01, 2007The 'Fat Cat' is Out of the BagYeah, so I learned a valuable lesson this morning. One I learned YEARS ago from my dad and somehow managed to forget. The best way to keep a secret is not to tell anyone. The updated version is never tell someone something you wouldn't want the world to know. This morning I woke up to a link that reminded me that keeping something personal is impossible on the web. Imagine my surprise when a 'friend' decided to blurt out how I was 'coming out' since losing weight and it was about time to show how my outside looked as good as my inside. This was a HUGE surprise to me since all that I did is post some new photos on Flickr. Apparently posting photos is the equivalent of 'coming out'. So... since my weight loss has been discussed and now posted on someone's blog I might as well share what has been happening. Mind you, It's not like I've been keep this a huge secret. I have told people. I just wanted to keep it to those who were close to me and understood. Silly me...Six months ago I had Bariatric surgery. Lets take it one step further... I used to be skinny. REAL skinny. I was active and could eat anything I wanted. Then I got into a bad car accident and it went down hill from there. I was laid up for a year with surgery, etc... and my metabolism slowed to a crawl. I slowly gained weight and tried all sorts of diets to lose it. What I didn't know was that every time I tried some new diet and ate less my metabolism went lower. All those fad diets killed my metabolism. Then I hurt my other knee and went in for surgery. Afterwards my back went out and I was almost immobile. I would stand to do dishes and my back would lock. I couldn't exercise to lose weight and the weight was killing me. It was a vicious circle and I had to put a stop to it. I finally agreed to do the surgery. My life is very different now. I can't eat that much (no big deal) and have to be careful of what I eat or I get sick (kind of annoying). I remember talking to someone about the surgery who REALLY needed it. She was over 300 pounds easy and shook the ground when she walked. We talked about the procedure and what you had to give up. She balked and said no way because she loved food too much. That's when I knew I had made the right decision. Food is not worth your health. A little about the procedure: My stomach is still there, but I don't use it. Instead they bypassed it and created a new 'stomach' the size of a 30 cc cup (like the ones you take meds with) that has an 8mm opening at the bottom (about the size of an eraser head). This means I have to eat slowly and chew everything until it can fit through that part. Needless to say, I have been dropping weight and starting to feel like me again. I can no longer wear my current clothes and have started wearing the older ones til I lose all of the weight. The best part is that I finally see ME again. I've still got a little ways to go, but it's all good. If you have any questions about this I will be happy to answer. It was a rough ride to get to this point and I honestly didn't think I would even tell people about it. Weight has always been a sensitive issue for people and I guess I'm no different now that I've been on the other side of the size stick. I have learned a lot though. People judge you quicker, are less likely to be flirty and can be really mean. About the 'outting'. I'm not going to mention (or link) the person who decided to talk about my weight loss. He didn't do it maliciously (that I know of) and did not mention the surgery. I do want to mention that I wasn't 'coming out' by posting a photo of me. I have taken many photos and just wasn't happy with the ones I was taking. But I have posted some so I don't know why he would think this was any different. To be honest this photo wasn't the greatest either. I had gotten back from chatting with Audie for about five hours and looked a tad tired. still... I was dressed nice and like the way my hair looked *vanity*. Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled blogging.
[keywords: Life Rant Personal about-me Flickr] |
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