I've got a great boyfriend who I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. I've got a great group of friends that are never too busy to lend an ear. My job is much better and I've got all the comforts to make it a nice life to live in. So why am I sitting here feeling like something's wrong? I guess it's because I know what I COULD be doing with my life. No matter what I say, it always boils down to me making some changes that I'm not ready to make. I need to lose weight (who doesn't). But my back is fucked up from my knee and walking short distances locks it up. That brings me to my relationship. We don't do much. Part of it is that I can't do any walking. Then the finances come into play. Jake's job isn't going to become permanent, so we only have until December. Meanwhile he's still trying to become enrolled in school. I'm worried that he won't be able to afford books and whatnot, so I don't want to ask for more money on bills. He has been paying for some more, which helps me a great deal. My online life... well, it's changed a lot. I look at my forum now and wonder if it's ever going to pick up. It may need seem like an important aspect, but it's been a huge part of my life for the past four years.

Nothing too severe, just all the little things adding up and me not changing anything. The little things can get pretty big if you don't tend to them. I'm sitting here in the dark and wondering where to begin. Wondering WHEN I will begin.

Comments

He can get grants and loans, he needs to start applying for those now. You shouldn't have to worry about books and such.

I know how you feel sweetie, sitting there watching all these little tumbleweeds rolling towards you and slowly getting bigger and bigger. I have trouble getting started on things too, and when I put them off it just makes me feel worse until I finish them. But I always try to at least say optimistic things even if I don't believe them at the time, because if I say them enough they start to feel more true.

*big hugs* Girl... you know I know how ya feel. ;)

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